#00122 The Third Side

Yesterday, I delivered my first sermon in an actual house of worship. It was an exciting and bizarre moment for me, and turned out to be quite beautiful. Exciting because I see myself as a priest, and giving a sermon is a very priestly honor. Bizarre because I never thought I'd ever write a sentence like that last one!  I've been marrying people for the last eighteen years. My first chaplaincy assignment was fifteen years ago. I've done plenty of conflict and relationship coaching over the past twenty years. I've even given away around 10,000 loaves of bread over the past decade. And yet, it's only recently that I've come to see myself as a priest. (growing up, it was always wizard!) One of my projects is to rescue the community-oriented elements of religion from the trash heap where they ended up, with the rest of the religious junk we discarded. To pick up the "baby" of caring and food and togetherness from the "bathwater" of dogma, rigidity, and us vs. them.   ​ My other project is to preach the gospel of ahimsa (unconditional love) at every scale, and explain both the pragmatic and spiritual benefits of doing so.   ​ Today's sermon represents a major milestone in my own understanding of that journey, and therefore, my ability to conspire with my fellow humans to make it happen.   (For the video version, go here: https://www.youtube.com/@tenthousandheroes) 🦸‍♀️🦸🏾🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏽‍♀️🦸🏿🦸 ♥️ If you liked this episode, let us know with a review. And follow this show to get all our latest episodes.    ♥️♥️Of course, If you really liked this episode, subscribe to The Ten Thousand Heroes newsletter to get weekly 5 minute reads on meaning, purpose, and community. Plus, you'll never miss an episode again. http://tenthousandheroes.club

Earlier this week I spoke with renowned mediator Ken Cloke. Ken is a living breathing apostle of the philosophy of practical nonviolence that Gandhi and MLK took to such a high level. Because we were on a call with a group of professional mediators, I asked Ken what the recent US election might mean for mediators in the US. I'm sharing his answer more publicly because I see the philosophy behind mediation as being appropriate to anyone involved in human relationships. The mediation mindset is what happens when you look at human relationship as a spiritual path.  I encourage you to listen to Ken with the following question in mind: What is the essence of non-violence? He says the word "nonviolence" explicitly only once, near the end of the episode, but everything he is saying about doubling down on our values and rising above hatred is, in my mind, the core of Gandhian teachings. Other important tidbits are Ken's definition of an enemy, which is a really kick in the stomach, and his architecture of hatred -- the three essential elements to creating political hatred.   🦸‍♀️🦸🏾🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏽‍♀️🦸🏿🦸 ♥️ If you liked this episode, let us know with a review. And follow this show to get all our latest episodes.    ♥️♥️Of course, If you really liked this episode, subscribe to The Ten Thousand Heroes newsletter to get weekly 5 minute reads on meaning, purpose, and community. Plus, you'll never miss an episode again. http://tenthousandheroes.club

Happy USA Election Day 2024, denizens of the world. May it be, in fact, happy and harmless. I have an election-day message for you. We Too Must Grow. It's a combination of my thoughts on the opportunities the election presents us with "It's Worse Than You Think" and my explication of a song that I think is INCREDIBLY RELEVANT to this moment. The song is called "We Too Must Grow". It was written and recorded by my friend Joe Bridge. Here's a link if you want to listen to a version without my comments: We Too Must Grow - Joe Bridge     🦸‍♀️🦸🏾🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏽‍♀️🦸🏿🦸 ♥️ If you liked this episode, let us know with a review. And follow this show to get all our latest episodes.    ♥️♥️Of course, If you really liked this episode, subscribe to The Ten Thousand Heroes newsletter to get weekly 5 minute reads on meaning, purpose, and community. Plus, you'll never miss an episode again. http://tenthousandheroes.club

This episode is based on a speech/sermon I wrote in October 2024 and delivered at a March for Democracy in a small town. I used the opportunity to share what conflict mediation has taught me about winning. Part I: Definitions of winning and losing Part II: What's really standing in our way Part III: The pearl of wisdom and what we can do about it There's also some bonus material -- concrete guidelines based on 2200 years of human experience (the Bhagavad Gita) Enjoy! The full text of the speech can be found at: https://ankurdelight.com/2024/10/09/how-to-win-a-democracy/ 🦸‍♀️🦸🏾🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏽‍♀️🦸🏿🦸 ♥️ If you liked this episode, let us know with a review. And follow this show to get all our latest episodes.    ♥️♥️Of course, If you really liked this episode, subscribe to The Ten Thousand Heroes newsletter to get weekly 5 minute reads on meaning, purpose, and community. Plus, you'll never miss an episode again. http://tenthousandheroes.club

This episode is about Muslim-Jewish relations. It's about whats been going on in Israel and Palestine for the last year. It's about what's possible in the next year. It's about what happens when we expand the circle of concern. And it's about what is happening, all over the world, in small communities, unreported by most of the news, when people open their hearts, right now. I interviewed Aziza Hassan and Andrea Hodos from New Ground: A Muslim-Jewish partnership for change. I get their stories, their experiences, and their perspective on how to build a relationship that can handle the test of conflict. This the opposite of what you will hear on the news. It's about going deeper and staying closer, not demonizing and vilifying.  Join us. 🦸‍♀️🦸🏾🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏽‍♀️🦸🏿🦸 ♥️ If you liked this episode, let us know with a review. And follow this show to get all our latest episodes.    ♥️♥️Of course, If you really liked this episode, subscribe to The Ten Thousand Heroes newsletter to get weekly 5 minute reads on meaning, purpose, and community. Plus, you'll never miss an episode again. http://tenthousandheroes.club

