It's Not My Fault!

It's not easy for most of us to receive negative feedback. Even when the person delivering that feedback is constructive and reasonable, we often feel the urge to defend ourselves. This week, we look at the psychology of defensiveness with neuroscientist Emily Falk. We'll explore what causes so many of us to resist constructive criticism, and how we can get better at giving and receiving such feedback. Then, in the latest installment of our ongoing series "Your Questions Answered," psychologist Ciara Greene returns to the show to answer your questions about memory and forgetfulness.If you have follow-up questions or thoughts for Emily Falk after listening to today’s conversation, and you’d be willing to share with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line “mental barriers.” Thanks! Our next stops on the Hidden Brain tour are coming up! Join us in Baltimore on October 11, Washington, D.C. on October 12, or Los Angeles on November 22. And stay tuned for more cities to be added for 2026. For more info and tickets, go to https://hiddenbrain.org/tour. Episode illustration by Getty Images for Unsplash+ Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Many of us have been raised to believe that if we want to get something done, we just need to set our minds to it. Where there's a will, there's a way, right? Yet somehow we end up polishing off that pint of ice cream in the freezer, or spending more than our budget allows. It's almost as if we're not the ones in charge. This week, we talk with psychologist and neuroscientist Emily Falk about why our minds often conspire against our best interests, and how we can regain control. Do you have follow-up questions or thoughts for Emily Falk after listening to today’s conversation? If you’d be willing to share with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line “mental barriers.” Thanks!And if you love Hidden Brain, please consider joining our podcast subscription, Hidden Brain+. We're currently offering an extended 30-day free trial for all listeners who subscribe on Apple Podcasts during the month of September. To sign up, click the "Subscribe" or "Try Free" button in Apple Podcasts, or go to apple.co/hiddenbrain. Your subscription helps to fund the research, writing, and sound design that go into every episode of the show. We appreciate your support! Episode illustration by Fast Ink on Unsplash Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Perfectionism is everyone’s favorite flaw. It’s easy to assume that our push to be perfect is what leads to academic, athletic, and professional success. But how do we distinguish between high standards and unrealistic expectations? This week, we bring you a favorite conversation with psychologist Thomas Curran. He says perfectionism has a dark side, and that there are much healthier ways to strive for excellence. Then, we bring you the latest edition of our segment "Your Questions Answered." Sociologist Allison Pugh returns to the show to respond to listener questions about connective labor — the work of seeing another person, and having that person feel seen.The Hidden Brain tour continues this fall! Join us in Baltimore on October 11, Washington, D.C. on October 12, or Los Angeles on November 22. More info and tickets at hiddenbrain.org/tour.Episode image by Dadi Prayoga for Unsplash.com.  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When tragedy strikes, it’s natural to be devastated. But psychologist George Bonanno finds that many of us recover from life’s blows more quickly than we might expect. This week, we talk with Bonanno about his research and why it has changed how many scientists think about trauma and resilience.Do you have follow-up questions or comments after listening to this episode? If you’d be willing to share your thoughts with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line “trauma.” Thanks! Episode illustration by Ahmed Hossam on Unsplash Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever fallen asleep in school or during a work meeting? Maybe you felt your eyes glaze over as your boss or a teacher droned on and on about a topic that had no relevance to you. What's missing from these classrooms and conference rooms is engagement: A state of being absorbed, alert, and eager to learn. This week, psychologist and neuroscientist Mary Helen Immordino-Yang explores why so many of us feel apathetic at school and at work, and how to cultivate the magic of engagement.Do you have follow-up questions or comments after listening to this episode? If you’d be willing to share your thoughts with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line “learning.” Thanks! Episode photo by Ismail Salad Osman Hajji dirir on Unsplash  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Aging isn’t just a biological process. Our outlooks and emotions also change as we age, often in ways that boost our well-being. This week, we revisit a favorite conversation with psychologist Laura Carstensen, who helps us unpack the science behind this surprising finding, and shares what all of us can learn from older people. Then, as part of our ongoing series "Your Questions Answered," we revisit our follow-up chat with Laura, who responds to listeners' thoughts and questions and shares more of her research on what it means to live well as we age.Come see Shankar in person and help us to celebrate Hidden Brain's tenth anniversary! Our next stops on our "Perceptions" tour are Mesa, Baltimore, Washington, D.C., and Los Angeles. For more info and tickets, visit https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/Episode photo by Hector Reyes on Unsplash  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why do some people risk their own lives to help another person, or give away their fortunes for the benefit of strangers? This week, we talk with psychologist and neuroscientist Abigail Marsh, who studies the science of altruism. We'll explore what's known about the brains of people who perform acts of remarkable selflessness, and how the rest of us can learn to be more like them. Do you have follow-up questions, comments, or stories about altruism and generosity after listening to this episode? If you'd be comfortable sharing with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line “generosity.” And if you liked today's conversation, please check out our sister podcast, "My Unsung Hero." You can find the show on this podcast platform, or by visiting our website: https://hiddenbrain.org/myunsunghero/The Hidden Brain tour heads to Toronto on Wednesday, August 6! Join Shankar there or at one of our upcoming stops in Baltimore, Washington, D.C., or Los Angeles. More info and tickets here: https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We all tell stories about ourselves, often without realizing we’re doing so. How we frame those stories can profoundly shape our lives. In our latest You 2.0 episode, we bring you a favorite conversation with psychologist Jonathan Adler. He shares how to tell our stories in ways that enhance our wellbeing. Then, Max Bazerman answers your questions about the science of negotiation.Do you have follow-up questions or ideas that you’d like to share after listening to our conversation with Jonathan Adler? How do you tell the story of your life, and  how does that shape the way you see yourself? If you’re comfortable sharing your thoughts and questions with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line “personal stories.” Hidden Brain's "Perceptions" tour is continuing this fall! Join Shankar at an upcoming stop; more info and tickets here: https://hiddenbrain.org/tour/Episode Illustration by Art Attack on Unsplash Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What does it mean to be stoic? Many of us assume it means you have a stiff upper lip, or that you suppress your emotions. That's what Massimo Pigliucci thought — until he started to peruse a book called Meditations. It was written nearly two thousand years ago by the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius. But Massimo, now a philosopher, says Meditations, and Stoic philosophy more broadly, offer wisdom that continues to speak to our lives. This week, we explore Stoic ideas and what they tell us about a life well lived. Do you have follow-up questions and ideas about stoicism after listening to this episode? If you’d be comfortable sharing your comments and questions with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line “stoicism.”  Photo by Kenny Eliason on Unsplash Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Many of us believe that hard work and persistence are the key to achieving our goals. But is that true when it comes to the pursuit of happiness? This week, we revisit a conversation with psychologist Iris Mauss, who explains why happiness can seem more elusive the harder we chase it, and what we can do instead to build a lasting sense of contentment. Then, we bring you the latest edition of our segment "Your Questions Answered." Behavioral scientist Alison Wood Brooks answers listener questions on how to be a better conversationalist — from what to do when the other person isn't contributing, to how to stop others from interrupting.Miss our original episodes with Alison Wood Brooks? They're called "We Need to Talk" and "The Conversations that Bring Us Closer." Do you have follow-up questions, thoughts, or ideas about the pursuit of happiness after listening to our conversation with Iris Mauss? If you'd be comfortable sharing your thoughts with the Hidden Brain audience, please record a voice memo on your phone and email it to us at [email protected]. Use the subject line "happiness." Thanks!   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.