Learning to Fight Fair (A.M.A.) - Ep 722

Dr. Reedy responds to questions from the Inner Circle Audience on matters of what is meant by "No" is a complete sentence, the pitfalls in empathizing with others at the cost of honoring our own feelings, and what is meant by the phrase "Do you work." Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy discusses healthy masculinity and the lives of men. He explains that when people are describing masculinity they are often describing feminine characteristics. He points out that we talk about toxic masculine and healthy feminine but don't often hear about the healthy masculine. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy discuss the concept and tools of inner child work. He explains that this tool is a way of meditating on what and how we feel. It is an attempt to reconnect with the authentic self that was cast off in childhood in order to protect parents' ego, prevent abandonment, and take on parental feelings of inadequacy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy discusses the nuances of praise. He explains that the child's esteem comes from being seen which relies heavily on the parents' depth of their own self discovery. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy discusses perfectionism. He talks about how our overworking and over functioning tend to fail us. He talks about the reasons why we think the goal is to be perfect. First, he explains that it could arise from a chaotic, unstable, and painful childhood. If we did not develop a hyper vigilance and over functioning personality, then we would've suffered more in such a context. He also explains how these traits can arise from the narcissistic wound. If we think that our value is in what we give to others, how we perform, how we pick up the slack for others, then we will find ourselves in troubling dynamics where we are complicit. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy, talks about the meaning we make out of our suffering. He explains that our suffering serves several important psychological functions. First, it gives us a taste for joy, connection, love, and happiness. There is no joy without suffering. There is no love without loss. Through suffering, we are required to look for, find, and embrace meaning. As Nietzsche once observed, we can bear any “how” as long as we have a “why.” He also explains that suffering serves as a catalyst for the transformation of consciousness we speak of in therapy. He distinguishes learning something from a more fundamental shift, a shift in our base, a shift in a level of consciousness. He also explains how practicing mindfulness will lead us to gratitude. Instead of trying to feel gratitude when one is feeling sad, one is encouraged to feel all of their feelings and to be mindful of our entire experience. This will naturally and organically lead to gratitude. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy announces the release of his newest book. Co-authored with Michael and Jeff McLean. It is the story of a gay son and his high profile Mormon father and how they found each other. Dr. Reedy provides commentary on the work that each did to re-connect and celebrate each other. Jeff tells the story of his childhood, raised in a small town in Utah. He chronicles the shame and pain of growing up in a conservative, high cost religion and how all this lead to addiction. Michael tells his story, confessing the mistakes and missteps along the way. It is a compelling story and offer the unique vantage point of a therapist observing the growth that each person experienced. Reedy uses the hero's journey as a way of understanding the tasks that we all must answer if we are to connect and hold each other with compassion and non-judgment. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy discusses how our contexts predispose us for certain dynamics in relationships. He explains how inner-work will shape and change our outside world. And he explains the power that old contexts have on our psychology and how regression originates. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy talks about the definition of addiction. A chronic pattern to avoid being present in your own life. He talks about the many faces of addiction, beyond alcohol and other substances. He explains how codependency is an addiction to controlling people, places, and things outside of oneself in order to manage internal states of anxiety, fear and insecurity. He explains that addiction is a spiritual bypass. It is a vertical thirst for a connection to the transcendent, the divine, or God. But without the development of the self, this thirst can lead to a life of imbalance and excess. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dr. Reedy discusses the relationship between boundaries and our capacity to love. He explains that we must grapple with fear, shame, and anxiety to honor and attend to our needs so that we can make ourselves more available to love and connection with others. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.