Lost Cause: Not Talking Sh*t.
ALEC Okay! Look at me! CC Stares deeply and unbothered into ALEC BALDWIN’S eyes. ALEC Not directly at me! What are you doing? Are you insane?CC I may be. ALEC This is useless. Useless. Martha! MARTHA STEWART emerges from the foreground. Not the background?No, we’re doing things differently this season. Okay! MARTHA STEWART Yes, dear?ALEC What’s the ETA on that pot pie?MARTHA STEWART thinks for a second— Suddenly— ATTICUS CATTICUS— also known as TOONCES, charges through the window, barely missing a pie that’s been cooling on the windowsill. MARTHANot even close.ALEC TOONCES! CHAK CHELOh, Mister kitty… there you are. ALEC The pie! The pie!MARTHA STEWART Not my famous cherry pie.No you don’t. ALEC Why on earth would you actually keep a pie on the window sill?!? MARTHA STEWART…I’m Martha Stewart. ALEC Right. {Enter The Multiverse} “Thank God It’s Pie Day” 3.14159. How does that get us any closer to figuring out where Lorne is?It doesn’t… Then what was the point?*Shrugs* Bobby! Come quick! How the hell did you get up here?! “Quick?” Okay. How long are we going to keep them frozen like this?I dunno. Maybe forever. L E G E N D S CHAOS. (As MARK ARNOLD) Just stay here, alright. FINI Or else what?He stops with a irrant look in his eye, almost irate, with even a glimpse of irrational fear, before settling on anger, snapping back at the small girl, CHAOS Or else, you’ll get murderedz In Infinity’s mind, this is confounding. Even appearing as a youth, she contemplates deeply of her brother’s truest intention. ‘But…wouldn’t he want me to die? The Chronicles of WTF.L E G E N D S KENAN grimaces. CC immediately turns back into a cat; TOONCES throws her ears back. “Her” Nobody said Toonces always has to be a boy. Enough with the progressiveness! JANE WYCKLINE kneels at the ALTAR. A SHADOW crawls over the tall marble– Yo what is this?I don’t know. —whatever. Meanwhile, SETH MEYERS has just finished lunch No.No more pumpkin bread. What. You stop that No. —with VAMPIRES. This weekly gathering has taken place for centuries. His brother JOSH or whoever is also at the table. That’s enough. Stop it .Nyet!SETH’S watch goes off. SETH MEYERS (Unaffected to a degree of relief) …I have to go. VERONIKAOH! NICHOLASOh, so soon?SETH MEYERS Yes.{Enter The Multiverse} I unilaterally belong to The Roots…I have infinity musics for them. YOU CAN SEE THE ROOTS, for FREE. No.FOR FREE. I’m not going. {Enter The Multiverse}It digs at my soul, It aches till it ain’t no more It screams till it rots, The fire, the burn, the essence of pure, Unadulterated horseplay Nonsense Horsepucky, I think i’m going to be sick if I don’t (Wait for it) Blow them all up, I could fold over once, like a wind bag, Wind pipes, Windmill, When, Where–How did you get here? (Chaos)Quite an honorable subordinate! Shut up! Oh, what an deplorable homonculous, you are— Hold it right there! I’ve had it up to Wherewold, Wind, Cloud– How did you get here? I woke up from a night terror Into a nightmare And into a nigh terror Into a nightmare Not now I looked into a white mirror: My ghost I looked into a snowglobe My lost empire Love struck, Dumbass Lust becomes a potent Potion, If you bat one eye just like that I will have to poke it right out! Right now –Yes, sir. Onward, choked the awkward duck; You murder whore; Outward laughed the awful aurtur (Where you are, I had been) And there you are for night-days, Five days west of you and my gaze Sets upon the flower that you might gave To wear on your clothes as though, not gold, But another precious metal, There are empires in your honor, now, I found out both the hard way and the long way, Look, the dust has settled, ash to war, And dirt to oceans, art to torture Reign again, my doesn’t notice sweet and this, My truth became her thoughts, and flowers past, This to which my heart could only suffer. CAMPIRE. Not no–[w]*death* I told him. I know you did. He just didn’t look fast enough VAM–AHA! This time I– *death* Goddamnit. Campfires, eh, And winter wool my sheath did hearth but cry A dart i gave and buried, Kept and wilted flower mine, and this does does but rot and settle, still , like fire it gathered trust, and sat upon the dusk as frozen snow does.Okay?Conan, go away.Or somewhere–just. [The Festival Project ™ ] TIMBER!!!!!!!!![JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE goes running off into the woods STARK NAKED, after LEAPING from ATOP a FALLEN TREE as it SLAMS into the ground and over the MISTY LAKE.]So that’s what i’ll call him…[A SHOTGUN FIRE rings out into the forest and ricochets off of something metal.] JUSTINHA! YOU MISSED. [A SECOND SHOT rings out, then a thud.] JUSTIN OW. {Enter The Multiverse}I’m beginning to hate this planet.dare you see me over the sink, I am Dare you shut your eyes and go to sleep, I am, Dare you weep, I am Dare you keep this in your all and somber knowing?Do you dare repeat this solemn oath to me, I am Stare into mine eyes, I am, Unbound to time, am I?And now we whispered, waiting flare and flourish Grip not what mortals are offered, As I, I became, and welded this to then, my alterFor time I am, and courage, and King to now for all, I rot, and dare you slayeth me again, mine wake to mind, I am in slumber, not alone, but to this, I bear truth, and fruit to arms I bear, I, I bare and gave there roots to grow Into an ark of one, not parting grass but paths for serpents, So I keep, and so I very wary way and hanger upon her, Our time is passed, and yet illusion as does pass is also, Passing and ye, Have yet to pass, Amen. Amen. And so I came. Ah now, and shall I flourish. I weep, for slender mark did harp, I— And rot away, as came and won I take, my fair maiden to thy kingdom, and yet slaughter her upon my grasp. I lay my grave to thee, Therin. And truth did mark my gather. And bearing weight did truth bear oath. And faring way, this oath shall part. C’cxell Soleïl What a beautiful bizarre….And look, she even wore her collar Now I don’t know what to call him Maybe nothing, Maybe not at all, but I can’t help but think about it I wash it down with salt and soda I’ve been around a lot of drama, But you know You really know, my love, I’m not the one to start it.((Turn it up.))I’m not in love, You know I shop at every market I buy my produce from the finest of the farms, –and i’m well known amongst the farmers Stop thatCome around, come around, come around, Come around –and I come around oftenI’m not in love, You know I shop at every market Woah, woah, woah Don’t touch No, we don’t talk No, not at all There’s nothing like A good old fashioned gathering All on community property(Community Property) Nothing quite comes So much full circle As what you already know Shaking hands with What someone else told you Confirmed: It’s community property (Community Property) I’m not in love, You know I shop at every market I buy my produce from the finest of the farms, –and i’m well known amongst the farmers Stop thatCome around, come around, come around, Come around –and I come around oftenI’m not in love, You know I shop at every market Woah, woah, woah Don’t touch No, we don’t talk No, not at all There’s nothing like A good old fashioned gathering All on community property(Community Property) Nothing quite comes So much full circle As what you already know Shaking hands with What someone else told you Confirmed: It’s community property (Community Property) ((Turn it up.))What a beautiful bizarre….And look, she even wore her collar Now I don’t know what to call him Maybe nothing, (Turn It Off.){Enter The Multiverse} [The Festival Project ™ ] The Complex Collective © The Lost Cause Comedy Vault Volume V Unstoppable.Co
