thanks for everything, One Pump Lisa

Well, we’re wearing our new shirts. Just before recording we were saying how, it’s bit fashion. The colours that Bella picked. There’s nothing like a Peach-pear La Croix. It was a complete surprise, who dinged us. Ivana has some theories. Bella is investigating and she’s filing a claim right back. Ivana has spoken at length about her love of “Mom,” the show. On that note, Chuck Lorre: you’re done. Bella has an announcement to make to Geena Davis heads. We should send Chicken Soup for the Prisoner’s Soul to Lizzie Holmes. And speaking of, You Can See Everything is just exactly what would happen if you had a crush on a woman who was going to prison and had a husband.

Fourth clap. We’re back and we’re here to stay. Wait, can Ivana just say one thing so quick? Wanna guess what’s the “second heart of the body?” You would think it’s puss. Bella doesn’t think Meredith or Lisa are right or good. But she does find them more interesting. Why is Ivana being like that? About Bella going to see The Backstreet Boys with her cousins? Bella gets etymological about the definition of “mother quake.” According to a quiz, Ivana’s more Adam than she is Shoshanna. So she might as well just jump. It’s different if you have a sign that says “Please Pick Up Your Poop.”

We’re really just two girls close on a couch. Bella loves how Ivana says “luteal.” She says it like a beautiful name. You learn something new every pod. As Ivana always says. You know, these girls aren’t bound by what’s a good movie. In a Twilight rewatch, by the time you get to Breaking Dawn Part 2, you wanna blow your fucking brains out. Has Tree Paine lost her touch or has Tree Paine just realized Taylor’s uncontrollable? The concept of “year” has always been difficult for Bella. If one of the lesbian mask-conscious people find Our Pod, we’re screwed. And you can find ways to honour music that aren’t adding a song to a picture. 

Just think about the fact that if a person from cave man time or even Victorian era drank this (Cherry Float Coke), it would be diabetic shock on impact. Ivana was having a whole life, waiting for the toilet to flush. In any dyke movie Bella’s watched, she’s never seen scenes like The Handmaiden. And that’s saying something. Ivana’s subway take would be like, this doesn’t matter. At all. The shock of seeing Lisa Barlow’s middle name literally brought Bella to tears. If Ivana could give Chris Colfer any word of advice, it would be: step into your power. And you guys gotta follow us on socials. We’re about to be outta the cusp. It’s about to blow.

Ummm… hi. It’s like, we were just here. It’s been Ivana’s Year of Ego in that she’s been experiencing a lot of negative feedback about herself. There is nothing more exhilarating than finding out someone has your birthday. That is what the crack is. Ivana’s sun is Rachel McAdams as Regina George. Bella’s sun is Victoria Beckham as Posh. Bella and Rosie O’Donnell were dust particles together at the big bang. Anyways, that was fun. We don’t have to go on Las Culturistas anymore. At the end of the day, your girls should know about your boobs a little bit. Next point… actually, it’s the next two points. Actually it’s the next three points: we are feeling things for Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock.

Let’s lock in sister. To prove to Hudson Williams that she was cool, Ivana gave him a double thumbs up and said "Awesome." This is always what happens when you watch too much Vanderpump rules: you go crazy. When these celebrities die, they come to Bella. Miss Violet Affleck, mama will NOT take off that mask! For context: we've been thinking about Annie. Bella’s a Holmes' head. And in terms of being the victim of a cyber bullying wave, Ivana is always reminded of her birthday twin, Tyler the Creator: How do you even get cyber bullied? Close your eyes. 

Do we have to do the first point on this list? Let’s just say there’s two RIPs on this list. Besides that, it’s a beautiful midsummers night. Bella has had what can only be described as a Good Summer. Meanwhile, Ivana got a biopsy on her boob. What else is there to do in therapy but lie? Bella did her Grade 10 speech on YouTube. Ivana did it on being against volunteering. Bella sees her sister Ivana in everything (aka. Keke Palmer’s facial expressions). People are mad at Lala Kent simply because she is a beautiful woman. The girls suspect that Barbie will decide she can have it all in Barbie 2. They have hired Dianna Agron to play a woman named Skip Binsky. And Ivana lists her findings from The Radio.

Ivana demands the guest to introduce herself. But Brood knows Audrey. Without her, there would almost be no us. Now for the first time, we’re all here together for, say it with me: WeHo Pride. Bella’s conductor hat is unique. What that ball cap is doing is not natural. Turns out, the way to embody the mind of a lawyer is a lot of googling. The Grove is Italy at its finest. When it comes to getting married, be like Dua Lipa. Wear a big beautiful hat. Our guest has no points to add but we never could have known six years ago when we were doing psychic “who will fall in love with each other” predictions that we would be at the SLS Beverly Hills now. Doing pod. ❤️

Our hair is getting long. Our bangs, at least. But Bella has to be clear, to those who don't know what we look like; we have the shortest of pixie cuts. A three hour movie is difficult, however, sometimes it's a great opportunity to eat so much food. Bella got misgendered at Giant Tiger and she deserved it. The next hundred points are about Vanderpump Rules so that'll be good. Who is that man in the mirror? Ivana vows to change his ways. 6'4 and doing self-funded journalism in Gaza? Let's look to Hannah Einbender as a representation of bisexuality. Ivana forgot her cat outside.

It is so good to be back and Bella has to say, we have a bit of the giggles. Welcome to the stage: One Pump Lisa. Even Ivana thought there was a glimmer of mischief in her sister’s words but Bella seriously couldn’t stop crying at the convent. This year of Love Island, Ivana started getting active on Threads and that’s knew she needed to take a step back from the villa. All we have to say to Taylor Swift fans: you don’t even know your own girl! And breathe? More like wheeze.