Leaving the Mormon Church and becoming an “asker”

It’s been six months since Hamas attacked Israel, killing nearly 1200 people, kidnapping around 250, and triggering Israel’s devastating war on Gaza. The Hamas-run health ministry says more than 33,000 Palestinians have been killed, the Committee to Protect Journalists and Reporters without Borders say more than 100 journalists, and more than 200 aid workers according to the UN, have also been killed, including seven World Central Kitchen workers.This episode was recorded before a lot of things happened: Sen. Chuck Schumer’s speech on the Senate floor, Israeli President Benjamin Netanyahu’s response, Biden and Bibi’s phone call, the Al Shifa hospital raid and the IDF pulling troops out of Khan Younis, to name a few. So, while these items aren't in the episode because they hadn’t happened yet, the larger conversation about what faces us as people committed to a safe and sustainable future for Palestinians, Israelis, and Jews the world over has not become less relevant. This conversation was held and is being published in the spirit of not just trying to keep the light of hope alive, but to look some of the obstacles before us in the face; concepts, pain and trauma through which any future solution must pass.In the meantime, we try to fight the sense of helpless horror with what little we can do from a distance while trying to make sense of the pain and stay in touch with our humanity with conversations like this one. Find Part 1 here.Donate to World Central Kitchen here. UN Crisis Relief here. Help the International Rescue Committee here. Find more on Vivian Silva, Women Wage Peace, Israeli societal resilience, Progressive Labor Zionism and HaNoar HaOved Support the Show.

It's Purim! So when Baby Brother Zev and his girlfriend Osnat came down to DC to peep some cherry blossoms, I made them come to tell you all what is Purim, the super-fun Jewish dress-up party where we celebrate a narrow escape from mass murder and eat cookies named for the bad guy's hat. Or ears. Or pockets apparently. Depends who you ask. Get to the bottom of what the heck Hamantaschen are supposed to be, what is the story of Esther, what to wear for Purim, how they do it in Israel, and who really said "Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History." (It was Pulitzer Prize-winning historian and Harvard professor Laurel Thatcher Ulrich) Also featured: the Israeli tradition of Michloach Manot, why Esther is not in the Torah, and whether Esther and Mordecai are really from the Enuma Elish.GLOSSARY:Chag Purim Sameach: Happy Purim! “Chag” means holiday, “sameach” means happy, and Purim is the name of the holidayTanach (also spelled Tanakh): the name of the full Hebrew bible, is an acronym for the Torah (the Five Books of Moses), the Nevi’im (the Prophets) and the Ketuvim (the Writings, also known as the Hagiographa)Abba: Hebrew for Dad, it’s what Zeb and I call his dad, my stepdad. Megillah/megillot (plural): meaning scrolls, it refers to the five scrolls included in the Ketuvim, Song of Songs, Ruth, Lamentations, Ecclesiastes, and EstherAdloyada: to drink until you can’t tell the difference, also the name of the big Carnivalesque parades in Israel.Mitzvah: means “commandment”, it often also refers to “good deeds” in general but means a thing you should do. Vashti: The first wife of King Achashverosh (aka Ahasuerus) whose banishment or execution for refusing to dance nude in front of his friends clears the way for Esther to marry the king.  MORE:https://www.exploringjudaism.org/holidays/purim/esther/16-facts-about-purim-and-the-book-of-esther/ https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/the-book-of-esther/Jews not bowing when it constitutes some form of worship: https://torah.org/torah-portion/mikra-5772-purim/ Sushan Purim: https://reformjudaism.org/what-shushan-purim Bonus: Origins of Halloween, from Throughline and Moses, as seen on South ParkSupport the Show.

An American, a Canadian and an Israeli Jewish educator walk into a….well a discussion. About the Israel-Hamas war, the state of Gaza and state of mind of Israelis, no less. So, this conversation is really no joke. Huge thanks to Yair Alon, Adam Levi and Zev Dever for this sometimes hard, always thoughtful, and very nuanced and compassionate conversation, and the healing and shared understanding they are working to reach.  You may remember my baby brother Zev from Season 1, when he taught us about how much of modern Western Judaism formed into what we see in places like the U.S. today. He's recently back from Israel, and he and his colleagues Adam and Yair squeezed in a late night podcast recording with me while in D.C. on a listening and discussion tour for their NGO Hechalutz, exploring what American Jewish communities are experiencing in the aftermath of the October 7 Hamas attack. They bring us clear-eyed assessments of what Israelis and American Jews alike are experiencing, and how those might create challenges or hopes for a peaceful resolution to the war. Listen in to hear what Israel was like in the immediate aftermath of October 7, how Israelis are feeling now, and the implications of coping--or not--with the destruction of some of their most basic concepts of safety and security. This was a long conversation, and cutting too much would have damaged the depth of the discussion, so we've divided it into 2 parts. Please be sure to come back for part 2, where we'll get a deep dive into the huge differences in the discourse for American and Israeli Jews, and hear about the individual, and yet sadly universal, experiences of these three on October 7, and how they personally are working to process all that has happened and all that remains to be faced. GLOSSARY:Kibbutz: traditionally agrarian, these communal living settlements now take various forms around an "intentional", voluntary social contract. Aaliya: from the Hebrew word meaning "to rise" or "to go up", this is the term for becoming a citizen of Israel. "Olim" is the plural noun for people who have done this, like Zev.Diaspora: a general term for peoples living outside their homeland. Generically often refers to Jews living outside Israel.Habonim D'ror: MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE: Ezra Klein Show: She polled Gazans on Oct. 6. Here's what she found.Effects of the war on Israeli and Palestinian economies.Hostage families protest the Israeli governmentIsrael's far right on resettling GazaLearn about the Rise of the Israeli Right and Hamas from one of the very best in the biz, NPR's Throughline.  Support the Show.

Have you ever wondered if your “quirks” might actually be manifested trauma? Or more like…that they probably ARE? Victoria Dozer was curious about her mom’s pretty typical Jewish-mom-quirk of stashing huge amounts of things, like dishes and toilet paper--stuff that's useful in principle, but that you probably don’t need 20 of--and uncovered that this behavior, inherited and then passed down to Victoria, is a legacy her mom inherited from her Holocaust-survivor father. She nicknamed the habit Holocaust hoarding, and went down a path of exploration; how does the trauma of our elders and ancestors affect our lives each day? And how do we honor them, their struggles and legacies, while working to see it for what it is, and turn towards healing without betraying their suffering? Jews are certainly not the only people who have been targets of genocide throughout their history, and it's so ingrained in Jewish identity that many don't even think about it consciously, but it felt very important to explore how such deeply ingrained existential fear can show up in Jewish life, including in reactions to world events. Victoria's approach in her article for Hey Alma, and our conversation, compassionately recognizes some very Jewish things that might be inherited trauma. She explores accepting the pain of our past without letting it define us, or be an unconscious force shaping our reactions, futures, and the lives of those around us. Victoria is also a planetary scientist, and you will be grateful for her thoughtful perspectives on the weight of generational trauma, hoarding vs environmentalism, and how to greet our own and others’ trauma with loving acceptance, and heal without discarding a legacy we treasure. GLOSSARY:M.O.T.: Short for “Member of the Tribe,” a tongue in cheek term Jewish people sometimes use for one another, especially when meeting for the first time, i.e. “Oh hey! Another M.O.T.!”HSOs: Holocaust Survivor Offspring as referred to in medical literature researching generational trauma.Eugenics: The misappropriation and inaccurate application of scientific theories such as Darwin’s theory of evolution to justify a belief in the genetic superiority of one race or people over another, ultimately leading to attempts to exterminate entire races and types of people, including the Jews by the Nazis, and mentally ill or otherwise neurodivergent populations in the United States.Tu BiShvat: See previous episode for a whole TuBishvat lesson! “Do not destroy”: “bal tashchit” in Hebrew, the principle stems from the idea that the earth belongs to God and careful stewardship of it is therefore our responsibility. Tikkun Olam: “world repair,” is a concept that all human beings are responsible for one another and the world, and for repairing harm and damage through their actions, big or small.Find Hey Alma on Instagram!Support the Show.

What is Tu Bishvat (also spelled Tu BiShevat)? Well it's the birthday of the trees, also called the New Year of the Trees, so happy new year to you, and happy new year to the trees, and welcome back to Jew-ish!  Trees have a very special place in Jewish life. We call the Torah, our holiest text (also known as the Five Books of Moses and the Pentateuch) the Tree of Life, and we plant trees to celebrate life events like the birth of a new child. Yep, trees are kind of a thing for Jews, and no one loves them more than Tobin Mitnick, who is probably better known by his IG handle, JewsLoveTrees. When you love something, why beat around the bush, amirite? Tobin is the perfect guest for this tree-centered episode, but he's so much more than his charming social media personality; he's a dad, an actor, a comedian, and avid reader and of course, a huge nerd (like me). So, this episode is a bit of a wild ride, but it's hilarious and you will definitely learn a lot, especially about trees. And, just a heads up: some of the stuff we talk about in this one might not be considered kid-friendly to some, Tobin is a comedian, after all, so give it a listen before playing with kids in the car. Don't forget to pick up Tobin's book: Must Love Trees!But as far as Tu BiShvat knowledge....well, we got a little distracted, so here's some knowledge for ya: The word “Tu” is actually a number, because in Hebrew, numbers are represented by letters, kinda like Roman numerals. Originally, the 15th day of the Hebrew month, Shevat, marked the age of trees for assessing tithing (taxes, essentially), and when it was ok to eat the fruit. But now, it marks the unofficial start of spring, we all get to eat lots of fruit, and some communities even have a seder (a ritual meal) modeled after Passover. More about Tu BiShevat: https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/tu-bishvat-ideas-beliefs/ https://www.shalomdc.org/tu-bshevat-let-trees-teach-us-to-have-roots-and-wings/#:~:text=Some%20celebrate%20with%20a%20special,the%20peak%20of%20their%20power. https://www.jewfaq.org/tu_bshevat In this episode: Kabbalah (also spelled Kabalah, Cabala, Qabala): Jewish mysticism, based on mostly medieval commentaries on the Torah, primarily the Zohar.Hasidic (also spelled Chassidic): A branch of Orthodox Judaism originating in 18th-century Eastern Europe based on the teachings of Rabbi Israel ben Eliezer, also known as the "Baal Shem Tov," which means "Master of the Good Name." Jewish people who follow this tradition are known as Hasidim.Kaddish: One of the most important prayers in Judaism, the name translates to "holy." Different forms of the Kaddish are said at different times, including the Mourners Kaddish to remember the dead. The tradition of burying foreskins does indeed exist! Who knew?Support the Show.

Introducing our sister podcast, the Curl Code! Hosted by Wafaya Abdallah, owner of Curly Oasis, a curl salon and education platform in Rockville, MD, the Curl Code explores individual stories of how learning to embrace our natural hair can be the start of a journey to embracing and empowering our most authentic selves. Each episode reveals a unique story of the day someone acted on a decision to learn about caring for their curls, and started a process of transforming how they view the world, society, and themselves.  On this episode, Wafaya interviews her dear friend and warrior for the sake of humanity, Luby Ismail founder of Connecting Cultures, which works to fight Islamophobia and ignorance, and teach intercultural exchange. Luby and Wafaya grew up in the same era in Egypt, longing for straight, silky hair, wielding hot irons and chemical relaxers to try and meet the beauty “ideal.” In adulthood, Luby became an intercultural educator and public speaker, and realized that she couldn’t be authentic in her teaching if she wasn’t authentic in herself. That was when her journey to embracing her curls began, with Wafaya as her guide. Her journey also includes living with multiple sclerosis, and in this episode, she educates us on how even when we have the best intentions, we can fail to see the fullness of lives that differ from our own, or the narrow-mindedness of our own point of view.Luby’s whole family is committed to dispelling prejudice and building bridges; from her son's environmental activism to her husband, Alex Kronemer's film company, Luby has devoted her life to making the "foreign," "familiar," and working for the betterment of humanity.  Find the Curl Code on:Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-curl-code/id1706416262Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1rKdhcNpk3PyE8Ig567fWK?si=8b5207ddd93c4144 And wherever you get your podcasts.Support the Show.

There’s polarization, and then there’s toxic polarization. We all know what that feels like, especially at this moment around Israel and Palestine. For many of us, the temperature of the rhetoric is so incendiary that even though we might have deep and nuanced feelings, let alone education, experience, or personal ties to the issue, the thought of wading into what seems like a totally polarized conversation feels frightening and pointless. But, we still want to be able to engage in our world, and maybe even dip our toe into conversation with people we believe to be well-intentioned, even if their views might seem extreme or uninformed to us. But how can we do that without turning up the temperature and the volume by adding our voice? Thankfully, Rabbi Rachel Schmelkin is here to help. Rabbi Schmelkin specializes in navigating toxic polarization and crossing divides. In this episode, she helps us understand what’s happening to people–including ourselves–when we encounter or engage in polarized or potentially polarizing topics, and reminds us that we have choices in how–and if–we engage.TERMS: Havdalah: Hebrew for “separation”, the Havdalah service marks the end of Shabbat and the return to the "normal" week.Rabbinate: The office or function of being a rabbiMotive misattribution: Assuming that the motivations of others are negative in a situation where we would accept our own motives as perfectly reasonable. This is related to motive asymmetry, where people assume the motives of those on the other side of a conflict are diametrically opposed to ours, creating an intractable conflict.Musar (or Mussar): A movement to use Jewish ethics, as opposed to rules, to guide behavior and character. Mussar facilitators use these principles to guide challenging conversations. Sacred Value: A value that is impervious to material incentives to change.Backfire effect: Digging in on an existing belief in response to information that disproves it.4-7-8 breathing: a breathing technique to reduce anxiety where one inhales for a count of four, holds the breath for a count of seven, and exhales for a count of eight.Beginner’s Mind: A mindset that releases any previously existing knowledge or conceptions to allow for maximum curiosity and openness, approaching like a total beginner on the topic.b'tzelem Elohim: Hebrew for “in the image of God”, it refers to all humans being created in the image of God and therefore being of equal value.ken y'hi ratzon: Translated as “let it be so”, it literally means “let it be God’s will”MORE: One America Movement: https://oneamericamovement.org/ *Quick disclosure: The One America movement is a catalyst partner of Stand Together, which is my employer in my day job. They have no involvement in this podcast, which does not represent them or their interests in any way. Over Zero: https://www.projectoverzero.org/  Beyond Conflict: https://beyondconflictint.org/ Support the Show.

Many of us are deeply affected, probably more so than we even know, by the suffering in Israel and Gaza. I didn't release the last episode (though I did have one ready) because it felt bizarre not to address or at least acknowledge the situation, but I was absolutely drained. I was scared for the Hamas hostages, worried about my brother in Israel, terrified for the Palestinians...in short, there was no energy left over and I had nothing to say outside of the small circle of family and few loved ones checking in. This mini-sode is just an acknowledgment, a moment to ask us all to pause, not fill the silence we may be seeing from others with our own assumptions, respect one another's grief and pain, try not to add to the violence rhetorically, emotionally, or otherwise, and be a source of light if and where we can. May the Source of Peace send peace to all who mourn, And comfort to all who are bereaved.May the Source of Strength, who blessed the ones before us,Help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing. And let us say, Amen. MORE:The Mourner's Kaddish is a very holy prayer, dating back almost 2000 years to the time of the Second Temple in Jerusalem.  Mi Sheberach is the traditional prayer said for healing, and to bring to mind those who are suffering, and need divine goodness. Here is Debbie Friedman's rendition of the beautiful and soothing prayer, in the tune I and many others grew up with. Support the Show.

Erick Cloward was raised in the Mormon Church in Utah, in a not-always-happy home. He talks about it a lot on his podcast, The Stoic Coffee Break (which is an absolute must-subscribe, by the way) and the parts of that culture that eventually led him to leave the church, and Utah altogether. In episode 181 of his show, he digs into "asking" vs. "guessing" culture, and the contrast between what was the norm in his lived experience in the Church of Latter-day Saints, and cultures—dare I say, like Judaism??—that normalize directness. I immediately saw myself, and reflections of a million little skirmishes I've had over the years in that episode, and naturally had a million things to ask, got cheeky, and emailed him. Our conversation reflects on what "asking" vs "guessing" culture means, how it manifests, different approaches and why such things might exist. And of course, I peppered him with a bunch of questions he should not have been tasked with answering, but graciously did anyway. Thank you so much, Erick, for giving this wee podcast a bit of your Big Deal Podcaster time! Make sure you also check out his episode on being a people pleaser, which we also talk about in this episode! GLOSSARY:Glasnost Perestroika: meaning “openness” and “restructuring,” this was a period of reforms at the end of the Soviet era initiated by Mikhail Gorbachev after becoming head of the Communist Party in 1985.Midrash: both a noun and a verb, midrash means commentary (or commenting) on aspects of Jewish law or scripture. Interpretations from rabbis over the centuries have been gathered into a collection of writings often referenced to help understand or give depth of meaning to readings in the Torah or Jewish law.Pesach: the Hebrew name for Passover, the ritual meal which commemorates the Exodus from Egypt, when Jews followed Moses out of slavery after the Ten Plagues.Support the Show.

Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year, followed by Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, and together with the 10 days of deep contemplation between them, they are known as the Days of Awe, or the High Holy Days–but apparently only in the U.S. Also–spoiler alert!--it’s not the actual “new year” on the Jewish calendar. Or at least not since ancient times…but we’ll get into all that. This episode is here to help, you, me, whoever, understand how to “do” Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, or just a bit more about them. Listen in to learn what to say and not say to your Jewish friends, a short list of sins you should be thinking about, and some of the ways our oddball family approaches the major themes and responsibilities of the season, including repentance, reflection, forgiveness, celebration (or not).GLOSSARYChag Sameach: Translates to “Happy Holiday”, the generic expression to share well-wishes on any holiday. Talmudic period: Referring to the time between approximately 64-70 and 500-640 CE, beginning with the first Jewish revolt against Roman rule and including the destruction of Jerusalem and the Second Temple that resulted in the exile of the Jews, and the eventual rise of great rabbis such as Akiva and Hillel, whose writings, along with other scholars of this period, were eventually compiled into the Mishnah and Gemara, which, together, comprise the Jewish book of law known as the Talmud. During this period, Hillel also created the lunar Jewish calendar commonly used today.Yom Hazikaron: Translates to “Day of Remembrance” and is observed in Israel to remember fallen soldiers, in the same way as Memorial Day in the U.S. is.Yom ha'atzmaut: Israeli Independence DayMadrichim: Translated as “teachers,” “leaders,” or “guides,” madrichim are generally teenagers trained in Jewish leadership programs.Sitting Shiva: The practice of mourning death for seven days including customs such as sitting low to the ground and covering mirrors, during which the immediate family of the deceased receives guests to care for and bring them food so they can sit and be present in their grief.Machzor: A Jewish prayer book arranged in specific liturgical order for the High Holidays. Shulchan Aruch: The Jewish legal code compiled in the 1500s by Sephardic rabbi Joseph Caro.Mitzvot: Often translated as “good deeds,” the word actually means “commandments.” Shofar: The horn of a kosher animal, often a ram, ceremonially blown on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.More: Check out the Stoic Coffee Break on your favorite podcast app and listen for Erick Cloward's episode on Jew-ish!Support the Show.