397. Carrying Old Pain Into New Relationships with Ali Olivier

I certainly never expected to be coming to you with an episode about living through a devastating natural disaster and yet, here we are. Joining me is my beloved partner Kelly Gardner, a relationship coach and men's work facilitator, as we come to you recording from Kelly's childhood bedroom after evacuating from Asheville, North Carolina in the wake of Hurricane Helene. As we've witnessed events unfold that have shaken our foundation, we're having a raw, real and honest conversation about how these kinds of experiences can strengthen our relationships - particularly as a couple. This one is quite emotional as we are quite literally procesing our grief in real-time with you as the adrenaline has worn off, while also feeling so incredibly fortunate for everything that we have, including each other. In this episode, we cover: -The impact of crises on personal relationships -Navigating emotions and the importance of checking in with each other -How to maintain communication when disaster strikes -Trusting your partner during turbulent times -Strategies for asking for and offering support -Discovering the silver linings amidst chaos -The value of shared experiences in building resilience -How to transform challenges into opportunities for growth Join us as we explore how conflict and adversity can ultimately lead to greater intimacy and understanding within our relationships.   CONNECT WITH KELLY GARDNER Website: https://www.kellygardner.com  Instagram @iamkellygardner FB: https://www.facebook.com/connectwithkellygardner    CONNECT WITH EMILY COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide “The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship” here Join Emily’s email list here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection

It’s often said that fear is simply “the unknown.” But the unknown is a void - it hasn’t happened yet, therefore, we can’t fear what doesn’t exist. Instead, fear is us projecting past experiences or other people's stories of what we think might go wrong into the future. Today, I’m going to share a different way to approach the “the unknown” in a way that creates excitement and intrigue instead of fear and anxiety. This episode includes a series of questions that will help prevent you from carrying those stories and experiences into the unknown, and instead carry much more awareness and self trust. With this simple reframe, you can stop acting out of fear, and begin acting from the place of ‘what if it actually all works out?’ In this episode, wer’e talking about: -Learning to trust yourself -Overcoming fear -Eliminating self judgement -Fearing judgement of others -Questions to ask yourself to help overcome fear My new book “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection” co-written by Dr. Jade Teta (Next Level Human podcast) is available now! It’s a big “f**k you” to unrealistic Hollywood love stories, and instead offers a fresh perspective on how personal growth is intertwined with romance. You can buy your copy of You Grow Me on Amazon here. Please read and let me know your takeaways! Email me or DM me on Instagram. CONNECT WITH EMILY COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide “The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship” here Join Emily’s email list here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection REFERENCES Four Liberating Questions by Byron Katie  

If we don’t properly heal wounds of our past, they can easily get carried into our future relationships and show up, unprovoked. These can be traumas from childhood, school, past relationships etc., that activate our inner defences and, inadvertently, shield us from opening up to the love, joy and happiness of our new relationships - both with our partners and ourselves. Today, we’re talking with Master Empowerment Coach, Ali Olivier, about releasing past wounds and reclaiming our inner radiance. Here, she shares how she helps women and men unpack the layers of their past that get in the way of their present and future by getting back to the core of who we are, beyond the barriers. She also provides examples of daily practices for nervous system regulation and exercises for inner child work. In this episode, we’re talking about: -Inner child work and healing -Creating safety in our bodies -Expanding our window of tolerance -The role of anger in emotional health -The power of group healing -Balancing and honouring past and future versions of yourself -Healing from trauma -Carrying old pain into new relationships -Learning to trust yourself -Connecting to your body -How to distinguish intuition from anxiety -Re-parenting: becoming the parent you didn’t have -Creating boundaries with your parents -How trauma gets stored in our bodies -Exercises for releasing negative energy -Practices for nervous system regulation -Recognizing and releasing suppressed anger My new book “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection” co-written by Dr. Jade Teta (Next Level Human podcast) is available now! It’s a big “f**k you” to unrealistic Hollywood love stories, and instead offers a fresh perspective on how personal growth is intertwined with romance. You can buy your copy of You Grow Me on Amazon here. Please read and let me know your takeaways! Email me or DM me on Instagram. CONNECT WITH ALI Ali’s Website & Retreats  Ali Olivier on Instagram  CONNECT WITH EMILY COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide “The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship” here Join Emily’s email list here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection”

After a very unintentional break, this is the first new podcast episode I’ve released in four months. And I want to give some insight into why. Firstly, I want to let you know that we are back with weekly episodes moving forward, and I'm very excited about it! I love the podcast so much. There is a very healing quality to it for me personally, just being able to speak things out loud. And here, I’ll update you on some massive life-changing transitions and beautiful manifestations coming to fruition in my life.  In this episode, we’re talking about: -Why I’ve been away from the podcast for four months -Navigating major life changes -Liminal space -Being overwhelmed by choice -Manifestation -Navigating uncertainty -The difference between anxiety and excitement -Being open to receiving -Building self trust -Getting over playing small And thanks to some of the beautiful humans who have reached out and asked about the podcast and shared with me how much it touches your heart, and that you've been missing it. I always appreciate your kind words via email [email protected] or DM on Instagram @emilygoughcoach  CONNECT WITH EMILY COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide “The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship” here Join Emily’s email list here Follow Emily on Instagram: @emilygoughcoach Website: https://emilygoughcoaching.com/  BOOK: “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection” REFERENCES: Episode 304. The Sacred Liminal Space: Between the Familiar & Completely Unknown  

REGISTER NOW: “Your Grown A$& Woman Era” 12-week group program (starts May 15, 2024) I’ve never released an episode like this before. Today, you’re going to hear the first-hand story of one of my private coaching clients, Melissa. Melissa has generously agreed to talk intimately about our six months working together as she worked to overcome the shame, heartbreak and pain of being the “other woman” in a man’s affair for almost 30 years. Here, she details her remarkable healing and transformation during our time working together. I don’t use the word “transformation” often…but Melissa has undergone a complete energetic and physical shift...you’ll hear it in her voice. I’m so excited for you to hear Melissa’s story, and to inspire you that this inner work is for anyone ready to rediscover your true, powerful self. If you’d like to work with me one-on-one, apply here and let’s get started! In this episode, Melissa and I talk about: -Why Melissa contacted me about coaching -Being the “other” in a cheating relationship -Melissa’s breaking point -How to heal from infidelity -Jealousy in a cheating relationship -Wanting to be chosen in a relationship -Choosing yourself before choosing them -Overcoming shame and guilt -Embodying personal development and integrating what you’ve learned -Nervous system regulation My new book “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection” co-written by Dr. Jade Teta (Next Level Human podcast) is available now! It’s a big “f**k you” to unrealistic Hollywood love stories, and instead offers a fresh perspective on how personal growth is intertwined with romance. You can buy your copy of You Grow Me on Amazon here. Please read and let me know your takeaways! Email me or DM me on Instagram.   CONNECT WITH EMILY WOMEN’S GROUP (begins May 15, 2024): “Your Grown A$& Woman Era” apply here  COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide “The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship” here Join Emily’s email list here Email: [email protected] Emily Gough on Instagram  

The balance of personal growth and contributing to a thriving romantic relationship is all about being comfortable in your own skin, without seeking external validation, yet embracing our innate need for connection. It’s independence and interdependence…but not co-dependence.  I’m such a believer in this that I co-wrote an entire book about it called “You Grow Me” (link to buy below).  This episode is a cross-podcast with Lisa Carpenter’s “Full Frontal Living” podcast (find it here). Lisa is a remarkable coach who helped me through one of the most challenging periods of my life (I tell that story in this episode). Here, we focus on creating safety within oneself -  reconnecting with the body, nervous system regulation and the massive importance of personal responsibility within a relationship. In this episode, Lisa and I talk about: Creating safety within: the foundation of self-connection Self-discovery and healing from trauma The impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships Navigating jealousy and building trust The gender gap in personal development Detachment  Why a healthy relationship can be as confronting as a traumatic one Learning to listen to your intuition The presence of exes in a new relationship The grief of finally getting what you want Jealousy in a relationship Taking personal responsibility for everything in your relationship   My new book “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection” co-written by Dr. Jade Teta (Next Level Human podcast) is available now! It’s a big “f**k you” to unrealistic Hollywood love stories, and instead offers a fresh perspective on how personal growth is intertwined with romance. You can buy your copy of You Grow Me on Amazon here. Please read and let me know your takeaways! Email me or DM me on Instagram (contacts below).   CONNECT WITH EMILY WOMEN’S GROUP (begins May 1, 2024): “Your Grown A$& Woman Era” apply here  COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide “The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship” here Join Emily’s email list here   CONNECT WITH LISA Website: https://lisacarpenter.ca Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisacarpenterinc/ Podcast: Full Frontal Living   REFERENCES Episode 389 | LIFE IS FULL OF UNCERTAINTY, BUT YOU’RE GONNA BE OK WITH LISA CARPENTER Kelly Gardner on Instagram  

When it comes to our personal growth and development, many people get caught in a trap of “doing” instead of “being.” Doing is when we learn the things, do the homework, and then force our actions based on doing exactly what we think we’re expected to…even if it feels inauthentic.   But in order for the work to actually work, we have to embody it. We have to literally BE it. And to do that, we have to lean as hard as possible into our most authentic self. Today we’re breaking down how to tell the difference between “doing” and “being” and the incredible rewards we attract - relationships, opportunities etc. - that come as a result of the innate magnetic nature of being the truest version of ourselves. In this episode, we’re talking about: The difference between doing and being Why so many people struggle with doing instead of being How to attract the right relationships and opportunities How our energy affects our communication Living life to the fullest Accepting exactly where you are right now Why authenticity is so attractive An exercise to pinpoint where you feel most alive If you want to work with me to get to your point of “being” opposed to “doing” I have private 1-1 coaching spaces available to focus on this very subject. I’ve worked with a number of women lately on unleashing their own authenticity and the breakthroughs have been life-changing. Email me [email protected] or DM me on Instagram here and I’d love to get started! CONNECT WITH EMILY WOMEN’S GROUP (begins May 1, 2024): “Your Grown A$& Woman Era” apply here  COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide “The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship” here Join Emily’s email list here   REFERENCES Episode 339 | How To Become Wildly Magnetic

When we talk about how safe and secure we feel with someone we’re in a relationship with - romantic or other - we’re talking about emotional intimacy. It’s that deep connection we create and maintain with the truest version of both they and ourselves. Today, I'm going to list 16 surprising signs of true emotional intimacy. Surprising because they involve levels of both strength and vulnerability that aren’t often covered in the usual curriculum of personal development. In this episode, we’re talking about: How to stay connected to yourself The importance of honesty, no matter how painful it is Asking for your needs to be met Asking for help Accepting yourself at your worst How to practice presence Setting boundaries in every relationship Caring for your partner's wounds Pushing your emotional range   My new book is officially out! It’s called “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection” co-written by Dr. Jade Teta (Next Level Human podcast). It’s a big “f**k you” to unrealistic Hollywood love stories, and instead offers a fresh perspective on how personal growth is intertwined with romance. You can buy your copy of You Grow Me on Amazon here. Would love to know what you think! Email me or DM me on Instagram (contacts below).   CONNECT WITH EMILY COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) WOMEN’S GROUP: “Grown Ass Woman Era” apply here Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide “The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship” here Join Emily’s email list here   REFERENCES Episode 371 | Lessons On Learning How To Receive Love In A Healthy Relationship Episode 385 | How Much Do You Value Yourself? Episode 390 | My New Book “You Grow Me” Is Out Today! (Free Preview Of Chapter 1) Episode 391 | Repairing Conflict In Your Relationship With Kelly Gardner 

