302: [Soapbox] Desire is not the same as attraction

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman discusses the often misunderstood distinction between desire and attraction in intimate relationships. Zimmerman explains how many people confuse a decrease in spontaneous desire with a loss of attraction toward their partner. She details how desire can shift from proactive to reactive, particularly as relationships evolve, with age, stress, and familiarity. Listeners will gain insight into maintaining a healthy sex life by adapting to these changes instead of misconstruing them as a loss of attraction. Finally, she emphasizes the importance of deepening connections beyond physical appearances for long-term sexual fulfillment.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:58 Understanding Desire vs. Attraction02:48 The Shift from Proactive to Reactive Desire04:45 The Role of Brain Chemistry in Desire06:26 Adapting to Changes in Attraction07:44 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jess Zimmerman engages in a deep conversation with Rosalyn Dischiavo, who runs the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment. They discuss Ros's journey into sexuality education, the five levels of intimacy, and the concept of embodied receiving. The conversation covers the importance of embodiment in building intimacy, the challenges posed by modern technology and societal norms, and the distinction between sexual and sensual experiences. Ros also explains her workshops, designed to help people connect deeper with their bodies and build meaningful, intimate relationships. This episode emphasizes the need for graduated risks, learning to feel and process emotions, and the power of in-person connections.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:55 Meet Ros Dischiavo: Expert in Sexuality Education03:09 The Shift to Public Workshops07:38 Understanding Intimacy Levels13:47 The Concept of Embodied Receiving20:14 The Misconception of Mindfulness20:57 The Fascination of Embodied Presence22:55 The Impact of Advertising on Relaxation24:39 Defining Deep Practice25:01 Practicing Embodied Receiving30:34 The Importance of In-Person Workshops34:59 Distinguishing Sexual from Erotic38:49 About the Institute for Sex Education and Enlightenment40:19 Conclusion and Listener EngagementInterested in a bunch of resources about desire discrepancy? Visit: https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBio:Dr. Rosalyn Dischiavo is the Founder and Director of Institute for Sex Education and Enlightenment, a professional training program for clinicians, therapists and educators. She was President of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) from 2022-2024 and served as Professional Education Steering Committee Chair on the AASECT Board of Directors from 2018-2020. She is the author of “The Deep Yes: The Lost Art of True Receiving.” Roz is a professor, author, an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator (CSE) and Sex Educator Supervisor (CSES), She has a Master of Arts in Marriage and Family Therapy and a Doctor of Education in Human Sexuality. She was also co-host of a women's interest radio show on TIC FM in Hartford, CT, and brings humor and insight into all of her education.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman delves into the power of positivity and its impact on sexual relationships. Discussing common struggles faced by couples, Jessa emphasizes the importance of shifting focus from negative feelings to cultivating hope and enthusiasm. She shares her own journey into sex therapy and provides expert advice on making sex a joyful and light-hearted part of life. Jess encourages listeners to envision a future where sex is easy, natural, and fun, and offers resources through her platform 'Intimacy with Ease' to help achieve this transformation.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:45 The Power of Positivity in Sex Life01:22 Understanding the Struggles in Sexual Relationships03:08 Creating Hope and Positivity05:24 Envisioning a Positive Sexual Relationship06:00 Taking Action Towards Improvement07:43 Resources for Transformation08:03 Conclusion and Listener EngagementWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman delves into the intricacies of infidelity recovery with Dr. Elliott Kronenfeld. They discuss the complex emotions and traumas associated with infidelity, the process of rebuilding trust and security, and how couples can address the underlying issues that lead to cheating. Dr. Kronenfeld also introduces his books, 'Couples by Intention' and 'Unspoken Loss: Men, Infidelity, and Disenfranchised Grief,' which offer further insights into intentional relationships and infidelity recovery. The conversation deepens the understanding of trust, forgiveness, and the need for both partners to address their personal wounds in the path to healing.00:00 Introduction00:45 Guest Introduction00:45 Dr. Elliott Kronenfeld on Infidelity02:04 Understanding Infidelity02:46 Stages of Infidelity Recovery07:01 The Concepts of Forgiveness, Trust, and Security22:43 Crisis and Trauma Phase23:35 The Reality Phase24:26 Rebuilding Trust and Security30:49 Challenges in Infidelity Recovery44:38 ConclusionWant to work with Jessa? https://www.intimacywithease.comBio:Dr. Kronenfeld is an internationally known author, sex therapist, educator, TEDx