Every day can be a reset…

The physical & mental challenges of balance with my disability

I went to the Naidex conference this past month, designed around accessibility, disability & inclusion, meeting so many people in the process, doing amazing work. I tried new adaptions via the exhibitor space that have could have potential enhance elements of my gym training. It was so good to see a variety of adaptive pieces of equipment for different environments – in the home, gym and other places. More recently, it got me thinking further about adaptions when training. I’ve often found I’ve had to be very creative and make things work around my programme as opposed to having anything tailored toward challenges with dexterity. Does anyone have any other experiences with trailered adaptive technology at the gym? I certainly do think there is more research going into this in recently. I don’t know the right answer for every adaption by all means, that being said, but it’s certainly looking likely there’s more items becoming available in the sector as an increasing number of people enjoy training and more products bring more inclusion and accessibility! It has taken me a while over the years to test and tweak a number of wrist straps and attachments to make my programme fit into my disability and I’m determined to help further – by at least signposting these. I’ve found a couple of products that work well for my own dexterity with cerebral palsy – my latest was a smaller but stronger stitched strap from 1MR. One piece I also sampled at Naidex was from Adaptive Hands with taping over the hand that secures a dumbbell in place – which I think would work very well for many. I learnt so much, felt very connected with a community working hard to make change, provide a voice and to create a spark that help provide ideas and importantly actions to take on this path.

Growing up I felt like I ‘should’ have been able to fit into a mould, Which through my cerebral palsy, I feel like I wasn’t able to, in many parts and I was left feeling quite isolated in many ways. It wasn’t until years later that I realised that I am not made to fit into a pre-determined box. You can create that mould as much as anyone else! I have the creativity and ability to carve what I would like and how I can serve and help others too! Among many things I learned with CP, is that the way forward can take many shapes with twists and turns, but it is your own path. That path can be filled with success, love and happiness. I’m gutted in a sense it took my a while to figure this all out, and yet I’m still on a journey. But I am certainly at peace with where I am at, and that there is still some moulding to do on my path, at my pace!

For a number of years growing up, lots of reactions to my disability painfully made me feel weak. Not through my own doing, which looking back, actually brought sadness. But what I didn’t realise at the time, those emotions would be later channelled into a positive…. A positive emotion because from the obstacles presented, the comments directed at the difference in my left sided cerebral palsy – highlighted the individual paths I found to make things happen along the way. Yes the ability to grow muscle fibres is very different from left to right but… Resilience built from a determination in not being excluded from activities by finding a way forward…that has lasted a lifetime in many pursuits! It’s ended up turning that into a positive effect as I’m sure it’s had an influence on the joy I find in training – I feel like I’m trying to solve a slightly different puzzle with a disability but I’m grateful to able to try and give it a go! 💚

There are challenges every day. A new one to start, to continue or finish, but there is always an opportunity at a fresh platform upon waking. I’ve had a number of hurdles as everyone does, I’m still trying to figure things out into my 30’s but I love the feeling of a new page to wake to. This past week had required a slow down in pace due to some joint pain but still maintaining the thinking of a new day seems to always bring that spark about what can be done (if it has to be adapted) to make the morning ignite 🎉 Keep going my friends…

I couldn’t control the restrictive movement, but although I was far removed from this for years, I control how I feel about my movement in my cerebral palsy on my left side. It’s too strong to say I hated my disability, but just saying that I had one was challenging for a long time. I didn’t want to stick out, have to answer questions with every new discussion – I didn’t want it to be a topic. That’s changed over years – a transition that felt differently internally about I viewed myself and the structure that has grown with me. From annoyance at what I couldn’t do to accepting that help that could just make things easier, or at the very least, provide more options for me. My new thinking of controlling how I feel from a negative to positive of what IS possible – with help along the way being part of that – brings empowerment. A sense that I can succeed, with how I can contribute with my body (not despite it). I’m thankful to be able to control getting up, deciding how and when to train – and now have a platform of equipment to choose how to shape my body & the fact I can mould elements of this through bodybuilding is possibly one of the most powerful. Having the power to create a structure for the stage is so empowering – that’s why I try to bring my energy to the stage if you’ve ever seen my routines – high energy music, a big smile and getting some reaction from the audience – because, well, we can! It’s a joy and I’m grateful.

I wouldn’t have had the experiences I’ve had without people sharing their stories of their own journeys of opening doors & breaking down barriers. It’s in part why I do this here. That I owe it to those who helped me build that confidence to pay things forward and shine a light either on my own past experiences or share someone else’s current story to shout loudly what they’ve done (if they would like to) to show what access there is & also what further access which should be there also. I’ve made some wonderful friends through listening to their stories – some in a common direction toward a goal but each one different. In the disability community I’ve found a way to express my feelings like never before. I didn’t have the confidence 15 years or so ago to do that – I didn’t feel I had access to a community to share the challenges, the hurdles but also the ways forward and the help and sharing the successes too. When I look back on the these past few years, they really have provided me with wonderful opportunities to meet new friends, go for competitions and take on challenges with bodybuilding I wouldn’t thought possible a little over a decade previously. I’m very grateful.💚

There was a regular exercise I was given in my younger days during physiotherapy that was all about balance. How long could I stand unaided on my left side (compared to my right) the muscle tone has always been lower in my left and with other factors it remains a tricky discipline to carry out. That being said I enjoyed (around the frustrations) the challenge – could I find a technique to help – could I use a distraction to move my thoughts away from movement issues and focus away enough to beat my previous time. Now this was one of many a task to aid my overall left side function, one that isn’t lost on me to this day. There are still moments of frustration around my left sided alternative paths that do pop on occasions – but I quickly have to remember the practice! The recent moment in question was earlier this week when attempting legs splits off a bench in my gym. I just couldn’t push my weight off on my left side which equated to me dangling for some time. However, unlike what would be seen as so awkward and embarrassing say, 15 years ago, I recalled I’m in my gym to practice not to just add the weights, everyone who there is trying something new, something they maybe haven’t done before and it’s the practice and the persistence & support that aids this – I want to keep trying the balance and practice to take the smaller steps to something bigger down the line and I’m just the same as the young lad in the hospital physiotherapy room all those years ago

I’ve tried to keep things simple this week – a lot of recent trials with attachments and new exercises have had relative successes – however it’s not lost on me to keep things simple with my workouts, keeping in what works well for me and whilst taking in new ideas, keeping a solid base to work and improve on.

The FitXpo was something that had been on my calendar for months and there was much anticipation for a number of reasons. Right up the top was to the chance to reconnect with friends and learn from industry experts but to also once again witness and support the opportunity for a mixed disability class to take to the stage in the Strom Classic during the weekend. The event had everything – lots of opportunities to learn, with excellent talks throughout – meet great brands (with samples aplenty!) – There was that buzz – from competition, to reuniting with friends and personally exploring a new City in Liverpool…