Wounds to Wisdom Podcast with Rhonda Sciortino

Have you ever worked incredibly hard, only to wonder where all your money went?You put in the hours. You pay your bills. You do your best. Yet somehow, at the end of the month, there’s little or nothing left.It’s frustrating. It can even make you wonder, What’s the point of working so hard if I never seem to get ahead?I’ve learned something important about money over the years, and it’s a lesson I wish everyone could learn as early in life as possible:Financial freedom isn’t just about how much money you make. It’s about how much you keep and what you do with it.Of course, some people are struggling because their income simply isn’t enough to cover basic necessities. No amount of penny-pinching can solve every financial hardship.But many of us have more control over our financial futures than we realize. And often the difference between struggling financially and gradually building financial security comes down to hundreds of small decisions. Not necessarily dramatic sacrifices. Just learning to think differently about money.Stop Spending Money on Things That Don’t Move Your Life ForwardHere’s a question I encourage you to ask before making a purchase: Is this purchase moving me closer to the life I want, or is it taking money away from that future?We work hard to earn money. We exchange hours of our lives for those dollars. Yet sometimes we spend that hard-earned money without much thought. We buy things because they’re convenient, because we’re bored, because we’re stressed, or because we think we deserve a little reward. We say, “It’s only $20, what’s the big deal?”Sometimes we do deserve a treat! There’s nothing wrong with enjoying life. But there’s a tremendous difference between occasionally enjoying something special and developing spending habits that keep us financially trapped.What if we began treating every dollar as something valuable, something that could help us build a better future, instead of dismissing the money because the amount seems insignificant. Before You Replace It, Can You Repair It?Here’s a simple example. You have a perfectly good shirt, but a button falls off. Do you throw it away? Do you donate it and buy another one? Or do you take five minutes to learn how to sew on a button?Resourcefulness is one of the most valuable financial skills you can develop.Learn how to sew on a button. Learn how to hem a pair of pants. Learn how to mend a small tear. Before replacing something, ask yourself whether it can be repaired.And when something really does need replacing, consider buying a “gently used” replacement. Thrift stores, consignment shops, garage sales, and online resale marketplaces can be wonderful places to find clothing, furniture, household items, and children’s necessities for a fraction of their original prices.Imagine buying a perfectly fitting outfit for $20 instead of spending $100. You’ve just kept $75 of your hard-earned money! Now imagine doing that consistently throughout the year. Those savings could help pay down debt, repair your vehicle, build an emergency fund, or eventually become money you invest. Money well invested is money that works for you instead of you working to earn it. And here’s something important: There’s no shame in buying something used.The goal isn’t to impress people with what you own. The goal is to build a life you love living.You Don’t Have to Spend Money to Have FunSome of my favorite memories involve experiences that cost absolutely nothing. We’ve somehow come to believe that entertainment requires spending money. We take children to expensive attractions, buy tickets, order food, and purchase things we don’t need.But ask yourself something. What do children really want most? Often, it’s our attention. They want to laugh with us. Play with us. Feel connected to us. And some of the most wonderful family experiences cost absolutely nothing.Here are two examples: Play Hide the Comb—Someone hides a comb somewhere in the house while everyone else closes their eyes. Then everyone searches for it. You can make the game easier or more challenging depending on the ages of the participants. Give hints by saying “warmer” or “colder” as people move closer to or farther away from the hiding place.The fun isn’t in the comb. It’s in the laughter, anticipation, and shared experience.Create an Indoor Treasure Hunt—Another wonderful activity is a scavenger hunt using handwritten clues. Write a note that leads someone to a particular location in your home. For example:“I’m where the carrots and lettuce sleep. Open my drawer and take a peek!”The person rushes to the vegetable drawer in the refrigerator and discovers another clue. That clue might lead to a pillowcase, a shoe, the washing machine, or a kitchen cabinet. Each clue leads to another until the final destination.And the treasure at the end doesn’t have to be something purchased. It could be a handwritten message expressing how much you love your child, a coupon for choosing the next family movie, a silly drawing, a homemade treat, or the opportunity to decide what’s for dinner.You can also play charades, tell stories, look through family photographs, take walks, make up games, give an age appropriate cooking lesson, or have a family & friends talent show.Some of the richest experiences in life have absolutely nothing to do with money.Stop Consuming All Your “Seeds”Think about money the way a farmer thinks about seeds. Imagine a farmer who harvests a crop and then consumes or sells every single seed. What happens when planting season arrives? There’s nothing left to plant. No seeds mean no future harvest.Money works the same way. If we spend every dollar we earn, we have nothing left to plant for our future. But when we consistently set aside even small amounts of money, we begin creating opportunities.Those savings can help us deal with emergency expenses, pay for education, start businesses, make investments, and eventually build financial independence.Consider someone who finds ways to keep an additional $25 every week. That’s $100 each month and $1,200 in a year. Over ten years, that’s $12,000 before any investment growth. Imagine what could happen if those savings eventually became reputable investments that earned returns over time. Money you spend is gone. Money you save can protect you. Money you invest wisely has the potential to work for you.That’s especially important as we get older. There may come a time when we don’t have the energy, health, or ability to work as hard as we once did. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have money working for us rather than having to work for every dollar we need?Buy Things That Help You Get AheadThis doesn’t mean never spending money. It means spending intentionally. Spending money on a dependable vehicle that allows you to get to work can be a wise investment in your future. Taking a class that teaches you a marketable skill could increase your earning potential. Buying tools or equipment necessary to start a small business might open doors to new income. Even purchasing appropriate clothing for a job interview could be a wise use of limited resources.Compare those purchases with spending money on things that provide only temporary gratification: an expensive beauty treatment; vaping products or other habits that cost money without improving your health or financial future; an unnecessary subscription; an impulse purchase quickly forgotten.I’m not suggesting that people should never spend money on personal appearance, recreation, or things they enjoy. I’m suggesting we recognize the trade-offs.Every dollar we spend on one thing is a dollar we can’t spend on something that could really help us get ahead.Your Past Doesn’t Have to Determine Your Financial FutureI know what it’s like to have nothing. As a child, I experienced homelessness, hunger, and poverty. There were times when I ate food other people had thrown away.I didn’t start life with financial advantages. But I learned to work. I earned mone… This is a public episode. 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Have you ever bought something you didn’t really need because you were having a bad day? Maybe you were exhausted after a long week and decided to order takeout instead of cooking. Maybe you were feeling lonely, so you went shopping. Or perhaps you accomplished something difficult and decided you deserved a reward.There’s nothing inherently wrong with any of those things. But when spending money becomes our automatic response to how we feel, we can develop habits that undermine our financial security. We can earn good money, work hard, and still wonder at the end of the month where it all went.Here’s something that could change the way you think about money, and ultimately change your financial future: Sometimes when we think we want to buy something, what we really want is to feel something.We want to feel better. We want to feel connected. We want to feel appreciated, accomplished, or rewarded. We want something to look forward to, something that takes our mind off our problems, or something that reminds us that all our hard work is worth it.And here’s the wonderful news: We can experience those feelings without spending a dollar!What if, before making a purchase, we developed the habit of asking ourselves one simple question: Am I looking for comfort, connection, or celebration?These three C’s can help us identify what we’re actually seeking when we reach for our wallets. Once we understand what we really need, we can find ways to meet those needs without spending money we may need for more important things.COMFORT: Am I Trying to Make Myself Feel Better?Life can be hard. We get tired, discouraged, overwhelmed, frustrated, and disappointed. People hurt our feelings. Things don’t go the way we’d hoped they would. Circumstances seem entirely beyond our control, and we just want a little relief.That’s when spending can become particularly tempting. A new outfit might make us feel better about ourselves. A restaurant meal gives us a break from the grind of shopping, prepping, cooking and cleaning. Something arriving at our doorstep provides a little distraction on a difficult day. I call it “retail therapy,” and it usually does make us feel better… for a minute, or an hour, or maybe an evening.But does buying something solve the problem that’s making us unhappy? Usually not. The excitement of the purchase fades, the newness wears off, and whatever was bothering us is still there. Worse yet, if we spent money we couldn’t afford to spend, we’ve added financial stress to whatever was troubling us in the first place.What if we learned to recognize when we’re looking for comfort and developed healthier, less expensive ways to find it? We could take a walk around the neighborhood, sit outside and enjoy the sunshine, listen to music, read something encouraging, take a relaxing bath, or write down the things we’re grateful for. We could spend a few quiet minutes in prayer, asking God for the peace, wisdom, and strength we need to face whatever is troubling us.Jesus said in Matthew 11:28, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”Notice that Jesus didn’t tell us to go shopping, take an expensive vacation, or buy ourselves something nice. He invited us to come to Him.Sometimes what we need isn’t another possession. It’s peace. And peace isn’t something we can purchase.CONNECTION: Am I Trying to Feel Less Alone or More Understood?God created us for relationships. We need to feel loved, valued, understood, and included. Yet in our busy world, it’s surprisingly easy to become disconnected from the people who matter most. And sometimes we try to fill that emptiness by spending money.We go shopping just to get out of the house. We meet friends at restaurants. We buy tickets to entertainment or plan expensive outings because we’ve come to associate having fun and spending time with people with spending money.But think about this. When you meet a friend for coffee, is it really the coffee you’re looking forward to? Or is it the conversation? Isn’t it the opportunity to laugh together, talk about what’s happening in your lives, share your concerns, celebrate good news, and feel that somebody cares?The connection is what matters, not the nine-dollar cup of coffee.Why not invite that friend to your home? Make a pot of coffee or tea, sit at the kitchen table or on the porch, and enjoy each other’s company. You might even have a better conversation because you’re not distracted by the noise of a crowded coffee shop.There are so many ways to build meaningful relationships without spending money. Call someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Invite a neighbor to take a walk. Visit someone who lives alone. Play cards or board games with your family. Share stories with your grandchildren. One of my favorite ideas for inexpensive family entertainment is an old-fashioned treasure hunt. Write clues on little pieces of paper and hide them around the house. Each clue leads to the next one, which might be tucked into the vegetable drawer of the refrigerator, under a pillow, or somewhere equally unexpected. Imagine the laughter as everyone searches for the next clue, and the excitement when somebody figures it out! Winner gets to choose which movie is watched that night.You can also play simple games like hiding a comb somewhere in a room and having everyone search for it while one person calls out “warmer” or “colder.” These games cost absolutely nothing, but the laughter, the togetherness, and the memories can be priceless.Some of my most treasured memories have nothing to do with how much money was spent. They’re about the people I was with, the conversations we had, and the fun we shared.Proverbs 17:17 reminds us that “a friend loves at all times.” It doesn’t say a friend buys expensive dinners or gives costly gifts. Love is demonstrated through our presence (not presents), our attention, and our genuine concern for one another.The greatest gift we can give someone is our time.CELEBRATION: Am I Trying to Reward Myself?This one is especially important because rewarding ourselves can feel completely justified. We tell ourselves, “I’ve worked hard. I deserve this.” Or, “I’ve had a terrible week. I need a treat.” Or, “I accomplished something important, and I should reward myself.”And sometimes we absolutely should celebrate! There’s nothing wrong with recognizing and celebrating the milestones of life. Celebrating progress is healthy. It helps us appreciate how far we’ve come and encourages us to keep going.Why do we associate rewarding ourselves with spending money?Who decided that celebrating an accomplishment requires a purchase? What if we changed that thinking?Suppose you accomplished a difficult goal at work, finished a project you’ve been putting off, or reached a personal milestone. Instead of purchasing something expensive, you could give yourself an afternoon to do something you enjoy. Spend time in your garden, watch a favorite movie, go for a beautiful walk, or invite someone you love to share in your excitement.You could even create a family tradition of celebrating victories around the dinner table. Imagine children growing up in homes where accomplishments are recognized with encouragement, applause, hugs, laughter, and gratitude rather than purchases. What a wonderful lesson we could teach them about what really matters!And let’s not overlook the value of simply recognizing our own progress. We can take a few minutes to reflect on how far we’ve come, write down what we’ve accomplished, and thank God for giving us the ability, strength, and opportunities to succeed.Celebration doesn’t have to be extravagant to be meaningful. Sometimes a quiet moment of gratitude is more satisfying than anything we could buy.We can celebrate our lives without spending our money.Create Your Own Feel-Good MenuHere’s a practical exercise that could make a real difference in your financial future. Create what I call a “Feel-Good Menu.”Take a piece of pa… This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com

Have you ever tried so hard to help someone you love make better decisions that you nearly destroyed your relationship in the process? Have you offered advice, explained your concerns, pointed out mistakes, and wondered why the person you love just won’t listen? We see someone we love making decisions that we believe are hurting them. Maybe they’re irresponsible with money, neglecting their health, staying in an unhealthy relationship, wasting their potential, or making the same mistakes over and over. We can see how much better their life could be if they would just change a few things.And because we love them, we tell them. We explain. We advise. We encourage. We remind. And when nothing changes, we explain it again, perhaps more emphatically this time. After all, we only want what’s best for them.What if our efforts are damaging our relationships with them?When Love Starts Feeling Like CriticismMost of us have been on both sides of this. We’ve offered advice because we genuinely wanted to help someone avoid pain, disappointment, or regret. And we’ve been on the receiving end of advice that made us feel inadequate, judged, or as though we could never quite measure up to someone else’s expectations.Our intentions may be loving, but intentions aren’t always what other people experience. We think we’re saying, “I love you so much that I want you to have a better life.” But what they may be hearing is, “You’re not good enough the way you are.”Think about that for a moment.How would you feel if every time you spent time with someone you loved, they found something about you that needed improvement? Would you look forward to seeing them? Would you confide in them? Would you feel safe sharing your struggles, failures, and fears? Or would you begin limiting your time with them?I wonder how many marriages, friendships, and family relationships have been damaged, not because people stopped loving one another, but because one person never stopped trying to change the other.Sometimes our desire to help someone become a better person looks more like criticism and judgment than love.Here’s something learned... It’s not my job to change another person. It’s not yours, either.We can influence people. We can share our experiences, offer wisdom when it’s welcomed, demonstrate better choices, and encourage those we love. But we cannot make someone think differently, believe differently, want differently, or behave differently. At least not in a way that produces genuine, lasting transformation.We might pressure someone into changing their behavior temporarily. We might push them to do what we want them to do just to keep the peace. But compliance is usually temporary. It’s not the same as transformation.The kind of change that lasts begins in the heart, and only God can change a heart.In Ezekiel 36:26, God promises: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.”Notice who does the changing. God doesn’t tell us to criticize people until they improve. He doesn’t ask us to manage other people’s decisions or assume responsibility for their transformation. He tells us what He can do.And when God changes someone’s heart, their desires can change. Their thinking can change. Their priorities can change. Their behavior can change. Not because someone pressured them into becoming different, but because they’re becoming different from the inside out. That’s the kind of transformation no amount of unsolicited advice can accomplish.What Do People See When They Look at Us?This is a question I’ve been asking myself. When people spend time with me, what do they experience? Do they feel loved, encouraged, accepted, and hopeful? Or do they leave feeling criticized, judged, inadequate, or disappointing?More importantly, when people look at us, do they see the love of Jesus, or do they see everything we think is wrong with them?Jesus said: “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” — John 13:35He didn’t say people would recognize His followers by how effectively they corrected others. He said they would recognize us by our love.That doesn’t mean we should ignore destructive behavior, tolerate abuse, or remain silent when someone is putting themselves or others in danger. There are times when love requires us to speak difficult truths, establish boundaries, or intervene to protect someone. But there’s a difference between speaking the truth in love and continually expressing our disappointment in someone else.We can tell the truth without humiliating someone. We can disagree without condemning. We can set boundaries without withholding love. And we can love people without approving of everything they do.Sometimes the greatest expression of love is listening without offering advice. Sometimes it’s helping without delivering a lecture. And sometimes it’s praying for someone and trusting God to do what we cannot.Our Example Is More Powerful Than Our AdviceThink about the people who have had the greatest positive influence on your life. Were they the people who repeatedly told you everything you needed to change? Or were they the people who believed in you, encouraged you, demonstrated living a good life, and loved you even when you made mistakes? I suspect that for many of us, it was the latter.There’s something powerful about being around someone who lives with peace, kindness, generosity, integrity, and joy. We notice. We may not say anything, but we notice. And sometimes we begin to want what they have. That’s influence.Our lives are constantly communicating something to the people around us, whether we realize it or not. Our words, attitudes, behavior, and actions tell people what matters to us. They reveal what we believe. And for those of us who claim to follow Jesus, they either reinforce or contradict what we say about Him.Galatians 5:22–23 describes the evidence of the Holy Spirit in our lives as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Imagine how different our relationships might become if we spent as much time cultivating those qualities in ourselves as we spend trying to correct the shortcomings we see in others.Perhaps the most powerful way to influence someone to change is to allow God to change us first.The Freedom of Letting God Be GodI love what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 3:6: “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.”What a beautiful reminder of where our responsibility ends and God’s begins. We can plant seeds of truth. We can water them with kindness, encouragement, prayer, and the example of a life lived according to God’s Word. But we cannot make those seeds grow. That’s God’s work.And there’s tremendous freedom in accepting that. We don’t have to win every argument. We don’t have to convince everyone that our way is better. We don’t have to take responsibility for the choices other adults make. [Stop and re-read that last sentence.] We can release the exhausting burden of trying to manage someone else’s life.And when we do, we may discover that our relationships become more peaceful, more authentic, and more loving. The people we love may become more willing to listen because they no longer feel they’re constantly being corrected. They may begin to share their struggles because they trust that we’ll respond with compassion rather than criticism. And perhaps, through the way we live and love, they’ll begin to see something in us that draws them closer to Jesus.What If We Changed the Question?The next time you’re tempted to correct someone you love, consider asking yourself a few questions.Did they ask for my advice? Am I speaking because this person truly needs my help, or because their choices make me uncomfortable? Am I trying to help them, or am I trying to get them to live according to my expectations? Will my words make this person feel loved, or inadequate?And perhaps the most important question of all: Will what I’m about to s… This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com

We are remarkably careful with things that can be replaced. We compare prices, review investments, and insure our possessions. On the other hand, time, which cannot be replaced, we spend with considerably less scrutiny—sometimes we even squander it recklessly.The realization that I’ve lived more life than I have left nudged me to consider the arithmetic of life.American life expectancy at birth is approximately 79 years, according to the CDC. That’s seventy-nine summers. Roughly 692,500 hours.Of course, this is an average, not a prediction. Still, consideration of this math offers an opportunity for reflection. Our time is finite, and although we don’t choose how much time we have, we can choose how to spend some of it today.Most of us rank family and friends among our highest priorities. Our calendars, however, often tell a different story. Appointments get scheduled. Things come up. The people we love get “soon.”Soon is a wonderfully accommodating word. It asks nothing of us today.We will visit when things settle down. Call when we have time. Arrange dinner when everyone’s available. Each postponement is reasonable. Their accumulated effect can be years.Postponement is not a deliberate rejection of the people we love. It is the consequence of allowing the urgent to outweigh the important. There is a remedy.Call someone who matters. Then make connection a habit.A weekly call. A quick text. Forwarding an interesting article or podcast. Something simple enough to repeat. We can also invite people into what we already do. Share a meal. Cook together. Walk the dog with a neighbor. We all have more opportunities than we recognize. Time spent together can enter through ordinary activities.Fifteen minutes a day adds up to more than 91 hours a year! 91 hours of connection can be life changing for us and for others! Imagine what that attention could mean to an elder who is alone, a child needing someone to listen, or a capable friend whose self-reliance hides loneliness.Children, especially, need access to us during uneventful hours. They do not always announce an important concern in advance. Sometimes it emerges halfway through a drive, after a long silence, or when we have finally stopped doing three other things.Attention creates the opening for real sharingFor those of us who believe our days are entrusted to us by God, how we spend the finite time we have in this life is a question of stewardship. We are responsible for how we connect with the people placed within our reach.Seventy-nine years is a broad estimate based on a general study. We cannot calculate how many conversations remain with any one person. But we can decide whether to have one today.Make the call. Set the table. Invite someone for a walk around the block. Ask a question, and allow time for the answer.The calendar will fill. Some of it should bear the names of the people we love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com

He didn’t ask for a toy or candy or for a fun trip somewhere.He begged us to adopt him.This little boy is living in a shelter for children who have been removed from their homes because of abuse, neglect, and exploitation. Some of the children have even been trafficked in the form of being sexually abused in exchange for drugs or for rent, food, or clothing by the very people who are supposed to love and protect them.Imagine being a child and having no one you can trust. No safe place to sleep. No certainty about where you’ll be tomorrow. No idea when the next person is going to hurt you. No assurance that the adults in your life will protect you rather than hurt you.For this particular little boy, this is the only reality he knows.His mother is trapped in the devastating grip of drug addiction. She survives from one motel room to another, sometimes exchanging sex for the money needed to put a roof over their heads for another night. When there is no money for a room, they have to find somewhere else to sleep.This child has grown up never knowing from one night to the next in which unsafe place he’ll try to fall asleep.Think about what that does to a child’s developing brain.Children are supposed to spend their days learning, playing, discovering their gifts, and dreaming about their futures. They’re supposed to feel safe enough to laugh, relax, and simply be children.Instead, this little boy is learning to survive in a very scary, abusive world.Like other children who grow up in dysfunctional and abusive families, he has learned the survival skills of watching people’s faces and gestures for signs of danger. He’s learned to stay alert always. Even when he sleeps, he tries to make sure his back is against a wall, and when touched, he wakes up swinging. He has learned to protect himself because no one else does.When survival is all you’ve ever known, safety can feel like something that exists only for other people.After all this, he was finally removed from his mother. You might think that being placed in a shelter would mean he was finally safe. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.Across our country, there are children with extraordinary needs and nowhere appropriate for them to go. There simply aren’t enough foster homes, especially for children who have endured significant trauma.Some end up living in group settings where older, bigger children bully, threaten, and sometimes abuse younger, more vulnerable children when staff members aren’t looking.Imagine escaping one dangerous situation only to find yourself in another. Imagine being surrounded by people but still feeling frightened and alone.That’s where we met this little boy.Our Alliance for Child Protection educator had come to the shelter to teach children about healthy relationships, personal boundaries, the tricks predators use, and how to recognize when someone is trying to manipulate or exploit them.These are lessons that many children learn naturally in safe, loving homes.But what if you’ve never experienced a healthy relationship?What if the people who told you they loved you were also the people who hurt you?What if you’ve been taught that keeping secrets, tolerating abuse, and doing whatever an adult demands are simply the price of having somewhere to sleep?How do you recognize a predator when predatory behavior is all you’ve ever known?That’s why our work matters so much.We teach children that their bodies belong to them. That love doesn’t require secrecy, fear, humiliation, or exploitation. That they have the right to say no. That there are adults who will listen, believe them, and help them. Most importantly, we show them what a safe, caring adult looks like.And sometimes, something extraordinary happens.A child who has spent his entire life protecting himself begins to lower his guard. He starts listening. He starts trusting. He begins to imagine that maybe, just maybe, there could be a different kind of life.And then he looks at the person teaching him about safety and begs her to adopt him.Not because she promised him anything. Not because she offered him gifts. But because, for perhaps the first time in his young life, he encountered an adult who made him feel safe.Can you imagine the desperation behind that request?Can you imagine how badly a child must want to escape his circumstances that he would beg someone he has only recently met to take him home?It breaks my heart. But it also reinforces why we do what we do.At the Alliance for Child Protection, we often talk about teaching children to recognize the five tricks predators use, the warning signs of exploitation, and the importance of telling a trusted adult.We are educating children to recognize danger, establish boundaries, use their voices, and seek help.But we know something else from decades of experience with children who have been abused. Before a child can tell a trusted adult, that child has to believe a trustworthy adult actually exists.For children who have been betrayed by the people closest to them, that belief can be difficult to develop. That’s where relationships change everything.We’ve had children run away from shelters and then text us to ask when we’re coming back. Think about that.These are children who have fled the very facilities intended to protect them. Yet they reach out to our educators and say, in essence, “Tell me when you’ll be there again, because I want to see you.”They’re not asking for another lesson. They’re asking for a connection. They’re asking to be remembered. They’re asking whether someone cares enough to come back.And that tells us something profoundly important about preventing child trafficking and exploitation.Prevention isn’t just about teaching children how to recognize predators. It’s also about helping them recognize people they can trust.A child who feels invisible, unwanted, or unloved is especially vulnerable to someone who offers attention, affection, belonging, or a place to sleep.Predators know this.They search for unmet needs and exploit them. They offer what appears to be love to children who are desperate to be loved. They offer protection to children who have never felt protected. They offer belonging to children who have never truly belonged anywhere. And then they use those promises to manipulate and control.If we want to prevent children from falling for those tricks of traffickers, we must do more than warn them about “tricky” people. We must surround them with good people. People who consistently show up. People who listen without judgment. People who teach them that healthy relationships don’t involve coercion, threats, secrecy, or abuse. People who help them understand that what happened to them was wrong and that they deserve better.We cannot undo the trauma these children have endured. We cannot promise every child a loving adoptive family. And we cannot fix a child welfare system that is overwhelmed by the number of children who need safe, stable homes simply by delivering a prevention lesson.But we can make a difference in the life of a child. I know, because I was one of those children. I know that when one person looks into your eyes and listens to what you have to say, the wall of protection build around your heart begins to come down. I know from those who did that for me that the authentic concern that follows can heal a wounded heart. I suspect it’s one of the only things that can.We can teach a child that being hurt or exploited is not normal, even if it’s all they’ve ever experienced. We can help a child find the courage to tell someone what’s happening. And we can be a consistent, trustworthy presence in the life of a child who has learned not to trust anyone.Sometimes, that connection is the beginning of a different future. It was for me. And it can be for every child we reach.No one changed my circumstances. No one adopted me. No one shielded me from abuse. But the trusted people in my life believed in me. They saw good in me that I … This is a public episode. 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Can you remember a time when someone was absolutely delighted to see you?Maybe it was a grandparent whose face lit up when you arrived at their door. Maybe it was a child who ran across the room and wrapped both arms around your legs. Maybe it was a friend who jumped up to greet you with a big smile and a big hug when you paid them a surprise visit.Remember how good that felt? Someone was happy to see YOU. You didn’t have to accomplish anything, bring anything, or prove anything. Your arrival was greeted with joy.We have the power to give that feeling to others.To delight in someone is to let our joy in them flow freely. It’s greeting them with a big, full-faced smile and outstretched arms. It’s putting down our phone, smiling broadly, making eye contact, saying their name, asking how they are, and really listening to the response.It’s paying enough attention to notice when something is off. “You seem a little quiet. How are you doing?” It’s noticing a twinkle in the eye. “You’re positively glowing! What’s up, buttercup?”And then it’s waiting for the answer without filling the silence. When we delight in someone, we communicate something powerful: I see you. You belong here. I’m glad you’re with me. You matter to me.Think about what that can mean to a child who feels overlooked, a teenager who struggles to fit in, or an adult who wonders whether anyone would notice if they were no longer around.Our delight can help people recognize value in themselves that they struggle to see. Being welcomed, listened to, and enjoyed for who they are can help build a person’s sense of worth and value. Repeated over time, those small moments give them reasons to believe they are wanted and valued.When we light up at the sight of someone, other people take note. We recognize authentic respect and kindness when we see it because it’s different than how the world typically operates. Children learn how to welcome others by watching us. Friends see what attentive listening looks like. A person who is nearby may be reminded to put down their phone and greet someone with warmth.We’re showing others how it’s done.We don’t have to be in a great mood to do this or have nothing but time. Sometimes taking the time to really greet someone can be the break we need. It can be as good for us as it for others.Delighting in others costs nothing, yet this one simple thing can be so powerful. It certainly was for me.When I was young and living in dysfunction and abuse, I met a girl in school who literally changed my life because she greeted me with a smile every time she saw me. She acted genuinely happy to see me every day at school. She did that with everyone, but for me it was incredibly healing.Purposeful PracticeTry showing delight with the next person you see. Let your face show that you’re glad they’re here. It may be insignificant to you, but for the other person, it may be a moment that matters. You have the power to do that. Use it. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com

What are we excusing that may be stealing our peace and joy?A little too much wine. A story that wasn’t ours to tell. A private exchange we wouldn’t want our spouse to read. Another purchase we hide. Repeating our grievances until anger becomes our constant companion.Nothing dramatic happens. No lightning bolt. No immediate exposure. So we dismiss the nudge of conscience: It’s no big deal. Everyone does it.The absence of immediate consequences doesn’t mean there is no harm. God’s patience is not His permission.Romans 2:4 reminds us that God’s kindness is intended to lead us to repentance. His mercy gives us an opportunity to change direction. But let’s not forget that forgiveness doesn’t prevent the consequences of our choices from tumbling back toward us.Our culture may call gossip “catching up,” drunkenness “partying,” lust “entertainment,” and greed “ambition.” But social acceptance cannot make destructive behavior harmless.Let’s use discernment in all of this—enjoying food is not always gluttony. Feeling attraction to someone is not always lust. A glass of wine with dinner is not necessarily drunkenness. Reporting abuse or seeking support is not gossip.The real question we must ask ourselves is: What are my choices doing to my character, my relationships, my peace, and the fulfillment of my purpose?James 1:14–15 describes how desire can grow into sin and destruction. Repetition makes crossing a line easier. Eventually, we may stop noticing the line.But we don’t have to wait until our behavior reaches crisis proportions. God can deliver us from the behaviors that hurt us. Here is where we begin.1. Name the behavior without excusing it.We cannot surrender what we keep defending. Speak the truth outlaid to yourself. Say, “I’m drinking more than I intend. I’m sharing private information. I’m feeding resentment. Or I’m hiding things.”Be specific. Replace “Everyone does it” with “This is hurting me, and I want to change.”First John 1:9 assures us that God forgives and cleanses us when we confess. We can acknowledge sin without declaring ourselves hopeless.2. Identify what leads up to it.Ask yourself about the circumstances the precede the behavior you want to change: When does this happen? Who am I with? What am I feeling? What am I hoping this behavior will do for me?Answer honestly. Consider that gossip may be providing you a sense of belonging. Shopping may offer you a feeling of distraction from the things that trouble you. Anger may create a false feeling of being in control. Recognizing our need ahead of time, helps us choose circumstances in which we’re better able to live as the best version of ourselves.When the urge for our destruction behavior comes, pause. Name the feeling. Pray, take a walk, call someone trustworthy, or rest. Practice meeting the need without repeating the harm.3. Picture the example you want to set.Imagine those closest to you describing you the way you want them to see you.Then ask yourself: If my family and friends, especially the children in my life, did what I do, would I be proud or worried? Our actions teach others what is acceptable. People within our influence can also learn from watching us apologize, seek help, and make positive changes in our lives.Choose one action today that reflects the person you want them to see.4. Plan before temptation arrives.Romans 13:14 instructs us not to make provision for sinful desires. Put that into practice by removing easy access and deciding ahead of time how you will respond.For gossip: Say, “That’s her story to tell.” Change the subject or leave the conversation.For drunkenness: Plan an alcohol-free evening. If drinking in certain situations feels difficult to control, choose not to go until you feel stronger. You can also seek qualified support.For lust: Unfollow tempting accounts, block pornography, and end secretive or flirtatious exchanges.For gluttony or overspending: Plan meals and purchases. Notice when you want comfort, and choose a response that actually addresses what is troubling you.For destructive anger: Stop talking to people about the things that make you angry. Pause before speaking, and address the problem calmly with God and someone who can help.For dishonesty: Correct the exaggeration or lie promptly. Practice telling the truth even when it costs you approval.Write a simple commitment: When _____________ happens, I will _____________.Change the setting when necessary. Good intentions are stronger when our surroundings support them.5. Ask God for help, and act on it.Pray: Lord, help me recognize my weaknesses and the things that tempt me to sin and help me take the next right step.Then take that step. Close the app. Leave the conversation. Apologize. Ask a trusted person to check in with you.God’s help may come through Bible Scripture, a friend, a pastor, a counselor, or a recovery community. Receiving help is part of moving forward.If you stumble, confess, repair what you can, and strengthen your plan. Romans 8:1 assures us that there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ. We can return to Him and keep growing, but let’s not make that our failsafe position by going ahead with sin. We’re stronger than that.We protect our peace and joy through the choices we practice, not the ones we intend to make someday. Let someday be today.Pray:Lord, show me what I do that is holding me back from your good plan for my life. Please give me the strength and courage to change what I can, please change the things I can’t change, and please give me the humility to accept help. Help me choose what honors You today. Amen.Pray. Listen. Act. Repeat. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com

Have you been told that you’re too loud? Too sensitive? Too intense? Too stubborn? Too ambitious? Too emotional? Too strong?Maybe you’ve been told that you’re too quiet. Too wimpy. Too weak. Unfeeling. Uncaring. Or you’ve heard that you’re too fat, too skinny, too dumb, too … fill in the blank on whatever ugly words that have been directed at you. But wait, stop, don’t.These kinds of words stick with us. They weigh down our hearts. They lead us to think all of our flaws, which always leads to a feeling of not being enough.Most of us can easily list all the things that are wrong with us, but we have to stop and think about everything that’s right with us.Criticism, well meaning or not, makes us question ourselves, our worth, our value, our significance, our meaning, and sometimes why we’re even here. At least it did for me.We respond in various ways. The more confident among us, blow off these criticisms and keep going. But if you’re like me, you think about it. You absorb it. After all, you’ve heard it before—it must be true. You’ve been asked, “what’s wrong with you?” But you really don’t have an answer. Inside you think, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” while silently agreeing that you are deeply flawed.Have you ever tried to change the things people criticized about you?I spent the first half of my life trying to be different than who I was—less loud, less intense, less strong-willed, less enthusiastic, less of a dreamer of big things. Less of someone who makes stupid jokes that seem to only be funny to me. Basically, I tried to be less me.I tried to change the things that people criticized. The frustrating part was that it’s really exhausting to try to be someone you’re not. You can only do it for so long until a time when you’re tired, not feeling well or generally irritable and your true personality starts showing through the facade.When that happens, people criticize you for being a fake, phony imposter.The bottom line is that you can try all you want to avoid criticism, but—please listen and take this in—there will always be someone who criticizes you. No matter what you do. So you might as well go ahead and be YOU.YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE FOR A PURPOSEWhen I started my business, I was working 60-80 hours a week. I was building the airplane while trying to fly it. And it was intense. All of my energy was going into my work. I literally didn’t have anything left at the end of those very long days. I didn’t have the energy to be someone I was not.In that first year of business, as I was learning by doing all the things that I had no experience or education in, I realized that the characteristics I had tried to eliminate were exactly what I needed!I’m tenacious. I just can’t give up and walk away on something I feel strongly about. I had been called “a dog with a bone” who just won’t let things go. It turns out that if I had been someone who just let go when things got tough, I never would have successfully taken my business nationwide.I’m loud. I’ve always had a hearing deficiency, so for most of my life, I didn’t realize I was louder than others. I was harshly disciplined when I was 4 years old for being too loud. Teachers, co-workers, neighbors and people at church had all asked me to turn down my volume. But when I spoke to groups of people about managing risk (the business I was in), my booming voice was handy when the microphone quit working.I’m strong, which is often clocked as overbearing. It turns out that a strong personality is exactly what was needed to advocate with legislators for children who have no voice, no vote and little power to protect themselves.I’ve been called demanding. I didn’t realize until I became an employer that everyone didn’t have my high standards for integrity, work ethic, and resourcefulness. The work of managing risk in child welfare organizations required those things. Anything less could jeopardize the safety of children.Eventually I realized that the character and personality traits that I spent years trying to tone down were the very things that equipped me fulfill my purpose.So what about you?Have you’ve been called too sensitive. Could that be empathy?Maybe you’ve been called stubborn. What if that’s perseverance?Maybe you’ve been criticized for being quiet. Are you the one who notices things that others miss?Maybe you’ve been called intense. Could that mean that you care deeply?Maybe you have been criticized for questioning everything. Are you the person willing to challenge something that others have accepted without question.This doesn’t mean that character or personality weaknesses can all be called strengths. Some attitudes need adjustment. Some behaviors need to be eliminated or adjusted.We are the best versions of ourselves when we grow in love, wisdom, humility, patience, generosity, kindness and self-control.We are at our best when we’re using our character and personality traits, talents, and abilities to help others.Let’s be careful not to confuse strengthening a weak area and trying to change the things that make you uniquely you. These may be the very things that equip and qualify you to fulfill your purpose. I’m not for everybody. Neither are you. And there is tremendous freedom in accepting that.The people who are right for you will not merely tolerate the best parts of who you are. They will understand, value and cherish them.So perhaps the question isn’t: “What’s wrong with me?” Perhaps it’s: “How can I use my uniqueness for good?”Purposeful PracticeExamine what you’ve been criticized for. Be willing to grow. Listen when trustworthy people tell you how your behavior affects them.Then look at the other side of the coin.Ask yourself:What does this characteristic look like when it is disciplined by wisdom, directed by love and used for something bigger than me?Maybe you’re not supposed to become less.Maybe you’re supposed to discover that the person God created you to be is exactly what’s needed to do the things about which you’re passionate or to help improve the things that grieve your heart.Who you truly are is exactly what your purpose requires. This is a public episode. 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Some of the people we’ve lost are still alive. There was no argument, betrayal or final goodbye. No one decided that the relationship no longer mattered. Life simply carried people in different directions until someone who had once been part of every ordinary day became someone remembered mostly through memories.The relationship did not necessarily end. It just stopped being current because the person is no longer in close enough range to share the details of daily life.The first cut is the deepestWe’ve all had the painful experience of a friend moving away. It’s most painful when it happens as a kid. You lived in the same neighborhood, attended the same school and participated in the same sports, clubs and activities. You saw one another in classrooms, hallways, cafeterias, driveways and backyards. Some kids spent nearly every day together from elementary through high school.Your lives become intertwined through countless ordinary moments. You know who has a crush on whom, whose parents are arguing, who was embarrassed in class and who is worried about an upcoming test. You exchanged looks that required no explanation. You shared jokes no one else understood. And then suddenly all of that is over. You graduate, and almost immediately, people who had been inseparable disperse. One goes away to college. Another begins working. Someone joins the military. Another gets married. Some move away. New lives form around new circumstances and new people and the next thing you know, you’re hoping you’ll recognize them at the school reunion.No one broke up with anyone. No one stopped caring. The people you shared nearly every day with became part of each other’s history instead of the present.You promised to stay in touch, and for a while you did. You sent letters, notes and cards. You call, text and exchange photographs occasionally. FaceTime and Zoom give us a fighting chance of remaining connected across the chasm of separation, but technology cannot fully replace proximity.The moments most likely to disappear are not the major ones. We usually tell old friends about the engagement, the new job, the birth of a baby, or the diagnosis. What gets lost are the little details that rarely seem important enough to warrant a phone call—the insensitive comment someone made, the person who cut in front of us at the grocery store, the funny thing the dog did or the little ache we plan to ask the doctor about next week.Those details are usually shared with whoever happens to be within range. They are exchanged between neighbors grabbing the mail, students passing in the hallway, co-workers in the lunch room, carpoolers while driving home, or while waiting for their kids to get out of school.Scheduled conversations are the highlight reel. Proximity provides the raw footage.Over time, the people nearby begin to know the current version of us. They recognize the subtle change in our voice when something is wrong. They know about the situation at work that troubles us, and they can easily drop in to toast minor victories. Meanwhile, the people who once knew us best may know only the larger developments and the person we used to be.It is not that they no longer like us. They are simply sharing life with other people. When we finally see one another again, we pick up right where we left off. The affection is still there. The laughter comes easily, and the old stories are funny. But it is not quite the same. Much of our time is spent reminiscing because the past is still the place we share. We may know very little about the ordinary rhythms of one another’s current lives.Sometimes people become emotionally out of range while still physically presentThis is the spouse who accepts a job requiring constant travel or who is working 18-hour days. That person is gone for weeks on end or is home but leaves before dawn, returns home exhausted and collapses into bed only to do it again the next day. The couple may still love one another, but they are no longer sharing enough of life to remain emotionally close.Meanwhile, the working spouse spends nearly every waking hour with co-workers. They solve problems together, share meals, endure disappointments, celebrate successes and exchange all the little details that create familiarity. Gradually, the co-workers can begin to feel more like family than the family members left at home.This does not excuse infidelity. Betrayal remains a choice, and people are responsible for the boundaries they keep or violate. But if we want to protect relationships, we have to understand how being in range creates vulnerability.Emotional intimacy rarely disappears all at once. It migrates one small disclosure at a time. Someone else becomes the first person we tell, the person whose opinion we seek and the person who understands the context without needing an explanation. By the time the couple realize what’s happened, the relationship may already be running on autopilot.The warning signsThe warning signs of friends or family drifting are usually subtle. Plans are talked about, but never acted on. Conversations become limited to the superficial, logistics related to plans and obligations, and major announcements. It’s not that we don’t want the other person to know what’s going on in our lives. It’s that we stop sharing the small things because explaining all the background is not worth the time and energy it takes. Eventually, we realize that someone we once were close to has become someone we connect with only on birthdays or holidays.But that doesn’t mean that we cannot make long distance relationships work by intentionally staying in range emotionally.Making long distance relationships workMy dear high school friend Janet moved 3,000 miles away. My heart hurt. It felt as though she had taken a chunk of it with her.I had drifted away from other high school friends because we had gone different directions and were living vastly different lives, but I couldn’t stand the thought of that happening with Janet. If I wanted Janet to remain part of my life, we would have to be intentional about emotionally connecting.So I visited as often as I could. She came home every Christmas. Despite her big family wanting to spend time with her, she always carved out time for us to catch up. We scheduled trips together—not nearly as frequently as I would have liked, but I treasured every one of them. We made room for one another despite the miles, responsibilities and new friends we both had.Our time together became even more precious when Janet was diagnosed with cancer. We made a concerted effort to talk every day. Eventually, I lost her, but I will always have the memories we deliberately created because we chose to stay emotionally in range from the age of 14 to 54, when she left this life.As we grow, our relationships changeWe cannot keep every relationship exactly as it once was. If we’re growing and self-actualizing, we can’t keep any relationship exactly as it was, nor should we want to. Some people drift apart because they’ve grown in different areas. Or one person grows while the other does not. Or they have separated themself into groups that exclude others, as in politics, beliefs, values, socio-economic status, or any of the other ways that humans choose to become part of an “us versus them” mentality. Still, it doesn’t mean that anyone is to blame. A person can have been an important part of our story without being present in every chapter. In those cases, we can be grateful for what the relationship gave us.Extraordinary relationships are too precious to passively surrender.If you are determined to stay emotionally in range regardless of other differences, share the ordinary details, not only the major news. Schedule the visit and make it happen. Create rituals—a weekly phone call, an annual weekend or regular voice messages exchanged during the week. Ask questions about the person’s present instead of talking onl… This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com

We insure houses that may never burn, plan vacations, and agonize over what to wear to soon-forgotten events. Yet we give little thought to the one appointment none of us can cancel: the end of this life.There is a 100% chance that each of us will leave this earth. Our possessions, titles, and accomplishments will remain behind. What will matter is whether this life was all there was—and, if not, what comes next.Standing at the center of that question is Jesus.Most people have heard of Him. Some regard Him as a historical figure, teacher, or prophet. Others recognize Him as the Son of God but have never considered what His life, death, and resurrection mean to them personally. His name is familiar, but familiarity can discourage investigation.Jesus did not present Himself merely as someone to admire. He claimed authority to forgive sins and said that He was the way, the truth, and the life—the only way. Either He was deluded, deceptive, or He was telling the most consequential truth ever spoken.More than two thousand years later, the world’s dominant calendar numbers its years in relation to His birth. His teachings helped shape ideas about mercy, forgiveness, human dignity, and care for the vulnerable. Influence does not prove divinity, but a life that changed civilization deserves more than a passing glance. The sustaining influence of Jesus deserves investigation.Many people do not consciously reject Him; they remain too busy to consider Him. We fill every quiet space with noise because silence allows deeper questions to surface: Why am I here? What makes life meaningful? What happens when I die? Could Jesus be who He claimed to be?Our culture is not less spiritual; it is spiritually eclectic. People pursue peace through meditation, crystals, energy, and personalized beliefs. The hunger is real, but not everything offered as food is equally nourishing—or true. We want transcendence without authority, peace without repentance, and purpose without surrender. Jesus asks not to be added to our lives, but to become the center of our lives.Christianity stands or falls on one historical claim: Jesus Christ was crucified, buried, and rose from the dead. If He did not rise, Christianity can be dismissed. If He did, nothing is more consequential to us personally.Churches and the Christians in them have, at times, caused terrible harm. Christianity cannot be judged by the perfection of its followers. It has no perfect followers—no religion does. Christianity is not an achievement to be attained by flawless people but rather a rescue for those who know they need the mercy, restoration, and the kind of eternal life only Jesus can provide.It is possible to believe accurate facts about Jesus without entrusting our lives to Him. Demonic spirits recognized Him as “the Son of God,” yet their recognition did not involve love, obedience, or allegiance. As James wrote, “Even the demons believe and shudder.”Believing that Jesus existed—even accepting that He is the Son of God—is not the same as following Him. Genuine faith means receiving His grace, placing our lives in His hands, and accepting His purposes for us.That is the true meaning of success. A person can build an empire and waste his or her life, while another can live quietly, love faithfully, and fulfill precisely what God created that person to do. Jesus is not a consultant hired to improve our agenda. He is Lord. The truly successful life is aligned with its Creator.Every person eventually answers the question of Jesus. Some answer yes; some answer no; many answer, “Not now.” But “not now,” repeated throughout a lifetime, eventually becomes no. Refusing to decide is itself a decision.Begin an honest investigation: Read what Jesus says about Himself in the book of John or Luke in the Bible. Examine both the evidence for the Resurrection and the objections to it in books like Evidence That Demands a Verdict by Josh and Sean McDowell and The Case for Christ by former atheist journalist Lee Strobel.Bring your questions, skepticism, failures, wounds, regrets, and fears. Jesus does not ask you to repair yourself before approaching Him. He asks you to turn to Him. Be honest. Pray, “Jesus, if You are real, help me recognize the truth.”Do not give the most important question of your existence whatever energy that remains after everything else has been done. The question for the fulfillment of your purpose and for eternity is whether you will trust Jesus with your life, receive His salvation, and allow His purposes to become your own.Everyone eventually answers the pivotal question: What will I do with Jesus? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com