episode one hundred & fourteen: Cigars, piles of meat, and someone else's liquor

NOTE: follow us on Bluesky (@oz9podcast.bsky.social) or join our Discord channel (https://discord.gg/4zXBRxH) for updates on our End of Season Six Live Listen! Right, don't tell your parents we suggested this, but we kinda think the title of this episode would make a hell of a Halloween costume.... Ahem. The away ship is basically nestled in the Oz 9's armpit, the ship's assassin is expiring faster than yesterday's dairy-based leftovers on the back seat of a hot car, the crew have to figure out how to hijack their own ship without weapons, strategy, or sufficient intellect to stay out of a silk tunnel when wearing pointy shoes, and it's TUESDAY. Also, that's the last time I let Cpt. Jessie write the show notes. Just listen. You'll figure it out. You’ve been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as Jessie, Donna, and Lady Nibble-Biscuit Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia. Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Pete Barry as Bob and the Bartender David S Dear as Dr Theo Bromae and Tiberius Eric Perry as Joe, Dr. von Haber Zetzer, Mr Southers, and Howard Kevin Hall as Greg and Felonius Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Michaela Gourley as the little girl Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield and Mark Restuccia as C4 from Best in Galaxy Kyle Jones is your Narrator Two And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator John Faley is our music director, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Please check out our sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors. Until next time, Space Monkeys, maybe stock up on some extra gravity. You know, just in case.... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello? Anybody out there? Oh, yeah, hey. It's been a minute. Soooooooo... where were we? Right. When last we left our crew, they had managed to make it on the Maggies II and III and blast off from Planet Bob. Just barely before Planet Bob sort of ... blasted. Now that word feels funny. Blasted. Question is, did the ships and their contents survive the explosion? Well, considering this episode is, what, 26 minutes long, I'm gonna go with "probably," or this is gonna be a hella awkward silence. If Nattertop and Phil, the spiders aboard Maggie II and III respectively, survived, they certainly have their work cut out for them. Assuming, of course, the spiders plan to heal the crew ... You've been listening to: Pete Barry as Bob Tim Sherburn as Colin Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie David S Dear as Tiberius and Dr. Theo Bromae Eric Perry as Dr von Haber Zetzer, Howard, and Joe Kevin Hall as Greg Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia. Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle Kyle Jones is Narrator Two, and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator. John Faley is our music director, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Please check out our sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors.  Until next time, Space Monkeys, don't forget to stop and smell a flower or two. But keep your fists up — you never know when those little bastards might go for your throat. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yes, you read that title correctly. We have a profound respect for gerbils up here and won't hear a word against them. If you take issue with that, or indeed with Rodentia in general, well, we would remind you that the characteristic that defines Rodentia is a "single pair of continuously growing incisors in each of the upper and lower jaws,"* so let THAT keep you awake at night. And that podcast you heard at the top of the show? Mission: Rejected. Make sure you check it out and give it five stars and all that good stuff. You’ve been listening to:  Pete Barry as Bob Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie David S Dear as Dr Theo Bromae and Tiberius Eric Perry as Dr von Haber Zetzer, Mr Southers, Joe, and Howard Kevin Hall as Felonius and Greg Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia. Sarah Golding is Mrs Sheffield Kyle Jones as Narrator 2, and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator John Faley is our music director, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott.  Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Please check out our sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors. *OK, fine, it's from Wikipedia, we were in a hurry. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Look, when your life is in the hands of someone who only recently gave up huffing glue, you keep your will updated and hope for the best. Such is the situation our four guests find themselves in, but hey, they agreed to be part of this season of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Off This Toxic Planet, so on their own heads be it, really. Dr Theo (swoon) has sabotaged their escape "plan" for purposes that are hazy at best and really f*&king stupid at worst, and now the crew are stuck on a planet that's trying its celestial best to kill them. Will they survive? More importantly, will IaCGMOTTP be renewed for another season? Until next time, Space Monkeys, go get some sun. Really, you're looking a little peaky. Thanks as ever to the wonderful Mission: Rejected podcast for lending us their voices and talent and not immediately sending us a Cease & Desist order after reflecting upon their choices. (They recently did a live show — you can see the hilarious video here: https://youtu.be/KpGsFitlbS4?si=CGOg7_CIsKj2LRRo.) You’ve been listening to: Emmet Dowgin as the Director’s Assistant Pete Barry as Bob Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Caden Dowgin as the Director. Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie David S Dear as Dr Theo Bromae and Tiberius Kevin Hall as Felonius and Greg John Dowgin as Gritz Eric Perry as Howard, Mr Southers, and Joe Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia Faith Dowgin as Mivv Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle J Michael DeAngelis as Telf Bob Killian as Zblatt.  Kyle Jones is your Narrator Two And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator. John Faley is our music director, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott.  Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Please check out our sibling shows at fable and folly dot com and support our sponsors. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Y'all. Y'ALL. Ok, we've given you no reason to respect our judgment, but we're not wrong on this one. Sure, OK, we were wrong about the forniculator — yeah, that's not a thing — but we're right about this. You are going to LOVE this show. WTFKMS is super-smart, funny, and moves faster than Olivia making fun of Madeline's math skills. Give the episode here a listen, then trot on over to your podcatcher of choice to binge all eight eps. Do remember, please, to subscribe, rate, review, and share. It's a nice wee gift for the creators. :) Find it here: whothefkilled.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stuck on Planet Bob where pretty much everything is awful all the time, the crew is freezing and desperate for a safe place to ... well, to screw up, if their past is any indication. Huddled for warmth, buffeted by high winds, they suddenly hear the faint sounds of laughter and applause. Because of course they do. You've been listening to: Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Introducing Caden Dowgin as the Director Introducing Emmet Dowgin as the Assistant Director Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna David S Dear as Dr Theo Bromae Kevin Hall as Greg Introducing John Dowgin as Gritz Eric Perry as Joe, Dr von Haber Zetzer, and Howard Introducing Faith Dowgin as Mivv Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia Introducing J Michael DeAngelis as Telf Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle Introducing Bob Killian as Zblatt Kyle Jones as Narrator Two Chris Nadolny Gourley as your Narrator Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Please check out our sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors. Our thanks and a hearty recommendation to listen to https://www.missionrejected.com/https://www.missionrejected.com/, an extremely funny podcast about the guys who get the mission when the first guy rejects it. Until next time, Space Monkeys, yes, you probably ought to get that thing looked at. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The crew are tramping aimlessly across the blistering and occasionally freezing surface of Planet KTAALNS (Kill Them All And Leave No Survivors, otherwise known as "Bob") and things are pretty grim. Like, not even Brothers Grimm, more Quintuplets Grimm, plus a few singles and a couple sets of Twins Grimm. Just very very grim. I mean, they might survive, but even if they do, they're going to smell really bad, and does anyone need that right now? You've been listening to: Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie Tim Sherburn as Colin and Emily Mark Restuccia as C4 from the Best in Galaxy podcast David S Dear as Dr Theo Bromae and Tiberius Kevin Hall as Greg and Felonius Eric Perry as Joe, Dr. von Haber Zetzer, Mr. Southers, and Howard Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Shannon Perry is Captain Madeline and Olivia Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle. Kyle Jones is your Narrator 2, and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator John Faley is our music director, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott.  Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Big thanks to Mark Restuccia for C4ing C4's lines. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Please check out our sibling shows at fableandfolly.com and support our sponsors. Find out more about 10 Apocalypses and Citeog Podcasts here: https://www.citeogpodcasts.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever been invited to a party you really REALLY didn't want to go to? Like, you won't know very many people, you're not sure how to dress for it, and the atmosphere is toxic? But you're being frog-marched by an army of ants onto an away ship, so you don't really have a choice, and you're sure the chances of getting anything decent to eat are hovering at slightly below zero? Yeah, well, welcome to our world. Planet KTAALNS (Kill Them All And Leave No Survivors, or, affectionately, "Bob") awaits our bedraggled little crew, and it looks like this particularly party is going to be their last. You’ve been listening to: Tim Sherburn as Colin Bonnie Brantley as Jessie and Donna Eric Perry as Joe, Dr von Haber Zetzer and Mr Southers Kevin Hall as Greg and Felonius Pete Barry as Bob David S Dear as Dr Theo Bromae and Tiberius Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Sarah Rhea Werner as Pipistrelle Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia Kyle Jones is your Narrator Two And Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator John Faley is our music director, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott.  Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Please check out our sibling shows at FableandFolly.com and support our sponsors.  Until next time, Space Monkeys, remember this very VERY important lesson: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Brought to you by the team that brought you Wolf 359, you know it's going to be good. Faith Adler has crossed the country to spend the summer in NYC. There she meets David, and the two of them quickly get mired in ... something. It's complicated. Together with friends Tori, Matt, and Ginah, Faith and David navigate situationships, friendships, found family, and all the messiness of being young. Faith is a DJ, and that pretty much describes how she approaches life — willing to scratch, skip, mute, sample, and even reverse until things start to make some sort of sense. If you love Community, High Fidelity, and Fleabag, this show definitely has your name on it. Listen to the Director's Intro with Gabriel Urbina, then head over to Audible for the full listen. You're gonna love it! You can find it at www.hitsingles.show. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'M SORRY, WHAT? HANG ON, LET ME GET TO A QUIETER PLACE, JUST A SECOND.... Phew. That's better. Things have gone bananarama aboard the Oz 9, and the crew has spent the last few hours trying not to get dysentery or squashed crossing a digital freeway. A few folks are hanging out in Meanwhile, which is basically a Narrators' Neverland with a few extra lost boys, and someone keeps trying to stick a fish in my ear. You're welcome to join the fracas, if you really want to, but wear a helmet and avoid Wiggy. He's an asshole. You’ve been listening to: Pete Barry as Bob Tim Sherburn as Colin Bonnie Brantley as Donna and Jessie Kevin Hall as Greg Eric Perry as Joe Chrisi Talyn Saje as Julie Shannon Perry as Madeline and Olivia Sarah Golding as Mrs Sheffield Sarah Rhea Warner as Pipistrelle  Kyle Jones is your Narrator Two, and Chris Nadolny Gourley is your Narrator John Faley is our music director, and our artwork is by Lucas Elliott. Sarah Golding is our dialogue editor, and Mark Restuccia is our sound designer. Oz 9 is written by Shannon Perry. Oz 9 is a proud member of the Fable and Folly Network. Please check out our sibling shows at fable and folly dot com and support our sponsors.  Until next time, Space Monkeys, try to have a happy childhood, because you never know when you might have to relive it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices