What Causes Abuse?

The internet might lead you to believe your partner is just a "narcissist" or have an "avoidant attachment style" who needs your help, but what you're experiencing is ABUSE. The problem is not why your partner is abusive, the problem is that they have all the POWER to abuse. In this video, I explain what the core of the issue really is, and why setting real-world consequences for your partner is the only way anything will ever change.  Get my app! https://studio.com/kate-gray/relate    Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok    www.codependencykate.com

Not all avoidant behavior is necessarily abusive, but when coupled with a lack of repair, a lack of curiosity, and an unresponsiveness to your influence as a partner the dynamic can quickly become abusive. Here I explain the difference between regular avoidance behavior, avoidance with abusive tendencies, and true avoidance abuse so that you have the knowledge and tools to choose your next step. Get my app- https://studio.com/kate-gray/relate Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok www.codependencykate.com

In traditional marriage and family therapy, if there's no physical abuse, relationship problems are usually treated as "50/50." I believe this ignores the power dynamics in many relationships between men and women. That's why I coined the term "avoidance abuse": the use of covert power and control in a relationship. It can look like one-sided arguments, no attempts to repair, tone-policing, and withdrawing from the relationship. If this sounds like your marriage, it's not your fault, it's not a 50/50 issue, and there are steps you can take.    FREE GUIDES https://www.codependencykate.com/store   Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok    www.codependencykate.com

Emotional neglect can happen to any child in any household. However, all it takes is one stable adult in a child’s life to counteract this neglect! Now the question is: how can we heal this trauma as an adult? In this second video of my emotional neglect series, I explain the importance of healthy relationships for our overall wellbeing, how therapy can give us the experience that parents typically should, and how we ourselves can become the adult we needed as children. Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok  www.codependencykate.com

The ACE study found 10 types of childhood trauma that directly impacted health in adulthood, but no one talks about the most pervasive kind: emotional neglect. This kind of trauma is often invisible to outsiders and even to the children who experience it because it's not about what happened to you, it's about what DIDN'T happen.    In this video I go over three common types of emotional neglect, including problem-solving without care, spiritual bypass, and toxic positivity. In the rest of this series, I will give you the tools you need to stop neglecting yourself as an adult.   Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok    www.codependencykate.com

"Gratitude lists" are a staple of self-help advice, but NOT on my channel. The opposite of toxic positivity = actually confronting the negative parts of your life and getting ANGRY.  In this third video of my emotions series, I offer 3 practical tools to feel your real feelings safely: hate lists, tapping, and emotional forecasting. Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok www.codependencykate.com

Refusing to name your emotions doesn't mean they aren't there. Hustle culture tells us to be "logical" rather than emotional, but you can't actually make a change if you avoid your feelings. In this second video of my Emotions 101 series, I share the most important step to becoming more present in your feelings: NAME IT TO TAME IT. Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok www.codependencykate.com

Hustle culture tells us to suck it up and "just do it," but when you ignore the fire in your heart, your brain has to deal with the smoke. In this first video in my emotions series, I'll show you how to actually feel your feelings before you "change your mindset." Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok www.codependencykate.com

Many parents will say they “didn’t mean” to hurt you, but never actually change their hurtful behavior. When it comes to our children, we have to focus on the impact of our actions, NOT our intentions.   Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok    www.codependencykate.com

Snatching toys doesn’t make your child a "bad kid,” they might’ve learned the behavior from you. If you want to stop this behavior at the root you have to start with yourself. Here I introduce the term childism, point out how it might be showing up in your parenting, and offer a method that will help you AND your child make better choices.    Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok    www.codependencykate.com