How To Destroy Everything Presents: Toughen Up - Episode 1: Mom, Dad and the Fighting

In the season finale, unable to carry on alone, Eugene finally surrenders and moves into an Assisted Living facility. He’s not there long before he is hospitalized and enters into a steep decline. Before he passes away, Stephen’s father finds his version of peace with “All we’ve been through as a family…” Danny and Darren then agree that Toughen Up is ultimately a story of forgiveness, with Stephen describing it as a love letter to his family. If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything and please don't forget to share, rate, and review! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It’s 15 years later and Eugene’s wife Helen dies very suddenly, leaving him very much adrift. At the urging of a priest, Stephen’s father learns to ask for help at the gravesite, then pushes on alone. In our interview, Danny and Darren learn how Stephen struggled, self-medicated and began to heal his past in the years since his mother’s passing. If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything and please don't forget to share, rate, and review! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

With Stephen off to college, his mother strikes out on her own, renting a room in a house and scoring her dream job. Not long after, however, Maureen is diagnosed with terminal cancer and eventually makes peace with Eugene and her past. After her ashes are scattered at sea, she delivers a message to Stephen in a dream. Then, Darren looks back on Maureen’s life and wonders if she truly found peace. Get 15% off OneSkin with the code DESTROY at https://www.oneskin.co/ #oneskinpod If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything and please don't forget to share, rate, and review! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this seventh chapter, we find a mid-life Maureen facing her fears and calling upon her brother, Jimmy, to finally teach her how to drive. Then, Eugene shocks the family with a surprise marriage announcement. After Sheila leaves the nest for college, Stephen is left at home with his mother, doing his best to fill the role of "Man of the House." Then Danny relates to the role reversal that took place between Stephen and his mother and Darren makes an observation about the sheer resiliency of this family.  If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything and please don't forget to share, rate, and review! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this chapter of our story, we find Maureen is officially back on her feet, though struggling to make ends meet for her and the kids. After a variety of jobs, she ends up working in a factory and takes in some of her fellow employees as roommates to pay the rent. Stephen is displaced when a particularly provocative boarder rents his room, upending a family already desperately in need of stability. We then hear Danny and Darren reflect on how this episode is a true snapshot of 60’s and 70’s America, how Stephen lacked the rock of stability of Danny’s grandparents and how Stephen’s mom’s secrets and schemes eerily mirror those of one Richard Jacobs. If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything and please don't forget to share, rate, and review! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We now find Lisa, Sheila and Stephen taking refuge with their Uncle John in Washington State, where young Stephen learns some hard life lessons on a construction site. They return to Mission Viejo, just in time to lose whatever housing Maureen had established, as she enters psychiatric treatment. Sheila and Stephen are taken in by a compassionate family, until Maureen is ready to start over, moving them all to the far edge of town. We then hear Darren, as a parent, express concern over “little Stephen” while Danny and Stephen bond over their shared clowning skills as a survival mechanism. Then, our hosts explore the scars and strengths of homelessness, agree on “the Devil you know,” and finally ask Sandy’s take on Toughen Up! If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything and please don't forget to share, rate, and review! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

After losing their suburban home, Maureen moves with Stephen and Sheila into a Travelodge, only to dispatch her children on an epic road trip with their fugitive sister Lisa. Heading north, the three siblings experience a shared moment of grace on a rainy night, outside of a Canadian liquor store. Then Danny and Darren push in on the fear and loneliness of the children being left to fend for themselves. Danny speaks of The Triumph of Small Things, while Darren reminds us we are all members, to some degree, of “The Destruction Community.” If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything and please don't forget to share, rate, and review! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wherein young Stephen seeks refuge from his own family at a house “down the street.” His father then reveals a side of himself that no one could have imagined, just before the marriage finally falls apart. Gene moves away while Maureen makes a new “friend.” Then, hear why the boys call this “The Darren Episode” and define the true meaning of an oasis. Then, Danny and Darren explore the hidden meaning behind Stephen’s sound effects and what it meant to have his father reveal that he could “fly.” Head to https://bubblycleaning.com/HTDE to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Bubbly Cleaning for sponsoring this episode! If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything and please don't forget to share, rate, and review! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Episode Two finds Maureen taking on The Reverend Mother of her children’s Catholic School. The family then experiences the darkest Christmas of their lives, propelling them south, to face an uncertain future in an empty house in the suburbs. A violent period unfolds for The Kearins, which includes a hammer, a hospital and a runaway girl. Then Danny and Darren explain why they called this “The Catholic Episode,” explore the nature of forgiveness and our attempts to stop a cycle of family dysfunction. If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything and please don't forget to share, rate, and review! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In our first episode, we meet Stephen’s tough girl Jersey mother and his post war(s) farm boy father, as they attempt to raise him, his two sisters, and themselves in a tiny apartment in Van Nuys, California. Then, Danny and Darren start exploring what’s behind his parents' pain, what happens to feelings frozen in time, and where is the Grace in all of this madness? If you would like to support this podcast, please consider becoming a patron at www.patreon.com/HowToDestroyEverything and please don't forget to share, rate, and review! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices