Worst Thing Ever

In the 1990s, Jennifer Zeng was a model citizen of the reform era in China. She had earned a Master's degree from Peking University, and worked as a research scientist at an institute affiliated with the Chinese state. She was a wife, mother, and a member of the Communist Party.  But her life was radically upended in July of 1999, when the Communist Party launched a campaign to "eradicate" Falun Gong, the Buddhist faith system to which she belonged.  Jennifer was sent without trial to a reeducation-through-labour camp, where authorities employed physical and psychological torture methods to  forcibly "reeducate" her. She details the use of sleep deprivation, stress positions, electric batons and violent sexual abuse, and describes the torment of watching helplessly as her co-religionists were tortured. The greatest torment, however, was psychological. Jennifer felt a responsibility to document the horrors of the labour camp system and expose these abuses to the wider world. But the only way to guarantee her escape from the labour camp was to comply with the guards' demands that she betray her principles. 

At 19 years old, Crystal Phillips was among the top-ranked national team speed-skaters in Canada, and was an early hopeful for the 2010 Olympics. Her plans changed when, in 2005, she woke up one morning without sensation in her lower limbs. She was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, and told that she would never skate again.  The diagnosis was life altering: Crystal's identity, her social life, and sense of self had, until that time, been bound up with her athletic career.  But with her health and her future in question, she maintained a deep sense of gratitude for all that she had been given in life, and ultimately discovered a new purpose. After several relapses of the disease—and after fighting her way back to the Canadian national team—Crystal founded the Branch Out Foundation, which has seeded millions of dollars in research grants for non-pharmaceutical treatments for neurological disorders.

Welcome to my little podcast, where I talk to new and old friends about the worst things they have ever experienced. This podcast is premised on the belief that suffering not only cannot be banished from the world, but that it should not be. Just as much as we need love, beauty, and connection, we also need trials and challenges. It is in the combination of these things that our lives take on depth and meaning. And sometimes, by connecting with others through our suffering, our losses can be redeemed. In this inaugural episode I interview one of my oldest friends, Stevie West, who was widowed with two children before the age of 30. She describes the often overwhelming despair and sense of detachment from the world that followed the death of her husband, and explains how her belief in the ultimate goodness of the universe allowed her maintain an appreciation for the comic dimension of life (the comic being closely related to the tragic). Because we hadn't caught up in a couple years, in the latter part of our conversation Stevie turns the tables on me, so listeners will also get a little bit of my personal history, helpfully devoid of context.