Episode 308: How to Stop Using Willpower to Try to Stay Calm (When You’re Actually Upset With Your Kids)

It’s natural to want our kids’ negative behaviors, moods, and behaviors to stop. But what happens when nothing we do seems to end the drama? How can we break out of the cycles of negativity?  In this episode, you’ll learn: Why “quick fix” methods don’t help our kids feel better (and often make things worse) Why Yuck Dumps are NOT the same as wallowing, and how these Dumps actually build resilience  Simple ways to help children release their negativity and frustration --- Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/187 Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/ Live "make your plan" sessions: https://rachel-bailey.com/training/

We know it’s better to stay calm when our children have big feelings, but it seems like some days, we can only hold on for so long when they are complaining, crying, or melting down. How can we help our kids handle their discomfort when their behavior triggers our own Yuck? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why we need to set realistic expectations for our children What it looks like when we’re using willpower to stay calm (and why willpower never seems to last long enough) How to shift from artificial calm to genuine emotional regulation  --- Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/186 Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/ "Make Your Long Game Plan" live sessions: https://rachel-bailey.com/training/

Most of us have an idea of how we'd like to interact with our kids. But often when we're tired or frustrated, we don't react in a way that feels good. And when situations with our kids frequently spiral out of control, it’s natural to feel like we are failing at parenting!  In this episode, you’ll learn: Tips that will help any time you feel like a failure One mindset shift that can reduce guilt immediately How simple steps we take can positively impact our kids --- Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/185 Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/

We talk a lot about BIG reactions when our kids have big feelings, but what about quiet, sensitive children who struggle when other people around them are upset? Often these children will do anything they can in order to make others feel better. To keep the peace, they will also disregard their own needs – even when we encourage them to stand up for themselves!  In this episode, you’ll learn: Why many parenting strategies don’t work with our sensitive children (and may even make things worse) How to help our kids deal with discomfort -- without hurting their self-esteem How we can help "sensitive" children become confident, resilient kids who know how to advocate for themselves in difficult situations -- Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/184 Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/

When we’re raising kids with big feelings, it can be hard to stay emotionally regulated all of the time. How can we be the parent we want to be when it’s hard not to lose our cool? How can we teach our kids how to stay calm when we’re struggling with staying calm ourselves? In this episode, you’ll learn: Why we get stuck in a “cycle of Yuck” (and feel guilty and ashamed) How your ability to regulate yourself impacts your influence with your child  A simple tool you can use in the moment to get unstuck - even when your children are complaining or melting down  -- Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/183 Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey Free training for parents with kids with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/

We want our days to be filled with peace and connection, but those of us raising kids with big emotions know that’s not always the reality. Even when we try hard to fix the arguing, complaining, and general resistance to our requests, it can feel like nothing reduces the drama long-term -- and sometimes, it seems like our efforts are actually making things worse. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why some of your current parenting strategies may not be working, despite your best efforts The real reasons behind seemingly-unbreakable cycles -- and what to do about it! The lifelong benefits (for us and our kids) of breaking negative cycles for good -- Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/182 Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/ Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

It can be overwhelming navigating the constantly-changing emotions and reactions of children who feel things strongly. One minute they’re happy and the next, they are melting down about something that’s not even a big deal! We want to reduce the drama and be a powerful positive influence with our kids, but how do we do that when we don’t really understand what’s driving their reactions? In this episode, you’ll learn: What to check first when kids have unpredictable behavior How to “see” inside our children’s brains, so we can approach them with compassion instead of judgment  The benefits of changing our perspective when kids have confusing reactions -- Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/181 Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/ Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

Even when you try to make deposits with your children, sometimes you run into obstacles. You may feel particularly stuck if your child resists the attempts you are trying to make to connect with them! When that happens, using micro-deposits can help you get unstuck and shift things back to a more positive direction.  In this episode, you’ll learn: How to address common obstacles to making deposits  Why children with big emotions pull away or push back when we’re trying to spend time with them Easy-to-implement “micro” deposits -- simple actions that don’t take much time but have a BIG impact on your relationship --  Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/180 Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/ Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

Because our children struggle with challenging situations and feelings, we want to give them what they need to be resilient. But if we’re being honest, sometimes it's easier in the moment to give them what they WANT instead of what they NEED to be able to handle the obstacles they will inevitably face in life.  In this episode, you’ll learn: How to know whether we’re meeting our kids’ wants or needs -- and when we need to make a change! What our children actually need from us to become more resilient  The easiest way to meet our kids’ emotional needs (with examples!) for stronger self-esteem and healthier relationships --  Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/ Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

Today we are celebrating our 300th episode with a more personal episode as I respond to listener-submitted questions. If you’ve ever wanted to learn a little more than the parenting tips I share, you’ll be able to do that now!  In this episode, you’ll hear: What I was like as a child - including the worst thing I ever did!  How and why I started a business helping parents  Some quotes that inspire me, both as a parent and as a person -- Free video series for parents raising children with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/ Coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/ Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey