From NYC to Suburbs… Big Mistake?! | Chrissy Chaos Is BACK… And Chris Is Losing It

Chrissy Chaos is BACK — and this time it’s audio only. Chris Distefano and Vito are back together after a long break, diving into everything from moving out of NYC, buying a house, anxiety spirals, relationships, and whether Chris made the biggest mistake of his life. From breaking a lawn mower on day one… to questioning EVERYTHING… to discovering peptides and internet health conspiracies — this episode is peak Chrissy Chaos. If you’ve ever made a big life decision and immediately panicked… this one’s for you. 🎧 New episodes every week (audio only) 🔥 Chaos is officially back 00:00 Chrissy Chaos Returns (Audio Only Era) 03:00 Moving Out of NYC & House Regret Begins 07:30 Lawn Mower Disaster (Day One Homeowner Fail) 10:00 “Did I Ruin My Life?” Anxiety Spiral 12:30 Learning to Be a Man (At 41) 15:30 Suburban Life vs City Life 18:30 Why Chrissy Chaos Stopped 21:00 Chris Has No Brakes (Jasmine Calls Him Out) 24:00 Expensive House Mistakes & Fence Story 26:30 Living the Wrong Life 28:30 “My Best Days Were Over” 31:00 Conspiracies, News & Chaos Talk 33:30 Chris Admits He Doesn’t Want the Dog 35:30 Jasmine Calls Into the Podcast 38:30 Dog Problems, Poop & Daily Chaos 41:30 Suburban Culture Shock (Garbage, Neighbors) 44:30 The Italian Neighbor Story 46:00 Peptides, Ozempic & Health Rabbit Hole 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🎥 Vito Calise - Producer Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/SweedishFishMafia Twitter - https://twitter.com/vitocalise 🎤More Chris D Comedy Website: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ Live Dates: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/#tickets Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In 1979, Iranian revolutionaries stormed the U.S. Embassy in Tehran and took 52 Americans hostage, sparking a 444-day international crisis. Caught between shifting politics and fierce anti-American sentiment, the hostages endured beatings, mock executions, and months of isolation. Meanwhile, the world watched as President Jimmy Carter struggled to negotiate their release amid rising tensions and oil shocks. Discover how a daring CIA operation — involving a fake sci-fi movie called Argo — helped smuggle six diplomats to freedom. Dive into the behind-the-scenes drama of Iran’s revolution, U.S.-Iran relations, and the unexpected heroes who changed history. Perfect for fans of political thrillers, Cold War stories, and true tales of courage under fire. Don’t miss this gripping episode on one of the most intense hostage crises in modern history. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS House of Atlas - https://houseofatlas.com with promo code CHAOS for 20% off everything. SelectQuote - Life insurance is never cheaper than it is today. Get the right life insurance for YOU, for LESS, and save more than fifty percent at https://selectquote.com/chaos Thrive Market - Go to https://ThriveMarket.com/CHAOS, to get thirty percent off your first order, plus a FREE sixty dollar gift just for signing up. BlueChew - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! And we’ve got a special deal for our listeners: Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code CHAOS -- just pay $5 shipping. Christories Disclaimer* it is important to note that Christories knowledge and understanding of historical events, facts, and figures may not be 100% accurate or complete! Note that information in this episode has been lightly researched and we encourage you to continue your learning outside of this episode too, Babes! Follow us Muffin Butt! 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🙋‍♀️ Venetia Geras - Writer / Producer Website - https://www.venetiageras.com Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/venetiaageras/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/venetiaageras 🎥 Steve Ciccone - Editor Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/erthtone/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@erthtone John Grady - Graphic Designer Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/gradydesign/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT PROHIBITION, THE CRAZY ERA WHEN ALCOHOL WAS BANNED IN AMERICA! From the roaring twenties to speakeasies hidden behind secret doors, Prohibition turned ordinary Americans into bootleggers, gangsters, and undercover cops. We dive into how this bold social experiment was supposed to stop crime and improve health, but instead, it sparked a wild rise in organized crime, secret parties, and clever loopholes. Hear about the colorful characters, the rise of the mob, and how the government’s grand plan ultimately fizzled out. This episode uncorks the real story behind the dry laws and their unintended consequences. Listen to the full Christories of Prohibition and raise a glass to history, just not with booze! SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS BetterHelp - Chrissy Chaos presents Christories is brought to you by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/CHAOS Nutrafol - https://Nutrafol.com/men promo code CHAOS Christories Disclaimer* it is important to note that Christories knowledge and understanding of historical events, facts, and figures may not be 100% accurate or complete! Note that information in this episode has been lightly researched and we encourage you to continue your learning outside of this episode too, Babes! Follow us Muffin Butt! 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🙋‍♀️ Venetia Geras - Writer / Producer Website - https://www.venetiageras.com Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/venetiaageras/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/venetiaageras 🎥 Steve Ciccone - Editor Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/erthtone/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@erthtone John Grady - Graphic Designer Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/gradydesign/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

WE'RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT THE CHERNOBYL EXPLOSION, ONE OF THE MOST CATASTROPHIC NUCLEAR DISASTERS IN HISTORY. In this episode of Christories, we dive deep into the events leading up to the explosion, revealing how human error and flawed design combined to create a deadly accident. Discover the harrowing immediate aftermath and the long-term environmental and health impacts that still resonate today. We explore the untold stories of the brave workers and first responders who risked everything to contain the disaster. Learn how the Soviet government tried to cover up the incident and the global reaction that followed. Tune in to hear the full Christories of Chernobyl, a chilling tale of science, tragedy, and resilience. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS Cornbread Hemp - Right now, Chrissy Chaos listeners can save 30% on their first order! Just head to https://cornbreadhemp.com/CHAOS and use code CHAOS at checkout. QUINCE - Go to https://Quince.com/CHRISSY for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. BlueChew - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! And we’ve got a special deal for our listeners: Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code CHAOS -- just pay $5 shipping. Christories Disclaimer* it is important to note that Christories knowledge and understanding of historical events, facts, and figures may not be 100% accurate or complete! Note that information in this episode has been lightly researched and we encourage you to continue your learning outside of this episode too, Babes! Follow us Muffin Butt! 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris DistefanoInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🙋‍♀️ Venetia Geras - Writer / Producer Website - https://www.venetiageras.comInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/venetiaageras/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/venetiaageras 🎥 Steve Ciccone - Editor Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/erthtone/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@erthtone John Grady - Graphic Designer Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/gradydesign/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

WE’RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS. In this chilling episode of Christories, we uncover the truth behind one of the darkest chapters in American colonial history. Forget what you’ve heard about witches being burned—this story is even more haunting. We explore how fear, superstition, and power dynamics led to the wrongful execution of 19 people, mostly women. You’ll learn who was accused, who benefited, and why it spiraled out of control. From teenage girls to political grudges, nothing was as simple as it seemed. Listen to the full Christories episode on the Salem Witch Trials to uncover the real story behind the myth. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS True Classic - Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/CHAOS! #trueclassicpod Christories Disclaimer* it is important to note that Christories knowledge and understanding of historical events, facts, and figures may not be 100% accurate or complete! Note that information in this episode has been lightly researched and we encourage you to continue your learning outside of this episode too, Babes! Follow us Muffin Butt! 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🙋‍♀️ Venetia Geras - Writer / Producer Website - https://www.venetiageras.com Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/venetiaageras/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/venetiaageras 🎥 Steve Ciccone - Editor Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/erthtone/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@erthtone John Grady - Graphic Designer Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/gradydesign/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

WE’RE GOING TO BE TALKING ABOUT GEORGE WASHINGTON, THE MYTH, THE MAN, AND THE MESSY TRUTH. He’s on the dollar bill, praised as the father of our country, but how well do we really know him? In this episode of Christories, we dig into the real George Washington: war hero, enslaver, and symbol of a young nation’s contradictions. From his violent campaigns against Native Americans to the legendary (but fake) cherry tree story, we uncover the hidden layers of his legacy. You’ll hear the daring escape of Ona Judge, the truth about his famous teeth, and why he reluctantly became president. He shaped America—but not without flaws that still echo today. Listen to the full Christories of George Washington wherever you get your podcasts. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS Factor - Get started at https://factormeals.com/chaos50off and use code chaos50off to get 50 percent off plus FREE shipping on your first box. LUCY - http://lucy.co/chaos Nutrafol - https://Nutrafol.com/men promo code CHAOS. Christories Disclaimer* it is important to note that Christories knowledge and understanding of historical events, facts, and figures may not be 100% accurate or complete! Note that information in this episode has been lightly researched and we encourage you to continue your learning outside of this episode too, Babes! Follow us Muffin Butt! 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris DistefanoInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedyWebsite - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🙋‍♀️ Venetia Geras - Writer / ProducerWebsite - https://www.venetiageras.comInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/venetiaageras/Twitter - https://twitter.com/venetiaageras 🎥 Steve Ciccone - EditorInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/erthtone/YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@erthtone John Grady - Graphic Designerhttps://www.instagram.com/gradydesign/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TODAY WE’RE LEARNING ABOUT WATERGATE!! This isn’t just a break-in story! it’s the scandal that shook Nixon’s presidency and forever changed American politics. In this episode of Christories, we explore how a botched burglary at the Democratic National Committee headquarters led to a tangled web of lies, coverups, and one historic resignation of President Richard Nixon. We meet Martha Mitchell, the bold truth-teller who tried to expose corruption but was silenced by the very people she trusted. Follow the legendary reporting of Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein with secret help from a mysterious government source known only as “Deep Throat.” From Oval Office tapes to Senate hearings, we break down the key players, timeline, and why this moment still matters today! IT’S WILD! If you’ve ever wondered how Nixon went from a landslide reelection to flying away in shame, this is the episode for you. Watergate wasn’t just a scandal. It was a turning point, babe!! Tune in now! SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS BlueChew - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code CHAOS -- just pay $5 shipping. Christories Disclaimer* it is important to note that Christories knowledge and understanding of historical events, facts, and figures may not be 100% accurate or complete! Note that information in this episode has been lightly researched and we encourage you to continue your learning outside of this episode too, Babes! Follow us Muffin Butt! 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🙋‍♀️ Venetia Geras - Writer / Producer Website - https://www.venetiageras.com Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/venetiaageras/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/venetiaageras 🎥 Steve Ciccone - Editor Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/erthtone/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@erthtone John Grady - Graphic Designer https://www.instagram.com/gradydesign/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

TODAY WE’RE LEARNING ABOUT THE BERLIN WALL, cute Germany!! 🙆🏼‍♂️ We’re tearing down walls, literally! In this episode of Christories, we dive into the Cold War drama that split Berlin in two, turning neighbors into strangers and the city into a tense playground for the U.S., USSR, and their global squad. The Berlin Wall was built overnight in 1961 to keep East Germans in and capitalist vibes out. JFK came through with his "Ich bin ein Berliner" moment, Checkpoint Charlie became the ultimate showdown spot, and spies were basically running the place. We’ll get into wild escape attempts, epic propaganda battles, and a press conference blunder that accidentally kicked off a revolution. By 1989, it all came crashing down thanks to confusion, courage, and a whole lot of people power. Grab your hammer and get ready to smash some history!!!  SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS BetterHelp - Chrissy Chaos Presents: Christories is brought to you by BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/CHAOS Christories Disclaimer* it is important to note that Christories knowledge and understanding of historical events, facts, and figures may not be 100% accurate or complete! Note that information in this episode has been lightly researched and we encourage you to continue your learning outside of this episode too, Babes! Follow us Muffin Butt! 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris DistefanoInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedyWebsite - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🙋‍♀️ Venetia Geras - Writer / ProducerWebsite - https://www.venetiageras.comInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/venetiaageras/Twitter - https://twitter.com/venetiaageras 🎥 Steve Ciccone - EditorInstagram - https://www.instagram.com/erthtone/YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@erthtone John Grady - Graphic Designerhttps://www.instagram.com/gradydesign/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Before she became America’s sweetheart, Shirley Temple was a 3-year-old with bouncing curls and unexpected sass, making her screen debut in a risqué pre-Code short that would be unthinkable by today’s standards! By age 6, she was Hollywood’s top box office draw, charming Depression-era audiences with tap numbers, dimples, and her iconic dance with Bill “Bojangles” Robinson—the first interracial dance pairing in film history. While her ringlets became a national obsession (and parent-enforced hairstyle), her real life was far from picture-perfect. Behind the scenes, she faced relentless work schedules, controlling parents, and studio executives who saw her as a brand, not a child. She earned millions before age 12 but was left with little of it, and ironically, she never even liked the ultra-sweet Shirley Temple drink named after her. From child star to U.S. ambassador and breast cancer advocate, her story is one of early fame, industry exploitation, and personal reinvention. In this episode, we peel back the curtain on the real Shirley Temple—the curls, the charm, and the cost of growing up on camera. SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS BlueChew - Make life easier by getting harder and discover your options at https://BlueChew.com! And we’ve got a special deal for our listeners: Try your first month of BlueChew FREE when you use promo code CHAOS -- just pay $5 shipping. Nutrafol - https://Nutrafol.com/men promo code CHAOS. Follow us Muffin Butt! 🙆🏼‍♂️ Chris Distefano Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy Website - https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ 🙋‍♀️ Venetia Geras - Writer / Producer Website - https://www.venetiageras.com Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/venetiaageras/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/venetiaageras 🎥 Steve Ciccone - Editor Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/erthtone/ YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@erthtone John Grady - Graphic Designer https://www.instagram.com/gradydesign/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

THIS WEEK CHRIS IS TALKING ABOUT THE SPANISH INQUISITION! The Spanish Inquisition was one of history’s most infamous religious crackdowns, kicking off in 1478 under Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand. Its original goal? To root out heresy and enforce Catholic orthodoxy, but it quickly turned into a powerful tool for social and political control. Jews, Muslims, converted Christians (called conversos), and anyone who didn’t “fit the mold” were often targets. Trials were secretive, evidence was thin, and torture was totally on the table. Even after confessing, people could still be burned at the stake. NO ONE WAS SAFE BABE! WILD crazy ways to torture and get people to confess. LGBTQ individuals and outspoken women were persecuted under vague charges like “sodomy” and “witchcraft.” Over 300 years, the Inquisition left a legacy of fear, paranoia, and thousands dead. It finally ended in 1834, but its shadow still lingers in discussions of religious oppression, systemic abuse, and, let’s be honest, the original Catholic guilt trip!! #ChrisDistefano #history #Podcast #comedy Our Sponsors:BetterHelp - Christories is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/CHAOS to get 10% off your first month.Chubbies - Your new wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code chaos at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/chaos #chubbiespodLucy Goods - http://lucy.co/chaosL-Nutra - Visit https://prolonlife.com/CHAOS to claim your 15% discount and your bonus gift. Welcome to Christories where comedian Chris Distefano tells you about a time in history. We uncover the REAL TRUTHS in World History that you may have not known about! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices