321: What if they tried to erase you?

In this special bonus episode, Whit Missildine interviews Heath Schechinger and Lily Lamboy of the Modern Family Institute @modernfamilyinstitute, collaborators on our six-part miniseries, “The 82%: Modern Stories of Love and Family.” In this conversation we discuss the historical roots of the nuclear family and monogamy, how family and relationship structures have changed over the 20th century, the contemporary landscape of diverse families and Consensual Non-Monogamy, and the future of love and family. Dr. Heath Schechinger is a therapist, researcher, and organizer, known for his groundbreaking work within the realm of family and relationship diversity. In addition to his role as Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Modern Family Institute, he serves as the Founding Co-Chair of the American Psychological Association Division 44 Committee on Consensual Non-monogamy, and an Affiliate Faculty at the renowned Kinsey Institute. Dr. Schechinger’s work sheds light on the elements that cultivate healthy relationships and the rise of non-nuclear family and relationship configurations. He has authored multiple empirical publications and clinical resources and his work has been featured in major media outlets such as The New York Times, BBC, Vogue, and Time Magazine.Dr. Lily Lamboy is a social impact executive, educator, artist, and scholar with over 15 years of experience building complex systems to support human flourishing. She currently serves as the Co-Founder and Managing Director of the Modern Family Institute. Prior to founding the Modern Family Institute, Dr. Lamboy led the Diversity, Equity & Inclusion functions at both Stripe and Blue Shield of California. She received her PhD in Political Science from Stanford University, where she also taught in the Feminist, Gender & Sexuality Studies and Rhetoric programs, receiving the Gores Award for Excellence in Teaching, Stanford's top prize for education. She has authored peer-reviewed articles addressing persistent sources of social inequality in publications including Cambridge University Press, Theory and Research in Education, and the International Panel on Social Progress. As an artist, she strives to make pieces that inspire lasting change in how we love, act, and organize our society. If you’d like to find out more about the Modern Family Institute, donate to help advance their work, or get engaged, please visit their website, modernfamilyinstitute.org. Producers: Whit MissildineContent/Trigger Warnings: sexual themes, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcastWebsite: thisisactuallyhappening.comSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happeningWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop. Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.comIntro Music: "Illabye" – Tipper ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources:National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A man grows up waiting for his sexuality to bloom, but after that moment never comes, he feels a longing for intimacy that leads him to transform the meaning of partnership, family and fatherhood for himself and for society.Today’s episode featured David Jay. David is the founder of asexuality.org. If you’d like to reach out to David, you can email him at [email protected]. David’s new book, titled “Relationality: How moving from transactional to transformational relationships can reshape our lonely world” is available for preorder on Amazon, and wherever books are sold. This episode is the first of a six-part miniseries called the 82 Percent: Modern stories of love and family, produced in collaboration with the Modern Family Institute. If you’d like to find out more about the Modern Family Institute, donate to help advance their work, or get engaged, please visit their website, modernfamilyinstitute.org. Modern Family Institute Founders:Dr. Heath Schechinger is a therapist, researcher, and organizer, known for his groundbreaking work within the realm of family and relationship diversity. In addition to his role as Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Modern Family Institute, he serves as the Founding Co-Chair of the American Psychological Association Division 44 Committee on Consensual Non-monogamy, and an Affiliate Faculty at the renowned Kinsey Institute. Dr. Schechinger’s work sheds light on the elements that cultivate healthy relationships and the rise of non-nuclear family and relationship configurations. He has authored multiple empirical publications and clinical resources and his work has been featured in major media outlets such as The New York Times, BBC, Vogue, and Time Magazine.Dr. Lily Lamboy is a social impact executive, educator, artist, and researcher with over 15 years of experience building complex systems to support human flourishing. She currently serves as the Co-Founder and Managing Director of the Modern Family Institute and the Director of the Open Workplaces Initiative for the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy. Dr. Lamboy’s research and career has focused how we can arrange social and economic resources to ensure care for all people across their lifespans. Prior to founding Modern Family Institute, Dr. Lamboy led the Diversity, Equity & Inclusion functions at both Stripe and Blue Shield of California, where she designed and executed scalable strategies for long-term social change. She has authored peer-reviewed articles in publications including Cambridge University Press, Theory and Research in Education, and the International Panel on Social Progress. Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Jason BlalockContent/Trigger Warnings: sexual themes, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcastWebsite: thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Jason Blalock: jasonblalock.comSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happeningWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop. Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.comIntro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Uncertain Outcomes” – SkyeVoyager ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources:National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A woman growing up in worn torn Colombia comes to the US and builds a new life, but when she suffers a freak accident and loses her sense of self, a new beginning transforms the scars of her past. Today’s episode featured Ingrid Rojas-Contreras. If you’d like to learn more about Ingrid you can find her on Instagram @i__rojascontreras, on Twitter @ingrid_rojas_c and on her website: ingridrojascontreras.com. Ingrid’s memoir The Man Who Could Move Clouds was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize, National Book Award, and National Book Critics Circle Award, and her debut novel Fruit of the Drunken Tree was the silver medal winner in First Fiction from the California Book Awards. Her essays and short stories have appeared in the New York Times Magazine, The Believer, and Zyzzyva, among others. She lives in California. These books are available wherever books are sold.Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Sara MarinelliContent/Trigger Warnings: graphic bodily injury, civil war, sexual violence, rape, torture, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcastWebsite: thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Sara Marinelli: saramarinelli.comSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happeningWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop. Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.comIntro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Cylinder Four” – Chris Zabriskie ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources:National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

After a childhood feeling unworthy of love and belonging, a man finds his path to the Coast Guard and a solid marriage, but after a minor back injury, he’s prescribed painkillers that send him on a tragic spiral of addiction.  Today’s episode featured Jamie. If you’d like to reach out to him, you can email at [email protected]: Whit Missildine, Andrew WaitsContent/Trigger Warnings: drug use, addiction, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, drunk driving, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcastWebsite: thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happeningWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop. Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.comIntro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Union Flow” - Spuntic ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources:National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Nancy Brophy fills her novels with romantic betrayals and murder. It’s a far cry from her quiet life in the suburbs, where she and her chef husband, Dan, are living out their golden years. But when Dan is shot dead, Nancy finds herself at the center of a murder case that could be ripped from the pages of her novels.From Wondery, this is a story about what happens when the line blurs between fiction and reality. Listen to Happily Never After: Dan & Nancy on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge episodes early and ad-free on Wondery+. Join Wondery+ in the Wondery App or on Apple Podcasts. Start your free trial by visiting Wondery.fm/HNA_DN now.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Growing up in the remote Ozark mountains with a mother who believed she was God and a father with deeper abuses, a man paves his own rocky healing path to become a healer for others. Today’s episode featured Merle Yost. You can find out more about Merle on his website, merleyost.com , and about his workshop, Unspoken Boundaries, at unspokenboundaries.com. If you’d like to reach out to him, you can email him at [email protected] , and you can find him on Instagram @loveyost. Merle is a writer, speaker, and consultant. He also does Intensive trauma work as a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist In California, which you can also learn about on his website. He is also the author of six books, his last one Facing the Truth of Your Life, which you can find links to on his website, merleyost.com and Amazon.Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Aviva LipkowitzContent/Trigger Warnings: animal cruelty, animal death, sexual abuse of a minor, domestic violence, severe mental illness, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcastWebsite: thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Aviva Lipkowitz: avivalipkowitz.comSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happeningWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop. Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.comIntro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Re-Entry” – Lee Rosevere ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources:National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Growing up with a mother who used practiced an abusive form of spiritual voodoo, a man seeks to numb his pain, but after tragedy and a descent into crack addiction, he finally finds the cure he’d been looking for. Today’s episode featured Will Taylor. Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Sara MarinelliContent/Trigger Warnings: abuse of a minor, drug abuse, sexual assault, domestic violence, murder, death, graphic bodily injury, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcastWebsite: thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Sara Marinelli: saramarinelli.comSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happeningWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop. Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.comIntro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources:National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Escaping her troubled past, a suburban mother finds stability in marriage and family, but when her reality suddenly begins to fall apart, she descends into an underworld of chaos.  Today’s episode featured Billy Macy. If you’d like to reach out to her, you can email at [email protected]. This episode is the second of a two-part series featuring Billy and her sister, Misty Watterson. Misty’s story aired last week, as episode 318: What if your daughter went missing?Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Jason BlalockContent/Trigger Warnings: abuse of a minor, drug use, suicide attempt, sexual assault, missing persons, death, graphic bodily injury, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcastWebsite: thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Jason Blalock: jasonblalock.comSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happeningWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop. Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.comIntro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Uncertain Outcomes” – SkyeVoyager ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources:National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A woman spirals into drug use, coping with an abusive childhood, a failing marriage and post-partum depression, but on the road to recovery, her daughter goes missing and a new realm of horror opens. Today’s episode featured Misty Watterson and the story of her daughter Allyson Watterson. If you’d like to reach out to her, you can email at [email protected]. You can also find her on Instagram @wattersonmisty. This episode is the first of a two-part series featuring Misty and her sister Billy Macy.Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew WaitsContent/Trigger Warnings: sexual assault of a minor, domestic violence, drug use, missing persons, death, graphic bodily injury, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcastWebsite: thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happeningWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop. Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.comIntro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Cylinder Four” – Chris Zabriskie ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources:National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A Thai-Filipino-American man fulfills his life-long dream of escaping his chaotic past and joining the Army, but after lingering scars from multiple deployments to Iraq threaten to destroy him, he finds an unexpected awakening. Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew WaitsContent/Trigger Warnings: war, graphic violence, murder, graphic bodily injury, suicidal ideation, domestic violence, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcastWebsite: thisisactuallyhappening.comWebsite for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comSupport the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happeningWondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop. Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.comIntro Music: "Illabye" – TipperMusic Bed: “Union Flow” – Spuntic ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources:National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.