324: [Soapbox] Think of sex like tapas

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the importance of moving away from a goal-oriented, all-or-nothing approach to sex. She explains how this mindset can be a barrier for partners with "reactive" desire, and offers alternative metaphors like viewing sex as a playground or a tapas bar, where the focus is on enjoyment and exploration rather than completion. Jessa emphasizes that this shift can help reduce the pressure and improve intimacy within relationships.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:49 The All-or-Nothing Approach to Sex03:36 Changing the Perspective: Metaphors for Better Intimacy05:37 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host, and sex therapist, Jessa Zimmerman, talks to therapist Tom Bruett about the unique aspects and challenges of gay male relationships and sex life. Tom discusses the nuances of gay relationships, including the impact of heteronormative upbringing, the importance of differentiation, and specific sexual education needs. They explore the developmental stages of queer relationships and how to maintain vibrant intimacy and connection over time. The discussion also touches on the role of monogamy, agreements in relationships, and practical advice for enhancing sexual experiences.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:48 Guest Introduction: Tom Bruett on Gay Relationships01:41 Challenges and Opportunities in Gay Relationships03:51 Sexual Differentiation and Communication10:50 Developmental Stages in Queer Relationships14:30 Monogamy and Agreements in Gay Relationships19:28 Keeping the Spark Alive in Monogamous Relationships22:38 Resources and ConclusionYou can find all of Jessa's desire discrepancy resources at https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio;Tom Bruett, LMFT is a therapist, trainer, consultant, and author who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute, which provides therapy for queer folx and training for therapists who work with queer relationships. Tom has trained under Drs. Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson in the Developmental Model of Relationship Therapy, which he now trains other therapists in. His book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment is published by JKP. In his downtime, he loves theatre, travel, and collaborating with his partner to keep their rescue dog, Millie, from causing too much mischief. Instagram: @QueerRelationshipInstitute Website: www.QueerRelationshipInstitute.comBook: The Go To Relationship Guide for Gay Menwww.thequeerrelationshipinstitute.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman delves into the importance of being able to say 'no' in intimate relationships. She discusses how the ability to decline is crucial for fostering a healthy and enjoyable sex life, free from distress and negative experiences. Through a session example and advice for both partners, she explains the positive impact that setting boundaries can have on mutual satisfaction. Listeners are encouraged to understand the difference between a definitive 'no' and a potential 'maybe,' and to use these insights to improve their intimate connections.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:47 The Importance of Saying No01:12 Client Case Study: The Consequences of Not Saying No04:30 Exploring the Maybe: When to Say Yes06:56 Encouragement and Final Thoughts08:06 Closing Remarks and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the 'Better Sex' podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman talks with Dr. Susie Gronski about the role of pelvic floor physical therapy for men, particularly focusing on pelvic pain. Dr. Gronski shares her journey into the field, driven by the courage of men seeking help for pelvic issues amidst a healthcare landscape that often overlooks male pelvic floor therapy. They discuss common conditions treated by pelvic floor physical therapy, such as erectile dysfunction, incontinence, and chronic pelvic pain syndromes. The discussion delves into the biopsychosocial approach to diagnosis and treatment, emphasizing the integration of physical, emotional, and social factors. Dr. Gronski explains the examination process, stressing the importance of creating a comfortable and safe environment for patients. The episode highlights the need for increased awareness and tailored care for men’s pelvic health.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:48 Exploring Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy for Men01:59 Guest Introduction: Dr. Susie Gronski03:55 Understanding Pelvic Pain in Men04:49 Causes and Symptoms of Pelvic Pain13:48 Emotional and Psychological Factors19:08 Role of Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy20:55 Understanding Pain and Its Role21:38 Empowering Through Knowledge and Experience22:56 Clinical Philosophy and Movement-Based Therapy24:07 Touch Therapy and Sensory Integration25:41 Creating a Safe and Collaborative Environment26:32 The Initial Exam Process28:12 Detailed Examination and Patient Comfort30:07 Addressing Patient Concerns and Misconceptions34:46 Finding and Connecting with Dr. Susie G35:36 Conclusion and Listener EngagementTake Jessa's quiz at https://www.sexlifequiz.comBio:With over a decade of expertise in pelvic and sexual health, Dr. Susie Gronski is a Licensed Doctor of Physical Therapy, Pelvic Health Specialist, AASECT Certified Sex Counselor and Educator, and the founder of a multidisciplinary pelvic health clinic in Asheville, North Carolina. As a leading influencer and content creator on YouTube, she educates and empowers individuals by addressing taboo pelvic and sexual health topics, actively working to dispel misinformation. To learn more about her and her team, visit drsusieg.com.https://drsusieg.com/https://www.youtube.com/@DrSusieGronskipatreon.com/drsusiegWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman tackles one of the most common and vulnerable questions: “Is there hope for my sex life?” Jessa explores the roots of hopelessness in intimate relationships, explains how communication and teamwork can reignite connection, and shares practical strategies for couples to rediscover joy and fulfillment in their sex lives. Whether you’re struggling with mismatched desire, stress, or just feeling stuck, this episode offers hope, insight, and actionable advice.[0:46] Common concerns: Feeling hopeless about sex and relationship struggles.[1:18] The foundation of hope: Love, friendship, and goodwill in relationships.[1:43] Communication and teamwork as keys to improvement.[2:17] Avoiding polarization: Working together against the problem.[2:41] Redefining sex: Moving beyond rigid expectations and goal orientation.[3:29] The stress of goal-oriented sex and how to shift perspective.[4:24] Two types of sexual desire: Proactive vs. reactive.[4:42] Understanding and embracing reactive desire.[5:40] Building hope: Challenging assumptions and valuing both partners’ experiences.[6:17] Introducing the “How Big a Problem Is My Sex Life?” quiz.[6:45] Using the quiz to assess your relationship and find hope.[7:08] Encouragement and support for finding hope in your sex life.[7:21] Outro: Where to find more resources and episodes.[7:36] Thank you message and invitation for feedback and reviews.[7:56] Closing credits and theme music.Take the quiz: https://www.sexlifequiz.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, hosted by sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, the guest is Stephanie Konter-O'Hara, a therapist and mother of a 19-month-old baby. Stephanie shares her personal and professional insights on how having children can impact sex life and intimate relationships. Key topics discussed include the physical, emotional, and relational challenges faced by new parents, the misconceptions around postpartum recovery, the perimenopausal state induced by breastfeeding, and the importance of communication and shared values in maintaining intimacy. Stephanie also talks about the role of compassion, understanding, and seeking therapy when necessary, to navigate the complex dynamics of parenting and relationships.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:49 Guest Introduction: Stephanie Konter-O'Hara01:22 Personal Story and Passion for Sexual Health03:21 Physical and Emotional Challenges Postpartum04:00 Common Barriers to Postpartum Intimacy08:42 Relational Dynamics and Mental Load24:31 Communication and Compassion in Relationships26:44 Seeking Help and Resources27:54 Conclusion and Contact InformationWant to share your story on the podcast? It can be anonymous! Email us at [email protected]:Stephanie Konter-O'Hara, LPC, ACS is passionate about making space in the world for everyone to be themselves and live in the most connected and authentic way that they can. She is a Mom, Podcaster, Licensed Mental Health Therapist, and a Group Practice Owner in Colorado. She is originally from the East coast and enjoys living out West where its a bit more peaceful and can spend most of the year enjoying the outdoors. When Stephanie is most joyous and free she is spending time with her friends, family (including her daughter), and her dogs. She truly loves to help people explore their relationships with themselves and believes that we should all surround ourselves with more opportunities to connect with our village. www.wellmindedcounseling.comWorkbook: Becoming Mommyhttps://a.co/d/d6EGJ1KWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of 'Better Sex,' host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the common issue of being overly focused on pleasing one's partner in a sexual relationship. She explores how this can lead to unintended pressure, diminishing genuine intimacy and connection. Through examples from her client interactions, Jessa illustrates how detaching from the expectation of sexual pleasure and being genuinely receptive to a partner's desires can enhance the relationship. Key strategies include slowing down, truly listening to one's partner, and honoring their current wants and needs, whether they are sexual or not.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex01:01 The Pitfalls of Wanting to Please Your Partner02:19 Understanding Your Partner's Desires03:19 Practical Tips for Improving Intimacy05:34 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman speaks with ASSECT certified sex therapist Vanessa Cushing about her new innovative project, Sex Therapy Pro—an online closed AI resource and soon-to-be app. They discuss the challenges and accessibility gaps in sexual health information, Vanessa's journey through the creation of this custom AI, and how it aims to provide vetted, accurate information to individuals and other clinicians. They also cover the importance of trauma-informed care, the limitations of AI in handling mental health, and the ultimate goal of encouraging people to seek professional help while reducing shame around sexual health concerns.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:46 Guest Introduction: Vanessa Cushing01:56 The Birth of Sex Therapy Pro03:23 Challenges and Solutions in Sex Therapy04:22 AI in Sex Therapy: Benefits and Concerns06:48 Accessibility and Inclusivity in Sexual Health11:05 Trauma-Informed AI and Its Limitations14:25 Future of AI in Therapy21:05 Conclusion and App Launch DetailsTake my sexual health quiz at https://www.sexhealthquiz.comBio:Vanessa Cushing, MS, LPC, NCC is a sex therapist certified by University of Michigan, trauma-informed clinician, and the founder of Sex Therapy Pro a digital platform offering AI-guided, shame-free support for sexual wellness and intimacy.She holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Virginia, an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Johns Hopkins University, and completed her sex therapy certification through the University of Michigan.Vanessa specializes in helping individuals and couples navigate sexual pain, desire discrepancies, trauma recovery, and communication breakdowns and now brings that expertise to a scalable, tech-powered format aimed at making healing more accessible than ever.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of The Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman explores what it truly means to have a healthy sex life. She challenges the common misconception that frequency alone defines a healthy sexual relationship and discusses the importance of mutual enjoyment, desire, engagement, and presence. Zimmerman also talks about the signs of an unhealthy sex life, such as sexual avoidance and lack of communication, and emphasizes the need for a fun and easy sexual relationship that works for both partners. Listeners are invited to take a comprehensive quiz to assess the health of their own sex life and get personalized tips for improvement.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:58 Defining a Healthy Sex Life02:30 Key Elements of a Healthy Sex Life03:16 The Sexual Avoidance Cycle03:39 Positivity and Desire in Sexual Relationships04:19 Presence and Intentionality05:43 Conclusion and Quiz Invitation06:10 Closing Remarks and Listener EngagementTake the quiz at https://www.sexhealthquiz.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jess Zimmerman speaks with Lilith Foxx and Remi Newman about their new anthology, 'Hands-On.' The book is a collection of stories from sex workers that highlight the compassion, connection, and healing found in their work. The guests elaborate on the misconceptions surrounding sex work, the role of social justice, and their personal journeys within the profession. Lilith shares her empowering experience as a former sex worker and educator, while Remi details her path as a surrogate partner. The episode emphasizes the emotional and physical healing that sex work can provide and advocates for a broader understanding and acceptance of this profession.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:52 Sound Issues and Guest Introduction01:53 The Origin of 'Hands-On' Anthology04:17 Lilith Foxx's Journey and Passion06:07 Social Justice and Sex Work07:08 Misconceptions About Sex Work08:40 Personal Stories of Entering Sex Work14:15 Support from Loved Ones16:58 Ethics and Sex Work19:11 Healing Through Sex Work22:34 Reflecting on Personal Growth and Experience23:05 Exploring the Reasons Behind Seeking Surrogate Partners and Pro Dom Services23:39 The Role of Companionship and Loneliness in Seeking Services24:33 Shame and Vulnerability in Kink and Fetish Work25:21 Drivers for Seeking Surrogate Partner Therapy29:05 The Importance of Boundaries and Therapist Involvement30:41 Reading an Excerpt: Holding Hands37:54 Book Information and Closing RemarksBios:Lilith Foxx (she/her) is a BIPOC, queer, neurodivergent, kinky and polyamorous marketing professional turned Board-certified sexologist, AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, professional speaker, coach, and inclusivity consultant. She is a graduate of the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University’s Human Sexuality Intensive program, and is certified by Johns Hopkins University in psychological first aid. She is currently pursuing a master's degree in Public Health.Her work focuses on the intersectionality of marginalized identities, alternative sexuality, and social justice. Informed by her personal and professional experiences, she provides BDSM and nonmonogamy cultural competency consulting for clinical, academic, and research settings, and facilitates workshops on sexuality justice and inclusion. Her expertise has been featured in several publications including Cosmopolitan, Glamour, HuffPost, Kinkly, GQ, Playboy, Men's Health, and in LiveJasmin's 'Life in Red' docu-series.Remi Newman is a sexuality educator, writer and surrogate partner. She is the editor of the new anthology Hands On: Stories of Sexuality Work, Intimacy, and Healing. Remi has over 25 years working in the field of sexuality empowering people of diverse backgrounds to live healthy and fulfilling sex lives. She received her Master's in sexuality education from NYU. She is the proud mama of a teenage son, three naughty kitties and two adventurous crayfish. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass