ADHD, Autism, or Both? The Identity Plot Twist Nobody Explained to Us

Content note: discussion of depression, burnout, loss of function, and suicidal thoughts. This episode is educational, not a diagnosis or treatment plan.When motivation disappears, it’s easy to call yourself lazy and start the shame spiral. But what if getting started is only part of the story?In this episode of Authentically ADHD, we unpack how ADHD-related task initiation struggles, anhedonia, and autistic burnout can feel different—and how they can overlap. We explore the brain science behind reward, effort, anticipation, and capacity, without reducing everything to “you need more dopamine.”You’ll hear why a deadline can suddenly make your brain clock in, why a favorite hobby might stop feeling rewarding, and why sensory overload or lost capacity can be a sign that you’ve been running on fumes. Then we get practical: small ways to make starting easier, reduce the load, track what’s changed, and know when it’s time to ask for professional support.No shame. No miracle morning routine. Just research-informed insight, dark humor, and a gentler way to ask: Is this ADHD friction, anhedonia, burnout—or several things sharing one trench coat?Have a question you want Carmen to answer? Send it through the Ask Carmen Anything box. You can also find workbooks and other neurodivergent-friendly resources on Carmen’s Linktree.Call: ‪(331) 253-2438‬ for submissions/coaching inquirieshttps://linktr.ee/carmen_iraceYour favorite things feel flat. Your to-do list feels radioactive. Even starting a task requires a committee meeting—and somehow the committee is also tired.Is it ADHD motivation, anhedonia, autistic burnout… or the deluxe combo nobody ordered? 🎧 In this episode, we unpack the brain science, ditch the “just try harder” nonsense, and talk practical next steps.Listen now to AuDHD and When Motivation Disappears—because “lazy” is a lousy diagnosis and an even worse podcast episode. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Authentically ADHD with Carmen, we explore what it means to build an AuDHD-friendly life instead of constantly trying to “fix” yourself. We look at how executive-function differences, sensory needs, masking, and the demands of daily life can make routines, relationships, and workspaces feel harder than they seem for other people—and why that isn’t a character flaw.Carmen shares practical ways to reduce friction: make routines easier to start, communicate needs clearly, adjust your environment, and set expectations that reflect your real energy and capacity. The episode ends with a simple seven-day experiment to help you test one small change in your own life.You don’t need to become an imaginary person who loves fluorescent lights and remembers everything. You can start by building more support around the person you already are.LinkTree:Have a question or situation you’d like Carmen to respond to on the podcast or Substack? Send it to the Ask Carmen Anything advice box. Your question might help someone else feel understood, too. Share only what you’re comfortable making public, and listen to a future episode to hear Carmen’s response.https://tally.so/r/WOx05PDownload the FREE BONUS GUIDE:Start writing today. Use the button below to create a Substack of your own This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

RESEARCH NOTES / SHOW-NOTES SOURCESIn this episode of Authentically ADHD with Carmen, we’re talking about what happens when people don’t just misunderstand you—they confidently decide what your behavior means, assign motives you never had, and then treat that interpretation like fact.For AuDHD adults, especially those diagnosed later in life, this can feel painfully familiar. A clarifying question becomes “attitude.” A pause becomes “ignoring.” Asking for help becomes proof you can’t handle adulthood. Intensity becomes aggression. Shutdown becomes manipulation. And suddenly, you’re not just trying to explain what happened—you’re trying to defend who you are.Carmen shares a deeply personal story from her second year of teaching, when a toxic medication combination led to a mental health crisis and psychiatric hospitalization. What followed was not just recovery, but the painful experience of being reduced to a distorted story by the people around her. Years later, through therapy, coaching, self-understanding, and late neurodivergent discovery, she began to understand why being confidently misread can hurt so much more than an ordinary misunderstanding.This episode explores the neuroscience behind ADHD executive functioning, autistic communication differences, masking, emotional regulation, the double empathy problem, late diagnosis, and the ways neurodivergent adults are often infantilized or treated as less capable simply because they need support.Most importantly, this is an episode about reclaiming your own narrative.You’ll learn how to separate observation from interpretation, communicate your needs more clearly, recognize when you’re over-explaining to someone committed to misunderstanding you, protect your autonomy while still accepting support, and stop letting other people’s assumptions become your identity.Because being misunderstood doesn’t mean you are unknowable.And needing clarification, support, processing time, or accommodation does not make you difficult, immature, or incapable.Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is:“Please ask me what I mean before deciding who I am.”The double-empathy and cross-neurotype communication research: Research by Crompton and colleagues found effective information transfer between autistic people and has also shown that neurotype matching can influence interpersonal rapport. This supports a more relational understanding of at least some autistic/non-autistic communication difficulties rather than automatically locating every breakdown within the autistic person.First impressions and social perception: Research has also found that non-autistic observers can form less favorable first impressions of autistic adults from brief social information, illustrating how judgments about an autistic person may arise rapidly and before meaningful interaction has even developed.ADHD and emotion regulation: A systematic review of adults with ADHD found meaningful associations among ADHD, emotion dysregulation and executive functioning, while noting that the underlying research remains heterogeneous. Emotion dysregulation is therefore well supported as an important associated feature for many adults with ADHD, although it is not itself one of the core DSM ADHD diagnostic criteria.Autistic camouflaging/masking: Systematic reviews describe camouflaging as masking, compensation and assimilation strategies used to navigate social environments. Research repeatedly associates greater camouflaging with poorer mental health, exhaustion, identity difficulties and feeling overlooked or unsupported, while also acknowledging that masking may serve pragmatic or protective functions in some environments.Late diagnosis and identity: Qualitative research with late-diagnosed autistic adults describes reinterpreting past experiences through a new lens, shifts from self-criticism toward greater self-understanding or compassion for some people, and an ongoing process of reconstructing identity after diagnosis. Research including people diagnosed with autism, ADHD or both similarly describes adult diagnosis as affecting relationships, mental well-being and self-understanding.Autonomy and infantilization: Autistic adults have described wanting opportunities to make their own decisions, receive pragmatic executive-function support, unmask safely and exercise autonomy rather than having assistance become unnecessary control. Research examining cultural representation also documents persistent problems with the infantilization and underrepresentation of autistic adulthood.Important research caveat: “AuDHD” is widely used to describe co-occurring autism and ADHD, but much of the scientific literature still studies autism and ADHD separately. Individual experiences vary enormously, and the mechanisms discussed in this episode should be understood as possible contributors to misunderstanding—not a claim that every communication conflict involving an AuDHD person has the same neurological cause.Thank you for tuning in!This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

What happens when you genuinely mean to follow through—but your capacity, memory, emotions, and nervous system keep changing the terms and conditions?In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores the tangled relationship between AuDHD and self-trust. From inconsistent executive functioning and time blindness to autistic inertia, masking, emotional intensity, and difficulty recognizing internal body signals, everyday neurodivergent experiences can slowly teach us to question our decisions, needs, memories, and abilities.This episode names the experience, explains the neuroscience without reducing everything to one misbehaving brain region, removes the shame, and offers practical ways to begin trusting yourself again. You’ll learn how to separate real signals from shame-filled stories, plan according to actual capacity, create smaller promises you can keep, use external supports without viewing them as cheating, and repair mistakes without putting your entire personality on trial.Because self-trust does not mean knowing you will always get everything right. It means knowing that when life gets messy—and it absolutely will—you will listen, adjust, repair, and refuse to abandon yourself.Your capacity may change. Your needs may change. Your answer may change.That does not make you unreliable.It makes you a human nervous system with approximately forty-seven open tabs and no interest in pretending otherwise.Thank you for tuning in!This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Start writing today. Use the button below to create a Substack of your own This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Why switching tasks can feel physically impossible for the AuDHD brain—and how to make transitions less expensiveOne tiny transition can somehow derail an entire AuDHD day. In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores why stopping, starting, switching tasks and unexpectedly changing plans can feel disproportionately exhausting when ADHD and autism share a nervous system.We unpack the neuroscience behind task-switching costs, executive functioning, autistic inertia, time perception, working memory, uncertainty and sensory regulation—without turning your struggles into another character flaw. You’ll also learn practical ways to build gentler bridges between activities, including transition warnings, repeatable routines, physical starting cues, recovery time and minimum-viable transitions.Because you aren’t lazy, dramatic or failing at adulthood. Your brain may simply be changing tracks while the train is still moving—and somebody forgot to build a proper station.Research specifically examining everyday transitions in adults with co-occurring ADHD and autism remains limited. This episode draws from related research on adult ADHD task switching and time processing, autistic inertia, response initiation and cognitive flexibility.Luna-Rodriguez et al. found selective difficulty during complex attentional set-shifting conditions in adults with ADHD: Selective impairment of attentional set shifting in adults with ADHDMette reviewed research on time perception in adults with ADHD and reported evidence of altered performance across several timing processes: Time Perception in Adult ADHD: Findings from a DecadeRapaport and colleagues’ qualitative research explored the pervasive and sometimes extreme nature of inertia and task-switching difficulties reported by autistic people: “I live in extremes”: A qualitative investigation of autistic inertiaGreaves-Lord and colleagues discussed a co-created clinical approach to understanding and supporting initiation difficulties or “stuck states” in autistic adults: Clinical stance on response initiation in autistic adults This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever promised yourself, “I’ll do it when I have more energy”—only to discover that Future You is just as exhausted and now has an even longer to-do list?In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores the reality of inconsistent AuDHD capacity and why being able to do something one day does not guarantee access to the same abilities the next. We unpack how ADHD executive-function differences, reward processing, autistic inertia, sensory demands, transitions, interoception, stress, and burnout can all affect the gap between wanting to act and actually being able to begin.You’ll learn why inconsistent performance is not the same as inconsistent effort, why “easy” tasks can carry enormous hidden costs, and why waiting for a mythical burst of energy rarely solves the problem. Carmen also shares practical ways to work with your current capacity, including identifying the real barrier, creating reduced and survival versions of tasks, building transition ramps, using body doubling, protecting good-day energy, and replacing shame with useful investigation.Because your best day is not the standard you must meet every day—and you do not have to hate yourself into becoming more consistent.Sometimes your brain is not refusing to do the task. The neurological group project has simply fallen apart, Future You has filed a formal complaint, and executive functioning forgot there was a meeting.Thank you for tuning in! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

ADHD and autism can share features - executive-function struggles, intense focus, sensory differences, social friction, emotional dysregulation - without being interchangeable. This episode explores how the same outward behavior can have different internal causes, why AuDHD often feels like living with competing access needs, and how to respond with curiosity instead of shame. This episode is educational and is not medical advice or a diagnostic assessment. Screening tools can start a conversation, but diagnosis requires a qualified clinician who considers developmental history, symptoms across settings, impairment, overlapping conditions, and alternative explanations.Do you need routine but rebel against it? Crave stimulation but get overwhelmed by noise? Love people but need three to five business days to recover from brunch? You might not be inconsistent. ADHD and autism can overlap, coexist, and pull the same nervous system in 12 opposite directions. In this episode of Authentically ADHD with Carmen, we name the experience, explain the brain, remove the shame, and give you something practical to do next - because “try harder” was never a treatment plan.The Ultimate AuDHD GuideClick or download below This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever forgotten to text someone you deeply love, missed an appointment that genuinely mattered, or lost the important object you deliberately placed somewhere “safe”? It is often described online as an ADHD or AuDHD “object permanence” problem—but that is not quite what is happening.In this episode of Authentically ADHD with Carmen, Carmen breaks down the real neuroscience behind why AuDHD brains lose track of people, plans, tasks, and everyday objects. She explores context-dependent recall, prospective memory, attention, memory encoding, and working-memory interference—and explains why information can still exist in your brain without becoming accessible at the moment you need it.You will learn why walking into another room can erase your original mission, why future plans can disappear once the conversation ends, and why forgetting to contact someone is not automatically evidence that you stopped caring. Carmen also explores the important difference between having a neurological explanation and taking accountability when forgetfulness affects other people.With validating insights, practical AuDHD strategies, and the appropriate amount of dark humor, this episode offers realistic tools for externalizing memory, creating stronger retrieval cues, connecting tasks to existing routines, designing visible homes for important objects, and supporting relationships without relying entirely on spontaneous recall.Because memory is not a moral system. Your brain did not forget because nothing mattered—the present moment simply became louder than the thing you wanted to remember.Thank you for tuning in! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Why can an AuDHD brain write an entire podcast episode, reorganize a whole room, or research a random topic for three hours—but still feel physically unable to answer one email or move the laundry?In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen breaks down the neuroscience of dopamine, reward anticipation, effort, executive function, and motivation variability in ADHD and AuDHD. We explore why dopamine is not simply the brain’s “happy chemical,” why delayed rewards often fail to create enough momentum, and how urgency, novelty, interest, pressure, sensory needs, and emotional meaning can dramatically change our ability to begin.This episode also examines the uniquely chaotic experience of AuDHD motivation—when the ADHD brain wants stimulation and novelty while the autistic nervous system craves predictability, safety, and time to transition. Through relatable examples involving dishes, emails, appointments, hyperfocus, and the emotional betrayal of a “good executive function day,” Carmen explains why caring deeply does not always translate into immediate action.Most importantly, this episode challenges the shame-based belief that inconsistent motivation means laziness, immaturity, or a lack of discipline. Your unfinished tasks are not evidence against your character. Your brain may need clearer steps, faster rewards, lower sensory friction, external support, medication, rest, or a deadline that has finally grown teeth.You are not broken. Your internal project manager is simply a dopamine-dependent raccoon with no formal qualifications. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe

Back-to-school season is often presented as an exciting fresh start—but for neurodivergent children, AuDHD families, parents, and educators, the first bell can feel more like a full-body nervous-system event.In this episode of Authentically ADHD, Carmen explores how the transition back to school can affect autistic and ADHD children through sensory overload, executive dysfunction, anxiety, disrupted sleep, social demands, changing routines, and emotional dysregulation. A child may be excited about school while also feeling overwhelmed by unfamiliar teachers, noisy cafeterias, uncomfortable clothing, abrupt transitions, new expectations, and the pressure to appear calm and compliant.Carmen explains why intelligence and access are not the same thing, why children may successfully complete a task one day but struggle with it the next, and why behavior that looks like defiance, refusal, or attention-seeking may actually be communication from an overloaded nervous system.Listeners will learn the RAMP framework for supporting neurodivergent students:* Reduce uncertainty* Adjust the demand* Make support visible* Plan for recoveryThe episode includes realistic back-to-school examples, practical classroom accommodations, sensory regulation strategies, visual supports, transition tools, after-school decompression ideas, and communication scripts for parents, teachers, paraprofessionals, and school administrators.It also addresses autistic masking, after-school restraint collapse, school refusal, sensory processing differences, working-memory overload, emotional regulation, teacher burnout, parent-school communication, and the importance of repairing with children when adults misunderstand their behavior.Because a successful school year is not one where a neurodivergent child causes the least disruption. It is one where the child feels safe, supported, understood, and able to learn without abandoning themselves.Children should not have to fall apart before adults believe that something is difficult. They should not have to hide their disability, suppress their sensory needs, or perform calmness to earn belonging.Sometimes the child does not need another consequence, sticker chart, or lecture about making good choices.Sometimes they need adults willing to get curious, reduce the barriers, and build the damn ramp.Thank you for tuning in! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit carmenauthenticallyadhd.substack.com/subscribe