13. Ending Relationships with Abusers

Ben and Kami share the beliefs that keep them from sharing their story and the cost of remaining silent. They share about what they learned in therapy and the impact of sharing their story on their podcast and what you can do to share yours.   Quote: “There’s a difference between wanting to be looked at and wanting to be seen. When you are looked at, your eyes can be closed. You suck energy, you steal the spotlight. When you are seen, your eyes must be open, and you are seeing and recognizing your witness. You accept energy and you generate energy. You create light. One is exhibitionism, the other is connection. Not everybody wants to be looked at. Everybody wants to be seen.” ― Amanda Palmer, The Art of Asking; or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Let People Help   LINKS Amanda Palmer's TED Talk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMj_P_6H69g   Kami's Instagram https://www.instagram.com/kamicrawford  FB Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/969775533380492/   We're writing a book (get updates) https://goo.gl/wfaEaY   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/everyonebelongs  APPLE Podcasts: https://apple.co/2NMMq1O  SPOTIFY: https://spoti.fi/32iqgK4   FFT (our family channel): https://www.youtube.com/c/FightforTogether   Product/book recommendations https://www.amazon.com/shop/fightfortogether   Thank you for supporting our work!   https://www.patreon.com/fightfortogether  paypal.me/fightfortogether  Venmo - @fightfortogether   CONNECT    IG: https://www.instagram.com/everyone.belongs/  FB: https://www.facebook.com/Everyone-Belongs   RECORDED 5/12/2020

Ben and Kami talk about the impact the coronavirus has had on their travels to the Appalachian Trail and the dangers of separation and judgment that happen when we reduce people and how that can be overcome.    FB Discussion Group:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/969775533380492/   We're writing a book (get updates)  https://goo.gl/wfaEaY   YouTube:  https://www.youtube.com/c/everyonebelongs  APPLE Podcasts:  https://apple.co/2NMMq1O SPOTIFY: https://spoti.fi/32iqgK4   FFT (our family channel):  https://www.youtube.com/c/FightforTogether   Product/book recommendations  https://www.amazon.com/shop/fightfortogether   Thank you for supporting our work!   https://www.patreon.com/fightfortogether   paypal.me/fightfortogether  Venmo - @fightfortogether   CONNECT    IG: https://www.instagram.com/everyone.belongs/  FB: https://www.facebook.com/Everyone-Belongs   RECORDED 3/24/2020

Ben and Kami talk about what it meant to believe that Jesus had to die for our sins and how this belief started to unravel and what changes it created in their life including how it led to no rules, being vegetarian, and no longer spanking.    LINKS  Things Hidden by Richard Rohr  https://amzn.to/33b7LcC   Liturgists Podcast - Are those people the problem? Peter Rollins Interview  http://bit.ly/39KkENb   Everything Belongs by Ricard Rohr  https://amzn.to/2VLIEeX   The Wisdom Jesus by Cynthia Bourgeault   https://amzn.to/33cgLyd  FB Discussion Group:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/969775533380492/   We're writing a book (get updates) https://goo.gl/wfaEaY   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/everyonebelongs  APPLE Podcasts: https://apple.co/2NMMq1O SPOTIFY: https://spoti.fi/32iqgK4   FFT (our family channel): https://www.youtube.com/c/FightforTogether   Product/book recommendations https://www.amazon.com/shop/fightfortogether   Thank you for supporting our work!   https://www.patreon.com/fightfortogether   paypal.me/fightfortogether  Venmo - @fightfortogether   CONNECT    IG: https://www.instagram.com/everyone.belongs/  FB: https://www.facebook.com/Everyone-Belongs   RECORDED 3/10/2020

Ben and Kami talk about what it meant to believe that Jesus had to die for our sins and how this belief started to unravel and what changes it created in their life including how it led to no rules, being vegetarian, and no longer spanking.    LINKS  Things Hidden by Richard Rohr  https://www.amazon.com/dp/0867166592/?ref=exp_fightfortogether_dp_vv_d   Liturgists Podcast - Are those people the problem? Peter Rollins Interview https://theliturgists.com/podcast/2020/2/20/are-those-people-the-problem   Everything Belongs by Ricard Rohr https://amzn.to/2VLIEeX   The Wisdom Jesus by Cynthia Bourgeault  https://www.amazon.com/dp/1590305809/?ref=exp_fightfortogether_dp_vv_d   FB Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/969775533380492/   We're writing a book (get updates) https://goo.gl/wfaEaY    YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/everyonebelongs  APPLE Podcasts: https://apple.co/2NMMq1O SPOTIFY: https://spoti.fi/32iqgK4   FFT (our family channel): https://www.youtube.com/c/FightforTogether   Product/book recommendations https://www.amazon.com/shop/fightfortogether   Thank you for supporting our work!   https://www.patreon.com/fightfortogether  paypal.me/fightfortogether  Venmo - @fightfortogether   CONNECT    IG: https://www.instagram.com/everyone.belongs/  FB: https://www.facebook.com/Everyone-Belongs   RECORDED 3/2/2020

In Season 2 Ben and Kami share what they currently believe. This episode is about what they believe about the Bible starting with how they were raised, what started their transition and how they see this ancient that book that was so important in their lives.    LINKS Things Hidden by Richard Rohr https://www.amazon.com/dp/0867166592/?ref=exp_fightfortogether_dp_vv_d   Richard Rohr on the Bible for Normal People http://bit.ly/3ca6GWA   Peter Rollins interviews Rob Bell https://luminary.link/DupDKvN8m4   Sabbath as Resistance by Walter Brueggemann https://www.amazon.com/dp/0664263291/?ref=exp_fightfortogether_dp_vv_d   Robert Alter's Hebrew Scripture Translation http://bit.ly/3ca6GWA   FB Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/969775533380492/   We're writing a book (get updates) https://goo.gl/wfaEaY   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/everyonebelongs  APPLE Podcasts: https://apple.co/2NMMq1O  SPOTIFY: https://spoti.fi/32iqgK4   FFT (our family channel): https://www.youtube.com/c/FightforTogether   Product/book recommendations https://www.amazon.com/shop/fightfortogether   Thank you for supporting our work!   https://www.patreon.com/fightfortogether   paypal.me/fightfortogether  Venmo - @fightfortogether   CONNECT    IG: https://www.instagram.com/everyone.belongs/  FB: https://www.facebook.com/Everyone-Belongs   RECORDED 2/24/2020

Ben and Kami talk about their most embarrassing moments and beliefs from their past. They share 7 things that help them to accept past realities and how it affects our children and others who are still in that same place.   FB Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/969775533380492/   We're writing a book (get updates) https://goo.gl/wfaEaY   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/everyonebelongs  APPLE Podcasts: https://apple.co/2NMMq1O  SPOTIFY: https://spoti.fi/32iqgK4   FFT (our family channel): https://www.youtube.com/c/FightforTogether   Product/book recommendations  https://www.amazon.com/shop/fightfortogether   Thank you for supporting our work!   https://www.patreon.com/fightfortogether   paypal.me/fightfortogether  Venmo - @fightfortogether   CONNECT    IG: https://www.instagram.com/everyone.belongs/  FB: https://www.facebook.com/Everyone-Belongs   RECORDED 1/20/2020

Ben and Kami share the story of how the two-star review was deleted and what they have learned from the experience. They talk about the difficulty of sharing their story, knowing that it makes family members and old friends look bad. They also answer the questions from a listener:  - What would it take to forgive your abusers?  - How can they make it right?  - Is reconciliation an option?   FB Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/969775533380492/   We're writing a book (get updates) https://goo.gl/wfaEaY   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/everyonebelongs  APPLE Podcasts: https://apple.co/2NMMq1O  SPOTIFY: https://spoti.fi/32iqgK4   FFT (our family channel): https://www.youtube.com/c/FightforTogether   Product/book recommendations  https://www.amazon.com/shop/fightfortogether   Thank you for supporting our work!   https://www.patreon.com/fightfortogether   paypal.me/fightfortogether  Venmo - @fightfortogether   CONNECT    IG: https://www.instagram.com/everyone.belongs/  FB: https://www.facebook.com/Everyone-Belongs   RECORDED 1/13/2020

Ben and Kami share their first 2-star review that accuses them of fudging their story, waging war against family and church and all sorts of exaggeration. They share some background of the reviewer, why they think the review was written, and some behind the scenes of why we started our podcast. We also share the most valuable tool that you can use to fight oppressive systems.   @churchclarity  https://www.instagram.com/churchclarity  Trauma and Recovery https://amzn.to/37N3DR0   The Drama of the Gifted Child  https://amzn.to/35AFZ8W   FB Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/969775533380492/   We're writing a book (get updates) https://goo.gl/wfaEaY   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/everyonebelongs  APPLE Podcasts: https://apple.co/2NMMq1O  SPOTIFY: https://spoti.fi/32iqgK4   FFT (our family channel): https://www.youtube.com/c/FightforTogether  Product/book recommendations https://www.amazon.com/shop/fightfortogether   Thank you for supporting our work!  https://www.patreon.com/fightfortogether   paypal.me/fightfortogether  Venmo - @fightfortogether   CONNECT    IG: https://www.instagram.com/everyone.belongs/  FB: https://www.facebook.com/Everyone-Belongs   RECORDED 1/6/2020

Ben and Kami answer questions about how they survived when Ben was being accused of narcissism and pride. Kami talks about having a submissive personality and Ben gets accused of being the patriarchy. Both of us talk about Ben's personality and why he was a target of this spiritual community.   FB Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/969775533380492/   We're writing a book (get updates) https://goo.gl/wfaEaY  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/everyonebelongs  APPLE Podcasts: https://apple.co/2NMMq1O SPOTIFY: https://spoti.fi/32iqgK4   FFT (our family channel): https://www.youtube.com/c/FightforTogether   Product/book recommendations https://www.amazon.com/shop/fightfortogether   Thank you for supporting our work!   https://www.patreon.com/fightfortogether   paypal.me/fightfortogether  Venmo - @fightfortogether   CONNECT    IG: https://www.instagram.com/everyone.belongs/  FB: https://www.facebook.com/Everyone-Belongs   RECORDED 12/30/2019

Ben and Kami talk about being a part of a cult and 8 things you can use to determine if you are in a cult. We also talk about what kind of people are in cults. HINT: it's not what you think.   Thought Reform and the Psychology: 8 traits of a cult http://bit.ly/34QHRu0  FB Discussion Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/969775533380492/   We're writing a book (get updates) https://goo.gl/wfaEaY   YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/everyonebelongs  APPLE Podcasts: https://apple.co/2NMMq1O SPOTIFY: https://spoti.fi/32iqgK4   FFT (our family channel): https://www.youtube.com/c/FightforTogether   Product/book recommendations https://www.amazon.com/shop/fightfortogether   Thank you for supporting our work!   https://www.patreon.com/fightfortogether  paypal.me/fightfortogether  Venmo - @fightfortogether   CONNECT   IG: https://www.instagram.com/everyone.belongs/  FB: https://www.facebook.com/Everyone-Belongs   RECORDED 12/23/2019