Conflict is going to happen in a healthy relationship. And more often than not, conflict starts with something laughably small - from doing dishes, to making food, and even how to decoratively light a podcast. But underneath the menial cause of conflict always lies a much deeper need that isn’t being met.  I’m joined on this episode by my partner, Kelly Gardner, a Relationship Coach and Men’s Group Facilitator, and as you’ll hear, we couldn't even record this podcast without a small conflict of our own. Yes, it was something super small (how to decoratively light this episode for video) which we playfully recount, but then take you through our thorough resolution and beautiful potential of the conflict repair process.  Kelly and I also have spots open now for 2-on-2 Couples Coaching (apply here). These sessions are focused on breaking down walls, solidifying your relationship foundation, improving your sex life and designing the most supportive, fulfilling and loving relationship.  In this episode, Kelly and I talk about: Why conflict is so often over small things One partner taking leadership on certain things in a relationship Compassionate communication Assuming positive intent in others Trusting your partner through conflict Expressing your needs and asking for your needs to be met How to fully resolve a conflict in a relationship The repair process of conflict Discovering breakthroughs through conflict The essential elements of repairing conflict in a relationship How conflict is an opportunity to deepen your relationship Also, my new book is officially out! It’s called “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection” co-written by Dr. Jade Teta (Next Level Human podcast). It’s a big “f**k you” to unrealistic Hollywood love stories, and instead offers a fresh perspective on how personal growth is intertwined with romance. You can buy your copy of You Grow Me on Amazon here. Would love to know what you think! Email me or DM me on Instagram (contacts below).   CONNECT WITH EMILY COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) WOMEN’S GROUP: “Grown Ass Woman Era” apply here Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide “The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship” here Join Emily’s email list here CONNECT WITH KELLY GARDNER Website: https://www.kellygardner.com  Instagram @iamkellygardner FB: https://www.facebook.com/connectwithkellygardner    REFERENCES Episode 377 | Hope After Heartbreak: Our Love Story With Kelly Gardner Episode 384 | Captain Save-A-Hoe & Queen Change-A-Dick: Lifelong Patterns That Harm Our Relationships Episode 359 | Building A Community Of Better & More Present Fathers With Kelly Gardner  

Today, I am so thrilled to announce the release of my first book “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection” co-authored with my dear friend, Dr. Jade Teta. It's all about creating growth-oriented relationships, rather than getting caught in the trap of “you complete me” and relying on other people, particularly our romantic partners, to fulfill our needs and happiness. This book leaves the bulls**t Hollywood love stories, Rom Coms, and Disney nonsense where they belong - in fantasy land - and instead lays out how to create a relationship where you can show up more confidently as your authentic self, which allows you BOTH to feel more deeply connected to each other. As a gift to you, I’m releasing Chapter 1 FREE in this podcast episode (links below to purchase). I sincerely hope “You Grow Me” helps you completely reframe the way you look at relationships - with both others and with yourself.  Please let me know what you think! I’d love your feedback on the book, please email or DM me with your thoughts and takeaways. And thank you so much for all your support throughout this podcast - “Your Grow Me” would never have happened without it! (PS: check out Episode 373 for a behind-the-scenes recollection of the frenetic, hilarious, and exhausting story of how we wrote this entire book in just 9 days).   BUY THE BOOK On Amazon:  “You Grow Me: The Next Level Human Philosophy of Love, Sex and Romantic Connection”   CONNECT WITH EMILY COUPLES COACHING with Emily & Kelly Gardner (apply here) WOMEN’S GROUP: “Grown Ass Woman Era” apply here Book A Private Coaching Call With Emily To Work Together Get Your FREE Guide “The Four Tools Missing From Your Relationship” here Join Emily’s email list here   CONNECT WITH DR. JADE TETA Website: https://www.jadeteta.com/  “Next Level Human” Podcast Jade Teta on Instagram Jade’s FREE Book Course