Wellbeing with Manny in conversation with Nic KD
TW: Child bereavement, pet grief, body image
This bonus episode is an incredibly special conversation with one of my closest friends. Nicola Karunaratne-Diver, affectionately known as Nic KD has had a transformational 8 and a half years and to know her and her story is a true privilege.
It took some convincing to get Nic to tell her story, and being a close friend helped to seal the deal! She really wanted to share her story and I am so proud of her and happy that she did.
Nic and her husband Gerard moved from Ireland to St Helens 18 years ago. In 2013 Nic fell pregnant. At their 20 week, scan Nic and G were told that there was an ‘anomaly’ and she would be closely monitored during her pregnancy. On 13th March 2014 beautiful Malcolm was born. He was born with a rare heart condition which sadly resulted in Malcolm living just 3 days.
For a long time Nic struggled to even say Malcolm’s name. Nic generously admits that she didn’t really deal with her grief until Grace her incredible little girl she had in 2015 went to school. She recalls using fitness as a way of punishing her body for how it had ‘let her down as a woman’. Nic knew she needed help and she was fortunate to access some incredible support from child bereavement specialists and over time began to transform her life and really start living but with Malcolm truly in her life and able to talk about him.
Nic openly and honestly said “When Malcolm died, I died” and she continued to explain that the Nic that existed before Malcolm no longer existed and she was reborn. She decided to reframe much in her life, look at her non negotiables, her boundaries and to rebuild a better life.
We as a friendship group have a party for him each year, with a buffet and lots of cake and no one is scared to say his name. Grace KD knows she has an older brother, he’s just not there like we are and all our kids know who Malcolm is!
We also talk about her gorgeous dog Speedy G who was her side kick and best pal through some of her darkest days and how pet grief is also something incredibly difficult to come to terms with.
“Time heals…..it doesn’t. Time passes and people stop messaging.”
It’s powerful, inspirational, sad, happy, and most of all hopeful.
Thank you Nic, I am so grateful for your honesty and bravery. I know you will love this conversation.
This is dedicated to anyone who knows this pain but most of all it is dedicated to Malcolm who will forever be part of our lives 13.03.14 – 16.03.14
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