Valid Love

Rebecca and Leah delve into the often-overlooked issue of sexual pain, discussing its prevalence and the shame that keeps many suffering in silence. They explore the critical distinction between pain being common but not normal, emphasizing that persistent sexual pain requires appropriate investigation and treatment.• Types of sexual pain including superficial versus deep pain and pain during versus after penetration• Sexual trauma as a major cause, with the body developing protective responses during intimacy• Religious and cultural conditioning, particularly purity culture, creating disconnection from bodily knowledge and pleasure• Vaginismus (involuntary tightening of vaginal muscles) as a common condition requiring specialized treatment• Medical and hormonal factors including endometriosis, PCOS, menopause, breastfeeding, and medication side effects• Treatment approaches including pelvic floor physical therapy, dilators, somatic therapy, and couples therapy• The importance of partner involvement in the healing process• Realistic expectations about recovery timeframes, typically taking at least a year• Myth-busting common misconceptions about sexual pain being normal or inevitable• The option to redefine what sex means for you and your relationship if penetration remains painfulRecommended resources: "Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski (with accompanying workbook), "The Sexual Healing Journey" by Wendy Maltz, and "Pure" by Linda K. Klein. Contact us at [email protected] with your questions or comments.

The cultural war between parenthood and child-free living requires more nuance and understanding of both perspectives, their joys, and their challenges.• Different categories of people exist in this conversation: parents, child-free by choice, child-free not by choice, fence sitters, and even antinatalists • Chapel Roan's controversial comments about motherhood being "hell" sparked debate and defensiveness from parents• Motherhood can involve significant physical changes, identity shifts, and bring up unresolved childhood trauma• The first five years of parenthood are statistically the unhappiest for couples, contradicting the myth that babies save marriages• Child-free by choice people often value freedom, autonomy and need to constantly defend their decision against social pressure• Fence sitters exist in the middle ground, considering context, partnership, and different possible life paths• Happiness and satisfaction aren't the same thing—parents may experience less happiness but deep satisfaction• Equity in relationships becomes crucial when children enter the picture, with fair division of visible and invisible labor• Viewing children as separate from legacy is healthier—"I want my kids to want to be my legacy, but that's not what they are"• The most important question isn't "Do I want kids?" but "What kind of life do I want to build and with whom?"Email your feedback and topic ideas to [email protected]

Kaelin, a therapist specializing in OCD, explores relationship OCD and the destructive cycle of intrusive thoughts and compulsions that can hijack healthy relationships.• OCD operates through intrusive thoughts causing distress, followed by compulsions that temporarily relieve anxiety• Relationship OCD involves persistent doubts about one's relationship despite evidence of compatibility• Common intrusive thoughts include questioning attraction, compatibility, or whether there's someone better• Compulsions often involve reassurance seeking, comparing relationships, and obsessively researching relationship advice• Partners of those with OCD often feel invalidated when constant reassurance doesn't help• Effective OCD treatment includes Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP)• Setting boundaries as a partner is important but challenging—supporting without feeding the OCD cycle• Resources for help include NOCD and the International OCD Foundation• Sexual OCD and pedophilia OCD are particularly stigmatized forms that attack a person's core values• Intrusive thoughts about taboo subjects don't reflect a person's character or desires

We discuss how media portrayals of sex create unrealistic expectations and impact our relationships, exploring everything from spontaneous versus responsive desire to the problems with hookup culture.• Media often depicts sex as spontaneous, pretty, and instantly orgasmic when reality is much messier• Casual sex is portrayed as the norm, which can be alienating for demisexual people who need emotional connection first• Lack of communication and consent in media leads to poor models for healthy sexual relationships• Sexual resiliency (handling rejection gracefully) is rarely shown in entertainment• Romance novels and erotica often skip important aspects like scene planning and boundary setting• Filters and curated online personas create unrealistic body expectations and damage self-image• Dating apps have turned relationships into commodities where we're constantly trying to prove our worth• Healthy relationships don't always start with an immediate spark—the "slow burn" can be equally meaningfulIf you have any questions or feedback, reach out to us at [email protected].

In this episode we explore how media influences our perceptions of relationships and sexuality from childhood through adulthood, examining everything from Disney movies to influencer culture and book boyfriends.• Disney princess narratives set unrealistic gender-specific expectations about love and relationships from childhood• Social media and influencers present carefully curated relationship content that hides the real work behind healthy partnerships• Dating apps have created a superficial culture based on appearance and overwhelm of choice • Media commonly portrays toxic relationship dynamics like the anxious-avoidant dance as romantic and desirable• Romance novels and "book boyfriends" create fantasy standards that real partners struggle to match• Diverse relationship representation in media is slowly improving but still has significant gaps• Porn access restrictions in various states raise questions about censorship, sex education, and ethical content creationWe'd love to hear your thoughts! Email us at [email protected] with your feedback and experiences with media influence on relationships.

We are joined in this episode by Christina for a discussion on Relationship Abuse. 

In this episode we gain perspective on the personal, social, and relationship effects of being Transgender in a conversation between Rebecca, Leah, and Alice. Show Notes Coming Soon. 

We’re Back! Returning from a three-year hiatus to unravel the complexities that have emerged in the ever-evolving landscape of relationships. We, Rebecca and Leah, are kicking off "Valid Love" with insightful reflections on our personal growth and professional strides. Get ready for an exploration of relationship dynamics and sexual diversity that doesn't shy away from the tough questions. Rebecca shares her passionate advocacy for social workers to be equipped with essential knowledge on human sexuality, ensuring they can guide nuanced conversations around these themes. We also look ahead to discussions on religious trauma and sex shame, promising to tackle these important issues head-on. We'll be examining the roles of media in shaping our romantic ideals and unpacking the myths surrounding monogamy and non-monogamous relationships. From the light hearted banter of our latest reads to the serious considerations of family planning and its political implications, we're here to challenge, inform, and entertain. Plus, we're inviting you to join the conversation with your questions and insights, fostering a space where curiosity is encouraged and voices are valued. Email us at: [email protected]

In this episode we discuss the topic of online relationships. They're kind of like PenPals but more reliable than the postal service. Our tidbits this week is all about phone sex, cyber sex, VR sex. whatever the kids are doing these days. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/feb/13/how-online-dating-has-changed-the-way-we-fall-in-lovehttps://pairedlife.com/dating/online-relationshipshttps://www.insidehook.com/article/sex-and-dating/can-you-fall-in-love-with-someones-voicehttps://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

In this episode we continue our discussion of the Asexual Spectrum and our TitBits this week is on Non-Sexual Intimacy. Referenced in this Episode: The Invisible Orientation By Julie Sondra Deckerhttps://www.skyhorsepublishing.com/carrel-books/9781510700642/the-invisible-orientation/Temple Articlehttps://news.temple.edu/news/2021-07-06/why-aromantic-and-asexual- people-belong-lgbtqia-community