When People Push Your Buttons: The Power of Curiosity Over Control With Harvard Psychologist Dr. Stuart Ablon

When insecurity takes over, most of us double down on self-improvement. But what if freedom doesn’t come from focusing more on yourself - but less? In this powerful conversation, Dr. Alison and author of Free of Me and Gazing at God, Sharon Hodde Miller, discuss the promises and pitfalls of self-esteem culture - and why a bigger story of belovedness, stewardship, and connection sets us free.  We talk about how self-preoccupation doesn’t improve self-esteem, why “just love yourself more” can reinforce the problem, and how beholding God (not abandoning yourself) recenters your life with humility and purpose. In this episode, we cover: Why self-focus can erode your confidence and joy The difference between self-esteem and self-preoccupation What it means to de-center yourself without losing your worth How wounds can masquerade as pride or insecurity The freedom that comes from remembering: you are not the hero of the story Get your hands on a copy of Sharon's books! You can find them here: 📚Free of Me: Why Life Is Better When It's Not about You 📚Gazing at God: A 40-Day Journey to Greater Freedom from Self Here are some other episodes you might like : Episode 99: I Shouldn’t Feel Like My Spirit is Broken Episode 67: The Inextricable Link Between Faith & Emotional Healing with Cindy Gao 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Thanks to our Sponsors! Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do when relationships feels risky after you’ve been hurt, betrayed, or let down, yet you still crave real connection? This week, Dr. Alison is joined by speaker, and author Toni Collier, for a powerful and honest conversation about healing through community and learning how to trust again after deep pain.  Toni shares her story of betrayal and loss, and how she discovered the power of safe people - the kind who can hold your heart without judgment and help you rebuild when life falls apart. Together, they unpack what real friendship looks like and why isolation, while it feels safe, can slowly destroy us. You’ll walk away with language for repair, courage to take off your “strong friend” cape, and practical wisdom for finding (and becoming) the kind of people who can walk with you through both heartbreak and healing. This episode explores: Why healing requires safe people, not just safe spaces How to build a community that can hold your story The difference between isolation and refuge The courage it takes to say, “I need help” The three steps to finding and keeping trustworthy friends You can find Toni’s powerful book here: 📚Don't Try This Alone: How to Build Deep Community When You Want to Hide from Your Pain Here are some other episodes you might like : Episode 104: Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability Episode 76: Finding the Faith & Strength to Move Forward after Loss & Heartache  📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Thanks to our Sponsors! Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. Go to shopremi.com/BESTOFYOU and use the code BESTOFYOU  at checkout for 50% off. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do when someone you love - whether it’s your kids, a spouse, or a friend - keeps doing the same maddening things?  This week, we’re tackling how to approach the most frustrating dynamics in any relationship. Dr. Alison is joined by award-winning psychologist Dr. J. Stuart Ablon, founder of Think:Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital, and Associate Professor at Harvard Medical School.  He shares a game-changing mindset shift: most challenging behavior is about skill, not will. If you’ve ever thought, “They just don’t care,” about someone you love, this conversation provides a proven, practical path to real solutions.  This episode explores: The five core skills that drive every behavior The real reason most people struggle How to keep your cool and trade judgment for curiosity The exact words that lower defensiveness fast Why boundaries still matter—and how to set them collaboratively A step-by-step walkthrough of Collaborative Problem Solving in action For more from Dr. Stuart Ablon, check out his many free resources: 💡For free access to an interactive, self-paced course for parents, go to https://thinkkids.org/Self-Paced-Courses/Parent-Caregiver-Course/ Use code: BestofYou 🏥 Think: Kids at Massachusetts General Hospital  📚Changeable: How Collaborative Problem Solving Changes Lives at Home, at School, and at Work Here are some other episodes you might like : Episode 86: Embracing Conflict—Why It's Essential & 4 Simple Ways to Tackle It Episode 70: Mastering the Art of Emotional Intelligence—How to Harness the Power of Your Emotions to Improve Your Relationships 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Thanks to our Sponsors! Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Head to cozyearth.com and use my code BESTOFYOU for 40% off! If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Best of You Podcast is your weekly space for wholehearted healing and soul-deep growth. Every Thursday you'll learn from Dr. Alison Cook—a psychologist, author, and former teacher who’s passionate about breaking down complex ideas into simple, practical tools you can use every day. You’ll find science-backed strategies and spiritual wisdom to help you: Heal from past wounds Set healthy, soul-honoring boundaries Strengthen your relationships And show up more fully as YOU Whether you’re navigating overwhelm, rebuilding trust, or learning to rest in a busy world, this podcast is here to help you cultivate the clarity, courage, and compassion it takes to live with wholeness. Now with video episodes and fresh conversations for a new season, The Best of You is more than a podcast—it’s a community choosing hope, healing, and transformation together. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if you weren’t meant to trust blindly, but to trust wisely? Trust is sacred - and when it’s broken, it’s easy to shut down or swing toward over-trusting. In this episode, Alison explores how to cultivate a steady, discerning trust, one that honors both your boundaries and your desire for connection. Dr. Alison explores what it means to build wise trust: the kind that’s discerning but still open to love. You’ll learn practical steps to protect your heart without hardening it, and how to partner with God in cultivating grounded, courageous trust that leads to real connection. In this episode, we explore: How broken trust impacts our nervous system and relationships The difference between naïve trust and wise, grounded trust How to protect your heart without closing it off Practical steps to rebuild trust - with yourself, others, and God Why choosing openness is one of the bravest things you can do If you’ve been hurt, disappointed, or afraid to let people in again, this episode will give you language, perspective, and hope for what it looks like to trust wisely - and love freely - again. Follow Dr. Alison on Instagram @dralisoncook 📥 Grab your 3 free Boundaries For Your Soul resources here  📥 Download Alison’s free printable with the five boundary tools when you sign up for her weekly email. Here are some other episodes you might like : Episode 22:  How to Build Trust With Yourself. Episode 117: Healing in the Messy Middle  📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Thanks to our Sponsors! Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self.  For 20% off your order, head to Reliefband.com and use code BESTOFYOU Head to moshlife.com/BESTOFYOU to save 20% off plus free shipping on the Best sellers Trial Pack or the plant-based trial pack Music by Andy Luiten While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do when someone’s behavior leaves you feeling small, confused, or constantly on edge?  That uneasy feeling isn’t random, it’s often a signal that something toxic is at play. The Bible urges us to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves - to stay discerning, not naïve, in our relationships. Yet many of us brush off harmful patterns because we want to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or because our empathy and loyalty run deep. The problem? Those very strengths can make us more vulnerable to toxic strategies. In this episode Dr. Alison names four of the most common toxic behaviors - manipulation, gaslighting, constant criticism, and triangulation - and shows you how to recognize them before they take root. She unpacks how to tell the difference between a one-time mistake and a repeated pattern of harm, and she offers practical tools to protect yourself without losing your compassion. In this episode, we explore: The difference between mistakes and toxic patterns 4 common toxic behaviors and what they look like in real life The core root beneath toxic strategies How to deal with false guilt and set yourself free If you’ve ever struggled with guilt, second-guessed your instincts, or felt trapped in a cycle of blame, this conversation will give you language, clarity, and hope for moving forward with wisdom and strength. 📥 Grab your 3 free Boundaries For Your Soul resources here  📥 Download Alison’s free printable with the five boundary tools when you sign up for her weekly email. Here are some other episodes you might like : Episode 2: What Should I Know About Gaslighting? Episode 110: How to Be Wise When People Are Difficult—Biblical Strategies For Keeping Your Emotional Health & Mental Sanity  📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Thanks to our Sponsors! Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. Check out cozyearth.com and use code BESTOFYOU to get 45% off. Sleep cooler, lounge lighter, and embrace your cozy days with Cozy Earth. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Music by Andy Luiten While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Where do you turn when heartache threatens to take over your whole life? This week, Dr Alison is joined by Amber Smith to talk about her journey from crushing grief to quiet, hard-won hope. Many of you know part of her story: the unthinkable loss of her three-year-old son, River, in 2019.  Together, they talk about the raw reality of grief; how faith can be both anchor and wrestle, how a marriage can survive when each person’s pain looks different, and why welcoming joy again is not a betrayal of what you’ve lost. If you’ve ever faced heartbreak or walked alongside someone in deep pain, this conversation will meet you right where you are - whether you’re on your own bathroom floor or standing beside someone who is. In this episode, we explore: Amber’s story of losing her son, River, and the spiritual transformation that followed The “before and after” shift that tragedy brings to faith and identity How she and her husband, Granger Smith, fought for their marriage Why grief can quietly become an idol How holding space for grief can bring a family closer This episode blends honesty, tenderness, and practical wisdom, exploring what it means to choose life and love while discovering God’s presence in moments when hope feels distant. 📥 Grab your 3 free Boundaries For Your Soul resources here  📥 Download Alison’s free printable with the five boundary tools when you sign up for her weekly email. 📚 Find Amber’s Book here:   The Girl on the Bathroom Floor by Amber Smith Other episodes you might like : Episode 76: Finding the Faith & Strength to Move Forward after Loss & Heartache With Granger Smith Episode 133: From Feeling Numb to Meaning-Making — Navigating the 6 Stages of Grief  📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Thanks to our Sponsors! Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order!. If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. Give online therapy a try and see how it can help you become more present, more aware, and more connected to the life you want to live. Visit  BetterHelp.com/BESTOFYOU. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Music by Andy Luiten While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When the world feels on fire, how do our souls find rest in God alone? This week’s two-part episode is close to my heart. In the wake of recent violence, I first pause to reflect on what it means to choose love in an age when outrage feels easier. From there, I turn to a conversation with my friend and mentor, Dr. Stephen Macchia. Steve has spent decades guiding people into deeper intimacy with God through practices of silence, prayer, and community. Together we explore the barriers distraction creates, why being truly listened to is so healing, and how slowing down opens space for God’s presence in our lives. This episode is an invitation to lay down outrage, pick up compassion, and step into the quiet spaces where God does His best work. 📥 Grab your 3 free Boundaries For Your Soul resources here  📚 Books you wont want to miss from Dr. Steven Macchia: Praying the Parables of Jesus by Dr. Steven Macchia Crafting a Rule of Life by Dr. Steven Macchia Here are some other episodes you might like : Episode 75: Your Secret Weapon Against Stress & Anxiety - How to Transform Your Mind Through the Power of Prayer Episode 88: What to Do When Change Stirs up Anxiety, Uncertainty, or Confusion 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Thanks to our Sponsors! Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Better sleep starts today! Get a birch mattress and test it out for 100 nights risk-free PLUS a discount for being a listener by visiting birchliving.com/BESTOFYOU. If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. Get 50% off a nightguard at checkout when you code BESTOFYOU at shopremi.com/BESTOFYOU Check out cozyearth.com and use code BESTOFYOU to get 45% off. Sleep cooler, lounge lighter, and embrace your cozy days with Cozy Earth. Head to moshlife.com/BESTOFYOU to save 20% off plus FREE shipping on the Best sellers Trial Pack or theEW plant-based trial pack.  *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The world has changed, and raising kids now requires a new kind of courage. In this encouraging, yet practical episode, Dr. Alison is joined by counselors and best-selling authors Sissy Goff and David Thomas of Daystar Counseling in Nashville. Together, they discuss why anxiety is showing up earlier and more intensely in children, and how parents can respond with both empathy and practical tools.  Sissy and David share practical & creative ways they’re helping kids build courage, resilience, self-control, and perspective. From therapy dogs and illustrated children’s books, to powerful stories from their counseling practice, Sissy and David deliver hopeful reminders that your calm matters, and practical strategies can help your kids step into the world with more confidence.  This episode explores: Why childhood anxiety is rising, and how it looks different in boys and girls The surprising ways technology impacts emotional health The unintended consequence of overprotective parenting Practical tools  that help kids develop resilience, risk-taking, and healthy coping When to seek counseling for your child This episode is a hopeful reminder: Kids don’t need a perfect parent. They need a present one who believes in their courage and helps them practice it. For More from David and Sissy: Check out their website, https://www.raisingboysandgirls.com and pre-order the DayStar Dogs books here: 📚Pippa Learns to Share the Spotlight: A Lesson About Jealousy 📚Happy Finds Her Calm: A Lesson in Self-Control  📥 Grab your 3 free Boundaries For Your Soul resources here:  📥 Download Alison’s free printable with the five boundary tools when you sign up for her weekly email. Here are some other episodes you might like : Episode 65: Vulnerability, Parenting, and Letting Go of Control Episode 85: The Goal of a Healthy Family & 6 Roles We Take On In Dysfunction  📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Thanks to our Sponsors! Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Better sleep starts today! Get a birch mattress and test it out for 100 nights risk-free PLUS a discount for being a listener by visiting birchliving.com/BESTOFYOU. If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. Give online therapy a try and see how it can help you become more present, more aware, and more connected to the life you want to live. Visit  BetterHelp.com/BESTOFYOU. For 20% off your order, head to Reliefband.com and use code BESTOFYOU While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, Dr. Alison is joined by counselor and podcast host Trey Tucker for an honest conversation about the rise of therapy culture online, the pitfalls of over-identifying with a diagnosis, and how parents can help kids build resilience instead of anxiety. Together, they unpack: The rise of “TikTok Therapy”—what’s helpful about therapy content online and where it falls short. Why so many people are tempted to define themselves by a diagnosis—and how that can keep us stuck. The difference between true boundaries and emotional avoidance. Parenting without panic: how to model calm presence instead of passing anxiety on to the next generation. Why resilience, not fragility, is one of the greatest gifts we can offer our kids. Alison and Trey bring different perspectives with a shared passion for nuance, honesty, and practical hope. It’s a refreshing, thought-provoking dialogue that will encourage you to think differently about therapy, identity, and how we show up in family life. 📚 Learn more about Trey’s work at www.ruggedcounseling.com. 📥For more in-depth listening, check out his podcast, Rugged with Trey Tucker and follow him on Instagram or TikTok @ruggedcounseling.📥 Grab your 3 free Boundaries For Your Soul resources here  📥 Download Alison’s free printable with the five boundary tools when you sign up for her weekly email. Here are some other episodes you might like : Episode 41: Boundaries With Fear And Anxiety—How to Calm the Chaos Within and the Joy of Internal Boundaries Episode 65:Vulnerability, Parenting, and Letting Go of Control—Inside A Guy’s Perspective With Our Friends From Dadville Episode 66:  The Truth About Anxiety & How to Become a Worry Free Parent with Sissy Goff 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Note: Some links may be affiliate links, meaning I may earn a small commission if you make a purchase - at no additional cost to you. Thanks to our Sponsors! Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! Better sleep starts today! Get a birch mattress and test it out for 100 nights risk-free PLUS a discount for being a listener by visiting birchliving.com/BESTOFYOU. If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. Head to cozyearth.com and use the code BESTOFYOU for 40% off because your bed should be more than a place to sleep — it should be your happy place. Editing by Giulia Hjort Sound engineering by Kelly Kramarik Music by Andy Luiten While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices