Ashley Kelsch

I just wrapped up a Substack Live with Allison Deraney and I wanted to make sure you didn’t miss it.We talked about quitting drinking in midlife, why so many of us become seekers of self-help and personal growth, and what we’re really searching for underneath all of it.We also got into one of my favorite conversations: the stories women inherited about desire as they age. We’re told that sex fades, that desire is only about sex, and that wanting less is simply part of getting older. But what if none of that is true? What if desire is about so much more than sex? What if it’s the life force that fuels our our capacity to feel fully alive and it’s finally coming online? Whether you’ve quit drinking years ago, you’re questioning your relationship with it now, or you’re simply interested in what it means to come back to yourself, I think you’ll find something in this conversation.I hope you’ll give it a listen. Get full access to Ashley Kelsch at ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

Something I keep noticing about midlife women: we keep calling it exhaustion when it’s actually something else entirely.The women I work with aren’t running out of energy. They’re running companies, raising children, managing households, taking care of aging parents, showing up for everyone who depends on them. That’s not depletion. That’s misdirection.In this episode I’m talking about the difference between life force, eros, and aliveness, and why so many women find themselves reaching outside themselves for something that was never actually out there.In this episode:* The direction problem: why desire goes underground, not away* The double bind: what happens when you spend decades getting good at everyone else’s needs and forgetting your own* What it actually looks like when desire goes dormant: the dance class that never happens, the trip that never gets booked, the question you can’t answer* Why pleasure isn’t indulgence. It’s information.* Why midlife, as disorienting as it feels, might actually be the moment desire finally gets loud enough to hearIf you’ve been feeling that low hum of something missing, this one’s for you.This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Ashley Kelsch at ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

Ever look around and think, “I can’t believe this is my life”? You’re not failing—you’re human, and midlife has a way of making even the most accomplished among us question everything. Today on Unfucking Midlife, I am digging into the shame, comparison, and identity shifts that hit hard in midlife—and how to flip the script, understand what’s really happening in your brain and body, and turn “Is this it?” into “How can I make this matter?”In This Episode:What You’ll Discover:* The shame spiral: Feeling embarrassed about where you are and why you’re not alone* Gap vs Gain thinking: Dan Sullivan and Dr. Hardy’s powerful framework that changes everything * Momentum vs milestones: The difference between busy work and meaningful progress* Professional identity shifts: From “I used to be somebody” to “I’m becoming someone new”* The Hedonic Horizon: Why happiness keeps moving and how to keep up* Ownership without blame: Forgiving your past choices and reclaiming your power* Starting over as a beginner: Why curiosity is your midlife superpowerThe Real Cost of Staying Stuck* How constant comparison and “gap thinking” trigger stress and anxiety* Why social media makes it harder to feel content* What chasing outdated identities does to your confidence and energyPractical Tools You Can Use Today* Gain inventory: Write down three things you learned, one problem you solved each week* Ownership mantra: “I made the best decision I could with what I knew then”* Aligned action: One small step this week toward what actually matters* Time audit questions: “Is this serving me? Do I really want this? Is this current or outdated?”Key Quotes:* “Who decided by 50 you should have the dream career, perfect marriage, ideal body, and financial security? Show me this person—I have questions.”* “Midlife isn’t a decline—it’s a recalibration. You’re not running out of time; you’re running out of patience for what doesn’t matter.”* “Your best decisions were made with the tools and capacity you had then. Forgive yourself and move forward.”Share This EpisodeIf this episode hits home, share it. Send it to a friend who’s questioning everything in midlife, post it to your stories, or bring it up in your group text. There’s a message here someone you know needs to hear.Listen or Watch:You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch the full episode on YouTube. Subscribe to my channel for the video version of every episode plus bonus content.Today’s Episode is Supported By: MOON JUICE One thing that’s been supporting me lately is making calm an AM/PM ritual. In the morning, I take Moon Juice’s SuperYou—an adaptogen blend shown to help regulate cortisol, boost energy, and steady mood. At night, I wind down with Magnesi-Om—a magnesium powder with three essential magnesiums plus L-theanine to restore balance and ease me into rest. 👉 Explore Moon Juice Supplements → Here*Full disclosure: this is an affiliate link, which means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through it. I only share what I actually use and love—and right now, these two are part of my daily calm ritual.*Unfucking Midlife is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Ashley Kelsch at ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

Sometimes it takes reaching midlife to finally understand what you actually want in the bedroom. In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Holly Richmond, a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist, for an incredibly honest conversation about the sexual awakening happening for women in their 40s, 50s, and beyond.We dive deep into why Gen X women are reportedly having the best sex of their lives, the role hormones play in desire, and how authenticity becomes the foundation of sexual wellness in midlife. This isn't just about having better sex—it's about reclaiming pleasure, understanding your body's changes, and showing up as who you really are.In This Episode:The Midlife Sexual Awakening:* Why women in their 40s and 50s are experiencing unprecedented sexual confidence* How authenticity becomes the foundation of sexual wellness* The difference between desire (psychological wanting) and arousal (physiological response)The Hormone Factor:* Why that flawed study 30 years ago scared women away from HRT* How declining estrogen and testosterone affect libido during menopause* Getting hormone levels checked every 6 months (and pushing back when doctors dismiss you)Relationship Dynamics That Actually Matter:* The crucial question: "Are you having sex worth wanting?"* Why it's now 50/50 whether the man or woman is the higher-desire partner* Leading with curiosity when introducing new elements* Navigating performance anxiety and past trauma that surfacesPractical Tools for Self-Discovery:* Sexual template work: discovering what you find sexy through the five senses* Creating "erotic flexibility" to prevent habituation* Why you might need toys now (and why that's completely normal)Dating After Divorce:* How past trauma resurfaces with new partners* The concept of "marrying your unfinished business"* Why therapy support is crucial when re-entering the dating worldKey Quotes:"Sexual wellness for women in midlife is a lot about authenticity. It's showing up as we really are.""The more sex we have, the more sex we want. Sex is a muscle. If we don't use it, we lose it.""Are you having sex worth wanting? We've been asking the wrong question for decades.""We marry our unfinished business."Resources Mentioned:Books:* "Reclaiming Pleasure" by Dr. Holly Richmond* "The Upgrade" by Dr. Louann Brizendine* "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix* Various works by Emily Nagoski, Peggy Kleinplatz, and Esther PerelServices:* Dr. Holly's wellness retreats https://sacredsurrendermedicine.com/women-survivors-retreat/https://www.tandavaretreats.com/retreats/womens-sexual-trauma* Work with Dr. Holly: https://www.reclaimingyourpleasure.com/Connect with Dr. Holly Richmond:* Instagram: * @drhollyrichmond* Website: https://drhollyrichmond.com/Share This Episode: If this conversation opened your eyes to something new about midlife sexuality, please share it. Send it to that friend who's been struggling with desire changes, or post it in your stories. When you share these conversations, you're helping other women realize they're not alone in navigating the sexual changes that come with midlife.Today's Episode is Supported By: As we're talking about sexual wellness and reclaiming pleasure in midlife, I wanted to share something that's been a game-changer for so many women in this community. Finding products that actually work and feel good in your body can be transformative.Check out my favorites from Foria Wellness and receive 20% off! Foriawellness.com/unfuckingmidlife Life changing all-natural sexual wellness formulas for your intimate needs. From menstruation through menopause, they've created products specifically designed to support women through every stage of life.Unfucking Midlife is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Ashley Kelsch at ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

Sometimes it takes a pair of defective pants to reveal a pattern that's been hijacking my life for years. In this episode, I get brutally honest about the 10 distractions that used to completely derail my focus—and share the simple tools that finally helped me build mental "armadillo dividers" to stay in my lane.From revenge emails to toxic friendships, business comparison obsessions to dating drama forensics, these everyday distractions seem normal because so many of us engage in them daily. But they're costing us way more than we realize: our peace, our progress, and our power to create meaningful change.In This Episode:My 10 Biggest Hijacks (And Why They Don't Work Anymore):* Dating and relationship drama - The forensic analysis of every text and emoji* Phone gossip marathons - Hours of complaining without any progress* Consumption spirals - The mental gymnastics around alcohol, food, and social media* Business comparison obsession - Stalking other people's success stories* Shiny object syndrome - Every new business idea feeling like "the one"* Injustices of the world - Getting worked up about things beyond my control* Going after people who wronged me - Building cases and scheming for justice* Crafting the perfect revenge email - Hours writing emails I'd never send* Toxic friendships - Relationships that enable drama instead of growth* Spinning energy in all directions - Scattered effort that feels busy but isn't productiveThe Real Cost* How these distractions hijack more than time—they steal peace and progress* Why the need to be "right" often makes you the one who loses* The hidden price of staying stuck in these patterns for decades4 Practical Solutions When Distractions Pop Up:* Watch yourself and your mind - Notice when you're getting pulled into spirals* Put it on paper - Bullet point (don't journal) for 5-10 minutes, then turn it over to the universe* Honor feelings while obeying priorities - You can acknowledge upset AND get back to work* Question what you're making it mean - Choose thoughts that serve you betterKey Quotes:"I had to be right. I had to win. Not realizing that I'm actually the one losing—losing sight of myself, my time, and mostly my peace.""These pants did show me this behavior that has not served me for decades. God knows that has cost me way more than the money I spent on these pants.""Your mind does mature in midlife. It's not that we get smarter, it's that we stop wasting energy on things that don't move our lives forward.""Is this moving me toward what I want or away from it? That's a very valuable question."Share This Episode:If this episode hit you right in the feels, do me a favor and share it. Send it to that friend who's constantly getting hijacked by drama, or post it in your stories and tell people why it resonated. When you share these conversations, you're helping other women realize they're not alone in getting distracted by life's everyday chaos.Listen or Watch:You can listen wherever you get your podcasts, press play on the audio above, or watch the full episode on YouTube below.Prefer YouTube? Subscribe to my channel for the video version of every episode plus bonus content.Today's Episode is Supported By:As we're talking about reclaiming your energy and focus in midlife, I wanted to share something that's been a game-changer for so many women in this community. Sexual wellness is such an important part of unfucking midlife, and finding products that actually work and feel good in your body can be transformative.Check out my favorites from Foria Wellness and receive 20% off! Foriawellness.com/unfuckingmidlife Life changing all-natural sexual wellness formulas for your intimate needs. From menstruation through menopause, they've created products specifically designed to support women through every stage of life.Unfucking Midlife is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Ashley Kelsch at ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

What if everything you've been told about midlife is completely backwards?In this week's episode, I'm breaking down the biggest lie we've been sold about getting older - and why your 40s might actually be when life REALLY begins.In this episode:* Why "midlife crisis" is outdated BS (call it midlife CLARITY instead)* The 6 fears that get louder after 40 (and why you're finally equipped to handle them)* Why your mind isn't ready for real success until midlife* How to stop using your past as evidence against your future* The midlife advantages you didn't have in your 20sThe truth: You're not having a breakdown. You're having a breakthrough. Your emotional regulation peaks in your 40s, your confidence stabilizes, and you finally have the pattern recognition to know what actually works.Society tells us we're too late. Science proves we're right on time.As we're talking about reclaiming your power and pleasure in midlife, I wanted to share something that's been a game-changer for so many women in this community. Sexual wellness is such an important part of Unfucking Midlife, and finding products that actually work and feel good in your body can be transformative.Check out my favorites from Foria Wellness and receive 20% off! These are life changing all-natural sexual wellness formulas for your intimate needs. From menstruation through menopause, they've created products specifically designed to support women through every stage of life. Whether you're dealing with dryness, discomfort, or just want to enhance your intimate experiences, these are the products I personally recommend and trust. Referenced in this episode:* My Substack post "I Had It All, Remember" (free to read)* Reflection worksheet (available for paying subscribers)Listen or watch: You can listen wherever you get your podcasts, press play on the audio above, or watch the full episode on YouTube below.Prefer YouTube? Subscribe to my channel for the video version of every episode plus bonus content.Unfucking Midlife is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Ashley Kelsch at ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

You think you’re just being funny when you say “I’m old.”But your cells don’t get the joke. They’re not rolling their eyes—they’re listening. And they’re responding.Every time you trash-talk your age, your memory, your body, your energy level—your nervous system takes it as fact. Cortisol spikes. Inflammation rises. Cellular aging accelerates.🧠 Thoughts trigger chemicals.🧬 Chemicals affect your cells.📉 And that becomes your health trajectory.This week’s Unfucked in Under 10 breaks down the real biology behind why your words matter—especially in midlife—and how to unfuck the script you’ve been fed.We’re not here to fake positivity.We’re here to interrupt the decline narrative and choose something more powerful.Watch the full episode on YouTube or listen wherever you get your podcasts.Then drop a comment and tell me—what’s one belief you’re ready to subtract from your life?RELATED:Unfucking Midlife is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Ashley Kelsch at ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

Caught yourself saying "I'm old" lately? I have, and it's time we talk about why this seemingly innocent phrase might be stealing years from our lives.In this week's episode of Unfucking Midlife, I'm getting real about the language we use about ourselves and how it's literally aging us faster. Research shows that women with positive beliefs about aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those who don't. Let that sink in.In this episode, I dive into:* The shocking research on how self-talk affects longevity* My personal story about being told I was "average" and how it shaped decades of limiting beliefs* Why we're so uncomfortable when women speak confidently about themselves* The exact language shifts that can add years to your life* How to rewrite the scripts from your younger self that no longer serve youI share the social media reel that stopped me in my tracks — a woman boldly declaring "I don't fuck with average" — and why her confidence initially made me uncomfortable. Then I get vulnerable about my own "average" story and how one person's well-meaning words programmed my thinking for decades.The stories we tell our bodies today become the reality we live tomorrow. It's time to choose those stories more carefully.Mentioned in this episode:Foria Wellness (26% off): foriawellness.com/unfuckingmidlife "The Wisdom of Menopause" by Dr. Christiane Northrup Affiliate disclosure: I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you.Watch the full episode here: Unfucking Midlife is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. Get full access to Ashley Kelsch at ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

Welcome back to the follow-up everyone's been asking for. After "Slut for Self-Help" became my most-listened-to episode ever, it's clear we've all been caught in the same cycle—consuming endless advice while staying stuck in the same patterns.This week, I'm diving deeper into why we keep seeking external solutions instead of trusting our own wisdom. Spoiler alert: almost everything in the $50 billion self-help industry is just repackaged ancient wisdom with fresh branding and a fucking app.What we're unpacking:* Why the Glennon Doyle Substack drama perfectly illustrates how we try to control external circumstances to feel better internally (and why that never works)* The one thing that has to happen BEFORE any book, podcast, or course will actually create lasting change* How your brain literally evolves when you learn to think for yourself instead of following someone else's blueprint* Why facing uncomfortable truths without immediately trying to fix them is the secret sauce nobody talks aboutThe bottom line: You already have more wisdom than you think. You just can't hear it over all the noise of seeking, fixing, and avoiding.Be real with me - how many self-help books are sitting on your shelf right now collecting dust?P.s—> I'm happy to announce I'm going back to the place men love to hate me—YouTube—to start posting videos as part of getting Unfucked in under 10 minutes a week. If you’re interested in receiving, click on the video above and subscribe!Unfucking Midlife - Because midlife is a lot of things, but it doesn't have to be fucked. Get full access to Ashley Kelsch at ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode, I get candid about my journey from being a "self-help slut" – constantly consuming personal development content, collecting certifications, and chasing the next breakthrough – to discovering that real transformation came from something much simpler.EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS:* I reveal how I spent over $50,000 on certifications and countless hours consuming self-help content, yet still found myself repeating the same patterns with different names, zip codes, and job titles* The wake-up call that made me realize all my sophisticated knowledge wasn't creating the changes I wanted* How we use "sophisticated buffering" to distract ourselves from discomfort – not just through obvious escapes but through seemingly productive, socially acceptable activities* Why the self-help industry thrives on convincing us the solution is in their system, when we already know what we need to do but aren't ready to do it* The power of the "umm" moment in midlife – the pause where we don't know the answers yet and don't need to force them* How sitting with uncomfortable feelings instead of trying to fix or escape them literally rewired my nervous system* The "ancient technology" practices that actually created lasting change – available for free and requiring no special trainingMEMORABLE QUOTES:"You already know what you need to do. You're just not ready to do it yet.""The $50 billion self-help industry thrives on convincing you the solution is in their system, their method, their framework. But what if the most radical act of self-help was simply being honest about what you already know?""The answers you're seeking aren't in another person's system. They're in the quiet space you've been avoiding.""I spent the last 20-ish years making decisions from fear, scarcity and desperation... The unfortunate part of being in that negative state is that you can rarely make a positive decision from there.""Midlife is when all our clever strategies start to break down. It's when we realize we can't outrun ourselves anymore."If this episode resonated with you, please rate, review, and share with someone who might benefit from it. Your support helps more women discover how to unfuck their midlife.RESOURCES MENTIONED:* COMPANION WORKSHEET: I know the irony in this but hey, for paying subscribers who I like to create extra value for, here is a guided worksheet to see if you can become less slutty with self-help and gain a little awareness on finding those answers within your UMMM practices —you’ll find it in the HERE. Get full access to Ashley Kelsch at ashleykelsch.substack.com/subscribe