Our Last Meal: Loss, Grief and Food

This week is a special episode of Our Last Meal. I'm sharing an episode of the podcast Good Grief, hosted by friend of the show: Nikki the Death Doula. This episode talks about things you should (and shouldn't) say to those who are grieving. You can visit her website ⁠⁠here⁠⁠ and listen to her podcast, Good Grief, ⁠⁠here⁠⁠. Visit us at ⁠⁠Our Last Meal⁠⁠ or at [email protected]; you can also find us at ourlastmealpod on ⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠, ⁠⁠YouTube ⁠⁠or ⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠.  If you're interested in being on the show, reach out via ⁠⁠Share Your Story⁠⁠. If you like what you hear, please consider subscribing, sharing with your friends & family or leaving a rating & review. CW: this show does talk about death so please be mindful as you listen.

I think one of the character traits I admire most in another person is the ability to fully throw themselves into something they’re passionate about. I’m not just talking about the normal levels of fandom or interest either. I mean the people who find an interest and set out to understand it at the most mechanical level. You’ve met these people before - the ones who mention a new interest in cooking to you in passing and then a few months later they can cook a high-end, four-course meal. Or the person who gets interested in guitar and makes it their goal to be the next Jack White (some people would say Eric Clapton here and fair enough but I have a special place in my heart for the White Stripes).  There are a lot of reasons people do this. Curiosity is certainly a big driver but I don’t think that fully explains it. It’s more than curiosity - bordering perhaps on obsession. There are those among us who just want and need to know and I love that. I love reading about their passions, hearing about them, and talking about them. My guest this week has made an incredibly successful career out of learning and sharing - and I promise you that I’m not fully doing her work justice. I present to you one of the more interesting conversations that I’ve been fortunate enough to do and I hope you will enjoy it as much as I did.   CW: this show does talk about death so please be mindful as you listen. Learn more about Lauren Kessler at her website. You can also follow her on Instagram or Facebook and check out her books here. I would also encourage you to read her essay, Still Life. If you like what I'm doing, visit the website at ⁠⁠⁠Our Last Meal⁠⁠⁠ or at [email protected]; you can also find us at ourlastmealpod on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠, ⁠⁠⁠YouTube ⁠⁠⁠or ⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠.  If you're interested in being on the show, reach out via ⁠⁠⁠Share Your Story⁠⁠⁠. If you like what you hear, please consider subscribing, sharing with your friends & family or leaving a rating & review.  I'm also experimenting with Substack so please give that a follow if you're interested - I promise I won't blow up your inbox.

I’ve talked a lot about using grief to make, do or accomplish - and I really believe in that. I’ve talked with some incredible people who have channeled grief in to ways of helping others. I realized as I was talking to my guest this week though that there was something else that I haven’t really touched on…closure.  I think the idea of closure is complicated - it doesn’t feel as simple as just getting over something. It feels like something you have to be incredibly mindful about. Something you have to acknowledge and claim. It’s not a matter of moving on but more a matter of making peace. You can learn about Paige at her website, on Instagram or listen to her podcast here. Visit us at ⁠⁠Our Last Meal⁠⁠ or at [email protected]; you can also find us at ourlastmealpod on ⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠, ⁠⁠YouTube ⁠⁠or ⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠.  If you're interested in being on the show, reach out via ⁠⁠Share Your Story⁠⁠. If you like what you hear, please consider subscribing, sharing with your friends & family or leaving a rating & review.  CW: this show does talk about death so please be mindful as you listen.

Right off the bat, I want to say that today’s episode deals with the topic of suicide. It’s not an easy discussion and may be especially hard for some listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling and contemplating suicide, please reach out to the suicide & crisis lifeline at 988 or 988lifeline.org. There’s a saying that time heals all wounds but I have a lot of trouble with that. First of all, heal is entirely the wrong word for some wounds. Secondly, time alone isn’t enough. There are some wounds and hurt that don’t ease up with time - maybe they dull. Or maybe they bide their time and throb and ache when our guard is down or when we’re willing to let it. I think that sometimes, we need that pain to remind us how lucky we were to have had someone that we cared about so much. We have to utilize that pain in healthy ways though - not to dwell on it and allow it to swallow us whole but to keep us grounded and in touch with those memories.   CW: this show does talk about death so please be mindful as you listen. You can listen to PhiloSofa Talk wherever you get podcasts. If you enjoy today’s episode, please consider subscribing, rating & reviewing and following on social media at ⁠⁠Ourlastmealpod⁠⁠ or you can reach out at ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠ 

In this conversation, Nikki shares her experience of losing her beloved cat, Yuna. Nikki talks about how she and Yuna grew up together and went through many life events together. She also shares Yuna's unique personality and the special bond they shared. Nikki discusses the anticipatory grief she experienced before Yuna's passing and the process of saying goodbye. The conversation also touches on the bond between a pet and their person and the stigma of pet loss. Read The Rainbow Bridge here. You can visit her website ⁠here⁠ and listen to her podcast, Good Grief, ⁠here⁠. Visit us at ⁠Our Last Meal⁠ or at [email protected]; you can also find us at ourlastmealpod on ⁠Instagram⁠, ⁠YouTube ⁠or ⁠TikTok⁠.  If you're interested in being on the show, reach out via ⁠Share Your Story⁠. If you like what you hear, please consider subscribing, sharing with your friends & family or leaving a rating & review. CW: this show does talk about death so please be mindful as you listen.

It's the start of season 2 of Our Last Meal and I'm joined by all-around great guy and friend of the show, Devin, so that I can hand him the host role. This episode was equal parts difficult and cathartic for me - it was an honor to talk about my grandmother. I hope you enjoy. Learn more about this podcast by visiting ⁠Our Last Meal⁠ (website & socials). You can also email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠ or be a guest by going to ⁠Share Your Story⁠ on the website.  Help the show grow - rate and review on your preferred podcast streaming service.

Earlier this year, I connected with a former employee of mine, someone I hadn’t talked to in a few years. She reached out to me unexpectedly so it was especially nice to catch up and hear how she and her family were doing, how work was going - and congratulate her on a recent promotion. Towards the end of our conversation, she reminded me of something that happened several years ago, that I hadn’t thought about in a long time. When we’d only been working together for a short time, her father was battling an illness. During that battle, she was out a lot - spending time with family and being comfort to him in what were his final days. I would regularly reach out to her, just to check on her - not to talk about work but to ask about her, her father and her family. When he passed, I made sure that flowers were sent to her from our entire team.  When we spoke recently, she told me how much of an impact that had on her then and still today. She recently had an employee going through something similar and not sure what exactly to do from the handbook of a manager - she thought back to one of the things that brought her some comfort during her father’s illness - me checking in and offering support…so that’s what she did for them.  I don’t tell you this story to paint myself as a saint, I’m not. I’m telling you this because we never really know exactly what our legacy is but I think it’s rarely what we expect - at least not completely. Our legacy becomes our actions, words we said in passing, gestures done because it felt natural - all of those things in the in between.  Content Warning: Today’s episode deals with the topic of suicide so please be especially mindful as you listen. I want to also call out that if at any point, I sound uncomfortable or unsure what to say - it’s because I was. But the point of this podcast is to have uncomfortable conversations and celebrate loved ones. My goal was to approach a difficult subject in a way tender, kind way and I want to thank my guest for her patience and grace. If you or someone you know needs help, please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988 or visit 988lifeline.org Learn more about Kendall and The Herbtastic on their website as well as their Facebook or Instagram. If you enjoy today’s episode, please consider subscribing, rating & reviewing and following on social media at ⁠Ourlastmealpod⁠ or you can reach out at ⁠[email protected]⁠ - Content warning, this show does touch on sensitive topics such as death so please be mindful as you listen.

This is my second annual Thanksgiving minisode where I share the favorite Thanksgiving memories of some of my guests from the last year. However you celebrate, I hope you have a great, happy and safe Thanksgiving. Now more than ever: go share a meal with someone you care about. Learn more about this podcast by visiting ⁠⁠Our Last Meal⁠⁠ (website & socials). You can also email us at ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠ or be a guest by going to ⁠⁠Share Your Story⁠⁠ on the website.  Memories shared by: Coach B: You can visit her website, the The Full Embrace at their website ⁠here ⁠or on Instagram ⁠here⁠. Jordyn: Learn more about her podcast, Tricky Existence on their ⁠website ⁠or on ⁠Twitter⁠, ⁠Instagram ⁠or ⁠YouTube⁠. Listen to ⁠Tricky Existence⁠ wherever you get podcasts by subscribing to Tricky Existence. Marie: Learn more about Marie through her ⁠Instagram ⁠or ⁠Facebook ⁠or at her ⁠Linktree⁠. Christine: You can learn more about Christine at her website ⁠here ⁠or her podcast - ⁠Good Grief Chris: You can visit the Kurt Vonnegut Museum & Library online ⁠here ⁠or find them on social media at ⁠Facebook⁠, ⁠Twitter⁠, ⁠Instagram ⁠& ⁠Linkedin⁠. Pamela: Learn more about Emotion Literacy Advocates here (and find more information about her books Booing Death and I Can). You can also follow ELA on Instagram and Youtube. Nikki: You can visit her website ⁠here⁠ and listen to her podcast, Good Grief, ⁠here⁠. Kendall: You can hear more on the next episode of Our Last Meal but you can also view her company's website here. Help the show grow - rate and review on your preferred podcast streaming service.

For the fourth and final October re-release, I'm sharing one of my all-time favorite episodes with musician Danielle Anderson, who performs as Danielle Ate the Sandwich. Danielle took the time to discuss her music, funeral food and our ability to be silly little animals. Listen to Danielle's music on ⁠Youtube⁠, ⁠Spotify⁠ and ⁠Apple Music⁠. You can also find her on ⁠Facebook⁠, ⁠Instagram⁠ and ⁠Twitter ⁠or visit her ⁠website⁠ and ⁠Patreon⁠.  Learn more about this podcast by visiting ⁠Our Last Meal⁠ online or following on ⁠Instagram⁠ or your preferred social media. You can also email us at ⁠[email protected]⁠ or be a guest by going to ⁠Share Your Story⁠ on the website. Help the show grow - rate and review on your preferred podcast streaming service.

For my third October Re-Release, I'm sharing my episode with Martina aka King Kogi. To this day, this is my most listened to episode and for good reason: Martina is funny, engaging and just an incredibly kind person. I hope you enjoy. I was first introduced to the content of Martina aka King Kogi through my wife. She had been a fan for many years, watching her videos about life in South Korea and later in Japan. Whenever I looked in to Martina's work, I found someone who was curious about the world around her, passionate about food & travel and authentic to herself - I was immediately a fan. Reaching out was a little intimidating for me - meeting anyone you admire can be intimidating. When we talked, I was immediately put at ease. Martina was funny, kind and so incredibly engaging. During this conversation, Martina talked to me about her love of Japan, the food scene and we spoke about her father. As a father myself, I hope that my daughter looks at me and speaks of me as warmly as Martina speaks of her father. If you are not already watching Martina's incredible videos, please do so (and I highly recommend her Tokyo Tour series). Check out Martina's King Kogi Youtube channel here (and maybe start with her Tokyo Tours playlist here) or follow her on Instagram.  Learn more about this podcast by visiting Our Last Meal (website & socials). You can also email us at [email protected] or be a guest by going to Share Your Story on the website.  Help the show grow - rate and review on your preferred podcast streaming service.