How to Patriarch: Your family = a micronation

Most fatherhood advice sucks. It's often coded for political stock characters.A few years ago, expecting my daughter, I made a running doc of fatherhood lessons I was picking up while researching for my History Of Man podcast.This is Part 1 of a new series. A family is a micronation. Therefore, a father is a nationbuilder.To catch Parts 2-5 make sure you're subscribed at ruwando.substack.com(Edited article version of this episode is there too.)Are you a married father who could use help thriving in your marriage? Message me.My Masculine Archetype Challenge comes with a free 1hr coaching session with me:https://ruwando.com/archetype Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

If you often oscillate between opposites:You’re too hard or too soft.Overconfident one day. Self-doubting the next.It may come down to your Father Wound…In Campbell’s Monomyth, the hero’s journey begins in leaving the Status Quo—the metaphorical home of your father.The hero (your ego) seeks out a mentor, or Secondary Father, to fill in the gaps of your masculinity left by your upbringing.This can be seen in the types of men you’re drawn to…Most men’s personal development stops there.But that’s not the end of the journey.Psychologically, it just marks the end of adolescence.Hence a generation of self-improvement junkies who are still bogged down by internal conflict.There’s a later stage on the Hero’s Journey that marks the end of this conflict: Atonement to the Father.Evolutionarily this pegs to adulthood. Becoming father yourself.I happened to record this episode a year into fatherhood. (2023.)I’ve learned things since then. I’ll be sharing them next week.This episode still holds up. It covers:* The synthesis of your primary vs. secondary fathers in your masculinity* The Prodigal Son parable deeper meaning* Making peace with past and dad (if only internally)New series on fatherhood lessons from history coming next week!Make sure you’re on the list: https://ruwando.substack.com/Are you a father who wants to succeed in relationship and business? Message me. I have a new program for married dads.The 21 Day Masculine Archetype Challenge comes with a free 1hr coaching session with me:https://ruwando.com/archetype Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Each of us have a Master and Slave archetype within us. They represent two opposite ways of evaluating reality, and therefore making decisions. The more you operate from Master Morality, the more true you are being to your nature as a man.I break down Nietzsche's concept of Nobility here and how it relates to male biology, modern society, and expressing yourself as a man. This was originally recorded 5 years ago while I was awaiting the birth of my daughter. (I edited out the time-references though.)Archetype Challenge (comes with a free coaching session with me): ruwando.com/archetypeText of this post (and my newsletter) ruwando.substack.com(History of Man podcast which I mention in this episode is there too.) Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

You've been here before: She's upset and talking nonsense. Every male instinct in you wants to correct her contradictions (and prove YOU are right). It's a trap. Uncle Carl offers us a better mental model that makes all the nonsense make sense.Understanding it will help you 1) neutralizing her arguments, 2) handling her unconscious so that future arguments are less necessary. And be the Happy Genius of Your Household.Text version: ruwando.substack.comBtw, if you're a married man with children, and you want to succeed in marriage and as head of your household, I have a new program:It's small group and selective (so all members are on the the same page). Message me for more info on one of the following:Whatsapp (+12296004446)Instagram (@ruwando)or Email(hello@ruwando)Other stuff:Anabolic Psyche (hack brain chemistry)Masculine Archetype Challenge Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Your social brain "thinks" that if you are extra hard on yourself it will motivate you to do better.But the opposite is true: The more you make yourself feel bad, the more you unconsciously do things to justify bad feelings.Shame kills your mojo more than anything else. Kills performance. Disconnects you from your instincts and "soul."This episode is on freeing yourself from shame considering:* Evolutionary basis of this social emotion.* Why self-shaming backfires. (Transactional Analysis)* A simple but profound solution from the “Father of modern therapy,” Dr. Carl Rogers.ruwando.substack.comAnabolic Psyche course: go.anabolicpsyche.com (see Dopamine Detox add-on)INSTINCT coaching group just started. Message me for info. Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

"Men's Personal Development" wasn't a thing even one generation ago. It became so due to shifts in culture and technology. It also is a lens on the changes in male collective consciousness.This episode analyzes the 4 recent iterations of men's work--culturally, psychologically, and technologically-- and what it says about where male psychology is headed.Text summary is available at: ruwando.substack.comAnti-stress/brain chemistry course for men: go.anabolicpsyche.com Get the course for $17, do it, and get my $497 ACM course free!Also new group coaching program just started. Message Ruwan for details. Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

After a weird COVID relationship, a friend lent me a copy of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.While dated in terms of style, I was shocked at how useful it was 20 years later.I was also surprised that John had a lot to say about semen retention when I interviewed him.Little did I know, he has a deeply spiritual (and sexual) past.On that note, you can get Arousal Control Mastery (normally $497) for free if you take and complete the Anabolic Psyche mini-course within a timeframe. https://go.anabolicpsyche.com/Reposting this one, as I'm preparing a new episode on the Evolution of Men's Personal Development: Transformation of the Male Unconscious, where I reference 90's self-help.Stay tuned! Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Is there a formula for getting your way (with people or circumstances)?In my experience, there are certain qualities that make someone particularly magnetic in this sense.I draw an actionable metaphor from the physics formula for literal magnetism,Get the text version with breakdown and summary at ruwando.substack.comAnabolic Psyche 2.0: go.anabolicpsyche.com + Get my Arousal Control program for free (if you complete Anabolic Psyche.) Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Patrick was in a dark place when met—ultra Nice Guy submissive tendencies, deep feelings of undeservingness, enmeshing Mother Complex, and acting out with p*rn and prostitutes.Six months later, his life reflected massive transformation—epic dating life, greater respect at work, and feelings of deservedness.We recorded this about a year after when he chose to settle down with his now wife. (I had also just had my first child.) We discuss male transformation and stepping into the “King” archetype.He also shares about what led to his rapid transformation:“Sometimes you need to be punched so hard in the face that you wake up”Here’s another favorite from some years ago. New stuff coming in 2026, including the new improved Anabolic Psyche course 2.0. (If you already purchased it, you’ve automatically got the upgrades + a secret bonus.)10:00 How to choose to settle down in the most empowering way.13:50 Effort vs. Flow in masculinity16:21 False persona vs. real Self30:05 We’re drawn to people who have what (think) we lack.40:00 Rising into the King archetypePatrick started his journey with the Masculine Archetype Challenge. Still comes with a complementary 1:1 coaching session with me, though I will discontinuing that soon because…This January, I’m opening a group coaching container for men get in touch with their instincts to get massive results with women and purpose.It will also be much more affordable than my 1:1 coaching.But for now it will ONLY be available to guys who’ve already taken Anabolic Psyche (pre-req).So join the new improved Anabolic Psyche to be notified: go.anabolicpsyche.com Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Dropping an old favorite in honor of my anniversary today.How to Help Her Into Her Feminine covers what a man can do to help a woman move from her competitive (“masculine”) self to her interdependent (“feminine”) self.It draws on some fringe lessons from BDSM, evolutionary biology, and case studies from many guys I’ve helped.I recorded it shortly after our daughter was born. I wonder if you can hear the drop in testosterone in my voice.(00:00:00): Irony of Attraction Shifts(00:04:53): If Mama Ain’t Happy…(00:10:54): Asymmetry + Connection Yin-Yang(00:18:03): Concentric Circles Hierarchy(00:27:47): Women’s Dual Stress(00:39:03): Demonstrate, Don’t Demand(00:43:40): Vision as LeaderLots of new stuff coming in 2026! Subscribe to catch it free at: Ruwando.substack.comHack your brain chemistry: go.anabolicpsyche.comArchetype Challenge: ruwando.com/archetype Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe