156: Because the Wheel Keeps Spinning

I’ve been spending the last few weeks of summer at the beach in Halkidiki and have made a daily ritual of swimming in the ocean each morning. While the water here is typically known to be gentle and serene, it recently has been much more turbulent and unsettled. I’ve had to adjust my swimming technique to navigate the rocky waves and trust in my body to adapt to the tumultuous conditions.  This experience reminded me of a lesson that is true of many things in life - the journey is more enjoyable when you can freely flow with the waves that come your way. Diving into this thought more and some of the philosophical musings I’ve been pondering from my time at the beach. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep164 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

We won't find truth outside of us. There's no system, no organized set of teachings, no framework of thinking that will lead us to truth. Ultimately, the only place where we find truth is within ourselves. Reading passages from Jiddu Krishnamurti's Total Freedom reminded me once again of this big adventure that awaits each of us: to seek within ourselves. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep163 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

I’ve been having so many intense, vivid dreams lately - so intense that I feel tired and unsettled even after waking up. I knew these dreams were trying to tell me something about myself that I couldn’t see with open eyes during the day, but I didn’t feel like analyzing them or dealing with them in the moment. But one of the dreams that I couldn’t shake is a very common dream that many people experience, but one that is pretty unusual for me - dreaming that my teeth are falling out. In this episode I do some live dreamwork to decode and dissect the underlying message this dream was trying to reveal to me.  Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep162 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

I’ve been reading Demons by Dostoyevsky and there are two small anecdotes from the book that immediately resonated with me—two topics that many of us as humans deal with throughout our lives. The first is the impulsive act of judging others too quickly and the arrogance we must overcome to give one another a fair chance. The second is the lost ability of being able to laugh from the heart. So often in life we wear masks to protect our own self-image and gain approval from others, but at a detrimental cost to our true inner selves. Talking more in this episode about the profound wisdom and depth I discovered from these passages and how I’ve seen these topics reflected in my own life. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep161 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

Today I want to share with you one of my favorite books of all time, The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky. I loved the experience of reading this book so deeply that I already can’t wait to read it again. It does a wonderful job of portraying many major life themes in a profoundly delightful way. I found so much beauty and wisdom contained within each page that it has stuck with me for days, and even weeks, after reading it. If there’s one book you read in your entire life, let it be this one. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep160 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

Rather than feeling present and peaceful, I felt fragmented and frustrated in recent weeks. My nights were filled with uneasy sleep and weird dreams. And in the course of the days, I struggled with confounding urges: When I worked, I wanted to take a break. When I took a break, my mind kept thinking about work. And the same was true for other areas of life: For much of my day, I was doing one thing, while some part of me felt compelled to do something else. And just recently was I able to make sense of all this. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep159 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

I recently finished listening through about a hundred mini recordings from my week in total darkness, which was a very intense experience to relive. While reflecting on my dark retreat and the time since then, I’ve realized it’s been a very challenging and intense 3 months for me post-darkness. I also didn’t anticipate how different coming out of this experience would be compared to other types of retreats I’ve done. I’ve been in such a sprint for the last 3 months that I’m still digesting many of the insights and lessons I uncovered while in darkness, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it takes me close to a year to truly internalize this experience.  Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep158 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

This topic is something we’ve touched on previously but it’s a theme that keeps popping up for me. It’s the notion of “you are not above this”. I keep finding myself in situations where a thought or feeling arises that I’m not comfortable with and my first instinct is to reject it. I think to myself, I’m above this, I’ve evolved beyond this feeling or action.  It’s human nature to reject the parts of ourselves we aren’t comfortable with. But this only further distorts our own self image. We have to acknowledge that if we’re having this feeling, then it’s our current truth and we have to claim it as our own. It may not be who we strive to be, but it’s still a part of who we are whether we like it or not. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep157 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

We all know life is full of ups and downs, yet it’s so easy for us to get frustrated and torture ourselves when the pendulum of life suddenly swings from blissed out harmony to chaos and struggle. We must remember that life is a wheel that keeps spinning. These moments and feelings, both good and bad, aren’t constant. The sooner we can fully understand and internalize this, the easier it gets to just ride the waves and enjoy the journey. Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/ep156 Connect with me: https://steliefti.com  https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/ 

Great joy overcame me one day before the end of my dark retreat: I was about to go back into the world. Tomorrow I would see my children, embrace them, give them all my love, and receive theirs. An almost ecstatic bliss enveloped me, and I wanted to cherish this state as much as possible. But then another realization dawned on me: blissing out on anticipation would cost me everything the present moment would have to offer, all the lessons that were still waiting for me in the dark. This episode is a short audio diary I recorded during my dark retreat in March of 2022.   Check out my weekly newsletter: https://steli.substack.com/   Connect with me: https://twitter.com/steli  https://www.linkedin.com/in/steliefti/