Why Do I…?

We're told staying is loyalty. So we hold on, hoping things will improve. Tell ourselves "it's not that bad." But after my full conversation with Dr. Amir Levine, I've been reflecting on something deeper…Insecure relationships age you nine months per person, on a cellular level. That's not theory. That's your body keeping score.Maybe discomfort isn't the cost of commitment. Maybe it's a warning.Maybe asking for what you need isn't weakness. Maybe it's the only thing that saves you.If leaving scares you… ask whose voice is telling you to stay.Connect With Us 👇 Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=en Tom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=en Grab Amir's new book Secure here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Secure-Attachment-Transform-Relationships-bestselling/dp/1529976162Take the attachment quiz at AmirLevineMD.com💎 Part of the I.A.M Podcasts roster#WhyDoI #AttachmentTheory #AmirLevine

Dr. Amir Levine is a psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and bestselling author of Attached - the book that became the internet's go-to guide for understanding relationships. His new book Secure picks up where it left off.We're told some of us are just "clingy." Some of us are just "distant." That's who we are. So we blame ourselves and keep repeating the same patterns. If a missed text can ruin your day… If you pull away the second someone gets close… If you keep ending up in the same kind of relationship…This episode is for you.EPISODE CHAPTERS:00:00 – How Insecure Relationships Age You06:17 – The Anxious-Avoidant Trap12:32 – Why Avoidants Get a Bad Rep21:27 – Where Attachment Styles Really Come From28:51 – The CARP Method for Dating34:14 – Wall Tennis With Love43:10 – Gut Instinct vs. Anxious Spiral52:57 – One Piece of Advice for Each Attachment StyleConnect With Us 👇Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=enTom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=enLiv: https://www.instagram.com/livnevill/?hl=en-gbGrab Amir's new book Secure hereTake the attachment quiz at AmirLevineMD.com💎 Part of the I.A.M Podcasts roster #WhyDoI #AttachmentTheory #AmirLevine

We’re told getting older means losing value.So we chase youth like it can save us.Tell ourselves we’re “still young.”But after my full conversation with Poorna Bell, I’ve been reflecting on something deeper…Aging isn’t the problem.The story we’ve been sold about aging is.Because some people hit 40, 50, 60…and become more themselves than ever.More certain. More grounded.Less interested in performing for everyone else.Fear says your best years are behind you.But often your best years begin when you stop trying to prove anything.Maybe wrinkles aren’t decline. Maybe they’re evidence.Maybe slowing down isn’t failure. Maybe it’s wisdom replacing urgency.And maybe the people most afraid of aging,are the ones who never learned how to live now.If getting older scares you…ask whose voice that really is.Because it might not be yours.OH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials 👇Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=enTom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=en💎 This Show Is Part Of The I.A.M Podcasts roster

We're told that aging is something to dread. That it means slowing down. Becoming invisible. Losing your edge.So instead… we obsess over looking younger. We buy the creams. We scroll past women our age doing incredible things. In this episode of Why Do I, I'm joined by Poorna Bell - journalist, author, competitive weightlifter, and martial artist - whose new book She Wanted More charts what aging really looks like for women in their 40s, 50s and 60s.If you've ever felt invisible in a room full of younger people…If you've ever thought "I'm too old to start that"…If you've ever tied your worth to how you look rather than what you can do…This episode is for you.EPISODE CHAPTERS:00:00 – Why Are We So Scared of Aging?08:44 – How Your Reasons for Training Should Change18:31 – How Poorna Became a Competitive Weightlifter28:56 – Why the Algorithm Is Keeping You Stuck36:26 – Who Decided What Relationships Should Look Like?46:31 – What Hundreds of Women Had in Common57:04 – The Freedom of Being One Person AlwaysOH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials 👇Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoioffic...Tom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?...Also check out Poorna's book: She Wanted More - https://www.amazon.com/dp/1785122835?...💎 This show is part of the I.A.M Podcasts roster#WhyDoI #Aging #PoornaBell #SheWantedMore

We’re told needing people is weak.So we handle everything on our own.Tell ourselves we’re “fine”.But I’ve realised something recently…Connection isn’t the reward for having your life together.It’s the thing that helps you get there.Loneliness isn’t always obvious either.Sometimes it’s a full life… with something missing underneath.And maybe “I’m fine on my own” isn’t always true.Maybe it just means “I don’t want to be let down.”If something keeps telling you to show up somewhere…just go once.You don’t need to say anything.Just be there.That might be enough.OH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials 👇Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=enTom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=en💎 This show is part of the ⁠I.A.M Podcasts⁠ roster

We’re told anger is a bad thing.So a lot of us just… stop feeling it.Or at least, we think we do.After my conversation with Sam Parker, I realised something uncomfortable:I don’t really feel anger… and that might be the problem.Because you can’t get rid of an emotion.You can only suppress it.And when you do, it shows up in other ways– distance– tension– saying “I’m fine” when you’re clearly notThis is me trying to make sense of that.If you’ve ever struggled to express how you actually feel… this might hit.👇 CONNECT WITH USPod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=enTom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=enSam: https://www.instagram.com/samparkeruk/📖 Check out Sam’s book Good Anger:https://www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Anger-Radical-Rethink-Misunderstood/dp/1399417851💎 This show is part of the I.A.M Podcasts roster

We’re taught that anger is something to avoid.That it’s dangerous.Unattractive.Something that pushes people away.So instead… we suppress it. We tell ourselves we’re “not an angry person.” We keep the peace. We bottle things up. But what if the real problem isn’t anger…It’s the fact we never let ourselves feel it?In this episode of Why Do I, I’m joined by Sam Parker from GQ, who’s spent years exploring what happens when we repress anger… and the impact it has on our relationships, our anxiety, and how we show up in the world.If you’ve ever said “I’m just not an angry person”…If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, frustrated, or tense without knowing why…If you’ve ever struggled to express how you really feel…This episode is for you...EPISODE CHAPTERS:00:00 – Why I Struggle to Feel Anger05:30 – The Hidden Cost of Suppressing Anger12:30 – How It Shows Up in Relationships20:00 – Learning to Identify & Express Anger28:30 – Conflict, Communication & Repair36:30 – Social Media & Collective AngerOH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials 👇Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=enTom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=enSam: https://www.instagram.com/samparkeruk/Also check out Sams book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Anger-Radical-Rethink-Misunderstood/dp/1399417851💎 This show is part of the ⁠I.A.M Podcasts⁠ roster#WhyDoI #Anger #samparker

We grow up believing that a good relationship means good sex.That if you’re having enough of it…If the chemistry is there…If the spark hasn’t faded…Then everything else must be working.But that’s not always true.Because you can be having loads of sex…And still feel completely disconnected.In this reflection episode of Why Do I, I unpack one of the biggest mindset shifts I’ve had around relationships… following my conversation with Henika Patel.I open up about how I used to measure the success of a relationship through sex alone…Why so many men fall into that trap…And how that way of thinking can quietly damage something that could’ve been meaningful.We get into why desire naturally changes over time…The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire…And why chasing the early “dopamine phase” can stop you from building something deeper.I also share my own experiences with validation, distraction, and not having the tools to communicate properly in relationships…And why most couples aren’t actually struggling with sex - they’re struggling with connection.If you’ve ever questioned your attraction in a relationship…If things have felt different over time…If you’ve ever used sex as a way to measure how things are going…This episode will shift the way you see it.OH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials 👇Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=enTom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=enHenika: https://www.instagram.com/henika.x/?hl=en💎 This show is part of the ⁠I.A.M Podcasts⁠ roster#WhyDoI #Relationships

We grow up believing connection should just… happen.That if you love someone enoughIf the relationship is right enoughIf you’re close enough…That spark should stay the same forever.But then real life kicks in.Stress.Routine.Pressure.Emotional distance.And slowly, the connection that once felt effortless starts to feel harder to hold onto.In this episode of Why Do I, I’m joined by Henika Patel, founder of the School of Sensual Arts.Henika helps us understand why closeness can shift in long-term relationships and why so many couples struggle to talk about it honestly.We unpack the difference between chasing intensity and building real connection…Why the early “fireworks” phase naturally changes over time… and how relationships can become stronger when we stop expecting love to always look the way it did at the start.If you’ve ever wondered why attraction changes over time…If you’ve ever felt confused by distance in a relationship…If you’ve ever loved someone deeply but struggled to feel close…This episode is for you.OH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials 👇Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=enTom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=enHenika: https://www.instagram.com/henika.x/?hl=en💎 This show is part of the ⁠I.A.M Podcasts⁠ roster#WhyDoI #Relationships #Connection #Love

After my conversation with Julius Cowdrey about parental behaviour and generational patterns, something stayed with me long after the microphones were turned off…What happens when you realise parts of your personality might not actually be yours?When you start to see how your parents’ wounds quietly shaped the way you love, react, and run from things?We talk a lot about childhood trauma. But we rarely talk about the quiet fear of becoming our parents.In this solo reflection, I open up about:• Growing up with an absent father and the complicated grief that followed• The pressure of trying to be the “good son” for a parent who sacrificed everything• The moment at 32 when I looked in the mirror and felt like I had become my dad• Avoidant attachment and why running can feel like freedom• Discovering my father’s own childhood abandonment and how that changed everything• Why understanding our parents’ pain can be the first step to breaking generational cyclesIf you’ve ever worried you might repeat your parents’ mistakes…If you’ve ever felt trapped between loyalty to your family and the need to become your own person…If you’ve ever questioned whether your patterns are truly yours…This episode is for you.💎 This show is part of the ⁠I.A.M Podcasts⁠ roster