435. The pain of outgrowing your old life

There comes a point in all of our lives where we realise we've outgrown who we used to be. Sometimes it happens all at once, due to a breakup, a move, a loss, or a major life change. Other times (most of the time), it's much quieter.  As painful as that can feel, it's also one of the clearest signs that you're evolving. In this episode, we explore the psychology of outgrowing your old life, why change can feel so much like grief, and how to let go of the past without fearing the future. We explore: The psychology of liminality and the space between who you were and who you're becoming The seven stages of outgrowing your old life Why we cling to the past through nostalgia, the endowment effect and status quo bias When you know a chapter is over How to embrace change and build a future you're excited to grow into Happy listening! Watch on Netflix: HERE Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

TW: Discussions of suicide. This week, I'm joined by mental health campaigner Ben West for one of the most moving conversations we've ever had on the show. At 18, Ben lost his brother to suicide. He has taken that experience and decided to change the lives of thousands, if not millions with his 'Reasons to Stay' campaign.  In this episode we discuss: Why grief changes over time  How to find purpose after unimaginable heartbreak The psychology of hope and why strangers can save lives What supporting someone through suicidal thoughts actually looks like Ben's incredible initiative, Reasons to Stay, and the millions of people it's already reached His two personal rules for protecting his own mental health Why healing isn't about 'moving on' but learning to carry what you've lost Watch on Netflix: HERE Preorder Ben's book: HERE  Follow Ben: HERE  If you need help, it is available. You are NEVER alone. Please find some further resources HERE. Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Giving you all an update on my life and my future in London.  Watch on Netflix: HERE Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Many of us feel that our attention spans are nothing like they used to be. So many of us can recall a time when we would read books for hours with ease, concentrate for hours, focus on a movie without going on our phone. But not any more. In this episode, we unpack the psychology behind our dwindling attention spans, via the consumption of endless content, task switching, lack of sleep and more. But there’s hope - we also look at practical ways that we can all work on retraining our brains towards healthier, more sustainable and enjoyable focus. We unpack: • Why our attention spans have been eroded, particularly over the last 20 years• How social media is designed to be like a slot machine• The impact of ‘sleep debt’ and our attention spans• Why the ‘switch-cost effect’ depletes our focus all the time • How we can retrain our brains to focus Watch on Netflix: HERE Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected]  Our favourite sources:  https://time.com/6302294/why-you-cant-focus-anymore-and-what-to-do-about-it/ https://www.theguardian.com/science/2022/jan/02/attention-span-focus-screens-apps-smartphones-social-media https://thesciencesurvey.com/editorial/2024/02/12/the-problem-with-your-attention-span/ The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What might be seen as a ‘boring’ life is often just a life that wouldn’t be as popular on Instagram. In a world that glamorises chaos, spontaneity and constant stimulation, we need to create lives that truly nourish us, provide safety, and align with who we really are. In this episode, we explore the psychology behind why so many of us begin craving calm as we get older, why that can feel oddly threatening, and why slowing down may be one of the best things we can do for our brains. We explore:•        Why many of us start craving a more manageable, peaceful life•        Why this can create fear, guilt, or cognitive dissonance in our 20s•        The pressure from social media to make youth look chaotic and exciting•        The role of FOMO in feeling disconnected from our real preferences•        Why our brains crave novelty•        What a ‘boring’ life is actually made of: boundaries, routine, presence, and self-trust Watch on Netflix: HERE Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected]  Our favourite sources: https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/development-and-psychopathology/article/abs/differential-changes-in-impulsivity-and-sensation-seeking-and-the-escalation-of-substance-use-from-adolescence-to-early-adulthood/3542107D68176F9B55BC0A2DB212C701 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0747563213000800 https://www.nature.com/articles/nrn1052 https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.1250830 The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When we go for a job interview, it can feel as if our entire existence is being judged. It can come down to the feeling of someone else getting to call the shots on whether we are intellectually competent at best, or personally desirable at worst. In this episode, we’ll explore why job interviews can feel so stressful, identify why positive first impressions are vital, and discuss some psychological hacks to help us nail them.  We explore: • How job interviews trigger our need for social approval • The Yerkes-Dodson Law, or how excessive pressure can make us perform worse• Why we can’t trust our judgement about how an interview went• Why being likeable makes it more likely you’ll get hired• How easy psychological tricks can make us feel more confident Our favourite sources: https://www.catharticspacecounseling.com/blog/how-to-handle-uncertainty-without-losing-your-mindwww.researchgate.net/publication/313878823_The_importance_of_first_impressions_in_a_job_interview https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/beyond-stress-and-burnout/202206/the-effects-of-stress-when-interviewing Watch on Netflix: HERE Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected] The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Living with a chronic illness in your 20s can feel like carrying an invisible weight that nobody else can see. Beyond the hospital appointments, surgeries, medications and diagnoses, there is a hidden psychological burden: the anxiety, grief, uncertainty, identity struggles and resilience required to keep moving forward when your body feels beyond your control. In this week's episode, I sit down with content creator, advocate and broadcaster Nikki Lilly to discuss what it's really like growing up with a rare medical condition, navigating facial differences, online bullying, and building a meaningful life despite constant uncertainty. We discuss: The hidden psychological impact of chronic illness  Medical trauma, PTSD and the long road to healing How chronic illness affects your relationship with your body Online bullying, discrimination and appearance-based judgment Plus her time at the Oscars and her vision for her future Happy listening! Watch on Netflix: HERE Listen to Live A Little: HERE Follow Lilly on Instagram: @nikkililly Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is one of the most famous theories in psychology. We've all seen the pyramid. We've all been told that before we can become our best selves, we need to climb through five levels of human needs, from food and safety all the way to self-actualisation. But what if that's not actually what Maslow believed? In this bonus episode, as part of our series myth-busting psychology, we're uncovering the surprising truth behind one of psychology's most iconic ideas, including: Why Maslow never actually drew a pyramid The forgotten sixth level of the hierarchy The Indigenous Blackfoot origins of the theory Whether self-actualisation is really the highest human goal Why the hierarchy isn't as rigid as we've been taught What modern psychology says about the evidence behind Maslow's ideas Happy listening! Watch on Netflix: HERE Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Most of us will spend the majority of our adult lives working. So why does the traditional 9–5 leave so many people feeling exhausted, trapped, unfulfilled, or quietly wondering: is this really it? In this episode, we explore the psychology behind why the 9–5 can feel so unnatural for some people, why work often becomes the centre of our identity, and what to do when the life you've been told should make you happy simply doesn't. This includes: Why the 9–5 often feels so draining The psychology of role engulfment and losing yourself to work The personality traits that predict whether you'll enjoy traditional employment The importance of hobbies, purpose, novelty, and community When it's time to consider a different path Practical advice for anyone dreaming of working for themselves Happy listening! Watch on Netflix: HERE Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Superstitions can seem irrational on the surface, but beneath them is something incredibly human - the need for meaning, comfort, and a sense of control in an uncertain world. In this episode, we explore the psychology of superstition - why the mind creates these beliefs, why they can feel so reassuring, and what they reveal about anxiety, ritual, hope, and the stories we inherit. We explore:•        Historical origins of common superstitions•        The role of pattern recognition and gut feelings•        How rituals soothe anxiety and create a sense of certainty•        When superstitions become self-fulfilling and shape performance•        How magical thinking overlaps with OCD and anxiety•        Why it's important to create our own magic in our 20s  Watch on Netflix: HERE Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast Subscribe on Substack: @thepsychologyofyour20s For business: [email protected]  Our favourite sources: https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/everyday-magic-superstition https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0956797610372631 https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/behavioural-and-cognitive-psychotherapy/article/abs/magical-thinking-in-obsessivecompulsive-disorder-and-generalized-anxiety-disorder/AAA4404A26637024E2E5D01B3F133928 The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.