Ep #312: Why It’s Hard to Let Yourself Feel Your Feelings (Part 2)

Tenderoni Hotline #26: What happens when both people in a relationship are looking to each other for safety, reassurance, and a sense of “we’re okay”… but neither nervous system can consistently provide it? In this tender and honest episode, we explore the often unspoken dynamic of mutual emotional outsourcing, and why it can leave even the most loving relationships feeling intense, fragile, or stuck in cycles that don’t quite resolve. Together, we look at what it means to shift from codependency into true interdependence, not by becoming perfectly regulated, but by building a deeper, more reliable sense of safety within yourself while learning how to gently support one another. And we also turn toward a question so many of us carry quietly: why certain coping patterns, like reaching for sugar or food, can persist even after years of healing work. With compassion, nervous system insight, and a whole lot of permission to be human, this episode invites you to get curious about your patterns, soften the shame, and begin creating a little more space between impulse and choice. You are not broken. Your body is trying to care for you. And there is a way to meet it with more understanding, more steadiness, and more love.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#371: Do you feel like you’re constantly running on empty, struggling to find space for rest while the world around you keeps demanding more? It’s a common experience, and it’s often the result of emotional outsourcing. But what if rest could be the key to reclaiming your energy, your values, and your connection to what matters most? In this episode, I'm diving into the concept of rest as an essential practice, not just for recharging, but for healing. Rest is often misunderstood as a luxury, but it’s a vital part of maintaining our physical, emotional, and mental well-being, and for equipping ourselves to show up fully for the things we care about, especially in a world that constantly asks for more. Tune in this week to learn why rest feels so hard to access for many of us and how it connects to emotional outsourcing. We’ll also talk about why rest isn’t selfish, how it can improve your relationships, and the different types of rest that are vital to integrate into your life. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/371 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline 25: Have you ever found yourself laughing when you’re actually scared, suddenly exhausted in the middle of anxiety, or walking away from a moment thinking you’re “fine” only to realize hours later that you were anything but? In this Tenderoni Hotline episode, we’re diving into those paradoxical nervous system moments, the ones that feel confusing, mistimed, or just plain off, and unpacking what’s really happening beneath the surface.Because here’s what I need you to know. You’re not broken, dramatic, or bad at emotions. You’re adaptive as hell. Your nervous system is running deeply intelligent, well-practiced protective patterns shaped by your lived experiences, your conditioning, and the environments you’ve had to navigate. And sometimes, those patterns show up as laughter instead of fear, shutdown instead of anxiety, or total emotional fuzz when you most want clarity.In this episode, I’m answering rich, layered questions from my clients inside Anchored and the Somatic Studio, giving you a real, behind-the-scenes taste of what it looks like to live this work, not just intellectualize it. We explore why your nervous system can hold multiple states at once, why emotional awareness often comes after the moment instead of during it, and how your brain and body prioritize survival over neat, tidy self-understanding in real time. We also get into practical, body-based ways to gently build your capacity to notice, name, and work with your emotions as they arise, without judgment, without force, and without trying to override your system.And for my ADHD loves or anyone who’s ever been told they’re “doing mindfulness wrong” because they can’t sit still, we’re lovingly dismantling that nonsense too. Stillness is not the gold standard for presence. Movement, fidgeting, doodling, pacing, these can be the very things that create presence in a neurodivergent body. You’re not failing the practice. You’ve just been handed a framework that was never built for you.This episode is both a deep exhale and a powerful reframe. It is an invitation to get curious about your patterns instead of criticizing them, and to remember that your reactions are not random, they’re rooted in protection. And if there’s a part of you that’s been wanting support but also holding back, questioning whether you deserve it or whether now is the time, consider this your gentle nudge to feel into what it might be like to be held inside this work, to have your questions answered, and to not do this alone.So take this with you on your walk, while you’re doing the dishes, or while you’re moving your body in whatever way helps you feel most here, because you get to learn, grow, and come home to yourself in ways that actually honor your nervous system.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#370: What does it actually take to stay engaged for the long haul when the world feels overwhelming and the crises keep coming? Showing up once is one thing, but sustaining care and action over months and years is an entirely different challenge. In this episode, I close out our series on how emotional outsourcing shapes our political engagement. We’ve talked about freeze, rage, and depletion. Now we turn to the long haul: how to remain present and effective without burning out or shutting down. Tune in this week to learn why your nervous system struggles with chronic exposure to distressing news and why activist culture often overlooks the body that is doing the work. You’ll learn practical ways to stay engaged for the long haul, including pendulation between activation and resource, titration of how much information you take in, and the importance of co-regulation and community. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/370 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #24: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself.In today’s episode, we’re diving into two thoughtful questions about grief, empathy, and emotional boundaries, and what it means to care deeply without abandoning yourself in the process.First, we explore something that often goes unnamed: grief over losing meaningful possessions. What happens when you lose a beloved object, like a piece of jewelry, a journal, a childhood item, or a home that held an entire chapter of your life? If you’ve ever felt embarrassed about how deeply something like that affected you, this conversation offers a compassionate reframe. We talk about why these losses can feel so profound, how objects can hold memory and meaning, and why your grief deserves to be honored without judgment.Next, we turn to a question about witnessing mistreatment in the workplace. If you’ve ever felt deeply disturbed by abuse of power or injustice at work, and found yourself ruminating about it long after the moment has passed, this conversation will help you understand what’s happening in your nervous system. We explore the difference between empathy and emotional absorption, and how to practice boundaried empathy so you can care, advocate, and take action without burning yourself out.You’ll walk away with a deeper understanding of how grief, empathy, and nervous system activation intersect, along with gentle practices to help you hold your tenderness with more steadiness and care. So grab your coziest blanket, pour a warm drink, and come settle into the tenderness with me.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/coursesFollow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#369: Do you care deeply about what’s happening in the world, yet feel too exhausted to show up the way you wish you could? What if the problem isn’t that you don’t care enough, but that it’s time to reclaim your political energy? In this episode, I talk about the third pattern in this series: depletion. While some of us freeze and others burn hot with rage, many of us are simply running on empty after years of managing everyone else’s feelings and needs. I explore how emotional outsourcing quietly drains your time, attention, and nervous system capacity until there’s nothing left for the values and causes that matter most to you. Listen in this week to learn how to begin reclaiming your political energy by noticing where your energy is leaking away, returning responsibility for others’ emotions, and practicing small acts of choosing yourself. I also share how reconnecting with your values through tiny, doable actions helps rebuild your capacity to engage with the world in ways that are sustainable, meaningful, and aligned with who you truly are. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/369 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #23: If you know you’re a people pleaser but cannot seem to stop, this episode is for you. In this Tenderoni Hotline, I answer two listener questions that go straight to the heart of emotional outsourcing and nervous system healing. First: “I know I’m a people pleaser. How do I stop?” We explore why people pleasing is not a personality flaw or lack of boundaries. It is a nervous system adaptation. When connection felt conditional, your body learned to scan, adjust, perform, and prioritize others to stay safe. That strategy was brilliant. And now it may be exhausting. Then we move into a second question from a listener with CPTSD who shared that words like safe, belonging, and worthy feel abstract or unreachable in their body. If that resonates, you are not alone. Nervous systems do not organize around concepts. They organize around lived experience. So we unpack what “safe enough” actually means in relational terms, how belonging often gets confused with self-erasure, and why worth is less about self-esteem and more about non-abandonment. This work is not about forcing calm or becoming unbothered. It is about learning to stay with yourself when tension arises. It is about building safety from the inside out so you no longer have to abandon yourself to stay connected. You are not broken. You adapted. And you can learn something new my love. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en

#368: Are you the one who’s not frozen… but furious? The one whose rage erupts at the dinner table, at work, in organizing spaces, because you are done watching injustice slide by? What if your rage is valid, but not always effective? In this episode, I talk directly to the firebrands. I break down what happens in your nervous system when rage takes over, how sympathetic activation shuts down strategic thinking, and why constant eruption can isolate you instead of building power. I explore how rage and emotional outsourcing are connected, and how reacting from activation keeps you just as hijacked as freezing does. You’ll learn how to recognize when rage is righteous and when it’s discharge, how to regulate without suppressing your anger, and how to channel your rage strategically. I share practical ways to stay connected to your values while deciding when to disrupt, when to educate, and when to walk away. Your rage is fuel. Let’s learn how to direct it. Click here to check out Anchored: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/ Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/368 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

Tenderoni Hotline #22: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast, where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself. Today’s episode holds two powerful questions. First, how do you use grounding and orienting when a space is not actually safe? What does nervous system regulation look like for queer folks, BIPOC folks, and anyone navigating real socio-political threat? If hypervigilance has helped keep you alive, are you supposed to just breathe deeper and calm down? Then we turn to another question. Why do high-achieving, successful, respected professionals still struggle to trust themselves? Why does approval seeking persist even when you have built a career, a reputation, and a life that looks solid on paper? Together, we explore the difference between grounding and orienting, and why neither is about pretending you are safe when you are not. We talk about how to stay responsive instead of reactive in spaces that carry risk, how emotional outsourcing develops in the nervous system, and why marginalized bodies cannot simply think their way into safety. We also unpack how self-trust gets wired or not wired in early relational experiences, how patriarchy and capitalism reward being chosen over being known, and why the very skills that make you professionally competent can quietly erode your embodied sense of worth. You will learn why grounding is not about forcing calm, why hypervigilance is not pathology but adaptation, and how self-trust is built through lived moments of centering yourself without the world collapsing. As always, we keep it practical. You will walk away with small, doable practices to begin shifting from external validation toward embodied self-trust, without shame and without overwhelm. So go ahead and get cozy. I’m so glad you’re here, my tenderoni. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Learn more about my courses and apply here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/courses Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Mentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale

#367: Have you ever felt that deep yes in your body about speaking up, protesting, or naming injustice… and then frozen the moment someone showed disapproval? What if learning to unfreeze isn’t just about personal healing, but essential for collective liberation?In this episode, I explore how emotional outsourcing keeps us frozen when our values are calling us forward. I break down what happens in your nervous system when disapproval feels like a survival threat, why your amygdala overrides your moral clarity, and how the freeze response makes you disappear energetically even when you’re still in the room. This isn’t about cowardice. It’s about conditioning.Tune in today to learn how to recognize freeze in real time, how to resource your nervous system to unfreeze, why small acts of authenticity build courage, and why community is essential for collective liberation. I also share practical steps to honor your values without collapsing into fear and how choosing integrity over comfort becomes revolutionary, one micro choice at a time.Click here to check out Anchored: https://beatrizalbina.com/anchored/Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/367 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Grab my book, End Emotional Outsourcing!Please support my new book, End Emotional Outsourcing, by ordering a copy and reviewing it on Amazon or GoodReads! You can leave a review even if you bought it somewhere else. Bring your screenshot to: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ for gifts and raffle goodies. Thank you for helping this work ripple out.EEO Pre-Sale