Toulouse-Lautrec Ep 1: But, First... A Tale of French Lineage in Three Acts

Jinmaku! Jinmaku! Jinmaku! Go get’em buddy! My dude OWNS the makuuchi division. Also, if there’s one thing people should take away from this episode, is that William-Adolphe Bouguereau is a connoisseur of great asses and he would’ve loved the Jean-Claude Van Damme era of human history.     This episode is quite the winding road, jam-packed with shenanigans, beaucoup cousin sex, and exploration of several art techniques and theories. As we navigate this road, we join an unexpected game show, I kick myself out of a few museums, 47 kitties take their revenge, we do science stuff, and mine a butte. Along the way, I make a decision on a segment that I’ll likely regret, Bonnat loves himself some Bonnat, and the Grandmothers grand plan runs into a few hiccups.      Honestly, I don’t know how to explain this episode, this one really flies off the rails. The chaos probably starts when Florida comes into the picture and ends when I have impure thoughts about someone in a painting. The good news is, Paul Harvey makes a cameo appearance, because I force him in with a shoehorn, and that makes me happy.

Henri, Adele, Alphonse, Dead Gary, Odon, Napoleon III, the Grandmothers, Alix, Amédée, MIT Math Nerd Steve (from Pollock), Charles, Piss Pons, the Black Prince… We. Are. Back! Along with several additions to our colorful cast of characters.     Is it really a Semaine Sanglante if you can’t trust how much sanglante was spilled in the semaine? Why are that German man’s balls on your grandmother’s armrest? What’s a zoo for, if not to provide for a fancy Françoise Massialot-inspired menu? Can we ever truly understand why Alph does any of the things Alph does? Will we finally get closure in the Legend of Dead Gary?! These questions will be answered and much much more!     Henri goes to school, Napoleon III misjudges everyone’s bulges, a cartoon raccoon attacks a cartoon basset hound for no clear reason, and a children’s playground becomes the scene of unimaginable horrors.

Our adventure begins with the Grandmothers, a footnoted sister, more mounted heads than fireplaces (which is saying something), and some thick-ass man-thighs. As we make our way through French history, we'll learn about why Paris was an "immense workshop of putrefaction," take the most horrifying raft ride of all time, get Gothic and emo with a spicy lady named Germaine, and ponder whose day that small newsie boy just ruined. Along the way, I mess up the same joke twice, tell an inappropriate story, and make us all do a thought experiment that, in retrospect, might not have been necessary. What did those three brothers do? When is the best time to take an unexpected hunting trip? What happens if your bird goes to hell? We'll discuss. And, we'll have a Merrrrrrry Christmas in the Languedoc. Two of them; two Merrrrrry Christmases. Yay! I swear, I'm fine. All of this is healthy.  patreon.com/artholes 

Before we begin the Toulouse-Lautrec journey, we of course need a 5 hour fever dream of French history. It only took me one episode in this series for me to lose my mind, so that's pretty exciting :)  Act I: Entirely Too Many Louis  Act II: Little Internal Structures Act III: It's a Family Affair Primary Sources Toulouse-Lautrec: A Life, by Julia Frey Toulouse-Lautrec, by Gerstile Mack Toulouse-Lautrec, by Henri Perruchot The Unpublished Correspondence of Toulouse-Lautrec A History of France, by John Julius Norwich A History of France, by Joseph Bergman The Industrial Revolution in France (1815-1848), by Arthur Louis Dunham Dawn of the Belle Epoque, by Mary McCauliffe Fashioning the Bourgeoise, by Phillip Perrot The Art of Cuisine, by Maurice Joyant and Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec  

In the Frida finale, we alternate between having lots of fun and exploring the cavernous depths of human suffering. But we also have fun? If you're here at the end, thank you so, so much for taking this entire weird journey with me. This really has been a life-changing project for me.  Seriously, though, we will have some fun. Also, it gets sad. Like, really sad. 

In what was supposed to be the finale, but instead turned into the episode before the finale, we learn quite a bit. Really, we learn too much. About neckerchiefs, turkeys, monotheism, Val Kilmer, making still life paintings look like porn, broken columns and wounded deer, and the Golden Age of Mexican Cinema. Along the way, Frida puts it on a German guy, takes a surprising new job, decorates a pulqueria, and makes a desperate choice when it comes to her health. 

The episode that broke me.  11/28 update: two-parter finale is on the way soon. Apologies for the delay, it's been a crazy few months and anything under 4 hours for the finale would've been a crime.

  In a rollercoaster of an episode, we learn about mural negotiations, chicken salad sandwiches that curb masturbation, and which type of gringo is worst.  Along the way, we’ll figure out which type of baby is cutest, how to freak out journalists with candy, and meet a true best friend.   Frida is more of a passenger than a driver in this episode.  In the time period we cover, she begins as a doting wife, roommate, and travel companion.  By the time we’re done, she’ll have tested the boundaries of pain and loss, on her way to becoming someone who  will change the world

While Frida recovers-ish from the accident, she starts down a new path.  This path will take her to a magical place beyond a window, the Communist Party, a Tina Modotti party, and a wedding party.   Diego has a hard time keeping Dieguito in his pants as he makes his move, I tell embarrassing stories, Matilde and Guillermo continue to not talk, missed x-rays are the worst x-rays, and we learn what goes into changing the spelling of your name. And, there are multiple shootings, both of people and electronic equipment.   @artholespodcast [email protected]

How many daughters is too many daughters? What do you do with the extra ones? Is it ok to cause an old man to fall down a flight of stairs? What if he wasn’t your intended target? We’ll explore all of this and more as we get to know a growing family. We'll also learn that not all of your kids are created equally and you should make sure they know that at every turn, more stuff about legs, why little Timmy isn't in school, what not to do with pets, a first love, Blue Danube, getting down with a librarian, and public transportation. @artholespodcast [email protected]