236: The Transformative Handjob with Lee Jagger

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Christine Miles, an expert in the skill of listening, to discuss its significance in intimate relationships and beyond. The conversation delves into the importance of actively cultivating listening skills rather than relying on innate ability. Christine shares her own background and how understanding her mother's underlying pain led her to become an empathetic listener. The episode explores common pitfalls and barriers to effective listening, such as digital distractions and emotional defenses, and offers strategies to overcome them. Christine elaborates on a structured approach to listening, presenting six foundational tools that help engage with the speaker's story comprehensively. She emphasizes the power of understanding in fostering connection and resolving conflicts. The discussion also touches on the importance of empathy and how it naturally follows structured listening. Christine is launching a classroom program aimed at teaching children listening skills, highlighting the broader applicability of these techniques. The episode aims to encourage listeners to integrate these principles into daily interactions to strengthen their relationships.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman00:47 The Importance of Listening in Relationships01:30 Christine Miles' Journey to Becoming a Listening Expert04:11 The Impact of Listening on Relationships05:33 Common Pitfalls in Listening11:04 The Role of Empathy and Curiosity in Listening17:01 Barriers to Effective Listening20:03 Tools and Strategies for Better Listening20:17 Mastering the Listening Path20:34 The Four Stops of a Story22:31 Facts and Feelings in Storytelling23:38 The Six Most Powerful Questions25:53 Reflecting and Summarizing28:06 The Water Filter Technique30:18 Listening as a Skill33:03 Integrating Listening Skills in Daily Life34:29 Resources and Final ThoughtsInterested in the private podcasts?Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastBio:CHRISTINE MILES is the founder and CEO of EQuipt, an award-winning author, professional keynote speaker, consultant, executive coach, thought leader, entrepreneur, and world-renowned expert in the field of listening differently. With a background in psychology, Christine has spent 25+ years working with individuals and organizations to unlock the power of emotional intelligence to drive business and personal results, solve complex problems, and build enduring relationships.Christine believes listening, not speaking, is the most powerful form of communication. Dealing with her mother’s pain and adversity, from a very young age, Christine learned to listen differently. Her ability to listen is what has always set her apart. In contrast, throughout her career, Christine recognized the inability to listen as a common thread in the failure of relationships, leaders, salespeople, projects, and businesses. She also recognized, while we’re taught the importance of listening, we are rarely taught how. She founded EQuipt to change this. To create a Listening Movement, revolutionizing the communication paradigm, where listening to understand, not speaking, is recognized as the most important and powerful form of communication. Christine is passionate about creating a reality where educators, business leaders, and corporations invest time and resources – in listening – to cultivate a future with more unity, and less division, more curiosity and collaboration, and make room for more innovation and humanity.To scale EQuipt’s Listening Movement, Christine published the award-winning book, What Is It Costing You Not to Listen?: The Power of Understanding to Connect, Influence, Solve & Sell (2021). Based on the principles outlined in her book, she created the Listening Path®, a game-changing approach to teaching people how to listen differently, to transform their personal and professional lives.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman speaks with Melissa Kilbride about the importance of open and honest conversations with children regarding sex, sexuality, and pornography. Melissa shares her background in social work and emphasizes the necessity of early and age-appropriate sex education to prevent sexual abuse, promote sexual health, and reduce shame. They discuss the impacts of societal and parental silence on sexual topics, providing practical advice for discussing these topics with children from a young age. The episode also touches on the challenges and considerations for parents monitoring their children's online activity and introduces Melissa's resources and workshops designed to support parents in fostering healthy, informed views on sexuality in their kids.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:50 Guest Introduction: Melissa Kilbride00:58 The Importance of Talking to Kids About Sex01:36 Melissa's Background and Passion04:02 Challenges and Strategies for Parents04:57 Breaking Down the Conversation by Age11:29 The Role of Pleasure and Consent22:31 Discussing Pornography with Kids27:51 Parental Controls and Monitoring30:54 Conclusion and ResourcesWant to take the quiz? https://www.sexlifequiz.comMelissa Kilbride is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She is the owner of a group therapy practice in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Washington, DC and has 20 years of experience in direct client contact. Melissa is an advocate for early sexual health education and, as both a clinician and a mother, believes passionately in the necessity of teaching young children about their bodies and sex as an issue of safety and a path to later healthy relationships. Melissa offers workshops and consultations to parents in support of these ideals to help them feel more “askable” and help them navigate sex talks and related challenges that may come up along the way. Melissa is also the co-author of Working with Worry: A workbook for parents on how to support anxious children.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Addressing Religious Sexual Shame with Jessa Zimmerman and Natasha HelferIn this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman chats with sex therapist Natasha Helfer about religious sexual shame. They discuss its origins, the impact it has on individuals, and ways to overcome it. Natasha shares insights from her personal background, professional experiences, and offers practical advice through the 'pep talk' approach (Permission, Education, Practice, Talk). The episode also explores various religious teachings and their effects on sexual behavior and health, delivering valuable information for those trying to reconcile their sexual and religious identities.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:47 Guest Introduction: Natasha Helfer01:19 Understanding Religious Sexual Shame03:02 Purity Culture and Its Impact05:51 Sexual Shame and Its Consequences08:53 Navigating Sexual Shame in Relationships10:44 Recognizing and Addressing Sexual Shame13:25 Therapeutic Approaches to Sexual Shame16:32 Managing Sexual Shame Within Religious Contexts22:17 Practical Steps to Overcome Sexual Shame30:24 Resources and Support for Sexual Shame37:25 Conclusion and Contact InformationWant to be a guest on the show to share your personal story? Don't worry, it can be anonymous! Reach out at [email protected]:Natasha Helfer is an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist/Supervisor and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with almost 25 years of experience (licensed in UT, KS & WI). Her expertise lies in the intersection of conservative religious upbringings and sexuality, specifically in the area of deconstructing internalized sexual shame. She runs a group practice, Symmetry Counseling, where services focus on helping people with religious trauma, reclaiming sexual desire, mixed-faith relationships, coming out journeys, healing sexual shame or trauma, and exploring sexual authenticity. Natasha is the author of two books: Check Your Baggage: Unpack the Messages Getting in the Way of Your Sex Life and One Family, Two Views: How to Fortify Your Mixed-Faith Mormon Marriage. She’s the Director of the Program in Religion and Mental Health Treatment at the Buehler Institute at the Buehler Institute (learnsextherapy.com) where she provides a 12-hour APA approved competency certificate called: Sex, Love & Conservative Faith. Natasha was excommunicated from the Mormon church in 2021, for her advocacy in regards to sexual health. You can find her at natashahelfer.com and @natashahelfermft where she podcasts, runs a membership and offers you all kinds of helpful resources. More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Understanding Stress Responses and Mindfulness in Intimate RelationshipsIn this episode of the Better Sex podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Rachel Posner, who discusses the importance of understanding and managing stress responses in intimate relationships. Rachel explains the body's stress mechanisms like fight, flight, or freeze responses, and how these can affect our connections and sexual encounters. She emphasizes the significance of mindfulness and practical techniques like breath awareness to regulate the nervous system, aiming for greater safety, connection, and pleasure in relationships. Various strategies and the benefits of mindfulness are explored to help listeners lower their stress levels for improved intimacy.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:53 Interview with Rachel Posner: Understanding Stress Responses01:59 Exploring the Nervous System and Stress Triggers12:29 Impact of Stress on Relationships and Sexual Experiences16:52 Mindfulness Practices for Reducing Stress20:51 Practical Tips for Mindfulness and Relaxation28:10 Conclusion and ResourcesSpecial Collections of the Better Sex Podcast: https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/collectionshttps://www.rachelposner.com/take-5-practiceBioRachel Posner, C-IAYT, E-RYT, is a yoga therapist and mindfulness coach helping people reduce stress, build resilience and thrive. She offers individual yoga therapy sessions, mindfulness courses, yoga memberships and retreats. Her work is informed by the intersection of mindfulness, neuroscience and psychology and her teachings integrate best practices for the mind, body and brain. Rachel has been in the wellness field for 24 years and is driven by a deep desire to help people feel calm, connected and engaged in their lives. You can learn more at www.rachelposner.comMore info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes back guest Martha Kauppi for a vibrant discussion on the art of making and keeping agreements in relationships. They explore the importance of having explicit conversations to establish trust and understanding between partners. Topics include identifying when and what types of agreements should be made, the significance of revisiting and renegotiating agreements, and developing the skills needed to navigate these discussions constructively. The episode also delves into distinctive challenges faced by both monogamous and polyamorous couples, providing insights into maintaining integrity and trust. Listeners are guided on how to uphold agreements effectively and the potential pitfalls of inadequate or overly detailed agreements.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:51 The Importance of Agreements in Relationships03:29 Common Areas Requiring Agreements07:20 Revisiting and Keeping Agreements11:15 The Skills for Making Good Agreements22:31 Trust Building Through Transparent Agreements24:10 Mid-Episode Break: Resources for Desire Discrepancy25:04 Revisiting Agreements: The Importance of Flexibility25:13 Experimentation in Agreement Making26:27 The Collaborative Nature of Agreements26:54 Understanding Your Partner's Needs28:32 Building Trust Through Hard Conversations30:14 Monogamous vs. Polyamorous Agreements33:17 Avoiding Pitfalls in Agreement Making39:17 The Consequences of Breaking Agreements40:50 When Agreements Become Deal Breakers48:35 Resources for Better RelationshipsWant access to the secret podcasts regarding desire discrepancy?Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastBio:Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist, educator, author, speaker, and AASECT-certified sex therapist and supervisor. She has a lifelong career in health and sexuality, and is a senior trainer of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. Martha trains therapists all over the world to work more effectively with relational intimacy challenges and sex issues. She is the author of Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients).More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman discusses Peyronie's disease with Dr. Irwin Goldstein, a pioneer in sexual medicine. They explore the causes, diagnosis, and treatment options of the disease, and offer insights into both men's and women's perspectives on the condition.00:00 Introduction01:29 Guest Introduction01:52 Understanding Peyronie's Disease03:11 Causes and Risk Factors11:09 Symptoms and Diagnosis17:37 Treatment Options34:33 Patient Perspectives36:30 ConclusionLooking to work with Jessa? Visit https://www.intimacywithease.comDr. Goldstein has been involved with sexual dysfunction research since the late 1970's. He has authored more than 350 publications as well as multiple book chapters and edited 6 textbooks in the field. His interests include penile microvascular bypass surgery, surgery for dyspareunia, sexual health management post cancer treatment, genital dysesthesia/persistent genital arousal disorder, physiologic investigation of sexual function in men and women, and diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunction in men and women. Dr. Goldstein is Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital, Clinical Professor of Surgery at University of California, San Diego and practices medicine at San Diego Sexual Medicine. He is also Editor-in-Chief of Sexual Medicine Reviews and past Editor of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. He is a Past President of the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health and of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America. He holds a degree in engineering from Brown University and received his medical degree from McGill University. The World Association for Sexual Health awarded the Gold Medal to Dr. Goldstein in 2009 in recognition of his lifelong contributions to the field, in 2012 he received the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health Award for Distinguished Service in Women’s Sexual Health, in 2013 he received the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Sexual Medicine Society of North America, and in 2014 he received the ISSM Lifetime Achievement Award from the International Society for Sexual Medicine. He is happily married to his college sweetheart Sue, and together they have three children and five grandchildren.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, Jessa Zimmerman is joined by Dan Purcell, creator of the app Intimately Us, to discuss how to truly spice up your sex life through intimacy and personal growth. Dan shares his personal journey and insights about overcoming sexual ruts, improving communication, and embracing eroticism in marriage. Together, they offer practical advice and tips for couples looking to reignite their connection.00:00 Introduction01:35 Meeting Dan Purcell01:49 Dan's Personal Story03:04 The Catalyst for Change07:09 Starting the Journey Together10:48 The Role of Novelty and Growth14:09 Common Advice and Why It Fails19:22 Effective Communication25:17 Exploring Eroticism34:28 Overcoming Differences in Desire41:26 Dan's Resources and Final ThoughtsWant to take the quiz? https://www.sexlifequiz.comDan's Bio:Dan and his wife Emily Purcell are the founders of Get Your Marriage On! They are on a mission to help millions of couples overcome obstacles to significantly improve sex and intimacy in their marriages by making lovemaking incredibly fun and deeply connecting. Dan is a sex and intimacy coach. They are also the creators of the popular Intimately Us and Just Between Us apps that have been downloaded over 750,000 times. They are the host of the popular Get Your Marriage On! podcast with over 1.2 million listens. They have directly helped thousands of couples enjoy a great sex life and deeper intimacy through their coaching programs, romantic couples retreats, and workshops.Dan and Emily met in middle school and have been married for over 20 years and have 6 kids. Dan loves cracking dad jokes, running marathons, planning the next creative date night with his sweetheart, and enjoys the magnificent outdoors around their St George home.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Lee Jagger, a sex coach specializing in helping women with male partners. Lee shares her journey from an unexpected start in erotic massage to becoming an expert with over 2000 clients and developing 69+ techniques for pleasuring men. They discuss the importance of communication, confidence, and overcoming discomfort in the bedroom. Lee emphasizes how women can enhance their intimate relationships by initiating and mastering various techniques while fostering stronger connections with their partners. The episode also covers practical advice for overcoming aversion to genital touch, techniques for men with erectile issues, and how mutual improvement in sexual skills can benefit both partners.00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast00:50 Meet Lee Jagger: From Homelessness to Sex Coaching01:37 Lee's Journey into Erotic Massage04:36 Transforming Personal and Professional Life07:02 Empowerment Through Erotic Massage08:17 Impact on Personal Relationships12:55 Encouraging Women to Take the Lead20:17 Overcoming Discomfort with Genital Touch21:43 Non-Genital Touching Techniques22:42 Introducing Intimacy Through Kindness23:43 Understanding Male Anatomy29:46 Communication and Consent in the Bedroom37:50 Resources and Final ThoughtsWant to share your personal story on the podcast? It can be done anonymously. Send us an email at [email protected] the free training at https://www.rockthebedroom.comAnd/or get 10% off your first month of the Spice It Up membership: Go to https://www.rockthebedroom.com/membership and use JESSA10 at checkout.More info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman is joined by expert Diane Gleim to discuss the concept of porn literacy. Diane explains the importance of understanding porn as a form of entertainment and not education, recognizing its business nature, and being aware of the sophisticated filmmaking techniques used. The conversation delves into the moral incongruence many viewers feel, the unrealistic expectations set by mainstream porn, and how these can impact real-life intimate relationships. Diane also shares information about her online course designed to provide a comprehensive understanding of porn literacy.Interested in the special collections of Better Sex Podcast episodes? Visit https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/collections00:00 Introduction01:20 What is Porn Literacy?04:10 Defining Porn Literacy08:12 Ambiguities in Porn16:35 Viewership Statistics23:07 Suspension of Disbelief33:11 Dealing with Erotic Conflict35:27 Conclusion and Contact InformationDiane Gleim is an award-winning Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT Certified SexTherapist and Supervisor practicing in person and via telehealth in California. She treats the many diverse issues related to sexual identity, sexual expression, sexual behavior, and sexual relationships. Her clients include everyone with a sexual concern: individuals and couples ages 18-85, and the LGBTQ+, kinky, and poly populations.her website: http://www.dianegleim.com/porn literacy 101 online course: https://courses.dianegleim.com/that PT blog: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/underneath-the-sheets/202201/the-wife-upset-about-her-husband-s-porn-viewingMore info and resources:Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcastSecret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcastSpecial Collections of the podcast:Increasing Desire EpisodesEroticism and Excitement EpisodesMy Favorite AuthorsHow Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.comThe Course – https://www.intimacywithease.comThe Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.comPodcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.comAccess the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass