#169 - Lost Your Temper? How to Transform Aggression Without Shame

This week's conversation investigates a practical dilemma that quickly reveals something deeper:  How can we stay grounded, self-respecting, and relationally skillful when we’re pulled into dynamics that aren’t ours to fix?Nate is living and working in a home where tension, criticism, and disrespect regularly surface between a couple he works for.  When that energy starts including him, he’s left asking:How do I set a boundary without escalating things?How do I speak up without becoming part of the problem?And how do I stay open-hearted in an environment that’s starting to close me down?What unfolds is a nuanced exploration of the difference between advocating and over-functioning, and an examination of how to stay in our lane without abandoning our values.We talk at length about why “fixing” others often backfires, and how to communicate boundaries in a way that protects dignity on both sidesAt the heart of this conversation is a shift from trying to change the dynamic to changing how we show up within it.Read more on the blog.Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Here are more ways to connect with me:Join the School of Human ConnectionHop on my free Wednesday live callFollow me on YouTube

In this episode, we explore what it means to find your ground in relationships that feel confusing, painful, or no longer workable.Through two real-life situations, we look at the difference between relationships that can grow and those that can’t, and the internal work required in both.We explore:how to recognize when a relationship isn’t a good fitwhy clarity can take time (and why that’s not a failure)how to stop over-functioning when repair isn’t mutualwhat it means to stay in a relationship while protecting yourselfand the grief that often comes with seeing things clearlyThis is an honest, grounded conversation about boundaries, self-trust, and learning to care for yourself in the face of relational limits.Read more on the blog.Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Here are more ways to connect with me:Join the School of Human ConnectionHop on my free Wednesday live callFollow me on YouTube

What happens when we come face-to-face with a harmful version of ourselves we don’t recognize, and actually reject? In this episode, Wendy shares a moment with Buddy the cat that left her questioning her own capacity for harm. Together, we explore the roots of aggression, the role of unmet needs and nervous system overwhelm, and the difference between shame and true self-responsibility.At its heart, this is a conversation about what happens when we see something in ourselves that doesn’t match who we believe we are, and how we metabolize that without collapsing or defending.Because when we can see clearly what drives our behavior (especially the parts we’re not proud of) we open the door to real change, repair, and a more compassionate way of being.This episode includes an honest exploration of moments where we may have acted in ways that feel out of alignment; particularly toward more vulnerable beings. If you’re sensitive to themes of shame, aggression, or power dynamics, you may want to listen with care.Read more on the blog.Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Here are more ways to connect with me:Join the School of Human ConnectionHop on my free Wednesday live callFollow me on YouTube

In this episode, I talk with Luke about a dynamic many of us know intimately: what happens when one person in a relationship asks for change, and the other begins to feel forced.What starts as a conversation about therapy quickly reveals a deeper tension: autonomy vs connection.How do we stay true to ourselves while also being responsive to the people we love?  And what happens when a partner’s need for safety starts to feel like pressure, control, or a condition we didn’t choose?In this episode, we unpack:•Why “doing the work” can sometimes create resistance•How requests quietly turn into demands•What a double bind is and why it’s so destabilizing•The hidden emotional needs underneath control and withdrawal•How power struggles emerge (even when both people care deeply)This is a nuanced, honest look at what it means to grow in relationship without losing yourself in the process.Read more on the blog.Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Here are more ways to connect with me:Join the School of Human ConnectionHop on my free Wednesday live callFollow me on YouTube

What happens when a good man loves deeply but struggles to make that love emotionally visible?Today we talk with husband trying to balance his own needs with his wife’s expectations. He is thoughtful, committed to personal growth, and genuinely invested in his marriage ... and, he and his wife keep missing each other in small, consequential moments.Together, we examine how good intentions can fail to create a felt experience of love, why efficiency and logic sometimes replace emotional presence, and how male socialization can teach men to protect themselves through competence, composure, and self-reliance.This is not an invitation for men to abandon themselves, take responsibility for every emotion, or become more like their partners. Instead, it's a pathway to discover a fuller version of strength: one that can hold boundaries without building walls, receive emotion without treating it as a verdict, and express the tenderness that may already be present beneath a guarded heart.We explore:Why appreciation and expressed delight are not quite the sameHow loving partners can become trapped in cycles of pursuing and withdrawingWhy explaining a misunderstanding is different from repairing itHow boundaries can protect connection instead of replacing itWhat men may lose when emotional containment becomes a way of lifeHow to remain true to ourselves while becoming more emotionally reachableFor good men who mean well, love sincerely, and sometimes go quiet when relationships become emotionally complicated, this conversation offers a compassionate path back to connection.Read more on the blog.Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Here are more ways to connect with me:Join the School of Human ConnectionHop on my free Wednesday live callFollow me on YouTube

What happens when care turns into responsibility, and responsibility turns into exhaustion?In this episode, I speak with Bill, who's navigating a common but often unspoken dynamic in long-term relationships: the feeling of being responsible for a partner’s emotional and physical wellbeing.What begins as a moment of crisis during a hike reveals a deeper pattern, one of fixing, managing, and trying to prevent a partner’s distress at the cost of one’s own clarity and self-trust.Together, we explore the difference between caring and controlling, and how to begin releasing emotional over-responsibility without withdrawing love.Read more on the blog.Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Here are more ways to connect with me:Join the School of Human ConnectionHop on my free Wednesday live callFollow me on YouTube

Today’s conversation may sound like a roommate dilemma on the surface, but underneath, it’s about something much deeper: voice, power, and learning to trust ourselves in relationship.In this episode, I speak with Leah, who's navigating a shared living situation where something no longer feels right. What begins as a question about leases and renovations quickly becomes an exploration of what it means to speak up, set boundaries, and stay self-connected even when it feels uncomfortable.Together, we unpack the fear of being seen as “too much,” the tendency to soften or second-guess ourselves, and the nervous system responses that can make clear communication feel rigid or confrontational.Read more on the blog.Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Here are more ways to connect with me:Join the School of Human ConnectionHop on my free Wednesday live callFollow me on YouTube

What happens when you’re going through something difficult—and the people you love don’t quite show up in the way you need?In this episode, I speak with Leah, who's navigating the emotional and relational challenges of living with an ongoing, undiagnosed illness. As she moves through uncertainty, she finds herself repeatedly explaining her experience, longing to be understood, and feeling the painful gap between what she needs and what the others in her life are able to offer.Together, we explore what it means to ask for support, why people sometimes struggle to meet us in hard moments, and how to navigate the grief that comes when they can’t.We move beyond communication strategies into something deeper: the tension between trying to change others and learning to accept them as they are.Read more on the blog.Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Here are more ways to connect with me:Join the School of Human ConnectionHop on my free Wednesday live callFollow me on YouTube

Setting boundaries at work can feel risky, especially when you respect the people you work with and don’t want to damage the relationship.In this episode, Connie is navigating a challenging dynamic with a well-meaning but disorganized supervisor. As expectations shift and ideas keep expanding, she finds herself overwhelmed, over-responsible, and unsure how to speak up without causing harm.Together, we explore how to set clear, grounded boundaries while staying collaborative and relational.This conversation goes beyond workplace strategy and reveals the deeper patterns many of us carry around responsibility, people-pleasing, and emotional labor.Read more on the blog.Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Here are more ways to connect with me:Join the School of Human ConnectionHop on my free Wednesday live callFollow me on YouTube

What do we do when we’ve done everything “right” and our efforts don't bring our desired results?This week I speak with Tom, who just received news that his cancer has progressed, despite his many efforts to reverse it.What unfolds is an honest, grounded, and compassionate exploration of what it means to face the limits of control.Together, we explore the emotional complexity of serious illness: anger, grief, fear, hope, and the tension between spiritual beliefs about healing and the reality of the human body.This conversation gently challenges the idea that we can think, feel, or heal our way out of suffering, and offers a more grounded, humane alternative.Read more on the blog.Want more direct access to me? I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. Join regular live calls where students in the school bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans. Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.Here are more ways to connect with me:Join the School of Human ConnectionHop on my free Wednesday live callFollow me on YouTube