218: Lashing Out, Shutting Down: How to Help When She’s Triggered

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Episode show notes: Even after months of progress, one small trigger can make everything feel like it’s falling apart — a look, a memory, a tone — and suddenly all the safety you’ve been building in your porn addiction recovery feels shaky again. In this episode, I talk about what’s really happening in those moments when a porn trigger hits and your whole system goes into panic mode. I’ll help you understand why triggers don’t mean you’ve failed, and why they’re actually a normal part of the porn recovery process. I’ll share the “Falling Tiles” analogy I use with clients to explain what’s going on beneath the surface, and how emotional safety, consistency, and small moments of follow-through are what create real freedom from pornography, not just temporary self-control.   We’ll cover: Why triggers are a normal part of porn addiction recovery — not a setback What happens in your brain and body when old fears resurface How to rebuild emotional safety after a pornography trigger Why trust sometimes collapses even when things are going well How to help your partner feel safe again without convincing or defending Whether you’re working to overcome porn addiction, heal from pornography use, or rebuild trust in your relationship, this episode will help you make sense of the ups and downs and show you how to find steady ground again — not through willpower, but through understanding, consistency, and connection.

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Episode show notes: Can you ever really cure porn addiction — or is it something you’ll struggle with for life? In this episode of The Couples Healing From Pornography Addiction Podcast, licensed marriage and family therapist Sam Tielemans breaks down one of the most debated questions in pornography recovery: Is true freedom from porn actually possible? Most people are told that pornography addiction is something they’ll always have to manage. But Sam explains why lasting porn addiction recovery isn’t about endless management or white-knuckling — it’s about healing the root cause of pornography use so you can finally experience freedom. You’ll hear three powerful, real-life stories of men who overcame porn addiction by addressing the emotional and relational roots behind it — stress, loneliness, and shame. Through their journeys, you’ll learn: How to identify the root of your pornography addiction (emotional, habitual, or physical) Why willpower and filters don’t work long-term How to replace porn with genuine emotional connection and inner stability The process to rebuild trust and intimacy after porn addiction has damaged a marriage Whether you’re a husband struggling with porn, or a wife trying to understand and heal from betrayal, this episode offers practical tools, deep compassion, and real hope for change. If you’re searching for: how to stop watching porn porn addiction help for men pornography addiction recovery in marriage overcome porn addiction permanently …then this episode will show you what real freedom looks like — not as a “cure,” but as the predictable result of emotional healing, skill-building, and relationship repair.

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Episode show notes: Today we dive deep into the real reason men relapse when sexual energy builds — and it’s not just about willpower. If you've been battling porn addiction, you’ve likely tried to resist, suppress, and distract yourself every time an urge to watch porn surfaces. But what if that strategy is actually setting you up to fail? This episode uncovers why the common “dam approach” — where you try to hold back your sexual urges through deprivation — often leads to more pressure, anxiety, and eventual porn relapses. Instead, we explore two proven frameworks that help men break free from the binge/guilt/shame cycle and experience long-term porn addiction recovery. We tell the story of two men: One who used pornography to escape emotional pain like shame, rejection, and loneliness... And one who faced habitual urges and sexual energy late at night, even after he had removed his triggers... Both learned how to stop using porn as a coping mechanism and finally felt in control again. In this episode, you'll learn:    Why deprivation often causes anxiety and increases the risk of porn relapses    How to understand what’s really driving your urge to watch porn — emotional pain vs. physical arousal     How to use mindfulness and redirection to handle urges without suppression or shame     A question that instantly grounds you when you're triggered: “What else in my environment is interesting right now?”    How to finally stop the cycle of white-knuckling, slipping, and starting over again This episode is for you if you want to: Quit porn for good Overcome habitual porn use Break free from compulsive sexual behaviors Stop relapse before it happens Build emotional and mental tools to master their porn recovery journey If you're ready to stop fighting against your urges and finally start understanding and resolving them at the root, this episode will give you the clarity and tools you’ve been missing.

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome your pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Episode show notes:   Sexual intimacy is often times badly damaged after discovering a pornography addiction.  There are fears, feelings of inadequacy, triggers, and painful feeling that go along with intimacy as a result of pornography use. In this episode I'll share with you three ways you can improve your intimacy, how to handle triggers, and ways to have conversations together that actually are productive and bring some closure and reassurance.  

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Episode show notes: Struggling with porn urges that seem to come out of nowhere? This episode breaks down the real reason why willpower isn’t working — and why understanding the root cause of your porn addiction is the only way to create real, lasting change. You’ll learn how to identify what’s actually driving the urge — whether it’s stress, loneliness, boredom, emotional pain, or habit. Because not every urge is the same. And if you're trying to fix all of them with the same tool, you're probably staying stuck. We’ll walk through the 3 types of porn triggers — emotional, habitual, and physical — and how to tell the difference. Most importantly, you'll learn how to apply the right tool for the right trigger so you can finally stop feeling powerless.   This Episode Covers: The truth about what’s underneath most porn urges Why “just stop” never works for long The difference between an emotional trigger and a habit loop How to know when it’s real sexual desire vs. escape Why understanding the root cause is the fastest path to freedom How to map out your personal porn addiction pattern Tools to interrupt the urge and get back in control Why some guys stay stuck in relapse cycles (and how to break out)

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Episode show notes:   Whenever there is a struggle with porn addiction, there's often dishonesty. And that is one of the most damaging elements to a marriage, but if you are going to eliminate it completely, you must understand the reason why it's continuing to happen. Lying is a symptom of something deeper, and once you discover it and get the tools to resolve it, the dishonesty goes away. In this episode I share with you some tools for both him and her in order to remove any blocks that make being honest difficult. 

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Episode show notes: This episode is about what happens when a husband has stopped using porn, is trying to do better, but his wife still doesn’t trust him. He says the right things. He tries to be supportive. But she’s triggered, shut down, or angry — and nothing he says seems to help. This is a common part of porn addiction recovery in marriage. Even when the behavior stops, the pain doesn’t go away right away. Wives often carry deep fears after porn use, and their nervous systems stay on high alert. In this episode, listeners will learn why that happens and what to do about it. What This Episode Covers: Why healing from porn addiction takes more than just quitting What happens when a wife feels emotionally unsafe, even if things are improving How betrayal trauma affects her body and reactions What to do (and not do) when she gets triggered Why trust won’t rebuild through words alone — but through consistent action How men can build real emotional safety in the relationship How women can begin to soften once they feel true change over time Real stories of couples rebuilding after porn addiction hurt their marriage

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Episode show notes: If you’ve stopped watching pornography but your wife still struggles to trust you, you’re not alone — and you’re not broken. One of the hardest parts of porn addiction recovery isn’t just quitting porn… it’s rebuilding safety, connection, and intimacy in your marriage after betrayal. In this episode, we dive deep into why your wife’s walls may still be up even after you’ve started healing from pornography addiction — and why that’s normal. We’ll explore what’s happening underneath her hesitation, what she needs to feel safe again, and how you can rebuild trust without pressuring her or “proving” yourself constantly. You’ll learn: Why wives often stay guarded even after their husband stops watching porn How porn betrayal impacts safety, intimacy, and connection in marriage Why stopping porn isn’t enough to rebuild trust — and what actually creates healing Practical ways to rebuild closeness without shame, pressure, or defensiveness How consistent actions, not promises, restore trust during porn addiction recovery This episode is for you if you’ve ever thought: “I’ve quit porn, why doesn’t she believe me yet?” “I’m working so hard, but she still feels distant.” “How do we heal our marriage after porn addiction and betrayal?” Whether you’re early in your journey of overcoming porn addiction or you’ve been rebuilding for months, this episode will help you: Understand what’s really happening when her walls stay up Learn how to create genuine emotional safety Rebuild connection in your marriage without shortcuts or pressure Heal together as you recover from pornography Porn addiction recovery isn’t just about removing pornography — it’s about restoring trust, intimacy, and safety. If you’ve been working on change but still feel disconnected, this conversation will help you see what’s missing and what to focus on next.  

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Episode notes: If you’ve tried to quit porn but keep slipping back, you know how exhausting the cycle feels—hiding your habits, fighting urges, and carrying the weight of shame. Porn addiction doesn’t just affect you; it impacts your marriage, self-worth, focus, and peace of mind. In this episode, you’ll discover practical tools to overcome pornography and rebuild your life: Why porn urges feel so overpowering—and how to face them without giving in The hidden cycle of porn, shame, and emotional avoidance that keeps men stuck How to build self-control, focus, and freedom with simple mindfulness practices The difference between real recovery vs. just abstinence (and why most men miss this) How to stop using porn to escape stress, boredom, and loneliness Ways to rebuild trust in your relationship through honesty, presence, and integrity Jeremy Lipkowitz—an executive coach, meditation teacher, and former Buddhist monk—knows this struggle firsthand. After years of battling pornography himself, he discovered how mindfulness and meditation can rewire the brain, end the constant cravings, and lead to lasting transformation. Now he coaches high-achieving men around the world to quit porn and live with clarity, freedom, and purpose.   You’ll walk away from this conversation with tools that help you: ✔ Overcome porn addiction urges in real time ✔ Heal the shame that keeps you feeling stuck ✔ Reconnect with your partner and rebuild broken trust ✔ Create a life that makes porn irrelevant   🔗 Resources & Links Mentioned in This Episode: Jeremy's 14 day meditation course (free): https://www.jeremylipkowitz.com/offers/KwDc9gbJ/checkout

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use? Click here to book a free call with Sam to get help to overcome pornography – https://stopporn.info/    Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Episode show notes: If you’ve been stuck in the cycle of porn addiction—telling yourself “this is the last time” only to fall back into old habits—you are not alone. In this episode, we break down one of the most common reasons men stay trapped in pornography: the constant internal pressure to “just be better.” This episode exposes what I call the Pressure Trap—a mindset that fuels shame, increases the risk of porn relapse, and keeps you stuck in silence. You’ll learn how to shift out of performance mode and into what actually works—what I call The Clarity Path. Inside this episode, I’ll walk you through: ✅ Why trying to quit porn with more pressure actually leads to more porn use ✅ How internal shame keeps men stuck in the pornography addiction cycle ✅ Why you don’t have a willpower problem—you have a clarity problem ✅ The 5 essential skills for porn addiction recovery that most men never learn ✅ How to rebuild emotional safety and trust in your marriage after porn ✅ How to break the porn habit loop by meeting the real emotional need ✅ How to stop relying on filters and finally heal from the root cause of porn addiction ✅ The difference between “staying clean” and actually being free from porn This is not another episode about filters or surface-level tips. It’s about understanding the deeper emotional patterns behind your porn urges and building the skills that lead to lasting freedom from pornography.