Fast music for slow times

We're back, and frankly, if you've stuck around this long, you only have yourself to blame. After our first-ever break, Andrew and Dr. Sam return to discuss why cats don't actually like dope beats, despite what Aaliyah told us in 2000, and why fireworks and techno are a bad mix for pets. In this episode, we dive into the legendary Eric B. & Rakim, Japanese garage rock icons Thee Michelle Gun Elephant, and the "emotional grindcore" of Swarrrm. There's also a deeply unnecessary deep dive into The Queers' lyrical nuances from 1999 and a story about a band that split up because the singer decided to use the drummer as a urinal. We also explore why boredom is actually quite fast, the joy of "institutional Finnish pasta", and why Beat Motel is effectively just a sticking plaster on the gaping wound of your personal issues. Riffs of the Week Dr Sam's Riff Thee Michelle Gun Elephant - "The Birdmen" Andrew's Riff Blood Incantation - "The Stargate [Tablet 3]" Dr Sam's Track Choices 88 Fingers Louie - "Newspaper" Swarrrm - "13" The Queers - "No Tit" HIRS - "Public Service Announcement" Andrew's Track Choices System of a Down - "Chic 'N' Stu" Buzzcocks - "Boredom" Sub Focus and Grimes - "Entwined" The Bluetones - "Fast Boy" Email us - [email protected] Gabba dancing: https://youtu.be/FUD-HExh9ow?si=Kaq8OykylcVEUosL

If you've ever wondered why some bassists look like they're having a conversation with a ghost or why your favorite punk record sounds like it was recorded in a cupboard, Mike Watt is here to explain it all. We sat down with the Minutemen and Stooges legend to talk about everything from the physics of why playing too many notes makes you "smaller" to the absolute bigotry drummers face in the industry. Watt walks us through his "third opera," why he wrote an entire album on a Telecaster instead of a bass just to spite himself, and how he ended up playing with the Stooges for 125 months. We also get into the weeds on the early Hollywood punk scene, the "autonomy" of major labels (or lack thereof), and why the internet is basically just a tool for collaborating with people in Peru. It's rambling, it's philosophical, and it's probably the most intellectual we've ever been on this show. Don't get used to it.

Welcome to a truly unhinged episode, where Andrew's cold-ridden brain meets Sam's particular brand of chaos. This week, we're diving into Musicians in Odd Places—which, let's be honest, is mostly an excuse for us to get wildly off-topic and fact-check things on the fly (and usually get them wrong). Andrew even managed to misspell the theme title on his notes. We kick off by debating the horrors of modern parenting and screen time, reminiscing about the simple joy of having the TV just... turn off. From there, it's a short, unsettling skip to a discussion about Conkers, which, inevitably, turns into a mention of "Bollock Conkers". You're welcome. The main theme gets a slightly more musical start with Sam's Riff of the Week—a deep, pumping slice of dub that Andrew associates with summer. This somehow leads Andrew to mix up Jeff Lynne and Jeff Wayne (an ongoing national embarrassment). ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Jacob Miller - Keep on Knocking #### Andrew's Riff - Buggery Act - Rusted Pliers ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. Mike Patton - Teenage Mutant Nina Turtles Theme 2. Johnny Cash - Don't Take Your Ones to Town 3. D.O.A. - That's Why I Am An Atheist 4. Tiny Tim - Living in the Sunlight, Lovin' in the Moonlight ### Andrew's track choices 1. The Wombles - Remember You're A Womble 2. War of the worlds - The Spirit of Man 3. Labi Siffre - I Got The... 4. Public Image Ltd - Rise On the Menu of Oddness: * Mike Patton's Paycheck: Faith No More's Mike Patton pops up where he has no business being: singing the theme for a video game version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He said he did it so his nieces could enjoy something he was involved in. * Wombles Rock: Andrew's choice of session musicians in unusual places is Chris Spedding lending his guitar skills to The Wombles. * Johnny Cash vs. His Ones: Sam digs up the horrifyingly earnest Sesame Street parody of "Don't Take Your Guns to Town," where Johnny Cash sings about the little cowboy Billy Joe trying to take his number ones (as in toys and cookies) to school instead of sharing. * The Jeff Wayne Fiasco: Andrew confesses a lifelong belief that Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds was an ELO side project, before Sam sets the record straight that the producer/composer is actually a TV theme tune guy. Also, a surprisingly passionate and improvised vocal performance from Phil Lynott is on the album. * Joey Shithead for Council: The legendary frontman of hardcore band DOA is now a local politician, serving as a city council councillor in Burnaby, British Columbia. * Chas and Dave: Funk Brothers: The unlikely Cockney duo were session musicians (the 'fuckbrothers', apparently) for Labi Siffre's fantastic tune "I Got The...". * The Tiny Tim / SpongeBob Connection: The ukulele-wielding oddball is apparently part of a kid's playlist because his song "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" was on an early SpongeBob episode. This leads to the discovery of his truly offensive Christmas single, "Santa Claus Has Got The AIDS This Year". * PIL's All-Star Band: A surprising lineup for Public Image Ltd's "Rise" featured Tony Williams (Miles Davis's drummer) and Steve Vai (guitar) on the album version. A lot of questionable facts and even more questionable chat. Get stuck in, you awful people.

Congratulations, we've actually made it to episode 150—time to lower the bar even further. Andrew and Dr Sam reluctantly delve into the world of sport, finding the few tracks they can tolerate that actually cover the theme. Before they get there, they waste a solid half hour arguing about: * The proper spelling of Lemmy from Motorhead's surname. * A bizarre 1994 scuffle involving Neil Diamond and Lemmy in a Billeriki Toys R Us. * The viability of starting a new podcast called "Liberal Filth". * A tangent on Viking history, property rights, and why Vikings had itchy bums. * Defining "Aerosmith Money"—the huge financial windfall from unexpected licensing (like Guitar Hero), which is apparently a "well-known phrase". The Music Choices (Finally): Riffs of the week: Dr Sam's Riff: Reagan Youth - Jesus Was a Communist Andrew's Riff: Smote - The opinion of the lamb Pt.1 Dr Sam's Track Choices: 1. Richard Dawson - Jogging 2. Hanson Brothers - Stick Boy 3. Dead Kennedys - Jock-O-Rama (Invasion of the Beef Patrol) 4. Fleshies - Runner's Legs Andrew's Track Choices: 1. Kraftwerk - Tour de France 2. Chemical Brothers - Theme for Velodrome 3. Fu Manchu - King of the road 4. Pansy Division - He Whipped My Ass In Tennis (Then I Fucked His Ass In Bed) If you've made it this far, you deserve a chocolate bar. We're heading off to the loo. Enjoy the filth. Email us with your hate mail, facts, or spelling corrections: [email protected]

Who says taste can't evolve? This week, Andrew and Dr Sam go on a full-blown U-turn, confessing their love for bands they once treated with the kind of disdain normally reserved for traffic wardens and warm lager. Expect shocking revelations: Bonnie Tyler's absurdly overproduced 80s epic is now basically gospel. Cradle of Filth? Once unlistenable black metal, now "charmingly chaotic". The Beastie Boys go from party-clown pariahs to filth-toned bass gods. Deep Purple gets a love letter. And Split Enz? The band nobody asked for suddenly gets a sparkly redemption arc. Also: Finnish shopping centre linguistics How a Mercedes almost caused an international incident Traffic wardens, German police, and the time an entire road of cars vanished Folk music's stealthy mission to win your heart through Pete Seeger-related Stockholm syndrome Basically, it's the usual chaos with a theme loosely stuck on like a peeling gig poster on a damp venue wall. Stick around for ludicrous Hard-Ons album titles and an exploration of music that makes your genitals not catch fire (unlike Bonnie Tyler's). Riffs of the week Dr Sam's Riff: Gorilla Toss – Panglossian Mannequin Andrew's Riff: The Stone Roses – One Love Dr Sam's track choices: Bonnie Tyler – Holding Out for a Hero Cradle of Filth – Desire in Violent Overture (Remixed) Japan – The Art of Parties Hamish Imlach – Johnny O'Breadislee Andrew's track choices: Split Enz – I See Red Hard-Ons – Carrot Top Deep Purple – Speed King Beastie Boys – Gratitude 💌 Email us your confessions of musical flip-floppery: [email protected]  

In this week's episode of Beat Motel, Andrew and Dr Sam dig deep into the muddy puddle of nostalgia. We've got: Lycra-based band trauma John Barnes rapping about... something An important public health warning about Coco Pops Dead Kennedys covered in Parisian jazz cafés A little gig promotion wrapped in existential dread The legacy of punk, rewritten by whoever was shouting loudest in 1978 We also explore vital global topics like whether "buggery" is too rude for a poster in Costa, how to polish your ring the Rimmer way, and why listening to football songs from the 90s might be causing irreversible brain damage. Oh, and there's music chat too. Sort of. Riffs of the week Dr Sam's Riff The Black Dahlia Murder – A Shrine to Madness Andrew's Riff These Are End Times – The Pit Dr Sam's track choices A Tribe Called Quest – Excursions Cock Sparrer – Where Are They Now Nouvelle Vague – Too Drunk to Fuck Thee Sinseers – Can't Do That To Her Andrew's track choices Adam and Joe – Football Song New Order – World in Motion Paul Simon – Duncan (Live 1973) Los Lobos – La Bamba

Ever bought an album just because you should love it... only to file it under "respect, but no thanks"? This week, Andrew Culture and Dr. Sam go full chin-strokey and dive deep into the bands, albums, and entire genres that make them go, "I get it. I just don't want it." We're talking Flux of Pink Indians' sonic assaults, John Zorn's sex-jazz chaos, Minutemen's minute-long jazz-punk spasms, and yes, that unholy racket from Merzbow. Along the way we also chat about Damon Albarn's trouser-based stage antics, Janis Joplin's wardrobe malfunctions, and what happens when Rick Wakeman tries to write a stadium-rock opera about Henry VIII's wives. Seriously. It's an episode filled with love for the bold, the bizarre, and the borderline unlistenable. So grab your brandy, light your pipe, and stroke your chin in a disapproving-yet-respectful fashion. What you'll learn this episode: Why Andrew would rather chew tinfoil than listen to Merzbow again What makes Dr. Sam say "this is basically an angry Jackson Pollock painting" Who wins the battle of "I admire them, but no thanks" — Apex Twin or The Minutemen? Why Flux of Pink Indians were literally banned by the police (hint: it wasn't for being catchy) The sexy noises of John Zorn and why jazz speedrunning should be a sport Plus! Music recommendations, tangents about driving in America, dodgy cod reggae, and why you should never trust someone who plays saxophone and wears a beret.   🎸 Riffs of the Week 👉 Dr. Sam's Riff: Danny Brown – Copycat 👉 Andrew's Riff: Die Spitz – Throw Yourself to the Sword 🎵 Dr. Sam's Track Choices: 1. Flux of Pink Indians – The Fucking Cunts Treat Us Like Pricks 2. John Zorn – Erotico (The Burglars) 3. Taraf de Haidouks – The Return of The Magic Horses 4. Merzbow – Woodpecker No. 2 🎵 Andrew's Track Choices: 1. Aphex Twin – Windowlicker 2. Rush – Spirit of Radio 3. Minutemen – This Ain't No Picnic 4. Primus – Tommy the Cat 📧 Email us: [email protected]

In this episode, we dive into the slightly baffling and often hilarious world of musicians turning up in films that have absolutely nothing to do with their own music. Some do it well. Some… should've just stayed on stage. From Joe Strummer's pigeon-themed songwriting to Damon Albarn's dodgy gangster role, we shine a flashlight on cinema's most unexpected rock star cameos. Expect righteous rambling, questionable facts, and a whole lot of chaos as Andrew and Dr. Sam chew over: Flea appearing in Back to the Future II as a race-happy chancer Joe Strummer pretending a traffic cone is a megaphone David Bowie's aggressively tight trousers in Labyrinth Placebo showing up in Velvet Goldmine dressed like sexy peacocks Tom Waits being better at acting than most actual actors Tim Armstrong from Rancid randomly playing a tramp in The X-Files And that time a song was written just to impress a member of Bananarama Also in this episode: We slag off Spotify for kicking us off their platform, complain about camping at festivals (again), and attempt to remember what the word "railway" sounds like without sounding like we've joined the Bullingdon Club. This one's for the cinephile who loves music, or the punk who accidentally sat through Straight to Hell thinking it was a Clash documentary. Subscribe, tune in, and remember: just because you're in a band doesn't mean you should be in a film.     Riffs of the Week Dr Sam's Riff Alpha Male Tea Party – Probably Just Hungry Andrew's Riff Ditz – Don Enzo Magic Carpet Salesman Dr Sam's Track Choices Joe Strummer – Evil Darling Alan Silvestri – 4 x 4 Tom Waits – Kommienezuspadt Rancid – Rats in the Hallway Andrew's Track Choices Spandau Ballet – True Placebo – 20th Century Boy Blur – Sing David Bowie – Magic Dance Email us – [email protected]

What do stoner-era ZZ Top, a mountain named Billy with a tree girlfriend, and a kid who astral projects into Rasputin's beard all have in common? Concept albums, mate. And not just any old proggy b*llocks – this week we're diving into the oddest concept albums we could find (and a few we just wanted to waffle on about anyway). Andrew is joined by first-time Beat Motel guest host James Kindred – a fellow Ipswich musician, longtime mate, and possibly the only person who can explain a Mastodon plotline without crying blood. Together, they take you on a journey through the weird, the wonderful, and the "what the hell were they thinking?" of the concept album world. Expect the following nonsense: ZZ Top as proto-stoner gods (with bonus slipper sales) Agriculture's queer-core black metal positivity Mastodon's astral plane + Rasputin collab (yep) Frank Zappa's 40-minute tale about a mountain fighting the US government The madness of Mansun's Six – A.A. Milne gone rock Mark Lanegan scaring the life out of everyone (including Josh Homme) Brian Eno inventing ambient music while still in nappies NoFX writing an 18-minute punk symphony just to piss everyone off Throw in some jazz-metal tangents, disdain for ska-punk, and why John Hopkins makes Andrew need a wee, and you've got a classic Beat Motel episode. Warning: contains opinions. Also, possibly bears.     ### Riffs of the week   #### Kindred's Riff - Precious & Grace - ZZ Top (opening) #### Andrew's Riff - Agriculture - Bodhidharma   ### Kindred's track choices 1. Mastodon – Crack the Skye (cosmic metal odyssey) - Song - The Czar (1. Usurper, 2. Escape, 3. Martyr, 4. Spiral) 2. QOTSA – Songs for the Deaf (desert-drive fever dream) - Song - Songs for the Dead 3. Pink Floyd – The Wall (psychological rock opera) - Song - Comfortably Numb 4. Brian Eno – Music for Airports (ambient architecture for calm) Song - 1/1   ### Andrew's track choices 1. Frank Zappa and the mothers of invention - Billy was a mountain 2. Mansun - Legacy 3. NoFx - The Decline 4. John Hopkins - Tayos Caves, Ecuador i   Email us - [email protected]