How To Stop Worrying About What People Think Of You | Michael Gervais

How self compassion works, how to practice it, and what the research says about the benefits.GUEST BIO: Dr. Serena Chen is Professor of Psychology and the Marian E. and Daniel E. Koshland, Jr. Distinguished Chair for Innovative Teaching and Research at the University of California, Berkeley. Her research focuses on the self and identity, interpersonal relationships, and social power and influence. She is a Fellow of the Society of Personality and Social Psychology, American Psychological Association, and Association of Psychological Science. Dr. Chen was also the recipient of the Early Career Award from the International Society for Self and Identity, and the Distinguished Teaching Award from the Social Sciences Division of the University of California, Berkeley.In this episode we talk about:The connection between self-compassion and authenticityAs well as self-compassion exercises that you can incorporate into your daily lifeHow self-compassion influences the desire for self improvementHow it can lead you to be more understanding of other people The connection between self-compassion and good leadership And how self-compassion can apply to parenting as well as to educational realms Related Episodes: How to Make Self-Compassion Work for You | Kristin NeffKryptonite for the Inner Critic, Self-Compassion Series | Kristin NeffSelf-Compassion Ain’t Always Soft | Kristin NeffSign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter hereFollow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTokTen Percent Happier online bookstoreSubscribe to our YouTube ChannelOur favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular EpisodesFull Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/serena-chenAdditional Resources:Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/installSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Cara introduces you to the magic of doing less. These gentle no-frills instructions get right to the heart of meditation practice.About Cara Lai:Cara Lai spent most of her life trying to figure out how to be happy, or at least avoid total misery, which landed her on a meditation cushion for the majority of her adulthood. Throughout many consciousness adventures including a few mind-bendingly long meditation retreats, she has explored the wilderness of the mind, chronic illness, the importance of pleasure, and a wide range of other things that she might get in trouble for mentioning publicly. In the past, Cara has worked as an artist, wilderness guide, social worker and psychotherapist, but at this point she’s given up on being an adult in exchange for an all-out mindfulness rampage. Her teaching is relatable, authentic, funny and sometimes crass, and is accessible for many people. She teaches teens and adults at Inward Bound Mindfulness Education, Spirit Rock, Insight Meditation Society, and UCLA; ultimately hoping to become as good of a show-off as Dan. And to help people be happier.To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Put It All Down.”See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Debating the cliche: Does everything happen for a reason? Plus, the Meditation Party crew tackles equanimity, work/life balance, and meditation vs napping.Sebene Selassie describes herself as a “writer, teacher, and immigrant-weirdo.” She teaches meditation on the ten percent happier app and is the author of a great book called You Belong. She’s based in Brooklyn. Jeff Warren is also a writer and a meditation teacher. He and Dan co-wrote the book, Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics. He also hosts the Consciousness Explorers podcast. He’s based in Toronto. If you want to be part of the show, please call in with a question or comment. The number is 508-656-0540. Or you can email us with a voice memo at [email protected] with a voice memo. Tickets for the two more Meditation Party retreats this year at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York are available now. The last one was a blast. Come join us for both. One is in May, the other October. Related Episodes:How to Stay Calm No Matter What’s Happening | Sebene Selassie and Jeff WarrenMeditation Party: The “Sh*t Is Fertilizer” Edition | Sebene Selassie & Jeff WarrenMeditation Party with Sebene Selassie and Jeff Warren: Psychedelics, ADHD, Waking Up From Distraction, and Singing Without Being Self-ConsciousMeditation Party: Magic, Mystery, Intuition, Tattoos, and Non-Efforting | Sebene Selassie and Jeff WarrenScience-Based Tools for When You're Stressed, Obsessed, or Overthinking | Dr. Jenny TaitzSign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter hereFollow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTokTen Percent Happier online bookstoreSubscribe to our YouTube ChannelOur favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular EpisodesFull Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/med-party-howtohandleAdditional Resources:Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/installSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Digging into the nuts and bolts of Stoicism with one of its best-known modern proponents.Ryan Holiday is a prolific author, whose books include The Obstacle Is the Way, Ego Is the Enemy, and Discipline is Destiny. His newest book, Right Thing, Right Now, comes out in June, and is available for pre-order now. Ryan is also the host of the Daily Stoic Podcast.In this episode we talk about:The history and theory of Stoicism, and some of its big names (including a former Vice Presidential candidate)Premeditatio Melorem, or thinking ahead to the worst possible outcome in order to avoid itMemento Mori, or being aware of the inevitability of one’s own deathAmor Fati, or “loving one’s fate” as a path to acceptance of realityJournaling as a key Stoic practice, of talking to oneself on the pageThe four Stoic values: Courage, Temperance, Justice, WisdomHow Stoicism and Buddhism overlap – and how they don’tRelated Episodes: The Dharma of Artificial Intelligence (AI) | Jasmine Wang & Iain S. ThomasSign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter hereFollow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTokTen Percent Happier online bookstoreSubscribe to our YouTube ChannelOur favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular EpisodesFull Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/ryan-holidayAdditional Resources:Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/installSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

New episodes come out every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for free, with 1-week early access for Wondery+ subscribers.---Get comfortable with uncertainty and cultivate trust in life, even in the most turbulent times.About Sebene Selassie:Growing up, Sebene felt like a big weirdo. Born in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia and raised in white neighborhoods in Washington, D.C., she was a tomboy Black girl who loved Monty Python and UB40. She never believed she belonged. Thirty years ago, she began studying Buddhism as an undergraduate at McGill University where she majored in Comparative Religious Studies. Now, Sebene is a teacher, author, and speaker who teaches that meditation can help us remember our inherent sense of belonging, that our individual freedom affects absolutely everyone and everything, and that our collective freedom depends on each and every one of us. Sebene is a three-time cancer survivor of Stage III and IV cancer.To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Trust Yourself and Breathe.”See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Death isn’t the most appetizing topic, but contemplating mortality can be a massive source of motivation, perspective, and even stress relief. In this episode, life lessons from a death doula, who helps people at the end.Description: There seems to be one clear bug in the human operating system — most of us do not like talking about death. Yet when we do talk about it, it can genuinely upgrade the quality of our lives.Our guest today is Alua Arthur, a former attorney who is now what’s called a death doula, which is someone who helps guide people through the end of their lives. Through this work, she has learned some extraordinary stuff about how to live life right now. Alua is also the founder of Going with Grace, a death doula training and end-of-life planning organization. Her debut memoir, Briefly Perfectly Human: Making An Authentic Life By Getting Real About the End, will be released on April 16, 2024.This conversation took place at the 2023 TED Conference in Vancouver, immediately after Alua delivered her triumphant talk, which is out now. Special thanks to the TED Audio Collective. You can listen to Alua's talk and other TED talks on the TED Talks Daily podcast. In this episode we talk about:How death can be a powerful motivator How consistently being aware that you’re going to die can be a “stress reliever” The utility of imagining your ideal deathHer view on reincarnation How the concept of “healing” can sometimes be used as a weapon against ourselves The importance of not leaving things unsaid How “hope” at the end of life can sometimes be unhelpfulWhat surprises her about death How her work helped her out of her depressionThe five steps that you should take when confronting your own death The harm that can sometimes result from too much medical intervention toward the end of lifeThe often fraught relationship that vulnerable and marginalized people can have with the medical community The benefits of thinking about what version of yourself you want to meet on your deathbedThe death meditation that she uses when working with people What to say and do when you are with somebody who is grieving And a practice she calls, “The dying things exercise” Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/Alua-Arthur-archiveWhere to find Alua Arthur online: Website: goingwithgrace.comSocial Media:Twitter Facebook InstagramYouTubeBook Mentioned:Briefly Perfectly Human: Making An Authentic Life by Getting Real About the EndOther Resources Mentioned:Link to Alua’s TED talkLink to Dan’s TED talkGail RubenGlennon DoyleAtīśa Dīpaṃkara ŚrījñānaRoshi Joan HalifaxLarry RosenbergAdditional Resources:Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/installSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Professor and writer Arthur Brooks on his recent book (co-authored with Oprah Winfrey): Build The Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier. Arthur has seen the themes of this book play out in his own life. He started his career as a classical French horn player, then got his PhD in public policy analysis, and went on to run a think tank called the American Enterprise Institute. He is currently a professor at the Harvard Kennedy School and Harvard Business School. He also does work with The Atlantic, where he writes a column and hosts a podcast called How to Build a Happy Life. Arthur was formerly on Ten Percent Happier to discuss his book From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life. In this episode we talk about:Myth busting about happinessThe three macronutrients of happinessThe perils of pursuing pleasureHow to be effectively and wisely ambitiousHow to ascertain if you have meaning in your lifeHow to manage your emotionsThe difference between healthy and unhealthy envy Related Episodes:The Good News About Your Inevitable Decline | Arthur BrooksWhy Dwight from The Office (Rainn Wilson) Is Calling for a “Spiritual Revolution”The Upsides And Downsides Of Living A More Examined Life | Matt HarrisSign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter hereFollow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTokTen Percent Happier online bookstoreSubscribe to our YouTube ChannelOur favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular EpisodesFull Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/arthur-brooks-754See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Get your blood moving, mindfully! You can cultivate relaxation, even when you’re walking at a faster clip.About Diana Winston:Diana Winston is the Director of Mindfulness Education at UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center and the author of several books including Fully Present: The Science, Art, and Practice of Mindfulness.To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Brisk Mindful Walking.” See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How our false expectations and misunderstandings about relationships can create an incalculable amount of suffering — and the many problems of the "You complete me" model.Description: This episode was part one of our four-part series where we’re counter-programming against the way Valentine’s Day is often celebrated, and examining different kinds of relationships including romantic, friendship, and family. Today’s guest hews a bit more closely to the traditional Valentine’s Day theme and will do some myth-busting around all the things we tend to get wrong when we talk about romantic relationships. Myisha Battle is the author of the book, “This Is Supposed to Be Fun: How To Find Joy in Hooking Up, Settling Down, and Everything in Between.” She also hosts the podcast How’s Your Sex Life?  Much of her public work focuses on the early stages of relationships, but in her private practice, she counsels people at all stages, and in all kinds of relationships. Content Warning: Explicit language and conversations about sex. In this episode we talk about:Five ways to improve intimacy and connection in romantic partnershipThe nuts and bolts of sex, and how we often get intimacy and sex confused in unhelpful waysUnderstanding men’s and women’s cycles to depersonalize issues in sex and relationshipsThe myth of finding “the one”The orgasm gapBromanceAnd if you’re looking, tips on how to make finding a partner easierFull Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/myisha-battle-archive Where to find Myisha Battle online: Website: www.myishabattle.com/Social Media:Twitter: @MyishaBattleInstagram: @MyishaBattleBook Mentioned:This Is Supposed to Be Fun: How To Find Joy in Hooking Up, Settling Down, and Everything in Between Other Resources Mentioned:Alain de Botton’s  Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person The School of Life #418. How Not to Ruin Your Relationships | Drs. John & Julie Gottman#213: Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel#464. How to Keep Friendships From Imploding | Esther PerelHalf the World Has a Clitoris. Why Don’t Doctors Study It?Michael Vincent Miller’s Intimate TerrorismEsther Perel’s Mating in CaptivityAdditional Resources:Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/installSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hidden sources of stress — and how to beat them. Also: the myth of normal, the necessity of being disillusioned, and the disutility of comparing your suffering.Description: There’s so much to be grateful for in modern medicine. We can all agree that we would not do as well in a world with no Advil or dentistry. And yet, our guest today, who is a renowned doctor, says modern medicine is overlooking something crucial: the pernicious impact that modern living has on our minds and bodies. In other words, we are surrounded by these hidden societal and structural sources of stress and we aren’t thinking about how to treat and prevent these factors that are degrading our happiness and our immune systems. Dr. Gabor Maté is a bestselling author with an expertise on everything from stress to addiction to ADHD. His latest book is called, The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic CultureContent Warning: This episode has mentions of child abuse, sexual trauma, suicide and addictionIn this episode we talk about:What he means by “the myth of normal”How diseases, such as autoimmune conditions, are an “artifact of civilization”How to begin to tackle what Dr. Maté calls, “the social sources of illness” His definition of trauma and the difference between “big T traumatic events” and the trauma of “wounding”How trauma in society is so normalized that we don’t even recognize itWhether the term trauma is overusedWhy comparing suffering is a fruitless endeavor What he means by “the necessity to be disillusioned” The power and possibility of psychedelics Why he thinks we should incorporate shamanic medicine into our western medical frameworkAnd what he means by “undoing self-limiting beliefs” and how these beliefs show up in our everyday livesFull Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/gabor-mate-archiveWhere to find Gabor Maté online: Website: drgabormate.comSocial Media:TwitterFacebookInstagramYouTubeBooks Mentioned:The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic CultureWhen the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease ConnectionScattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit DisorderIn the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than PeersOther Resources Mentioned:The Wisdom of Trauma Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Is Associated with Increased Risk of Ovarian Cancer: A Prospective and Retrospective Longitudinal Cohort StudyDecrease in depression symptoms is associated with longer survival in patients with metastatic breast cancer: a secondary analysisMarital Status, Marital Strain, and Risk of Coronary Heart Disease or Total Mortality: The Framingham Offspring StudyGeorge EngelHow spanking may affect brain development in childrenThe Trauma of Everyday Life by Dr. Mark EpsteinIntraConnected: MWe (Me + We) as the Integration of Self, Identity, and Belonging by Dr. Dan SiegelA. H. AlmaasSign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter hereFollow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTokTen Percent Happier online bookstoreSubscribe to our YouTube ChannelOur favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular EpisodesAdditional Resources:Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/installSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.