Unlearn & Rebuild

If you have ever felt like the version of you that messed up disqualifies you from leading anyone, this one is for you. I am sharing what I found when I went looking for what leadership actually is, why I lost every agency client and survived it, and the framework that helped me stop confusing what happened with who I am.What You'll Hear in This Episode• Why I spent years thinking I was too damaged to lead• The four definitions of leadership I went and read for myself, and what none of them say• What losing every agency client did to me, and how I rebuilt the story• The five domains of post-traumatic growth from Tedeschi and Calhoun, and how to recognize them in your own life• The moment I realized two things can be true at the same timeTimestamps[00:00] — Why failing forward never made sense to me[01:00] — The story I told myself about why I could not lead[03:00] — The moment I caught myself leading my team[04:00] — What leadership actually means, in four definitions[06:00] — Using my past as an asset[08:00] — The five domains of post-traumatic growth[10:00] — Losing every client and the moral injury underneath it[14:00] — Two things can be true at the same time[19:00] — How I lead in the present[20:00] — What I want you to take from thisConnect With MeSubscribe to Unlearn & Rebuild on Substack so you never miss an episode:https://unlearnandrebuild.substack.com/Follow me on Instagram for the in-between moments:https://instagram.com/theroseamariIf This Episode Hit HomeShare it with someone who needs to hear it. That is the best way to support this podcast, not algorithms, just real people sharing real conversations. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit unlearnandrebuild.substack.com

In this episode, Rose gets honest about why she went from being scared of AI to building her entire business around it. This is not a tech conversation. It is a conversation about chronic illness, ADHD, single motherhood, and what happens when you finally stop trying to be someone your brain was never designed to be.WHAT YOU'LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE- Why I spent weeks terrified that AI would make me irrelevant- The pattern behind every client I have ever lost (and why trying harder was never going to fix it)- The moment I said something to myself that changed everything: "I act like people hating me for who I am is more important than loving myself for who I am"- Why I was unconsciously using client relationships to fill a loneliness I didn't want to admit- What "AI first" actually means for someone with chronic illness and three children who need her presentTIMESTAMPS[00:00] - Why I am deadly excited about AI this year[01:00] - Realising I was asking the wrong question about AI[02:30] - Human design and understanding how I am wired[03:30] - Being high performing with ADHD and chronic illness[05:00] - Burnout from trying to be normal[07:00] - Details, frustration, and the neurotypical standard[09:00] - What it looks like when I stop working with clients the old way[10:30] - The line that broke me open[12:30] - Building an AI-first company[15:00] - Family first as a real value, not a slogan[17:00] - Never choosing a client over my child again[19:00] - Owning the pattern without using it as an excuse[21:00] - Flipping the AI question for anyone who is scaredCONNECT WITH MESubscribe to Unlearn & Rebuild on Substack so you never miss an episode:https://unlearnandrebuild.substack.com/Follow me on Instagram for the in-between moments:https://instagram.com/theroseamariIF THIS EPISODE HIT HOMEShare it with someone who needs to hear it. That is the best way to support this podcast. Not algorithms, just real people sharing real conversations. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit unlearnandrebuild.substack.com

In this episode, Rose shares the full, unfiltered backstory behind why she became an entrepreneur. This is not a highlight reel origin story. It is the real account of what happens when a 9-to-5 becomes physically impossible, when your children's medical and educational needs do not fit into a traditional work schedule, when your own health conditions stack up, and when there is no safety net to catch you.Rose opens up about her eldest son's multiple surgeries, her second son's autism diagnosis, her own spinal condition and the TB meningitis that destroyed her first business. She talks about being a single mother with a passive co-parent, no nearby family support, and an ADHD diagnosis in 2022 that reframed everything she thought was wrong with her.She pushes back against the narrative that entrepreneurs "just want to work less" and shares the moment a social worker told her to "just settle" for benefits. This episode is about what it really means to build something from nothing when the alternative is giving up.Key TakeawaysEntrepreneurship is not always a glamorous lifestyle choice. For many women, it is the only viable way to earn while caregiving.Rose's eldest son's medical conditions and her second son's autism diagnosis made a traditional 9-to-5 impossible.Her own health, including spinal foraminal stenosis and TB meningitis, added layers of complexity that no employer could accommodate.The ADHD diagnosis in 2022 was like putting on glasses for the first time. It removed shame and gave language to lifelong patterns.There is no support system, no backup plan, no safety net. Rose is the only parent managing all of it.A social worker once told her to "just settle" for benefits. That moment became fuel, not defeat.The "girl boss" narrative erases women who started businesses out of necessity, not aspiration.This episode is a message to every woman building in the margins: you are not broken because a 9-to-5 does not work for you.Timestamps[00:00] Introduction and why this episode matters[02:30] Rose's career background in retail and wealth management[05:00] Eldest son's medical conditions and surgeries[08:00] Second son's autism diagnosis and special needs school[11:00] Rose's own health: spinal foraminal stenosis and TB meningitis[14:00] Why a 9-to-5 became physically impossible[17:00] No support system: single parenting without a safety net[20:00] The social worker who told her to "just settle"[23:00] ADHD diagnosis in 2022 and the glasses analogy[26:00] Entrepreneurship as the only viable option[29:00] Pushing back against the "work less" narrative[32:00] A message to women building in the marginsConnect With RoseSubstack: unlearnandrebuild.substack.comInstagram: @theroseamari This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit unlearnandrebuild.substack.com

