Vaginismus Explained: What Actually Shifted for Elena

You said yes. You meant yes. And then something below your belly button said: absolutely not.In this episode of Ground Floor, holistic pelvic health practitioner Naomi Gale explores bracing, felt sense and consent, and why a braced pelvic floor is so often your body's way of saying no. It isn't random. It's protecting you.Naomi shares the story of Maya (an avatar of several clients, not a real person). Maya is 29, with a kind, patient partner, and she has never had penetrative sex that didn't hurt. She'd tried Kegels, stretching, pushing through and a glass of wine first. What she discovered is that her body was the only part of her that had ever been saying no.Naomi also shares her own story of saying yes when she meant no, and why Kegels used to make her feel physically sick.In this episode:- Bracing and armouring: why the pelvic floor braces at the exact moment consent is spoken to- What felt sense actually is, and why the vagus nerve carries 80 to 90% of its information from body to brain- How "give Granny a kiss" teaches us to bypass our inner compass- Why Kegels ask an already-gripping muscle to grip harder- Tending without a goal: safety before touch, waiting for the invite, going in millimetre by millimetre, and exiting the same way- Four ways this kind of touch teaches your body consent- How Maya found the language to talk to her partner about itContent note: this episode discusses consent and rape, and Naomi briefly shares her experience of physical abuse. Please go gently. Rape Crisis (rapecrisis.org.uk) is a brilliant place to start if you need support.This is education, not medical advice. If you have pain with penetration, please see your GP, ask for a referral to a gynaecologist (ideally one who specialises in this kind of pain) and a pelvic health physio. This work sits alongside medical support, not instead of it.Mentioned:- Kegels Won't Fix Vaginismus or Vulvodynia (Here's Why)- Dilators Won't Fix Vaginismus On Their Own (Here's Why)- The Vaginismus-Friendly Partner: What TikTok Isn't Telling YouJoin our community emailsFree meditations, courses and talks on Insight TimerHolding words over on SubstackPelvic Healing Journey HerePostpartum Healing Journey Here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You've got the kit. You've worked your way up the sizes. You're doing it three times a week like you were told. So why does sex still hurt?In this episode of Ground Floor, holistic pelvic health practitioner Naomi Gale unpacks why dilators are a useful tool for vaginismus but are almost never the full picture, and why being handed them as a "ticket" to pain-free sex can leave women stuck in false hope and shame.Naomi shares the story of Sophie (a composite of several clients, not a real person). Sophie is 21 and has never had comfortable penetrative sex. After eight months of diligent dilator work she reached size four, met someone she liked, and still went into a freeze response with the same burning pain. Together they discovered she'd spent those eight months practising bracing. Naomi explains what changed when Sophie went back to the smallest size with no goal and no regime because this was the only way this was going to support her moving forward. In this episode:- Why vaginismus is a protection problem, not a size problem- How "pushing through" dilator sessions can train your body to brace- Why a dilator has no context, and why sex has a lot of it- How the root cause, and medical causes like hormones, skin conditions, vestibule pain, menopause and medication, differ for everyone- How "get to the big one" turns your vagina into a project No one wants their vagina to feel like a project- Saying yes when your body means no, and finding your felt sense- What helps alongside dilators: nervous system work, your own touch without a goal, bringing your partner in as a teammate, and redefining sexThis is education, not medical advice. If you have pain with penetration, please see your GP, ask for a gynaecology referral (ideally a specialist in this kind of pain), and consider a pelvic health physio. This work sits alongside medical support, not instead of it.Mentioned:- The Vaginismus-Friendly Partner: What TikTok Isn't Telling You (earlier episode)- Kegels Won't Fix Vaginismus or Vulvodynia (Here's Why) (earlier episode)Join our community emailsFree meditations, courses and talks on Insight TimerHolding words over on SubstackPelvic Healing Journey HerePostpartum Healing Journey Here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"It just stems from the head." That's what a consultant said to Naomi after keyhole surgery found nothing, tapping his own head in front of of students. If you've got vaginismus, vulvodynia, period pain or painful sex, you've probably heard your own version: "just relax", "have a glass of wine", "everything looks normal", "it's probably anxiety". This episode is about medical gaslighting: why women get dismissed by doctors, and why it's so often about the doctor's discomfort with not knowing rather than whether your pain is real.In this episode:• Naomi's own "it's all in your head" story: gut pain, suspected appendicitis, keyhole surgery for nothing, and the locum who finally believed her• Being gaslit through period pain, a suggested hysterectomy, and fertility treatment• What gaslighting actually sounds like in the GP room• Why 60% of people with vulvodynia see three or more doctors, and 84% of women in England say they haven't been listened to by healthcare professionals• Hysteria, the women's health research gap, and how little gynae training GPs get (with Dr Sam from the book Ground Floor)• Why doctors gaslight: ego, fear, hierarchy, "empathy not sympathy" and ten-minute appointments• What being disbelieved does to your pelvic floor and nervous system• What to do: how to prepare, words to use in the appointment, saying stop during an exam, second opinions and PALSNaomi Gale is a holistic pelvic health practitioner, womb massage therapist and somatic educator. She is not a doctor, gynaecologist or physiotherapist, and this episode is not medical advice.Topics: vaginismus, vulvodynia, medical gaslighting, painful sex, doctor dismissed me, pelvic pain, period pain, IBS, pelvic floor, women's health, nervous system, self-advocacy at the GP.Join our community emailsFree meditations, courses and talks on Insight TimerHolding words over on SubstackPelvic Healing Journey HerePostpartum Healing Journey Here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Vaginismus and vulvodynia affect far more women than most doctors realise, and with almost three-quarters of a million women on UK gynaecology waiting lists, most are left to cope alone. In this episode of Ground Floor, holistic pelvic care practitioner, somatic educator and doula Naomi Gale explains why she's bringing back the Vagina Circle, and what it really means to tend to your vagina without it being a massage.In this episode:- What vulvodynia and vaginismus actually are, and why "just relax" is not an answer- Why the pain is real: nerves, muscles and brain all involved, and why you should still get assessed- The gynaecology waiting list crisis: RCOG figures, year-long waits, A&E visits and widening inequalities- Why so many GPs have never been trained in vulval pain, and why women see doctor after doctor before a diagnosis- Fertility, falling birth rates, rising IVF, and Naomi's own IVF and IUI story- vagina massage touch that asks for nothing: coming back into relationship with your pelvis, with a short guided practice- Why shame, stigma and isolation need spaces outside the clinic, and the relief of finding out you're not the only onePelvic health support doesn't replace medical care. If you have vulval pain or painful sex, push for a referral and ask for a pelvic health physiotherapist.JOIN THE GROUND FLOOR CIRCLEOnline, monthly. First circle £45, then £29 a month, cancel any time. Or come once for £45.[www.thiisisnaomigale.co.uk/vagina-workshop]Sources: RCOG waiting list data (Jan and Oct 2026), ONS births 2025, HFEA Fertility Treatment 2024.Join our community emailsFree meditations, courses and talks on Insight TimerHolding words over on SubstackPelvic Healing Journey HerePostpartum Healing Journey Here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"Do you know how I view my vagina? I see it as a cactus." Anne Hathaway wants to write the bible of the pelvic floor, The Times is selling Kegels as the fix, and every postpartum woman gets the same tick-box line from her midwife: do your Kegels. But if Kegels genuinely worked for everyone, why are so many of us still in pain and still pissing ourselves. A question that needs asking more versus- do your kegals. In this solo episode of Ground Floor, holistic pelvic care practitioner, somatic educator and doula Naomi Gale draws on a decade of hands-on work to explain why vaginismus and vulvodynia are usually a pelvis that's guarding, not a pelvis that's weak. In this episode:- Where Kegels came from, and what they're actually for (yes a man was involved)- The postpartum tick-box, and Naomi's own "PMSL" story after twins- Why so many women doing Kegels aren't moving their vaginal muscles at all- The Kegel as a check-in, not a workout- Vaginismus, fear, cultural messaging and the constant bracing of being a woman- Vulvodynia, misdiagnosis, and being told it's "in your head"- The client who stopped her Kegels for three months and got her best pelvic floor result yet- Mummy MOTs, and moulding yourself to fit the system- What the research says about physio, mindfulness and CBT- Botox, and why it's worth getting assessedFree pelvic floor meditation: search Naomi Gale on Insight Timer.If this episode helped, please leave a review and some stars. It helps other women find the show.This episode is education, not medical advice. If sex or penetration hurts, see your GP, a gynaecologist or a pelvic health physiotherapist to rule out other causes.Join our community emailsFree meditations, courses and talks on Insight TimerHolding words over on SubstackPelvic Healing Journey HerePostpartum Healing Journey Here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Painful sex after birth is common, often long-lasting, and rarely explained. In a large Australian study, 86% of first-time mums said sex hurt the first time after giving birth, and nearly one in four still had pain at 18 months. If that’s you, it isn’t a “you” issue...!In this episode of Ground Floor, holistic pelvic care practitioner and doula Naomi Gale looks at the episiotomy: what it actually is (a surgical cut through skin and muscle, not a tear), why it became routine in the 20th century before the evidence existed, and why the Cochrane review, the WHO and NICE now say routine episiotomy isn’t justified. She also covers the forceps exception, where a cut can protect against severe anal sphincter tears, and why the real question is why so many of us end up with assisted births in the first place.Naomi then widens the lens on why sex can hurt or feel different after any birth, including caesareans:The six-week check myth and how long postpartum pain really lastsTears vs episiotomy, scar tissue, tight stitching and the “husband stitch”Lost sensation, numbness and difficulty reaching orgasmBreastfeeding hormones, low oestrogen and the genitourinary syndrome of lactationThe vestibule, where much postpartum pain actually livesVaginismus after birth and why the body bracesPudendal nerve stretch and pudendal neuralgiaInformed choice, the cascade of intervention and writing consent into your birth preferencesNaomi shares her own births (an induction, forceps and an episiotomy with her son; induction, epidural and ventouse with her twins), her postpartum incontinence and painful sex, and the holistic pelvic care journey that changed it.Naomi is a holistic practitioner, not a medical professional. This episode is for information and informed choice, not a diagnosis.If this helped, please leave a rating or review. It really helps other women find the show.Join our community emailsFree meditations, courses and talks on Insight TimerHolding words over on SubstackPelvic Healing Journey HerePostpartum Healing Journey Here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

"I found a vaginismus-friendly partner" is all over TikTok. But what does that actually mean? And why isn't a "vaginismus-friendly" partner just… a woman-friendly one?In this episode of Ground Floor, Naomi Gale takes apart the vaginismus partner fantasy. She explains why the right person won't magically fix painful sex, and why vaginismus can show up for the first time once you're finally with someone safe. Then she gives you the real list: the PVP (Perfect Vaginismus Partner) checklist, a word-for-word script for telling someone new you have vaginismus, and seven steps any partner can take to help you feel held, not tolerated.In this episode:What vaginismus is through a holistic lens, and why it's armour, not rejectionWhy 1 in 13 UK women find sex painful, and why that number is too lowHow vaginismus can start with birth, stitches, speculums, or childhood UTIsThe 7-point PVP checklist for dating with vaginismusA script for telling a new partner, and what their face tells youGuilt, counting, and pressure when you already have a partner7 steps for partners, from taking penetration off the table to "no need to rummage for the last Pringle"Why Botox and dilators sit outside the work that actually needs doingIf you have vaginismus, this one's for you. If you love someone who has it, this one's especially for you. Send it to them.This podcast is free, and it stays free. If it helped, leave a rating or review. It's how this information reaches the people searching for it at 2am.This episode is educational and sits alongside medical care, not in place of it.Join our community emailsFree meditations, courses and talks on Insight TimerHolding words over on SubstackPelvic Healing Journey HerePostpartum Healing Journey Here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If the thought of a smear test feels a world away from your reality, this episode is for you. On this episode of Ground Floor I talk about cervical screening when there's pain, fear, vaginismus or vulvodynia in the picture. I cover why so many of us avoid it, why the person holding the speculum often can't help, and the practical and somatic tools that let you go in on your own terms.This video shares holistic and somatic perspectives and personal experience. It isn't medical advice. Please speak to your GP or a qualified health professional about your own screening and care.I start with a quick word on choice. Whether you screen at all is your call, and this episode is for anyone who wants to go but is finding it hard. Then I share where I've landed with my own smear test after the reminder text reached me in Morocco. I talk about my family history of cancer and what it means to be a bridge between medicine and holistic care.From there we get into the body and the room:Why so many women cancel, and why a leaflet isn't the answerWhy vaginismus and vulvodynia get glossed over at screening level, and why GPs and nurses often have little or no gynae trainingVaginismus vs vulvodynia: bracing against a threat vs persistent, unexplained painA dentist's chair, my eight-year-old and a flippant remark: how pain gets downplayed from childhood onwards, and how humming and the vagus nerve help us regulateBefore the appointment: book unrushed time, ring ahead for the smallest speculum, time it for when your cervix sits lowest, and practise your wordsMapping your vaginal opening like a clock face so you meet your own bracing before a stranger doesIn the room: what actually happens, asking for a female practitioner, agreeing a stop signal, grounding and breathAftercare: vaginal steaming, journaling or voice notes, and treating a flashback as information, not a setbackWhen it doesn't go to plan, and why it's never your body's faultI finish with support for anyone who has experienced sexual violence, including the My Body Back Project, and a reminder that asking for what you need isn't being difficult. It's taking an active part in your own care.CHAPTERS00:00 Welcome to Ground Floor00:25 Your choice: a quick word on screening01:45 "If everyone had a leaflet": why so many women cancel02:46 My own smear test decision05:57 Why avoiding it makes sense06:47 Why vaginismus and vulvodynia get glossed over10:02 Vaginismus vs vulvodynia12:14 The dentist's chair: how pain gets downplayed17:59 Before the appointment: practical tips20:52 The clock face: mapping your own bracing24:14 In the room: what actually happens25:55 Aftercare and vaginal steaming26:28 None of this is you being difficult26:55 When it doesn't go to plan29:41 Resources: My Body Back Project30:52 Closing thoughtsRESOURCES📖 Ground Floor the Book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1066910901🗝 The Community Circle: https://thisisnaomigale.co.uk/vagina-workshop/🪶 My website: https://thisisnaomigale.co.uk/homepage/🎙️ Ground Floor, the podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/ground-floor-on-vaginismus-vulvodynia-and-other-ways/id1498365947My Body Back Project: cervical screening for people who have experienced sexual violence: https://mybodybackproject.com/Did this episode help? Leave a five-star review on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and a comment earns extra points. Send it to a friend who's been putting hers off. You can also find me on Beehiiv.Join our community emailsFree meditations, courses and talks on Insight TimerHolding words over on SubstackPelvic Healing Journey HerePostpartum Healing Journey Here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Vaginismus, Explained: What Actually Shifted for Elena. Why the body sometimes waits until it's safe enough to finally speak A fictional case study, built from repeated patterns Naomi's seen in her practice: Eleanor, 34, eighteen months into the healthiest relationship she's ever had, whose body started saying no to penetration around month eight with no obvious trigger, and a partner who's patient, attentive, and safe. Why this timing isn't cruel or confusing, it's logical: vaginismus emerging inside a safe relationship is often the nervous system finally pausing long enough to let something it's been holding all along surface, not a malfunction caused by the relationship itself. Practical first steps that don't start with penetration: separating touch from "touch always leads to sex," and building felt safety outside the bedroom before addressing what happens inside it. It's the only vaginismus podcast episode you're going to need if you are feeling safe in your relationship but still have vaginismus. Join our community emailsFree meditations, courses and talks on Insight TimerHolding words over on SubstackPelvic Healing Journey HerePostpartum Healing Journey Here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A deep, thorough return to vaginismus and vulvodynia both understood as bracing. Here we discuss why we have to work not just physically but holistically with the body. Vaginismus is held in the pelvis for reasons ranging from sexual assault and childhood abuse to something like an ongoing tension in an unaligned relationship. The insight worth sitting with: pain and tightening sometimes appear only once you're finally safe enough for your body to stop overriding them: which is why "I have a great relationship, so why is this happening now?" is one of the most common and most misunderstood questions Naomi hears. On why dilators and Botox treat the symptom without the holding pattern underneath, and the real place of vagina massage, fascia work, and nervous system regulation alongside, not instead of, medical care.Also: this podcast has a new name, Ground Floor, after Naomi's book was suppressed on Amazon and rebuilt from scratch to escape it.Join our community emailsFree meditations, courses and talks on Insight TimerHolding words over on SubstackPelvic Healing Journey HerePostpartum Healing Journey Here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.