If you’ve ever tied your worth to a number, a title, a result, or anything external you couldn’t quite hold onto, this episode will find you somewhere personal.
Alex Ostergaard was eight years old when he came home from school in France with 18 out of 20 on a test. One of the best grades in the system. He could barely contain himself. He waited all evening for his dad, heard the keys in the door, and ran.
His dad looked at the grade and said: nice. But why didn’t you get a 20 out of 20?
He meant well. He forgot about it almost immediately. Alex carried it for thirty years.
He spent those years looking for that 20 out of 20 from somewhere. He got into Google. Heard the words from a recruiter over the phone and fist-pumped around his living room in Copenhagen. Called his parents immediately. For the first time, his dad looked at him with nothing but pride. No correction. No improvement notes. Just: pure pride.
It was the first 20 out of 20 Alex had ever felt. And it became addictive fast.
He spent his time at Google terrified someone would figure out he didn’t belong. He moved the goalpost. Burnt out. Left corporate. Became a life coach. Wrote a book about overthinking, and every morning he’d get up, make a coffee, and refresh his Amazon page. 56 reviews. Refresh. 56 reviews. Another coffee. Refresh.
One morning the page didn’t load. Just an error. Amazon had taken his book down permanently.
And in the middle of the anger and the grief and the days he spent arguing with his pillow about it, something shifted. He realised what he’d been doing every time he hit that refresh button.
It wasn’t a 36-year-old author checking his numbers. It was an eight-year-old boy. Checking to see if he’d finally gotten a 20 out of 20. Checking to see if he was finally enough.
That’s the episode.
In this conversation: the 18 out of 20 story and the thirty years it built. Why achievement never gives you the feeling permanently. What Google looks like from the inside when you’re carrying imposter syndrome into one of the most competitive rooms on earth. The drama triangle and how most relationships quietly run on it. What burnout really is when you strip away the language. And what it takes to stop looking for proof in the wrong places.
Find Alex on LinkedIn: Inner Freedom with Alex
His book: dissolvingoverthinking.com
Subscribe on Substack: carpedisruption.substack.com
The only constant in this world is change. Be curious about how to seize it, for yourself.
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