You can have hundreds of people in your community, DMs lighting up every day, and conversations that genuinely matter to you. And still close your laptop at the end of the day to a silence that swallows the room whole. This is a conversation about what loneliness actually looks like when you are surrounded by connection, and what happens when the people in your physical world slowly disappear.What You'll Read in This Episode:Why having a thriving online community does not protect you from real, physical lonelinessWhat happened to my friendships after my 2022 breakdown, and why most people stepped backThe moment I asked friends to come to me instead, and watched them disappear one by oneLiving with spinal foraminal stenosis and how chronic pain rewrites your social lifeWatching my 16-year-old son carry the same loneliness, and not being able to fix itWhy I push back against toxic positivity and the "love your own company" narrativeThe difference between being alone and accepting being alone foreverTimestamps:[00:00] The deafening silence after closing the laptop[01:30] What friendship was supposed to look like, and what it actually became[03:00] Separating from my ex-husband and the relationships that followed[05:00] The 2022 breakdown and finding out who stays[07:00] Asking friends to visit me, and what happened next[09:00] Spinal foram stenosis and the physical limits on showing up[11:00] My son's loneliness and the weight of watching it[13:00] Pushing back against toxic positivity[15:00] Humans are wired for connection. That is not weakness.[17:00] Choosing to feel it instead of fixing itCONNECT WITH MESubscribe to Unlearn & Rebuild on Substack so you never miss an episode:https://unlearnandrebuild.substack.com/Follow me on Instagram for the in-between moments:https://instagram.com/theroseamariIF THIS EPISODE HIT HOMEShare it with someone who needs to read it. That is the best way to support this publication. Not algorithms, not likes. Just one person sending it to another and saying "this made me feel less alone." This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit unlearnandrebuild.substack.com

If you have ever been the person everyone relies on, the one who never says no, the one who keeps delivering until there is nothing left, this one is going to sit with you. In this episode, I am unpacking a concept called "performance punishment," a term I first came across from Dan Murray on LinkedIn. It perfectly describes the cycle I lived for years: exceed expectations, get rewarded with more work (never more pay), and repeat until burnout. I am talking about what leaders owe the people around them, what you owe yourself, and the childhood patterns that made this cycle feel normal for so long.What You'll Read in This Episode:What "performance punishment" is and why high performers are the most vulnerable to itThe cycle I repeated across every role: deliver, absorb more, burn out, leaveWhy both leaders and individuals share accountability for this patternThe leader who recently told me to stay in my zone of genius instead of absorbing moreHow childhood patterns of earning love through performance show up in your professional lifeThe boundary I am building now and what it sounds like in practiceTimestamps:[00:00] What is performance punishment and where I first heard the term[02:00] The cycle: exceed, absorb, burn out, repeat[04:00] Why I wore being indispensable like armor[06:00] Both sides are accountable: what leaders owe their team[08:00] The leader who protected my boundaries when I would not[10:00] What you owe yourself: the harder conversation[12:00] Tracing it back to childhood: earning love through performance[14:00] The boundary I am building now[16:00] Taking ownership of your life instead of letting things happen to youCONNECT WITH MESubscribe to Unlearn & Rebuild on Substack so you never miss an episode:https://unlearnandrebuild.substack.com/Follow me on Instagram for the in-between moments:https://instagram.com/theroseamariIF THIS EPISODE HIT HOMEShare it with someone who needs to hear it. That is the best way to support this podcast, not algorithms, just real people sharing real conversations. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit unlearnandrebuild.substack.com

If you've ever made a mistake and felt your entire world collapse in on itself, not just "oops" but genuinely wondered if this was the thing that would end everything, then this episode is for you. I'm talking about what actually happens in your body when you get something wrong, where that reaction really comes from, and why ADHD, childhood experiences, and emotional intelligence all play a role in how you handle it.What You'll Hear in This Episode:Why I literally forgot to hit record on this episode -- and what that taught me in real timeHow ADHD makes us prone to careless mistakes and what Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria actually feels like from the insideThe catastrophe spiral: how my brain goes from one mistake to "what's the point of living" in secondsThe story of being sent to school barefoot as a child, and how that memory still lives in my bodyWhy a mistake defines a moment in time, not who you are -- and the 3-step system I use now to respond differentlyTimestamps:[00:00] -- I forgot to hit record (and the lesson in that)[01:00] -- ADHD, careless mistakes, and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria[03:00] -- The catastrophe spiral: mistake to "what's the point"[05:00] -- The watch, the barefoot walk, and where this reaction started[08:00] -- Why childhood punishment rewired how I handle mistakes as an adult[10:00] -- Assessing why mistakes happen instead of punishing yourself for them[12:00] -- The 3-step system: figure it out, build it, maintain it[14:00] -- A mistake defines a moment, not who you areCONNECT WITH MESubscribe to Unlearn & Rebuild on Substack so you never miss an episode:https://unlearnandrebuild.substack.com/Follow me on Instagram for the in-between moments:https://instagram.com/theroseamariIF THIS EPISODE HIT HOMEShare it with someone who needs to hear it. That's the best way to support this podcast, not algorithms, just real people sharing real conversations. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit unlearnandrebuild.substack.com

If you've ever crossed your own boundaries to prove you were worth keeping, this episode is for you. I'm talking about the pattern of overextending yourself with good intentions and what it actually costs you. Your peace, your kids' routines, your relationships, and eventually the thing you were trying to protect in the first place.What You'll Hear in This Episode:Why I kept working past my hours to prove my commitment and what it did to my familyThe client who let me go this year, and why I'm not angry at them but I am angry at myselfHow avoiding temporary discomfort creates permanent damage in business, relationships, family, everythingThe difference between the version of me who would have fallen apart a year ago and the version who sat down and asked better questionsWhy moving on and moving forward are not the same thingTimestamps:[00:00] - Stepping out of alignment with good intentions[01:00] - The pattern: working past my hours and what it cost my kids[02:30] - The client who let me go, and why I understand[03:30] - It's not just business, boundaries in family, relationships, all of it[04:30] - Is it trauma? ADHD? Or just survival mode?[05:30] - How the old me would have handled this vs now[06:30] - Moving on vs moving forward, the difference mattersCONNECT WITH MESubscribe to Unlearn & Rebuild on Substack so you never miss an episode:https://unlearnandrebuild.substack.com/Follow me on Instagram for the in-between moments:https://instagram.com/theroseamariIF THIS EPISODE HIT HOMEShare it with someone who needs to hear it. That's the best way to support this podcast -- not algorithms, just real people sharing real conversations. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit unlearnandrebuild.substack.com

In this inaugural episode of the Unlearn and Rebuild podcast, I welcome you all to my new place on the internet.I explain the origin and purpose of this podcast: to document life lessons and experiences, provide relatable content for those navigating similar challenges, and emphasize the importance of authenticity and personal growth in the online world. My aim is to build a community through sharing my stories and inspire others by leaning into my gift of storytelling (well, it’s others who tell me I have a gift of storytelling 🤷🏾‍♀️).I begin by sharing my struggles with fear and perfectionism, which initially hindered me from launching the podcast. I discuss my transformative journey between 2021 and 2024, highlighting personal and professional challenges, including a severe mental health crisis in 2022, divorce, managing neurodivergence, and deep-seated traumas. Timestamps00:00 - Introduction to the Unlearn and Rebuild Podcast00:35 -  Overcoming Perfectionism and Fear02:01 - Life-Changing Years: 2021-202403:27 - Struggles and Self-Discovery05:33 - Navigating Personal and Professional Challenges06:07 - The Importance of Documenting Experiences08:02 - Building an Online Business09:27 - The Role of Personal Growth in Success10:21 - The Need for Community and Real-Life Connections12:20 - Conclusion and Future Expectations This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit unlearnandrebuild.substack.com