Two years ago I overheard a conversation at a local farmers' market about Clam Gardens.  Being a nosy podcast host, I eavesdropped, eventually inserted myself, and got some contact information. Today I caught up with Ala̱g̱a̱mił Nicole Norris, of Halalt First Nation on what's now known as Vancouver Island in the Canadian province of British Columbia. Nicole is a Shellfish Aquaculture Specialist, Intergovernmental Communicator, Cultural Support Worker;  knowledge holder, and language preserver for the Hul'qumi'num. She's also incredibly fun to talk to and not afraid to get deep and trippy from the beginning, as you will soon hear.  I had several shifts in understanding during our interview, especially around how we as humans relate to the other species around us, as well as how we relate to our ancestors and our descendants. Let's jump in. 🦸‍♀️🦸🏾🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏽‍♀️🦸🏿🦸 ♥️ If you liked this episode, let us know with a review. And follow this show to get all our latest episodes.    ♥️♥️Of course, If you really liked this episode, subscribe to The Ten Thousand Heroes newsletter to get weekly 5 minute reads on meaning, purpose, and community. Plus, you'll never miss an episode again. http://tenthousandheroes.club

In this episode I present what I learned from William Ury's The Third Side. The basic idea is that our communities and societies are the most important element in developing an effective conflict management system, and that the essence of being effect is to exert peer pressure on resolving the conflict instead of taking the "side" of any of the parties. Hence, the 3rd side... (For the video version, go here: https://www.youtube.com/@tenthousandheroes) 🦸‍♀️🦸🏾🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏽‍♀️🦸🏿🦸 ♥️ If you liked this episode, let us know with a review. And follow this show to get all our latest episodes.    ♥️♥️Of course, If you really liked this episode, subscribe to The Ten Thousand Heroes newsletter to get weekly 5 minute reads on meaning, purpose, and community. Plus, you'll never miss an episode again. http://tenthousandheroes.club

For the last few months I've been reflecting on How to Prevent a Civil War. Here's why I think we need to act: - It is in the avowed interests of multiple powerful actors -- both inside and outside of the US -- to foment widespread discord, confusion, and animosity. - The logical conclusion of widespread discord, confusion, and animosity is civil war. - The people working on this have lots of resources and effective technology (ie AI chatbots) at their disposal. Basically, in absence of our concerted actions, things are going to get worse. The most effective tool I have come to so far is conversation. Honest, deep, vulnerable, heart-opening conversation. This podcast is V1 of a model I'm playing with that I'd like to try out. (For the video version, go here: https://www.youtube.com/@tenthousandheroes) 🦸‍♀️🦸🏾🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏽‍♀️🦸🏿🦸 ♥️ If you liked this episode, let us know with a review. And follow this show to get all our latest episodes.    ♥️♥️Of course, If you really liked this episode, subscribe to The Ten Thousand Heroes newsletter to get weekly 5 minute reads on meaning, purpose, and community. Plus, you'll never miss an episode again. http://tenthousandheroes.club

The concept I want to present today is the Six Dimensions of Conflict, which comes up in Chapters 2 and 3 of The Crossroads of Conflict by Ken Cloke. Ken has a model where he breaks down conflict and how we approach it into six areas, and then looks at that sextet from 4 different angles: - Orders of Resolution - Math/Geometry - Location in the body - Mediation style 🦸‍♀️🦸🏾🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏽‍♀️🦸🏿🦸 ♥️ If you liked this episode, let us know with a review. And follow this show to get all our latest episodes.    ♥️♥️Of course, If you really liked this episode, subscribe to The Ten Thousand Heroes newsletter to get weekly 5 minute reads on meaning, purpose, and community. Plus, you'll never miss an episode again. http://tenthousandheroes.club

As part of my journey towards understanding what brings us together and what keeps us apart, today I want to share three examples of social dialogue I learned about in the past couple of weeks. I will resist the temptation to draw conclusions prematurely, but just let us all ruminate together with these three examples. The first is from Nelson Mandela's autobiography -- Long Walk to Freedom (PDF) -- which I'm currently reading. The second is a description of traditional dispute resolution in pre-partition Punjab from a recent interview I did with Somia Sadiq. (From: http://10kh.show/00117-every-conflict-hides-a-story-with-somia-sadiq 28:30 - 31:30) And the third is from a listener who called me yesterday and shared his experiences with a facilitator named Bob Chadwick. I'll share a little bit of what I learned in the call and then read a passage from Chadwick that I found online. (From: Bob Chadwick, https://managingwholes.com/chadwick.htm/) So, I don't know how you see yourself in this moment, but I see you as someone, like me, who is interested in and capable of preventing a civil war. Someone whose actions or inaction will have a lot of consequences where you live, not just this year or this election cycle, but for the next generation and the next phase in our social development.  🦸‍♀️🦸🏾🦸🏼‍♂️🦸🏽‍♀️🦸🏿🦸 ♥️ If you liked this episode, let us know with a review. And follow this show to get all our latest episodes.    ♥️♥️Of course, If you really liked this episode, subscribe to The Ten Thousand Heroes newsletter to get weekly 5 minute reads on meaning, purpose, and community. Plus, you'll never miss an episode again. http://tenthousandheroes.club