speaker, veteran, and yoga teacher. His work has focused on helping people find, maintain, and grow their best relationships even when faced with the challenges of infertility, infidelity, challenged intimacy, parenting, and other complex life situations. He is a frequent guest on podcasts and other media outlets talking about the realities of relationships. As a university educator, he teaches sex and gender in China and the U.S. at the master’s and doctoral levels. Elliott is often on the road giving keynote talks and lectures at government agencies, universities, national organizations, conferences, and private practices on topics that relate to the human experience. He is the author of Couples by Intention and the new release, Unspoken Loss: Men, Infidelity, and Disenfranchisded Grief. A lover of travel, Elliott has been on every continent and brings his cultural experience and sensitivity to his work because he believes the human experience has commonality and uniqueness at the same time. He currently lives in Maine with his family where he is a yoga practitioner and constantly planning his next journey somewhere across the globe.www.drelliottk.comWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman discusses the different challenges faced by partners with differing levels of sexual desire. She explains the emotional impact on both higher and lower desire individuals and highlights the common feelings of rejection, guilt, frustration, and resentment. Zimmerman emphasizes the importance of helping couples understand each other’s experiences and working towards a shared vision of enjoyable and natural sexual intimacy. She also invites listeners to seek further help through her courses and therapy sessions.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:56 Understanding Desire Discrepancies02:35 Challenges Faced by Higher Desire Partners03:11 Challenges Faced by Lower Desire Partners04:25 Creating a Shared Vision for Intimacy05:54 Inviting Lower Desire Partners into a New Vision08:06 Conclusion and ResourcesWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman discusses how parents can maintain a thriving sex life despite the challenges of raising young kids. Joined by special guest Lauren Ditzian, a couples and sex therapist, they explore common issues such as desire discrepancy, feeling touched-out, and managing resentment. They also offer practical advice on communication strategies, redefining sex, and prioritizing intimacy amidst the chaos of parenting.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview01:06 Guest Introduction: Lauren Ditzian01:42 Lauren's Journey Into Sex Therapy for Parents06:50 Common Challenges for Parents' Sex Lives07:38 Desire Discrepancy Issues10:25 Strategies for Rekindling Intimacy17:37 Managing Resentment and Communication22:58 Key Takeaways and Closing RemarksDesire discrepancy podcasts available at:https://www.desiredisrepancy.comBio:Lauren Ditzian is a licensed Marriage and Family therapist in Massachusetts and California and an AASECT certified sex therapist specializing in working with parents of young children. She is passionate about helping couples discover deeper connection and new pleasure in this stage of their sexual journey together. Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman welcomes a former student who shares his personal journey of overcoming years of intimacy struggles in his marriage. The guest recounts how early retirement and his wife's menopause led to a five-year period of no sexual contact, deteriorating communication, and his eventual realization of the depth of his wife's unhappiness. He discusses the transformative impact of joining Jess’s program, which guided him to listen actively, practice mindfulness, and change his behavior. The episode provides a heartfelt exploration of how vulnerability, patience, and open-hearted communication can lead to profound relationship improvements, culminating in a complete turnaround in their sex life and emotional connection.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:45 A Personal Story of Struggles and Triumphs02:16 The Beginning of the Journey04:50 Facing the Reality of Intimacy Issues06:00 The Turning Point: Joining the Program08:00 Transformative Changes and New Insights11:08 Deepening Communication and Understanding14:45 The Impact of Active Listening18:28 Overcoming Challenges Together23:08 Reflecting on the Journey and Moving Forward24:58 Discovering the Exit Plan25:18 Slow Progress and Patience29:04 Positive Shifts in the Relationship35:18 A Dramatic Change44:33 Advice for Others in Similar Situations46:58 Conclusion and GratitudeWant to inspire and help others by sharing your story anonymously? Email us at [email protected] to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman and guest Dr. Anne discuss the prevalence of erectile dysfunction (ED), its underlying causes, and various treatment strategies. They explore how lifestyle changes, such as diet and exercise, can significantly improve sexual health and why it's crucial to address the root causes of ED rather than just the symptoms. Dr. Anne shares her expertise on innovative treatments like stem cell therapy, shockwave therapy, and the use of Botox to enhance erectile function. This episode provides valuable insights for men and women alike on maintaining and improving sexual health.00:00 Introduction00:44 Understanding Erectile Dysfunction01:41 Personal Motivation and Approach05:28 The Importance of Sexual Health08:44 Prevalence and Modern Factors14:09 Lifestyle and Dietary Changes25:45 Innovative Treatments19:41 Differences Between ED and Performance Anxiety35:20 Final Thoughts and Contact InformationTake the quiz at https://www.sexlifequiz.comBio:Dr. Anne Truong has 25+ years of experience in anti-aging and cellular medicine. She is an expert in intimate health and a leader in biologic regenerative medicine. With her expertise as an author, podcaster, influencer, and entrepreneur, Dr. Truong has impacted millions of people. She is a board-certified physician who treated over 7000 men with ED. Dr. Anne is starting a men's sexual health revolution! Ditch the short-term fixes and dive deep into evidence-based solutions for lifelong sexual vitality naturally without medication or surgery.Want to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Join sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman in this episode of the Better Sex Podcast as she explores how otherwise happy couples can transform their sex lives. With 15 years of experience and working with over a thousand couples, Jessa shares insights on the importance of addressing sex and intimacy issues, understanding desire discrepancies, and removing the societal expectations that can hinder sexual satisfaction. She emphasizes the significance of mutual respect and love between partners, sharing practical advice and strategies for creating a fun, easy, and enjoyable sex life. Listeners are encouraged to embrace a new perspective on sex and use helpful exercises to achieve a balanced and fulfilling intimate relationship.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex00:49 Transforming Your Sex Life01:40 Understanding Relationship Dynamics02:53 The Vision for a Better Sex Life07:09 Practical Steps and Exercises08:11 Conclusion and Next StepsWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes back Dr. Paul Abramowitz for a deep dive into vulnerability in men and its impact on their intimate relationships. They explore the different stages of male development and how vulnerability manifests, the importance of understanding and embracing this vulnerability, and strategies to enhance intimacy and connection. The discussion covers biological and psychological aspects, the role of pornography, and practical steps for couples to foster deeper connections. Key insights from notable experts like Brene Brown and Peggy Klein Platz are also highlighted.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:45 Welcoming Dr. Paul Abramowitz00:56 Exploring Male Vulnerability in Sex02:12 Defining Vulnerability03:58 The Origins and Impact of Vulnerability09:56 Stages of Male Sexual Development14:50 Fluid Vulnerabilities and Their Effects20:22 Insecurity vs. Vulnerability25:10 Steps to Overcoming Insecurities25:56 Inviting Vulnerability in Relationships30:40 The Importance of Vulnerability in Relationships31:37 Creating Safe Spaces for Men to Express Emotions33:32 Steps Men Can Take to Foster Vulnerability35:35 Understanding Emotional and Sexual Hard Wiring36:47 The Role of Mentorship and Men's Groups38:18 Practices to Enhance Intimacy and Vulnerability39:25 The Impact of Porn on Relationships41:37 The Biological and Psychological Aspects of Male Sexuality45:00 The Transformative Power of Sexual Intimacy57:06 Final Thoughts and ResourcesInterested in desire discrepancy resources? https://www.desirediscrepancy.comBioAs a sex and intimacy therapist, Dr. Paul Abramowitz incorporates both Eastern and Western traditions. (Totality Therapy and a PhD in Human Sexuality) A child of a Gynaecologist and Sex Therapist, Paul fast became fascinated by the challenges in heterosexual relationships, including how sex hormones affect men's ability to form meaningful intimate and sustained relationships. Often, inner conflict and ambivalence arise because of our compulsive and habitual sex-oriented actions and behaviours that tend to disrupt our capacity for discernment, executive function, and intimacy, which can feel like a hijacking.Moving beyond this predicament and becoming more self-sexually empowered, his book SeXed-Hardwired by Nature - Evolving by Choice (a resource for-journey men and women and therapists alike) is offered as a map to better understand men’s often complex "hardwired for sex" nature, and as an antidote to old limiting sexual beliefs and behaviours, towards a more expanded and evolutionary way of being human and sexual. With more than 25 years’ experience in workshop and therapy space, using his own integrated methodology (The Abro Method), Paul works with men and women who long to experience more joy, ease and pleasure in partnership, intimacy, and sex. You can contact Paul at [email protected] book can be found here: www.sexed.globalWant to learn more about my sponsored charity? Charity: Water is committed to providing clean water to every human on the planet, 100% of your contribution will be used directly for water projects around the globe. You can learn more at https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/water.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: Intimacy Made Easy: 3 Secrets to Bridging Libido Differences: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass