Episode 220 - Self-Compassion

In this episode, JoAnn Fox shares the practice of W.A.I.T.—What Am I Thinking? to help us cultivate self-compassion and retrain the often-critical voice in our minds. Through mindfulness, we can begin to notice the thoughts that shape how we treat ourselves, and choose a kinder, more beneficial way to respond. The Buddha said:  All experience is preceded by mind,  Led by mind,  Made by mind.  Our world is created by our thoughts. Every word, every action, every mood begins as a whisper in the mind. And sometimes, those whispers aren’t so kind. When we notice the narrator in our head becoming unkind, we can pause and think, ‘WAIT! What am I thinking?’ Then we try to speak to ourselves with compassion instead of judgment.  Observe any specific automatic patterns of self-criticism, doubt, or fear. Gradually try to replace them with thoughts rooted in compassion, understanding, and encouragement. For a more on the practice of W.A.I.T for developing self-compassion, see our blog post Awakening Self-Compassion.  The Five Gates of Speech The Buddha, in his gentle wisdom, offered a path to mindful speech through what he called "The Five Gatekeepers of Speech." These gatekeepers stand like sentinels, reminding us to pause and make sure our words can pass through these five gates: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it beneficial? Is it necessary? Is it the right time? References and Links Buddha.The Dhammapada. Translated by Gil Fronsdale. (Kindle). Shambala, Boston and London, 2011. Neff, Kristin. (n.d.). What is self-compassion? Self-Compassion.org. Retrieved https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion Find us at the links below:  Our Link Tree: https://linktr.ee/BuddhismForEveryone Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Buddhismforeveryone Private Facebook Group:: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sanghatalk/ Website: Buddhismforeveryone.com Instagram: @buddhism4everyone X: @Joannfox77 TikTok: @buddhism4everyone YouTube: @Buddhism4Everyone To learn more about virtual classes with JoAnn Fox: Buddhist Study Program To learn about Life Coaching with JoAnn Fox visit www.BuddhismforEveryone.com/coaching  

“The rain could turn to gold and still your thirst would not be slaked,” the Buddha said. He was pointing to the endless cycle of craving, the restless thirst that keeps us searching outside ourselves for satisfaction. Even if we were showered with gold, our longing would not end. So how do we free ourselves from this thirst? In this Fan Favorite episode, we look for the answer in understanding the connection between emptiness and craving.   When Buddhism speaks of emptiness (shunyata), it doesn’t mean that nothing exists. It means that nothing exists inherently or independently. Everything arises because of many causes and conditions.   Think about a table. It seems to be a table all on its own. But in truth, it depends on wood, on carpenters, on the label "table," and on our own minds to recognize it. Without these causes (and many more), the table as we know it doesn’t exist. Even beauty works this way. If we see a flower as beautiful, we think the beauty is “out there.” Yet without our mind, that beauty would never appear. Emptiness reveals that our world is far more fluid and interdependent than it seems.   The Buddha described craving as tanha, which literally means thirst. This isn’t just enjoying things; it’s clinging to them for happiness or pleasure. He compared it to tasting honey on a razor’s edge. The first taste is sweet, but pain follows. That’s what happens when we cling to pleasures, possessions, or people: we suffer when they change, disappear, or fall short of our hopes. Craving always promises satisfaction but never delivers.   At the root of craving is a misunderstanding. We think things exist solidly and permanently, as if beauty, pleasure, or comfort live inside them. But emptiness shows us this isn’t true.   When you enjoy a sunset, your mind is part of creating that beauty. When you savor a meal, your mind is shaping the pleasure. But we don’t see it this way. We believe the joy is built into the object itself. So we cling, hoping to hold it forever.   Once we understand emptiness, craving begins to dissolve. We see the truth: things are impermanent, interdependent, and shaped by the mind. We can still enjoy them, but we don’t need to grasp so tightly.   The Buddha taught that the end of craving is the end of suffering. When we realize emptiness, ignorance loosens its grip. We don’t stop enjoying life! We stop demanding that impermanent things give us permanent happiness. Instead of chasing after more, we can finally enjoy and relax in freedom.   References and Links Buddha.The Dhammapada. Translated by Gil Fronsdale. (Kindle). Shambala, Boston and London, 2011, pp. 78 (Link)   Buddha (1986).The Dhammapada: Verses and Stories. Translated by Daw Mya Tin, M.A. (Website). Edited by Editorial Committee, Burma Tipitaka Association Rangoon. Courtesy .of Nibbana.com. For free distribution only, as a gift of dhamma. Retrieved from https://www.tipitaka.net/tipitaka/dhp/verseload.php?verse=386   Find us at the links below:  Our Link Tree: https://linktr.ee/BuddhismForEveryone Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Buddhismforeveryone Facebook Group: Join our private group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sanghatalk/ Website: Buddhismforeveryone.com Instagram: @buddhism4everyone X: @Joannfox77 TikTok: @buddhism4everyone To learn more about virtual classes with JoAnn Fox: Buddhist Study Program To learn about Life Coaching with JoAnn Fox visit www.BuddhismforEveryone.com/coaching

The Buddha said that the minds of his followers should "constantly, day and night, delight in spiritual practice." But what practice can we stitch into the fabric of ordinary days? This fan-favorite epsiode explores a spiritual thread that can run through work, family, errands, and all the passing moments that make up our lives.   Cherishing others requires no shrine, no retreat, no special circumstance—only a special intention. To cherish another means we think and act on this intention, "Your happiness matters. I will work for your happiness."   Whether it's the barista, a child, a colleague, or a stranger in the grocery store, cherishing others transforms every interaction into a step on the spiritual path.   Cherishing others is loving-kindness, or metta, in action. This practice softens the heart. It also dismantles the walls of self-cherishing (selfishness), our habit of "me first" that actually gives rise to our own pain.   The Buddha taught that cherishing others is the root of all good qualities, from patience to compassion, and the sacred root from which enlightenment eventually blossoms.   The Buddha also taught that cherishing others helps solve problems and creates the causes of happiness (through creating good karma). And science, centuries later, agrees. A 2024 study involving three countries and 4,000 people found that even one act of kindness a week toward others decreased loneliness, social anxiety, neighborhood conflict, and isolation.  Even our bodies rejoice when we cherish others. Researchers at the University of British Columbia found that people who regularly performed kind acts had lower blood pressure and reduced inflammatory markers—key factors in long-term health. And a study from Carnegie Mellon University showed that offering support to loved ones was linked to lower cortisol levels and improved immune response.   Cherishing others is beneficial for the mind and weaves joy into everyday life. What if, day and night, we delighted in this? If you are interested in working with JoAnn Fox as a Life/Spiritual Coach, visit https://buddhismforeveryone.com/coaching   References and Links Buddha. The Dhammapada, Translated by Gil Fronsdale. (Kindle). Shambala, Boston and London, 2011, pp. 76 Gill, Sharman. (Nov. 2024). BYU study shows that even one act of kindness a week improves wellbeings for individuals, communites. Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-random-acts-of-kindness-can-boost-your-health-5105301   Find us athe links below: Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/Buddhismforeveryone Facebook Group: Join our private group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sanghatalk/ Instagram: @buddhism4everyone X: @Joannfox77 TikTok: @buddhism4everyone To learn more about virtual classes with JoAnn Fox: Buddhist Study Program  

We’re bringing back a fan favorite episode from the Buddhism for Everyone archives with an exploration of fear, anxiety, and bravery. Fearlessness is often spoken of in Buddhist teachings, but here we go beyond the idea of simply “being brave” to uncover how the Buddha understood fear itself. Together, we’ll look at what causes fear, the antidotes that dissolve it, and how we can tap into the quiet courage already within us. In Buddhism, there is a distinction between skillful fear and unskillful fear. Skillful fear can protect us. An example of skilful fear is noticing a subway train barreling down the tracks and stepping back. But unskillful fear? That’s the kind that traps us, limits us, and leads to actions that cause suffering. In this beloved episode, we explore unskillful fear and how to meet it with wisdom, compassion, and practical tools for everyday life. We also examine the common forms unskillful fear takes, such as: Fear of things that may or may not happen Fear of the inevitable changes of life, like aging Fear for the safety or happiness of those we love This episode has been replayed again and again by listeners who say it’s brought them peace, clarity, and even a little spark of bravery. We’re so happy to share it with you once more. Find us at the links below:  Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/Buddhismforeveryone Facebook Group: Join our private group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sanghatalk/ Instagram: @buddhism4everyone X: @Joannfox77 TikTok: @buddhism4everyone To learn more about virtual classes with JoAnn Fox: Buddhist Study Program

Have you ever walked away from a conversation and thought, "Why did I just say that?" Oh, me too. But thankfully, the Buddha left us plenty of tools to transform even our speech into something sacred. In this episode, we explore an acronym I recently added to my spiritual toolbox, W.A.I.T. — Why Am I Talking? Before we speak, we can pause and ask ourselves this simple question to check our motivation. Are we trying to connect or control? Are we speaking from kindness or merely from habit? The Four Gates of Speech Another powerful filter comes directly from the Buddha. Before we speak, we can ask ourselves if our words pass through these Four Gates: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it the right time? The Downfalls of Speech In the Buddhist teaching on Right Speech, the Buddha identified four types of unskillful speech that cause harm: Lying – intentionally deceiving Divisive speech – creating conflict or turning people against each other Harsh speech – cruel, aggressive, or hurtful words Idle gossip– pointless talk that distracts and wastes energy We can gradually reduce these habits and move toward speech that uplifts, heals, and connects. A Practice You Can Try Today Next time you're about to speak, even just in casual conversation, take a beat and ask: "W.A.I.T — Why am I talking?" You might find there's wisdom in the silence. Or you might find your words come from a more beautiful place, a place of kindness, truth, and intention. Find us at the links below:  Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/Buddhismforeveryone Facebook Group: Join our private group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sanghatalk/ Instagram: @buddhism4everyone X: @Joannfox77 TikTok: @buddhism4everyone To learn more about virtual classes with JoAnn Fox: Buddhist Study Program  

This episode is a gentle return to something simple, sacred, and too often forgotten: the present moment. The only moment we ever truly have.  We explore what it means to really be present. True calm arises when we're not lost in yesterday's story or tomorrow's worries but rest in the stillness of the now. JoAnn Fox, a Buddhist teacher of over twenty years, will talk about why presence is the ground of peace, the birthplace of connection, and the secret doorway to joy. Let's take a breath and be here now. They do not grieve over the past, Nor do they yearn for the future; They live only in the present — That is why their face is so calm.   It's from yearning for the future, And from grieving over the past; This is how fools become withered Like a fresh reed that's been hacked down. –Buddha, from the Arañña Sutta (A Face So Calm)   Resources Buddha, translated by Andrew Olendzki, 2006. The Arañña Sutta: A Face So Calm. Retrieved from: https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn01/sn01.010.olen.html Find us at the links below:  Get Free Tickets to Live Class July 19, 2025 on Zoom: www.Buddhismforeveryone.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Buddhismforeveryone Facebook Group: Join our private group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sanghatalk/ Instagram: @buddhism4everyone X: @Joannfox77 TikTok: @buddhism4everyone To learn more about virtual classes with JoAnn Fox: Buddhist Study Program Our Dharma Shop on Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/BuddhismForEveryone  

We chase happiness like it’s just around the corner. Could our final destination, “happiness,” be hidden in a new relationship, job title, city, or home? But His Holiness the Dalai Lama, with his childlike laugh and mountain-like presence, has let us in on a little secret: the true source of happiness isn’t getting what we want. It’s cherishing others. It’s being kind.  The Dalai Lama says, “The basic source of all happiness is a sense of kindness and warm-heartedness towards others.” Buddhist teachings remind us again and again that when we shift the spotlight from ourselves, a strange thing happens. Our minds soften. Our hearts open. And we begin to feel...better. Lighter. More connected. Cherishing others means genuinely caring about their happiness and well-being, just like we do for ourselves. And when we practice this, whether by listening with full attention, letting someone go ahead of us in line, or sending a silent wish for a stranger’s joy, we start to feel more joy ourselves. Real joy. The kind that doesn't depend on circumstances. According to the Dalai Lama, “Thinking only about yourself—having a very self-centered attitude—creates a lot of anxiety, loneliness, fear, and anger.” It turns out that the road to lasting happiness isn't paved with self-fulfillment, but with love that stretches beyond the self.  Resources  Dalai Lama. The purpose of life is to be happy. Retrieved from:https://www.dalailama.com/messages/transcripts-and-interviews/the-purpose-of-life-is-to-be-happy Find us at the links below:  Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/Buddhismforeveryone Facebook Group:Join our private group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sanghatalk/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/buddhism.with.joann.fox X: @Joannfox77 TikTok: @buddhism4everyone To learn more about virtual classes with JoAnn Fox: Buddhist Study Program Our Dharma Shop on Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/BuddhismForEveryone

This episode is about those moments when life doesn't go according to plan: when things go wrong, fall apart, or just feel too heavy to bear. At these times, mental strength becomes our most valuable refuge. But what does it really mean to be mentally strong? How can we cultivate that strength without becoming rigid or emotionally shut down? We'll be exploring one of my favorite quotes from the great Buddhist master Shantideva: "If something can be done, why worry? If nothing can be done, why worry?" This deceptively simple teaching holds the key to freedom from anxiety, overwhelm, and emotional reactivity. In this episode, we explore practical strategies to move through worry and return to peace, even in the middle of life's messiness. 1. If Something Can Be Done, Why Worry? When facing a challenge that has a solution, taking action (even a very small steps) restores our sense of agency. Can you make a call? Write something down? Apologize? Ask for help? Tiny acts of courage move the mind from helplessness to confidence. But often, we don't take action because our own minds get in the way. 2. If Nothing Can Be Done, Why Worry? Sometimes, there's nothing we can do to change a situation. We have no control over a loss, an illness, or someone else's behavior. This is where mental strength blossoms, not from resistance, but from acceptance. Here are a few practices for these moments: Limit your worry window. Give yourself 20–30 minutes to think it through, write it out, or talk it out. Then gently close the door on worry for the day. This boundary creates emotional breathing room. Let other people be who they are. Much of our suffering comes from trying to manage others' choices. We can still love them and maintain boundaries, but we cannot fix or control them. Let them. Don't believe every thought. Especially the ones that say, "This will never get better," or "I can't handle this." Thoughts are not facts. Watch them arise like clouds, but don't let them storm your peace. Mental strength isn't the absence of emotion or difficulty. It's the quiet courage to respond rather than react—to act when we can and let go when we must. So next time something goes wrong, take a breath and ask yourself: "Can something be done?" If yes, begin. If not, release. That's the wisdom of worry-less living.

“Praise and blame, fame and shame, gain and loss, pleasure and pain come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all.” ― Buddha We're exploring a truth so simple yet profound it almost feels like a secret; every problem we have comes from just one thing, our own mind. Specifically, our problems come from misperceiving reality: we see our worries, fears, and stresses as big, immovable mountains. In reality, they're more like clouds, shifting and changing with the winds of the mind. Nothing is as fixed as it seems. Everything depends on perception (even that thing you're stressing about right now). The mind of worry conjures up what we fear. The worst-case scenario hasn't happened, may not happen, but we let these figments of our imagination torment us. Instead, we're going to practice a beautiful little mind trick: instead of thinking, "What's the worst that could happen?" we'll try asking, "What's the best that could happen?" Perhaps everything will play out in ways that are incredibly healing or positive...there's no way to know for sure. So why not plant seeds of hope instead of fear and watch what grows? This small shift that can open up a whole new way of experiencing your life. To register for two free virtual classes, “Developing Universal Love and Compassion” on Saturday, May 10 and 17, 2025 visit www.BuddhismForEveryone.com References with Links Lama Zopa Rinpoche, 2008. How Things Exist: Teachings on Emptiness. Lama Zopa Rinpoche Edited by Ailsa Cameron. Lama Yeshe Wisdom Archive.  Find us at the links below:  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Buddhismforeveryone Facebook Group: Join our private group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sanghatalk/ Instagram: @buddhism4everyone or https://www.instagram.com/buddhism4everyone X: @Joannfox77 TikTok: @buddhism4everyone

We're exploring a truth so simple yet profound it almost feels like a secret; every problem we have comes from just one thing--our own mind. Specifically, our problems come from misperceiving reality: we see our worries, fears, and stresses as big, immovable mountains. In reality, they're more like clouds, shifting and changing with the winds of the mind.   Nothing is as fixed as it seems. Everything depends on perception (even that thing you're stressing about right now). Could we change our perception and enjoy whatever arises? Buddhist Teacher, JoAnn Fox, offers two ways to practice this wisdom.   Practice 1 Radical Love "The universe is an example of love. Like a tree. Like the ocean. Like my body. Like my wheelchair. I see the love." "I love every thing in the universe. That's all I do all day." --Ram Dass What if we opened our hearts wide enough to love everything that arises — the sweet, the strange, the inconvenient, and the miraculous? This practice invites us to shift our perception and welcome everything that happens. This practice is not about pretending things don't hurt or denying difficulty—but softening into life so deeply that we stop resisting what arises. What we perceive depends upon the mind that perceives it. For example, the mind of anger perceives irritating or threatening things. Conversely, when the mind is pervaded by love, that mind loves whatever it sees. Could we train our minds to love everything we see? A long line, a loud neighbor, a mistake, a moment of joy, a compliment… each becomes a chance to stay open. Today, try saying, "I love this," no matter what happens. Just see how it feels. Maybe you'll catch a glimpse of the blissful mind that can love it all. Practice 2: What's the best that could happen? The mind of worry conjures up what we fear. The worst-case scenario hasn't happened and may not happen, but we let these figments of our imagination torment us. Instead, we can practice a beautiful little mind trick: instead of thinking, "What's the worst that could happen?" we'll contemplate, "What's the best that could happen?" Perhaps everything will play out in ways that are incredibly healing or positive; there's no way to know for sure. So why not plant hope instead of fear and watch what grows? This small shift can reveal a whole new way of experiencing your life. Whoever Knows [one’s own] former lives, Sees both the heavens and states of woe, Has attained the end of birth, Is a sage, perfected in the higher knowledges, And has perfected all perfections, I call a brahmin. (423) --Buddha, The Dhammapada Verse 423  References with Links Buddha (1986).The Dhammapada: Verses and Stories, Verses 419 and 420. Translated by Daw Mya Tin, M.A. (Website). Edited by Editorial Committee, Burma Tipitaka Association Rangoon. Courtesy .of Nibbana.com. For free distribution only, as a gift of dhamma. Retrieved from https://www.tipitaka.net/tipitaka/dhp/verseload.php?verse=423 Tsering, Geshe Tashi (2005). The Four Noble Truths: The Foundation of Buddhist Thought Volume 1 (Kindle). Wisdom Publications.   *** To register for two free virtual classes, “Developing Universal Love and Compassion” on Saturday, May 10 and 17, 2025 visit www.BuddhismForEveryone.com   Find us at the links below:  Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/Buddhismforeveryone Facebook Group:Join our private group at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/sanghatalk/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/buddhism.with.joann.fox X: @Joannfox77 TikTok: @buddhism4everyone