190: My Simple 3 Step Framework to Resolving Triggers and Ending Relapse Cycles For Good

Why Stress Triggers Porn Addiction — And How to Break the Pattern If you struggle with porn addiction and find yourself relapsing whenever life gets stressful or overwhelming, this episode is for you.  Sam Tielemans, licensed therapist and expert in porn addiction recovery, reveals the hidden link between stress and pornography use — and how to break the cycle for good. You’ll discover: Why stress and overwhelm often trigger porn urges How your brain becomes conditioned to seek porn as an emotional escape The 5-step framework to stop using porn as a coping mechanism How to handle stress without turning to pornography Real client examples of men who rewired their patterns and overcame relapse How to start rebuilding trust in your marriage after porn use Whether you’re trying to quit porn, overcome chronic porn relapses, or heal your relationship from the damage porn has caused, this episode will give you a clear, actionable path forward.   Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use? Click here to book a free clarity call with Sam   Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction. Tune in to get clarity, encouragement, and actionable steps to support your relationship! 

Welcome back! This is part three of a three-part series to help you make real progress on your healing journey. In the first episode, we talked about five key skills every man needs to stop using porn. In the second episode, we looked at five relationship skills that help couples rebuild trust and feel close again. Today, I want to share a simple framework that shows why people get stuck—and how to move forward faster. When I work with someone, I look for what’s in the way of their progress. It usually comes down to one of two things: A knowledge gap – they don’t know what to do. An emotional block – they do know what to do, but something inside stops them from doing it. In this episode, I’ll walk you through three real-life problems couples often deal with, and show you how this framework can help you figure out your next steps. For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction. Tune in to get clarity, encouragement, and actionable steps to support your relationship! 

In today’s episode, we’re diving into five essential skills that will help you and your partner heal and grow after being impacted by pornography use. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, stuck, or unsure where to begin in the recovery process—or if you’re willing to do the work but just need direction—this episode is for you. You’ll learn about practical, proven skills that have helped hundreds of couples make real progress and strengthen their relationship, no matter what stage you’re in. These five skills can help you take the next step forward on your journey to healing together.   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction. Tune in to get clarity, encouragement, and actionable steps to support your relationship! 

Struggling with porn use isn't about who you are—it's about the approach you've been using. Fighting urges after they appear is too late. The key is learning skills to prevent the first domino from falling. When you handle what causes porn use before urges start, freedom becomes possible. In this 3-part series, I'll cover skills to overcome porn use, rebuild relationships, and implement these changes effectively. Today's episode shares five core skills for men to break free. For women listening, seeing your partner work on these will bring you peace. Focus on what happens before the urge, not just on avoiding slips. True recovery means addressing what occurs five steps before temptation begins. Additional resource: A deeper dive on identifying and resolving the root cause: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7uBQEvCU7lxrHQkKmZFc4x?si=nYbUO_MOS1y-Gdw9r-NI0A   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.  

Today we're talking about something couples rarely discuss: when a husband's interest in sex drops after he stops using porn. For wives, this can feel very confusing and hurtful. After working hard to heal the relationship, it's painful when intimacy doesn't return as expected. She might wonder, "Doesn't he find me attractive? Is he really getting better?" But lower sexual desire after recovery isn't always a bad sign. It's often part of a necessary reset in understanding healthy intimacy. The drive for sex that was powered by fantasy starts to quiet down, creating space for real connection to grow. Today I'll share five reasons why desire decreases during recovery and how couples can build a fulfilling sex life based on both people's needs, emotional safety, and genuine connection.   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.    

In this episode, I'll show you my easy three-step plan to help you stop watching porn for good. Many people think they just need to try harder to resist urges or avoid things that trigger them. But fighting these urges all the time is exhausting, and you're always worried about slipping up again. I want to teach you a better way. Instead of just fighting urges, we can find out why they happen in the first place and fix that problem. As a therapist, I've helped hundreds of men on their journey to quit pornography. The ones who stay free for years are those who use this simple plan. Today you'll learn: Why fighting urges doesn't work (and it's not your fault) My three steps that get to the real cause of the problem Tools you can start using today This isn't about using more willpower. It's about understanding that urges are like messages telling you what really needs healing in your life. You can find real freedom without having to fight against yourself every day.   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.  

I'm excited to share something special with you today - a real-life deep dive session with John where we uncover the root cause of his pornography struggle and work through it together in a single call.  Most men focus on surface-level solutions - having someone to call when triggered, avoiding certain situations, or just trying to resist temptation harder. But here's the truth: real freedom doesn't come from getting better at fighting urges. It comes from identifying and resolving why you're feeling tempted in the first place. In this episode, you'll hear me guide John through this process step-by-step. While I share tools on the podcast regularly, today you'll hear how these techniques actually work in practice. My hope is that by listening, you'll gain insights into identifying your own personal root cause and taking steps to resolve it.   Want to work with Sam and experience your own breakthrough? I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

Jacob used to struggled daily with pornography and fantasy, but now he's completely free and feels good about himself again. In the episode, we talk about the two-part approach most men miss - they focus on only one part, which is why they struggle for so long. He shares the simple tools that helped him handle emotions in healthy ways, rebuild his self-worth, and deal with stress differently. The best part? Jacob doesn't fight urges for pornography anymore because he's done the deeper work to address the real causes. In this episode, he shows you exactly what worked for him and how you can do the same in your own life.   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.  

Feel like you're fighting an impossible battle - trying to overcome pornography while juggling an already overwhelming life? After thousands of therapy sessions, I've discovered something surprising: success doesn't always mean adding more to your plate. Think of someone running up a downward-moving escalator. They're putting in enormous effort, legs pumping furiously, yet barely staying in place. This is what traditional recovery can feel like - an endless list of must-dos: meetings, accountability partners, journaling, meditation, new habits, urge management techniques. While these tools can help, they often leave you feeling more exhausted than empowered. In today's episode, I'll share a completely different approach - one that works even when you're burned out and short on time. You'll learn how to get off that escalator and find a simpler, more effective path to lasting change. Sometimes doing less, but doing it smarter, creates better results than pushing harder against the downward flow.   For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.  

When pornography appears in a relationship, it hurts both people deeply. For wives, the pain and betrayal can feel like being trapped in an endless storm - each bad day stretches out forever, making even good moments feel temporary. Husbands often feel stuck too, wondering if their efforts to change matter when they see their partner still hurting day after day. In today's episode, we'll talk about real ways to deal with those bad days that feel like they'll never end. You'll learn specific steps you can take when the pain feels overwhelming, what conversations actually help both partners heal, and what to expect as you work on fixing things together. There is hope and there are tools that work - even when it doesn't feel that way right now.     For therapy with Sam: I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back. If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do. Click here for info to work with me directly.   Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes? Email me here:  [email protected]   Get access to my trust building workshop: Rebuild Trust Workshop   Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners? Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.   Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.