The F Word

When fatness takes up all the space in the room, where is the room for queerness? On this special Pride episode, Big Calf host Amanda Richards and producer Allison Specketer discuss how growing up as a fat kid kept them from exploring their queerness in different ways — in Amanda's case, getting bullied for her weight in childhood kept her from coming out until her thirties.   Support the Big Calf Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/bigcalfpodcast Host: Amanda Richards Producer/Editor: Allison Specketer Music by: Jordanna Felice of Eithermore Music Cover art by: Tayler Smith

If you're of a certain age and grew up fat, a fat icon to obsess over wasn't just hard to find — it was virtually nonexistent. Long before the time of Lizzo, many of us searched high and low for a fat celebrity to idolize. On this episode of Big Calf, host Amanda Richards and producer Allison Specketer discuss the fruitless childhood search for a fat celebrity icon, including queen of pantsuits Camryn Manheim. 

Model, content creator, and fat activist Jordan Underwood on what it's like to spend an entire lifetime fighting with your bullies online. Jordan talks about the blog they created as a kid to call out the bullying they experienced at school, and how it ties into the work they do now.    Support the Big Calf Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/bigcalfpodcast Host: Amanda Richards Producer/Editor: Allison Specketer Music by: Jordanna Felice of Eithermore Music Cover art by: Tayler Smith

A huge part of growing up as a fat kid is being afraid to pursue certain dreams and ambitions. You might have felt like you couldn't succeed because you were fat, you might have been shamed into believing you were incapable because of the size of your body, or you may have simply lived with an intrinsic belief that because you were fat, you didn't deserve the things you wanted.  On this episode, we're talking to Chala Tyson-Tshitundu about their lifelong passion for food, how they dreamt of turning it into a career, what got in the way, and what brought them back to the pursuit of their dreams, and ultimately, themselves. 

On this episode of Big Calf, we're talking about an important part of any kid's life: being horny. Your body is surging with hormones, you're developing quicker than the other kids in your class, and sex is something that you feel like you want, but don't totally understand. If you grew up as the fat kid, horniness and sexuality are even more complicated. Writer, model, content creator Kendra Austin joins us to talk about why.    CW/NSFW: This episode has explicit descriptions of sex. 

TW: This episode contains descriptions of self-harm. On this bonus episode of Big Calf, host Amanda Richards shares her thoughts on the f*cked up fantasy almost all fat kids have: dreaming and wishing they could cut off their own fat.

On the second episode of Big Calf, host Amanda Richards and producer Allison Specketer discuss the three-letter word that carries so much weight with so many people — pun, unfortunately, intended. The word fat is technically a neutral descriptor of physical appearance, but the word means different things to everyone that hears it, and if you were or are a fat kid, you've been hearing it for your entire life.  Support the Big Calf Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/bigcalfpodcast Host: Amanda Richards Producer/Editor: Allison Specketer Music by: Jordanna Felice of Eithermore Music Cover art by: Tayler Smith  

Plenty of fat kids experience fatphobia from external sources, including other kids, media, magazines, and more. But what happens when harsh criticism for your weight also happens at home — and has for generations? New York City based plus-size photographer Lydia Hudgens talks about the trauma that occurs when fatphobia is passed down from generation to generation, and how she's healed from a childhood spent obsessing over her weight and food intake. Follow Lydia on Instagram @lydiahudgens TW: This episode contains descriptions of disordered eating. Support the Big Calf Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/bigcalfpodcast Host: Amanda Richards Producer/Editor: Allison Specketer Music by: Jordanna Felice of Eithermore Music Cover art by: Tayler Smith  

A teaser for Big Calf, a podcast all about what it's like to grow up as the fat kid.