Conquering People Pleasing

A senior leader, upset about having flubbed her reply to ‘Tell us about yourself’ during a high-stakes interview, talks with her coach about how to prepare for what she considers to be an incredibly stupid question. Categories in the archive to explore:Communication SkillsExecutive PresencePresentation SkillsSix episodes to dive into:34 - Keeping Repeated Materials Fresh77 - The Power of Rehearsal65 - Sorting & Labeling180 - Becoming Expert114 - Gravitas124 - Personal BrandingFor help Sorting & Labeling, download the PDF.For help finding your three words, use our Needs & Values assessment.For a new way of thinking about interviewing: Interviewology, The New Science of Interviewing.”For career guidance, Michele Calderigi, head of Next Career, is a seasoned counselor.Lois Frankel’s Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office remains a favorite among senior women in the workplace.Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here. Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here. More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.Safe and sane holidays, everyone!from The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A chief officer had known for years he was an over talker. His CEO, desperate for improvement, gave him a coach. This episode highlights their first coaching conversation. Two mindsets from this episode:When you speak, have a destination in mind. Ask yourself: “What is my point exactly?” and “Why is this something they need to know?”Pay attention to your listeners. Respond to their interests.Ask yourself: “Does what I’m talking about right now help us get to the destination?” If not, skip it.It doesn’t matter why you overtalk. Overtalking is limiting. Build your awareness of when you do it.Learn to ‘hear’ the communications you have.Who talked how long? What were the smaller conversations within the larger communication?More tools to build your self-awareness and communication skills can be found in the Essential Communications bin and in the archive of all 16 years of the show.Build awareness browsing these categories:Self-ManagementPerception – How You Perceive YourselfDevelop your communication skills in this category:Communication SkillsFive Episodes to help your skills are:53 - Answer What’s Asked65 - Sorting & Labeling20 - Staying on Track11 - Sounding Executive16 - Sounding Well-Spoken“Think Fast Talk Smart” podcast with Matt Abrahams. Great tools to help you be a better communicator.Curious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here. Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here. More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.Coaches!Download the results of ICF-LA’s pricing survey here.Be safe, everyone! The Look & Sound of Leadership team 

A vice-president gets kudos for likability but knocks for her inability to listen. With her coach, she talks about listening repeatedly. This episode features one of those conversations. The 3 listening mindsets:Listen to learnFeelings are naturalStay separateDownload the free multi-page learning tool about listening here. This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast archive:Communication SkillsManaging YourselfRelationship BuildingFive episodes you might listen to are:136 -  A Breakdown of Listening83 - Leadership and Listening10 - Listen Without An Agenda229 - The Sound of Leadership & Management - 2023232 - Unlocking Executive Presence through Emotional IntelligenceCoaches!Download the pricing survey here.Join us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group. We welcome coaches at every stage of development. Check us out here:If you’re curious about coaching, reach out to Tom here. Free transcripts of this and every episode are available here. More resources are available in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.To all of you, from all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, much gratitude! 

Battling perfectionism and anxiety, a leader asks her coach for help and learns a tool that helps her tame her terrors. This episode dovetails with many ideas in last month’s episode about Coaching versus Therapy.Tom talks about his own bout with anxiety and a near career-ending attack of nervousness in this episode from April. https://essentialcomm.com/podcast/mastering-nerves/Pixar’s Inside Out 2 has a powerful depiction of a 13-year-old girl suffering a full-blown anxiety attack. The experience and its aftermath is moving.MindShift CBT is a free app designed to help you take charge of your anxiety and develop more effective ways of thinking.  Watch the introductory videoDr. Steven Melemis, a mood disorder expert, wrote I Want to Change My Life, filled with practical exercises and a one-month step-by-step plan to start you on a road to transformation.In under two minutes, Tom shared a “golden nugget” on the “How to Survive and Thrive Podcast.” You can hear it here.This episode is tagged in three categories in our podcast archive:For WomenPersonal Growth & Self-DevelopmentSelf-TalkFive episodes with more tools to help you master anxiety are:#52 Coaching v Therapy #152 Combating Emotional Hijacks#147 Conquering Fear#96 The Many Parts of you#78 Unmasking a Stand-InCurious about coaching? Reach out to Tom here. Want a free transcript of this episode? You can download it here. Every month we share more resources in our Essential News email. Sign up here.To all of you, from all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks! 

Tired of feeling like a fraud, a leader searches for help down different paths. She and her coach talk about how coaching is, and is not, like therapy.The leader in this episode wrestles with feelings of being a fraud. Tom talks about three resources to help manage that feeling:“The Executive Impostor”  Episode #176 of “The Look & Sound of Leadership”Self-Esteem at Work by Nathaniel Branden & Warren BennisThe Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire ShipmanAdditional tools to support your professional development are these free PDFs from our Essential Tools bin:Johari WindowReadiness in CoachingYou can listen to Tom’s conversations on these two shows:“I Need at Coach” with Adam Packard “Take Five” with Paul ButlerThis episode is tagged in four categories in our podcast archive:For WomenManaging YourselfPersonal Growth & Self-DevelopmentSelf-TalkFour episodes, in addition to “The Executive Impostor” listed above, that will help you dive deeper into the ideas in this episode are:52 - Coaching v Therapy 191 - Coaching Under Attack78 - Unmasking a Stand In171 - Taming the Wild ChildBe in touch with Tom here.Grab a free transcript of this episode here.We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.To all of you, from all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks! 

A leader and her coach discuss a three-step model for turning upward feedback into a learning conversation that might allow the boss to hear the message. This month’s coaching conversation explores whether feedback should be given upwards in the first place. If so, are there ways to deliver the feedback effectively? Download the free “Giving Upward Feedback” PDF.In the commentary, Tom tells a story about the Marshmallow Test being debunked. Here’s the column he mentions.This episode is tagged in the library in three categories:Communication SkillsFeedbackManaging UpFive related episodes you might listen to are:74 Dealing with Emotional Responses14 Delivering Tough Feedback32 Giving Powerful Feedback118 Perception is Reality99 The Disruptive Executive – Part OneBe in touch with Tom here. Grab a free transcript of the episode here. We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.From all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks! 

Knowing she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals, an ambitious leader asks her coach what a good networking conversation actually sounds like.Resources for Building Your Networking SkillsLeverage the latest algorithm on LinkedIn with this research report.Coaching For Leaders podcast: “How to Grow Your Professional Network”Coaching For Leaders podcast: “Executive Presence with Your Elevator Speech”10 Rules for NetworkingLink to 10 Rules of Networking PDF in Essential Tools binSorting & LabelingLink to Sorting & Labeling PDF in Essential Tools binThe Look & Sound of Leadership: “Assume Equality”The Look & Sound of Leadership: “Being Concise”This month’s episode is in the podcast archive in three categories:For WomenRelationship BuildingSocial SkillsFive episodes to grow your networking skills: 162 - Acting on the Corporate Stage180 - Becoming Expert193 - Branding Yourself176 - The Executive Impostor192 - Pursuing a Promotion 2020Grab a free transcript of this episode here. Be in touch with Tom here.We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.Listen to Tom’s conversation with Scott Ritzheimer on “Secrets of the High Demand Coach.”COACHES!Join us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF Los Angeles. You’ll get CCE’s, too!From all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks! #podcast#leadershipnetworking#growyournetwork#professoinalconnections#networkingskills#leadershipdevelopment#networkbuilding#careerconnections

An ambitious leader knows she’ll need to network to achieve her career goals. But, to her, networking feels slimy, so she asks her coach for help. Some core concepts from this episode:The purpose of networking is to know people.Don’t target people. Nurture a relationship.Make networking 5% of your job every week.Networking makes you a more valuable employee.Show interest in the other person. No monologuing about yourself.Listen to Tom’s “Flow” and “Fall” stories on the Coaching Stories podcast with Dr. Sam Humphrey. COACHES!Join us at the Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF Los Angeles. You’ll get CCE’s, too!https://www.icfla.org/special-interest-groups-2/Be in touch with Tom here.Please help yourself to the free resources in our Essential Tools bin including one called “10 Rules of Networking.”  This month’s episode is in the podcast archive in three categories:For WomenRelationship BuildingSocial SkillsFive episodes to grow your networking skills: 42 - The Art of Chat58 - Elevator Speeches242 - Mastering Nerves129 - Mentoring & Mentors66 - NetworkingTom also mentioned an episode called Conquering People Pleasing.Grab a free transcript of the episode here. We share more resources in our monthly Essential News email. Sign up here.From all of us here at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks! 

Before testifying in a high-stakes case, a theorist and his coach swap horror stories about their nerves hijacking them and the lessons they learned. Tom’s Top Three Ideas for Mastering Nerves:Celebrate Incremental ImprovementWrite Happy EndingsIgnore Your NervesHere is the clip of Emma Stone battling her anxiety.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkN0sPQ76E0Email Tom and tell him he’s crazy here.For Coaches! 2 Resources!1.  Coaching Stories Podcast2.  Executive Coaching Special Interest Group sponsored by ICF-LA. CCE’s given!Tom’s conversations with Neha Singh on “Bridge to Leadership” podcast are here and here.Please help yourself to the free resources in our Essential Tools bin.This episode lives in the podcast archive in these three categories:Managing YourselfNervousnessSelf-TalkFive episodes to help conquer your people pleasing tendencies: Act “As If”Choosing PersistenceConquering FearThe Executive ImpostorThe Many Parts of YouGrab a free transcript of the episode here. Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here.From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!

Angry at himself for continually putting others’ needs before his own, a leader turns to his coach for tools. He learns a new way to think and a behavior to try. Be in touch with Tom here.Listen to Tom’s conversations with Neha on “Bridge to Leadership” podcast here and here.Our Essential Tools bin has free resources to help you build your look and sound of leadership. G.W. Bailey’s imdb page is here.This episode lives in the podcast archive in these three categories:For WomenManaging YourselfSelf-TalkFive episodes to help conquer your people pleasing tendencies: 188 Boundaries165 The Conflict Conversation220 Holding Boundaries219 How to Set Boundaries116 Speaking Your Truth Grab a free transcript of the show here. Our monthly Essential News email provides links to even more resources. Sign up here.From Tom and everyone at The Look & Sound of Leadership, thanks!