No Other Choice

Rowan and Kev get back in the swing of things by discussing a movie that doesn't fit any of our previous categorizations: No Other Choice. Rowan hadn't seen it and isn't fully on board, shockingly given her love of Park Chan-Wook, but Kev is all-in on the specialty paper train. We talk about an occasionally confusing plot, an occasionally hilarious and equally dark set of vignettes, and also wonder if maybe there are some slight problems with capitalism somewhere.

TOTAL MASSACRE is back after a long health hiatus! Rowan is joined by special guests Brian Smawley and Rob Zacny to discuss John Woo's hit THE KILLER, recently rereleased in 4K. Rob is here to talk about John Woo as a romantic moralist. Brian wants to talk about how it's a secret Three Kingdoms movie. And Rowan is mostly here to make jokes about how Chow Yun-Fat is the worst Hitman player of all time.

Our project getting into the Teen Girl High School Social Satire Canon requires a delve into John Hughes, and we've picked THE BREAKFAST CLUB, because it's the best, least problematic, and somehow Rowan never saw it before this? Anyway enjoy a bunch of millennials poking holes in a Gen X masterpiece--nah, we all loved it, all three of us Ally Sheedys. 

They're all gonna laugh at you. TOTAL MASSACRE starts its foray into the teen girl high school social satire canon with CARRIE, a film that may not be satire, but it's very concerned with many of the same things, as Rowan argues, and is a tremendous influential film and story overall, as special guest Zack Handlen argues. Does first-time viewer Christy Admiraal agree? What is the difference between comedy and horror in the end? Why are CARRIE adaptations so keen to make Carrie so skinny? How awful is Nancy Allen, and how not-threatening is John Travolta? And why is Rowan so attracted to Piper Laurie in this anyway???

It's all led to this. Over a hundred episodes of action movies, science fiction movies, crime lesbian movies, and Gerwig movies has to our apotheosis: LADY BIRD. Why did Kev redefine their life about this movie? Why was Rowan terrified about how close to home it would hit? Why was special guest/new co-host (kinda) Christy Admiraal excited to join us? How astonishing is this cast? How great are the core performances? How did Greta Gerwig manage to make "liking Crash by the Dave Matthews Band" into the emotional climax of an all-time great film? All these questions and more -- including what the fourth season of TOTAL MASSACRE will entail -- on this massive sweeps week episode! 

Gerwig month continues with Mistress America, a film about what happens when you get the coolest step-sister of all time who's also a total loser but then the film isn't actually about her, it's about you, and you don't like what you find out about yourself. Plus girlbossing, and tweets! Rowan and Kev are joined by Mistress America superfan Grace Robertson to talk what happens when it all goes wrong but it's also very funny. 

TOTAL MASSACRE is going through a rough time. Our best friend Carli got other things to do in life instead of hanging out with us all time (congrats Carli!) Fiasco month didn't get us hired for the Christmas show. We've had to turn to our comfort films. That's right, after action, after science fiction, it is time for GRETA GERWIG MONTH (early). We begin with FRANCES HA, written by and starring the lady herself, and man is this script great. Jeez is this acting great. And the editing! Well that wasn't her but everything is great. It's already a fav of Rowan and Kev, but special guest Jon Arthur watched it for the first time for the show and then immediately watched it again. 

TOTAL MASSACRE's Fiasco month concludes with Southland Tales, Richard Kelly's 2006 disasterpiece of a followup to Donnie Darko. It's a movie that's very angry about George W Bush, ineffective liberals, racist cops, and rampant nationalist consumerism, and boy does it want to deal with all those things at once, with wildly varying effectiveness. We talk about Sarah Michelle Gellar, SNL alumni, Amy Poehler's too-fast death, the mid-2000s liberal blogosphere, Barack Obama, Wallace Shawn as a Final Fantasy villain, Bai Ling as ..... some character, and whether The Rock was ready for this kind of stardom. And a lot more. There's so much movie in this movie!

Fiasco month(s) continues with the Wachowskis' and Tom Twyker's masterfiascopiece, CLOUD ATLAS, a film about the indominatible power of the human spirit and also Halle Berry as an evil elderly Korean doctor. Chris Dole guests alongside Rowan and Kev to talk about the movie that is one of the most movies. It's a lot, in fact six different movies, but also most of them seem good! The cast is great! The yellowface is....maybe well-intentioned but that doesn't mean it good. What IS good is the score! Real monkey's paw movie.

Fiasco Month at Total Massacre kicks off with the original overly ambitious sci-fi fiasco, Fritz Lang's Metropolis. Guest Val McKenna joins Carli and Kev in discussing this movie's troubled production but also its incredible look and wonderful performances. Listen now, and maybe you too will want to rise up and overthrow your masters.