It's me or them: When someone wants to control your relationship with others

When someone wants to control who you see by giving you an ultimatum between them and "me", you might have a hard choice to make. Or, maybe it's an easy choice, but it might be hard to get there from here. 

You realize the relationship isn't going to work out and want to leave, but you're worried about being called a bad parent. Not only that, you are guaranteed to be called a bad parent by an abusive partner. Are you stuck in this relationship forever? 

Your heart is big. And your kindness and compassion, though amazing qualities, can also keep you in situations that are unhealthy for you. When you're afraid you're going to hurt someone by leaving them, there's a bigger picture to keep in mind. 

It's hard enough to be in a difficult relationship, but when your boundaries are shot, your adrenals are through the roof, and lots of years have passed, you might be wondering if this entire relationship was a giant waste of time, thinking about all the things you could have or should have done instead. 

It can be hard to be in an emotionally abusive relationship. The challenge is real! But what about leaving one? It might be just as hard or harder because of the unknown of what happens next. 

A trauma bond is like being addicted to both the highs and lows, just waiting for your next fix. It's not impossible to break a trauma bond, but it can be hard as hell. 

Can the victim of emotional abuse accept the former abuser as a friend after a lot of time has passed? I received this question from someone who used to be emotionally abusive, feels awful about it, but has been out of that relationship for years. Then she met up with her ex again, and things are different, but not in the way she expected. 

You're watching your child mirror a narcissistic parent and it feels like you're losing ground. Arguing with the lies they're being told feels pointless, but asking the right questions might just be what helps you keep your connection to your children, helping them choose empathy over manipulation.

How much mistreatment is too much? When your boundaries are violated over and over again, there will be a point where you have none and the sky will be the limit on someone else's hurtful and controlling behaviors. 

There's got to be a reason someone becomes abusive, right? All abusers abused as children... is that it? Maybe it's a mental health issue. Maybe it's none, some, or all of the above. Or maybe it's something else.