Tenderoni Hotline #34: How Do You Deal With Someone Who Always Plays the Victim?

#380: Are you actually ready for coaching, or do you just want your life to feel different? In this episode, I unpack the difference between wanting change and being truly available for change. If you’ve been reading the books, listening to the podcasts, and trying to heal your codependent, perfectionist, or people-pleasing habits but still feel stuck in the same emotional patterns, this conversation might help you understand why. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/380 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #34: What do you do when every boundary, request, or honest conversation somehow gets turned back around on you?In this Tenderoni Hotline episode, we explore victim mindset dynamics in relationships and the exhausting emotional loops they create, especially for folks healing codependency, people pleasing, and emotional outsourcing.This conversation unpacks what happens when someone consistently positions themselves as the harmed party whenever accountability enters the room. Whether it shows up through defensiveness, collapse, chronic excuses, or even the weaponization of therapy and nervous system language, these dynamics can leave you questioning your reality, minimizing your needs, and carrying emotional responsibilities that were never yours to begin with.We talk about why emotionally outsourced folks are especially vulnerable to these patterns, how gaslighting can hide inside “healing” language, and why trying harder to explain yourself rarely changes the dynamic. Most importantly, we explore what it looks like to stay anchored in yourself instead of disappearing into someone else’s story about who you are.If you’ve ever left a conversation feeling confused, guilty for having needs, or responsible for managing someone else’s emotional state, this episode is for you.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

Why do apologies feel so vulnerable, so loaded, and sometimes almost impossible to give sincerely? In this first episode of my new series, The Work, I unpack the emotional outsourcing habits that shape the way we approach apologies, responsibility, defensiveness, shame, and conflict.You’ll learn the difference between intent and impact, why “I’m sorry but…” disconnects instead of repairs, and how to use apologies as a tool for deeper honesty, emotional adulthood, and stronger relationships. If you’ve ever found yourself overexplaining, defending your intentions, or feeling resentment even while saying “I’m sorry,” this episode will help you understand what’s really happening underneath those apology patterns.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/379 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanpMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #33: Why do some people default to fight mode instead of people-pleasing? And can someone with developmental trauma actually learn to feel safe in love?In this Tenderoni Hotline episode, we explore the hidden relationship between emotional outsourcing, chronic nervous system activation, and the fight response. If you’ve ever felt constantly braced, reactive, angry, burnt out, or unseen, this conversation will help you understand what your body has been trying to protect.We also answer a deeply tender listener question about learning to love safely after developmental trauma. Together, we unpack attachment wounds, functional freeze, interoception, somatic healing, and the slow, powerful process of building secure attachment in adulthood.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#378: Are you tired of being told to "just let it out" when you're feeling furious, only to find the rage is still there once the dust settles? We’ve been sold a story that human emotions work like a plumbing system - that if we don't discharge the pressure, we’ll eventually explode. But what if the very tools we’re using to "heal" are actually just teaching our bodies to stay stuck? In this episode, I dive into why the popular catharsis hypothesis fails us and how the patriarchy has monetized our fury through things like rage rooms. We explore the difference between simply discharging energy and actually receiving the vital information your body is trying to send you. I’m sharing why your anger isn't a problem to be solved with a sledgehammer, but a sophisticated map designed to lead you back to your own boundaries and power. Join me this week to learn how to move beyond outdated catharsis models, why integration matters more than discharge, and how to listen to your anger with curiosity, somatic awareness, and self-respect. I’ll show you how to stop bouncing your anger off a wall and start listening to the signal so you can turn that energy into life-changing clarity and systemic change. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/378 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

My love, what actually happens when you stop outsourcing your worth and start working with your nervous system?In this episode, Rowan and Antonina share their experience inside The Somatic Studio, where they completed a 12 week deep dive into somatic work and nervous system healing. This is a grounded, honest conversation about what shifts when you begin regulating your body, building self trust, and interrupting patterns of people pleasing and over functioning.We explore how somatic work supports nervous system regulation, why anxiety starts to shift when you work with the body instead of just the mind, and what it really looks like to set boundaries without being hijacked by guilt. Rowan and Antonina also speak to the process of moving out of emotional outsourcing and into a more embodied sense of self, and what changed for them over the course of 12 weeks in their relationships, decision making, and daily lives.If you find yourself constantly second guessing, overthinking, or looking outside of you for validation, this episode offers a real life example of what it takes to come back to yourself. This kind of healing is not about fixing who you are, but about creating the internal safety needed to trust yourself again.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#377: What if saying “I’m overwhelmed” is sometimes about more than just naming your exhaustion? If you’ve been living in chronic overdrive, collapsing under endless demands, or feeling trapped between doing too much and shutting down completely, this episode invites you to look beneath the surface of overwhelm itself. In this episode, I unpack how overwhelm is not only a real nervous system state, but can also become a protective story that shields us from the vulnerability of directly claiming our limits, needs, and boundaries. I explore how perfectionism, emotional outsourcing, and fear of being perceived as selfish can keep us performing overwhelm instead of consciously choosing what truly aligns with our capacity. Join me today to learn how overwhelm can become a hidden strategy for preserving innocence and avoiding discomfort, why this pattern disconnects you from your real needs, and how to start questioning the deeper story beneath your overwhelm. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/377 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #31: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of The Feminist Wellness Podcast, where I answer your most heartfelt questions about healing, nervous system care, and coming home to yourself.In today’s episode, we’re answering two beautiful and important questions from our community. First, we’re talking about what to do with a lifetime of suppressed anger, especially when your body feels too exhausted or fragile to let it out. If the thought of expressing your rage feels overwhelming or unsafe, you’re not alone. I’ll walk you through a gentle, somatic approach rooted in nervous system science and self-compassion to help you start moving that energy in a way that supports real healing.Then, we shift into a conversation about emotional outsourcing in the workplace, and how perfectionist, people-pleasing, and over-functioning habits can become survival strategies in environments that reward self-abandonment. If you’ve ever felt like your worth at work depends on your ability to stay small, agreeable, and endlessly available, this one’s for you.You’ll leave this episode with real tools, new insights, and loving reminders that you are not broken. You are adapting, surviving, and learning how to come home to yourself.So take a breath and let’s get into it.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#376: Have you ever found yourself staying in a relationship out of obligation, fear, or guilt… only to feel exhausted and unfulfilled? If you’ve struggled to assess whether a relationship is truly serving you or draining you, this episode is for you. For recovering emotional outsourcers, the idea of reassessing our connections can feel like an act of betrayal or failure. But in this episode, I’m challenging that narrative by reframing the evaluation of our relationships as a profound act of self-care and a necessity for living an authentic life. Whether it’s a job, a friendship, or even familial dynamics, I guide you through a process of self-reflection, so you can honor your needs and make empowered choices around your relationships. You’ll learn practical steps to assess whether a connection is truly serving you, how to manage boundaries with love, and how to take a compassionate approach to releasing what no longer supports your highest good. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/376 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #30: If you have ever been called too independent, emotionally guarded, or hard to get close to, this episode is for you. Because hyper-independence is not just a personality trait. It is often a nervous system strategy that formed to keep you safe.In this Tenderoni Hotline, we explore a quieter, often overlooked side of emotional outsourcing. Not the people pleasing or overgiving version, but the self-reliant, closed-off pattern that says I do not need anyone. We look at how emotional guardedness can still be rooted in seeking safety, belonging, and worth outside of yourself, just in a different direction that feels more controlled but often more isolating.We also dive into a question that the wellness world does not answer well. What are you supposed to do when you do not have anyone safe to co-regulate with? If you grew up without consistent, safe support, the advice to just find your people can feel inaccessible or even activating. This episode offers a different approach, one that honors your lived experience while giving you practical ways to begin building safety from within.Together, we talk about why closeness can feel unsafe in your body, how these patterns make sense, and how to begin softening them in small, doable ways that do not overwhelm your system. You will learn how to start creating moments of safety, connection, and regulation without forcing vulnerability or depending on unsafe relationships.You are not broken for being guarded. You adapted in ways that made sense at the time. And you can learn to feel safe again, at your own pace, in your own way.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en "