#100 - What is Love? with Dr. Christopher Ryan - Author of "Sex at Dawn" & "Civilized to Death"

Evolving Lovers!! 100 episodes of the Evolving Love Podcast!!! To celebrate, we invited back one of our all-time favourite guests: Dr. Chris Ryan, author of Sex at Dawn, Civilized to Death, and host of Tangentially Speaking.In this milestone episode, we dive deep into what it means to love, to be seen, and to navigate desire in a rapidly changing world. Chris discusses why humans are fundamentally non-monogamous, why monogamy can still be a meaningful choice, and how shame, safety, novelty, and honesty shape our erotic lives. We also explore how AI will transform intimacy and whether social conditioning distorts our instincts.For us, it is the perfect way to mark 100 episodes of the Evolving Love podcast.Thank you for being here with us. ❤️Chris Ryan Links:WebsiteSubstack / PodcastInstagram This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, Liam and I sit down to unpack what we’ve been calling “the silent load”….the unseen, unspoken work that keeps relationships and families running smoothly.We talk about the four types of invisible load that show up in love: the physical, emotional, mental, and relational loads. From who remembers to buy the groceries, to who plans the date nights or initiates the tough conversations, we explore how these patterns form, what they mean, and why they can feel so heavy.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

What happens when a married, polyamorous couple goes on a first date with artificial intelligence? In this episode we introduce our new “girlfriend” — Olivia, an AI companion built through ChatGPT’s voice mode — and take her on a virtual first date.We talk attraction, jealousy, and boundaries as Olivia flirts, sets limits, and asks tough questions about love, consent, and communication. After the date ends, we unpack the emotional and ethical fallout — from erotic AI fantasies to whether falling for a chatbot could ever count as cheating.This episode blurs the line between human and digital intimacy, asking:Can an AI girlfriend feel real?What happens when machines mirror desire?Is emotional connection without a body still love?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Lily Allen has dropped her new album West End Girl. This record is a brutally honest breakup album about her open marriage with actor David Harbour, and has put non-monogamy back into the cultural Zeitgeist.In this episode, we discuss* Is Lily Allen’s “p*^sy palace” anthem empowering or exploitative?* What are the ethics of writing about your ex?* Why do female rage albums hit so hard?* Does this record hurt or help how non-monogamy is seen?* And… who exactly is Madeline?From kink-shaming to compersion, privacy to power, we discuss the tension between honesty, art, and the stories we tell about love.We also mention the Architectural Digest Tour of Lily and David’s House and this brilliant Substack article by Jack Cullen.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

This week, Abbey and Liam unpack the difference between jealousy and envy — and how those feelings show up even in the most secure relationships. What starts as a story about a paddle boarding invitation turns into an honest look at FOMO, friendship, and the desire to keep creating “firsts” together after more than a decade of marriage.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Dabaco Sunset is a queer-affirming psychotherapist and embodiment facilitator in Sydney, specializing in Gestalt Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Embodied Counselling to help LGBTQ+ individuals and clients with alternative relating styles like ethical non-monogamy.Dabaco practices In the inner-west in Sydney at Sunset Psychotherapy.In this episode Dabaco opens up about growing up bisexual and pansexual, his time in Berlin’s queer scene, and the journey from infidelity and secrecy to radical self-acceptance.Dabaco Sunset LinksWebsite | Instagram | Naked ManEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

“Why do you need a female friend if you’re married?” In this episode, Abbey and Liam unpack the space where friendship, attraction, romantic relationships and trust collide.From jealousy to risk-taking they explore whether cross-gender friendships are threats to marriage, what happens when you forbid them, and how non-monogamous couples navigate these dynamics differently.Do female friendships always pose a risk? Or are they an essential part of a balanced life?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In todays episode we play Devil’s Advocate. Can you argue a position you don’t truly believe in? Does switching sides test our own beliefs and sharpen our perspectives?We go head-to-head on:* Should happy couples risk opening their relationship?* Is non-monogamy a solution for struggling couples?* The infamous One Penis Policy — protection or possession?* Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell vs Kitchen Table Polyamory* Growing older: does monogamy or non-monogamy serve us better?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Abbey and Liam are joined by evolutionary biologist Dr. Rob Brooks to explore the rise of AI companions, sex robots, and whether love with machines can ever be “real.” They discuss jealousy over chatbots, the naturalist fallacy, and the deep question of whether humans are naturally monogamous or non-monogamous.Drawing from Rob’s book Artificial Intimacy, the conversation dives into the future of intimacy, the regulation of AI, and what it means for relationships when machines can replicate (and even challenge) human connection.Rob Brooks LinksWebsite | SubstackWatch this episode on YoutubeEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | RetreatLive Podcast Tickets LinkFriday 10th October, NFSA, Canberra This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Evolving Love 2.0, Abbey and Liam explore where they sit on the spectrum between swinging and polyamory. From loud neighbours and exhibitionist fantasies to navigating crushes, labels, and compersion, they dive into the playful, messy, and honest realities of non-monogamy after more than a decade together.They also share why “relationship by design” is central to their lives, and how fantasy and reality often intersect in surprising ways.Watch on YoutubeEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | RetreatLive Podcast Tickets LinkFriday 10th October, NFSA, Canberra This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe