1. Shan’t be leaving

Brain Cigar's rampant little elves (okay, Pete and Jez) have rummaged through a stocking full of festive goodness to dish up a bumper Christmas pud-cast generously-stuffed with plum content, sage thoughts and no shortage of old chestnuts. And a gull. Sewn into Peter's guts. (Some assembly required.) An Ambulenz production, featuring Julia Davis and Robert Chase. Produced by Francis Jones.

In this final podcast of the series, Pete recounts his wife's visit to a Romanian theme park dedicated to the delights of TV sitcom Birds of a Feather, while a vengeful Welsh funeral critic uses the slot to hurl abuse at his former lover. The return of Jez's Audience-Heat-Seeking Robot spells trouble for Pete and his Irish terrier Chara... Featuring Maggie Rowe and Robert Chase.

Peter and Jez pay respectful tribute on this most traumatic of days while remembering a BBC cartoon series starring Slash from Guns n' Roses as a dog. A brash New York funeral reviewer rubs Peter up the wrong way. Jez tells the freakish tale of how Naturally-Occurring Music entered our lives and nearly killed an airline passenger… Featuring Julia Davis.

Jez tells the harrowing tale of when Jack Nicholson called Action Man “a little bitch” on live children’s TV; a guest reveals that she’s pledged to pay for cripplingly expensive treatment of her sister’s eye disorder with money raised from ‘new inventions’ such as contactless payment and an automated cat feeder; Peter and Jez discuss their shared babysitting arrangements for a long-deceased Archbishop of Canterbury. With Julia Davis and Robert Chase.

Jez gets terrible news about the first six Brain Cigar episodes;  a restaurateur offers discounts to anyone he's poisoned - if this can be proven via his horrifying in-kitchen laboratory; and Peter is appalled at Reverend Audrey’s long-forgotten ‘Thomas’ medical manual, detailing the lovable locomotive’s digestive organs and a cross-section of his uterus containing a train foetus... Featuring Robert Chase.

Peter speaks movingly of his two young daughters’ trauma after being left alone overnight thanks to supposedly ‘caring’ U2 singer Bono’s failure to babysit. Jez unveils a device for assessing podcast audience size by tracking heat sources – an innovation that seems to include animals, radiators and pans of soup in its demographic. Plus an exclusive interview with Scottish music legend Sheena Easton that has to be dramatically curtailed… Featuring Robert Chase.

A guest fighting loneliness in the elderly behaves appallingly, Peter takes a pill that renders dog-walking a thing of the past, and Jez reminisces about David Bowie’s early nineties range of microwaveable frozen meals. Meanwhile, resentment grows at having to include excerpts from John ‘Throat’ Church’s autobiography The Architecture of Bacon...  Featuring Julia Davis and Robert Chase.