Marisa Fox: The Shocking Secrets of Her Underground Mother
For most of her life, Marisa Fox believed her mother, Tamar, was a fiery redhead who fled Poland as a child on the eve of World War II, fought for Israel's independence, and reinvented herself as a New York doctor's wife.
She insisted she was never a Holocaust victim. But the dates never added up, and every question ended with the same answer: "No more questions."
Twenty years after her mother's death, an elderly relative let a secret slip, and Marisa set off on a decade-long investigation that took her around the world, from a town hall in Poland, to Nazi archives in Israel, and the site of a little-known forced labor camp for Jewish women. What she found was that her mother was nine years older than she claimed, with a different name and a past she had hidden from her family.
In this deeply personal conversation, Marisa reflects on growing up with a mother who was both a trailblazing warrior and a strict parent, and how that past shaped their painful relationship during Marisa's adolescence.
She sheds light on the vast, overlooked network of forced labor camps where people were brutalized, on the sexual violence long excluded from Holocaust memory, and on the suffering that silenced survivors whose stories didn't fit the expected narrative.
She draws a direct line from that history to the sexual violence of October 7, and shares what her search has meant for her own children, her healing, and her fight against rising antisemitism today.
Marisa Fox is an award-winning journalist and first-time feature director whose work explores gender, genocide, sexual violence, extremism, and Holocaust history. She has been a producer at FX, Channel 13/WNET, and MTV, a correspondent for New York Newsday, and a contributor to The Daily Beast, Rolling Stone, CNN, and The New York Times. She is the writer, director, and producer of My Underground Mother, her debut documentary, which has earned numerous awards on the international film festival circuit, including an audience prize at a film and history festival in Romania. She is currently developing a book and an educational initiative based on the film.
For more information on My Underground Mother and for upcoming screenings, https://myundergroundmother.com/.
Transcript:
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Shalom. Before you watch this episode of To Be Continued..., I would like to warn you that there are graphic descriptions of sexual violence and rape.
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This episode is generously sponsored by Sheryl Hoffman in memory of her grandmothers, Roma Tuchand and Sarah Medwied, both of them of blessed memory, whose strength and perseverance during the Holocaust helped save Sheryl's mom and dad.
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"You think you know your mother, until you don't," says filmmaker Marisa Fox.
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Tamar was a New York doctor's wife who claimed she fled her native Poland on the cusp of World War II, and was never a Holocaust victim.
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Twenty years after her death, Fox, a journalist and mother, learned that Tamar had a secret identity
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and began chasing down leads that would take her around the globe.
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Dogged research, extraordinary archival imagery and staggeringly candid interviews revealed the portrait of a woman who dared to be the hero of her own story, ultimately reinventing herself as a matriarch in America.
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It is a real-life story of a daughter coming to terms with a mother who went to extraordinary lengths not to be defined by trauma.
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Welcome to our podcast, To Be Continued... Reflections on Growing Up with Holocaust Survivors, where we explore the intersections of memory, identity and resilience.
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Our goal, to lift up the experiences of children and grandchildren of Holocaust survivors and to ask, "How did those memories form you? How did resilience create you as the person you are today? And what is the legacy that you will leave to those who come after you?" I am your host, Rabbi Jeff Salkin.
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Our guest today is Marisa Fox, an award-winning journalist and a first-time film director who has been a producer at FX, Channel 13, WNET, VH1 and MTV.
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As a correspondent for Haaretz, New York Newsday, New York, and a contributor to The Daily Beast, Rolling Stone, CNN, Forward and The New York Times,
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her work has explored issues including gender, genocide, sexual violence, extremism and Holocaust history.
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Marisa is the writer, director and producer of My Underground Mother, her debut documentary, which has earned numerous awards and accolades on the International Film Festival circuit.
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My Underground Mother is ultimately about silence, identity, reinvention, what children inherit when parents don't tell them their stories
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and the complicated ways survivors choose to remember or not remember their pasts.
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Welcome to our show, Marisa.
Thanks for having me.
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Marisa, let me begin by saying that I have seen this movie. It really left an imprint on my soul.
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It is an amazing story and for that reason, our conversation today will be a little different from many of the conversations I've had with children and grandchildren of Holocaust survivors on this podcast and frankly in real life.
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Usually we begin with the survivor story,
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but in your case, you grew up not even knowing that your mother was a Holocaust survivor
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and it would take you more than a decade to uncover the extraordinary story that she had kept hidden for so long. So I want to start with the beginning. What was your mother like when you were growing up?
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So I knew my mother as Tamar, this indomitable redhead, who had this larger than life story of fleeing Poland on the eve of World War II as a little girl and somehow making it on a boat to British Mandate Palestine where she joined her father.
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Now, whenever I would ask my mother, how old were you? How did you escape? How did your mother not escape? Because she told me her mother was killed in Auschwitz along with most of the family, but that her father was a Zionist and he made Aliyah before World War II, which is what spared him.
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I could never get a straight answer and as I got older, the dates didn't add up. So as a mother, she was full of energy. I grew up in the late 60s and 70s, Upper West Side, New York kid.
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Even though the Upper West Side was full of hippies and very bohemian back then, it was a very integrated neighborhood, black, Puerto Rican, Jewish. Most Jews were not so Orthodox. In fact, my mother would often point out to the little steeples on West End Avenue and say, "Oh, those are the religious Jews." She kept Shabbat in the sense that she always made a Friday night dinner,
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but we didn't keep kosher. We didn't have pork in the home, but she would make me scallops. So it was a very...kind of improvised Jewish upbringing. We went to various synagogues, starting with B'nai Jeshurun.
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Then when it was time for my older brother's bar mitzvah, she decided to go to KJ on the Upper East Side. I chafed at that. Here is this mother who presented herself as this flying out of aircraft during Israel's independence War, being on the front lines of battle with Moshe Dayan, being in Lehi [(לֶחִ"י) which translates to "Fighters for the Freedom of Israel"], otherwise known as the Stern Gang, a term that she hated. She would always correct people and say "Stern group."
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She saw herself as this kind of badass hero.
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Then all of a sudden we're at this Orthodox synagogue, and women are siphoned up to the balcony and being shushed all the time. I didn't make any sense out of it. There were many contradictions in her behavior. She talked about having grandparents. Her grandfather, she said, had his own shul. He was a rabbi.
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How she missed that. But I could never really get her to talk much about her past in Poland. She only wanted to talk about her heroic role in founding the State of Israel.
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And there was static.
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I like to say she had red hair. It was always kind of artfully disheveled, unlike the stiff boufants of the day.
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She always wore a girdle and stockings and a dress. I never saw her in a pair of jeans.
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There was something very European about her at the same time. I had a hard time picturing her jumping out of airplanes like she claimed, or smuggling bombs past the British Guards into the old city of Jerusalem, like she also claimed.
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But she was vivacious. She was up on politics. She would listen to radio broadcasts from Israel on the little transistor radio we had in our kitchen. She wept when Begin was elected.
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We would visit our cousins in Israel almost every summer. The moment the plane would touch the tarmac in Israel, she'd start crying.
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She was very close to them. I just knew that there were secrets and stories that she just would never tell me.
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You've said in interviews that you had a difficult relationship with your mother during your teenage years, which by the way is statistically probable when it comes to teenage girls and their mothers.
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What was happening between the two of you?
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It started when I hit puberty.
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She seemed to be in denial that I was going through puberty. It was weird.
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Without getting too graphic, she was zaftik. When I started to develop, it wouldn't have been a surprise for her to have a daughter that needed a bra, for example, and yet she refused to buy me one.
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It was like she wanted to hold on to an innocence or my childhood. The thought of me becoming pubescent triggered something in her. We really broke apart. When I began menstruating, she was hands-off. She slapped me, which I hear is an old Jewish tradition. But then it was totally, I was on my own. She didn't want to know about it. She didn't help me get the supplies I needed. I could never have the talk with her about sex or anything. She was very judgmental. Then when boys would start to call, she would say things like, "They would just call for homework."
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She would say, "What is it you really want from my daughter?" There was this weird mistrust. She would open up my mail. She would read my diary. She was much harsher with me than she was with my two brothers, including my younger brother, who was four years younger than me. He got away with everything. Yet I could never be good enough for her.
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So when you and your mother talked about her childhood and wartime years,
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and when you began asking questions, how did she respond when there were things that she just didn't want to discuss? She would say, "No more questions."
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She told me that she was born in 1935, which was the year that my father was born. Growing up, I thought, "Oh, that's so cute that they're at the exact same age." When you're in grade school, you never think of older boys or whatever. You're with your peers.
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I thought, "Oh, that's so cute."
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But then she would tell stories about how the last time she saw her mother, she was 13.
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When I turned 12, I had these horrible nightmares that the Nazis were going to show up on my door and separate me from her. It was really awful. I think back at it, and I had forgotten all about it until I went to Poland for the first time.
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Actually, when I stood on the spot where she had been, when she last had contact with her mother, saw her mother, I became ill. It was like this weird physical response I had. But I had these awful, like I would get nauseous in the middle of the night. I would wake up with these night terrors. I would say, "But if you were born in 1935 and the war started in 1939, you would have been 4, not 13."
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"No more questions."
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How did you get to Palestine from Poland? Poland is landlocked. I went to, I should say, I went to the Lycee Francais, a French school, which was also sort of, you would think, is weird.
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But my best friends were Jewish, and we were all children of Holocaust survivors, or European or Moroccan refugees. So to this day, I'm still friendly with my friends from the Lycee, who were Jewish, because we all are now kind of digging into our parents' pasts.
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So I knew world geography really well. I could look at a map and know exactly where Poland was, and where Israel was, and South America and etc.
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So I would say Poland was landlocked. How did you get out of Poland to Palestine? It's not a straight line there. "No more questions. Stop asking me." And then when she became ill towards the end,
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I figured it was my last chance to get some clarity. And she would say, "It's too late now.
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It's too late now. It's too painful." And she was very sick with cancer. And I felt I couldn't push her. And even though I took care of her every day, like literally quit my job, took care of her every single day for two years--bathed her, shopped for her, took her to chemo, got her a wig, you name it.
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She remained a closed book. The only thing she opened up about towards the end was that she was more than three years...
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that she was older than my father.
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And I said, "By how much?" And I had just met my husband-to-be, who she met. And I'm three years older than him. And she said, "I'm three years older than daddy." So I knew that that wasn't true. I knew that she was probably older than three years. And then she said, "And I was more than friends with Moshe Dayan." And I said, "Okay, Mom, that's you and every other woman in Israel of that era," which I don't think she was so happy about. And then she said, "And your Uncle Yaakov in Israel, or my Uncle Yaakov in Israel, my great uncle, had a wife who died in the Shoah.
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But his sons don't know about it, so don't tell them."
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And I said, "Okay."
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And actually, that last tidbit came in handy
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when it came time to confront one of my cousins in Israel about my mother.
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So it was like there was a vault that had a lock on it.
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And you didn't have the combination to the lock. Exactly. And I will say, you know, she was very guarded, but she was very intrusive when it came to me. Like I felt I had no privacy. She was listening in on my phone calls, like I said, opening up letters, reading my diary,
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trying to be the guard at the door of the sentry. If I went out at night, she would be up.
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Because honestly, she was an insomniac. She couldn't sleep. I mean, I've heard many Holocaust survivors suffered from terrible nightmares, and the kids would tell me that they would hear their parents screaming in the middle of the night. I never heard that. She just never fell asleep. She was up til all hours watching old movies.
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And she was never up in the morning to see us off to school. My father got us off to school, prepared breakfast for us, and took us down to the bus stop, and it wasn't her. So I knew there was some depression.
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I was too little to understand what was really going on.
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It's a complicated story. And this part of the story, the investigation into your mother's past, begins when you have an elderly relative, and she tells you that your mother had a secret identity.
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Which, by the way, is also very Jewish--Batman, Superman, etc. I always wondered about what they knew about secret identities that we all need to know. So tell us how and why did this relative spill the beans, and then what happened? Okay, so this relative was the wife of my mother's uncle, her paternal uncle, her father's brother, who brought her to this country. And she was nearing 100, and she was nearing the end. And we would visit her every Sunday.
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And I would bring my kids, they were very little. And she would regale us with stories. She claimed that she was from Romania. But towards the end, she started speaking Polish, and her home aides, who were Polish, said no, she was born in Poland. Because her Polish is perfect. And then I found out, you know, because I did a little bit of digging, and then she started telling me that she actually was born in Poland, and moved to Romania during the inter-war years, after World War I. They lived in Bucharest. And anyway, she met my mother's uncle after the war. So my great uncle died a month before my mother did, okay, on her father's side. And her uncle on her mother's side died three months after she died. So that generation was gone. And I thought, well, that's it, I'll never know anything. But out of the blue one day, my great aunt Gina, you know, talking a little bit about herself and the war in Romania, and the collusion of the Romanians with the Nazis. And one day she starts telling the story about the first time she met my mother. And she was in Israel, and she was with her husband, my great uncle Leon. And they were in a hospital in Tel Aviv. And they figured it was nearing the end of my grandfather, Altar, and in walked this redhead. And my great uncle Leon said, "Who's that?"
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"No, that's not the story." And then my great aunt Gina said, "We were shocked to learn that Altar had a daughter." So right away I thought, okay, that doesn't sound right. There's something wrong about this. This is not the story that my mother told me at all. The story that my mother told me was that the two brothers were close. They worked in Berlin together during the war. There was another piece of her story that made no sense. My mother was born in, you know, lived in Sosnowiec. It's Poland. And the father made Aliyah when she was maybe three.
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Where was he working in Berlin and between all that? You know, like there was just so much confusion in her story. So I said, "Well, and Gina, you know, how did Uncle Leon not know of my mother's existence? Didn't the two brothers work together at the time that my mother was born?" And she was already in the throes of Alzheimer's. She was sort of in and out of Alzheimer's. And she said, "Oh." She realized when she had let slip. And then she tried to retract it and out came "no more questions". And I said, "No." I said, "At this point, it's 20 years after my mother died." And I said, "I'm not leaving this table, because we were having tea, until you tell me what you know."
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And then, I'm not going to reveal what she told me, but it led me to believe that my mother had this whole other identity that I never knew about. And so as a journalist, you know, you can't start an investigation until you have proof of identity of the person you're at least investigating. So I knew I had to find her birth record. But my great Aunt Gina didn't know my mother's name, her birth name, because she came later. You know, she only met my great uncle after the war. And so I had to get that from my cousin Yehuda in Israel. And so that's where the little bit of knowing a bit of his father's hidden past came in handy, because I had to play quid pro quo with him. So you go on a journey.
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And I'd love to know where the journey took you. And I'd love to know what you discovered through various documents, archives, photographs, and the journal that had your mother's own handwriting in it.
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So it starts, you know, I knew I had to start by getting her birth record. So after my cousin in Israel finally told me her name, I had something to go on, you know. So I went to her hometown or her birth town. There was a cluster of Jewish villages outside of Katowice. If you think of Katowice, it's by the German border. It's disputed territory. You know, Katowice, during World War I or before World War I, had been German. It's, you know, it was German speaking.
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You know, no surprise that a lot of wars break out over disputed territory. So it was one of those towns. Now my mother's suburb, I think of the five towns, if you will, outside of the city. If I have to. If you have to. You know, densely Jewish towns that, still not majority Jews, although Oswiecim, you know, or Auschwitz in German, the town, not the camp, was very, very Jewish. All of these towns were...Warsaw.
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My God, right. So my mother's town is Sosnowiec and it's a company, it's neighboring town Bedzin, and where she was born, Dabrowa Gornicza.
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They were very Jewish. Nachum Bialik, in fact, taught Hebrew in Sosnowiec. If you know Maus or Spiegelman, you know, historians in Sosnowiec. They had some of the first Hebrew newspapers, as well as a multitude of Yiddish newspapers. There was theater, there was movies, there was a ton of Zionist scouts, scout groups,
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summer camps, Beit Yaakov girls' schools. You know, it was just a very Jewish community. So I went, I went, I'd never been there. My mother could never talk about Poland at all.
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So I was very nervous my first time going. My brothers didn't want to go with me. And so I went solo. My cousin Yehuda said, there's a group called the Zaglembie, World Zaglembie Organization, based in Israel. And I'd never heard the word Zaglembie.
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I sounded like Genobia from the Princess Diaries to me. I was like, what is this region?
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So he hooked me up with the tour. I was one of the only Americans on it. I was an annoying American who, I understand Hebrew, but not to the point where the tour guide is speaking a mile a minute. And I'm just trying to keep up. So I met all these people who had parents who were survivors from this area, and I didn't know anybody. And it was really, and a survivor was my guide, and there were survivors on the trip then. This was in 2010. And there was one day where you could go to city hall and look for records pertaining to your family. So I went, and the first time I went, they wouldn't even let me through the door because I had no proof at all that I was, and I'll back off. I'll back up a little bit. My birth name is Mary Teresa, which is another thing that completely confused me growing up. How does a Jewish girl wind up with a Catholic nun's name? So I said, okay, you know, I have no proof that Mary Teresa Fox is Marisa Bevilacqua, the daughter of Tamar Fromer Fox, who really was Hela Hockerman.
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But we waited. My guide was smart enough to wait for the main woman, who's actually the woman captured in the film. So what you see in the film is actually my second go-around.
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And we waited till that woman was on break. She was even more unpleasant to me in person the first time than she was on film.
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And a very nice woman, a younger clerk, who was in the office, helped me out and found it. And so there I had proof. I had proof that my mother was not Tamar Fromer, not born Tamar Fromer, but born this other name, and that she was nine years older. And with that little bit of information, I was able to then look and see if she was on any prisoner lists. Right around that time, or shortly before,
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what's now known as Arolsen Archives, it was then known as the International Tracing Service,
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which is a giant Nazi repository of Nazi records of prisoners of camps,
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including DP camps after the war. Not just Jewish, it could be Roma, it could be German citizens, German women who didn't fit into the ideal of Aryan woman vision. It could be anything. So they were able to retrieve my mother's record.
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And there I found that in fact she had been a Holocaust survivor.
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And that... I'll just never forget that moment.
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What was it like to realize that the mother you thought you knew
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had lived this entirely different life? And then you'll uncover more of her story, and did you begin to understand why she kept it all a secret?
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Yes. I mean, it took me a long time.
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It has been a long, it's been an odyssey for me.
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But it was a relief in some ways because I didn't want to get too much into our difficult relationship. But there were things she said to me that were really awful.
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And she was very harsh with me in a way that she wasn't with my brothers, like I said, and I was the good kid. I was the straight A student. I was the kid who couldn't do enough.
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And I didn't understand it, and I didn't understand why she was so judgmental and so rejecting, and so harsh, and why she shamed me, and why she was really, I had a lot of bodily shame. Like she made me feel like, I don't know.
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If somebody said something flirtatious to me on the street, it was my fault, and I was vulgar and cheap. And I didn't understand it. And she was not friendly to anybody that I ever dated until I met my husband.
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But it was a relief because I realized I wasn't the crazy one.
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I think I blamed myself for us having a bad relationship. And this was a relief because I realized I had done everything I could do to make her happy, because I could tell there was something inside of her that I don't want to say was broken, but that was very bruised. And then I had to make her happy.
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I had to make her feel proud of me. And then at some point I realized, there was no making her proud of me.
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And then eventually, towards the end, she said she was.
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So I think a lot of it was she couldn't forgive herself,
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even though she was this strong woman who rose above the Holocaust to become this incredible freedom fighter,
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this Zionist heroine who fought for the State of Israel, for our homeland, for our people after the Holocaust.
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There was something in her that she was deeply ashamed of, because you don't have secrets unless you feel like there's something to hide. And I know people often say, "Oh, honey, she did this to spare you. She didn't want to upset you."
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No, I think that's actually not helpful.
[00:29:26:12 - 00:30:23:17]
And it's not about me. It's about how should we look at survivors of any trauma, of October 7th? We have to have compassion. She, after the war, Holocaust survivors were treated horribly in Israel, in this country, and around the world. They were really treated like damaged goods. And she often told me that, actually. She told me that in Israel, she was angry at the way they treated Holocaust... She loved Israel. There was nothing Israel could do except for this. How dare Israel treat its survivors so badly after the war? So she internalized that shame, I think. And there were other sources of shame that she could never admit or never confront.
[00:30:24:21 - 00:30:33:01]
Tom Segev wrote about this in his book, The Seventh Million. Yes. And it's really, in many ways, a historically scandalous story
[00:30:34:05 - 00:31:04:19]
that we have not yet begun to reckon with, the collateral damage of those early years when we were creating a state. And it was very difficult for us to admit that there were vulnerable people who had been victims in our midst when we needed physical power. So let's go, if we can, at least metaphorically, to Gabersdorf, to the forced labor camp and the women who were imprisoned there. What did you learn about that?
[00:31:05:23 - 00:31:58:13]
Well, that blew my mind. So the day that I learned that she was a Holocaust survivor, it was the day that I heard this name that I had yet another name I'd never heard before, Gabersdorf. What's Gabersdorf? I did a quick Google search and lo and behold, there's a town in Austria called Gabersdorf and I came across an "I Heart" Gabersdorf symbol and I thought, okay, that can't be the camp. So I was told, no, you have to look up the camp. So I did, and it was a Jewish women's forced labor camp. Now, I'd never heard of Jewish women's forced labor camps. I'd heard of work camps, labor camps, but nothing specifically for Jewish women. You know, I'd heard of Ravensbruck, which was a major camp, and it was for German women. It was for German women who were considered not the Aryan ideal woman, meaning artists,
[00:31:59:14 - 00:32:18:17]
women who had neuroses, or lesbian or antisocial or didn't want to get married or, you know, yada, yada, yada. That was built for them. So it wasn't explicitly built for Jewish women, though Jewish women wound up there.
[00:32:19:26 - 00:32:26:08]
But I'd never heard of this underground network of 177 camps
[00:32:27:10 - 00:32:36:17]
built from Sudetenland through Silesia, upper and lower Silesia, or that disputed territory between Poland and Germany.
[00:32:38:03 - 00:33:57:15]
I had no idea that there were men's camps and that men built the Autobahn. And I'd never heard of, you know, camps that were built on factories in the middle of beautiful and rural countryside, and, you know, the Czech Alps, that were textile mills. I mean, you don't think about that when you think of the Holocaust. So the day that I discovered the camp was sort of like the day that I realized, like, this is a visual that we need to include when we talk about the Holocaust, because I think so often the Holocaust is a story that's based on numbers, a story that's based on tropes, the valor and martyrdom of Anne Frank. Okay, not to take anything away from Anne Frank. She was very eloquent. But her story is not representative of women's experiences or girls' experiences, teenage girls' experiences during the Holocaust. And yet that is the story that every Jewish girl learns and that we are told is representative. And that's just not true. I'd never heard of sexual violence in the context of the Holocaust. It's another thing that we're not taught.
[00:33:58:26 - 00:34:24:19]
I'd never learned that, you know, that all these villages had these ghetto workshops. I'd heard a little bit about it, you know, learn about the Warsaw Ghetto. But the preponderance of these sort of under-the-radar networks of forced labor, prison camps, factories, teenage girls, 13, some of them 12,
[00:34:27:00 - 00:34:44:02]
taken away and brutalized and forced to work, 12-hour shifts, sometimes double shifts. It just blew my mind. And then I also realized that there's been an Olympics of suffering when it comes to the Holocaust.
[00:34:45:13 - 00:34:53:15]
That there is this sense that if you weren't in Auschwitz or if you weren't in one of the major camps, that your story didn't count.
[00:34:54:16 - 00:36:09:12]
And when I started meeting these women, and they would tell me these stories about how, oh, once somebody from the Jewish, local Jewish paper came to interview her on, you know, for Yom Hashoah, and then the husband showed up and he boasted about being a partisan or boasted about being a ghetto fighter or showed his Auschwitz tattoo. And then they forgot all about the women, because another trope that we've been taught that's wrong is that all Holocaust survivors were tattooed. And that's also not true. Most of them were not. The vast majority of them were not tattooed. It was only Auschwitz survivors who were tattooed. And you can bet that those who were tattooed often were the ones who were there for probably just a few months or were in a forced labor camp that wasn't so different than my mother's experience. Granted, my mother didn't live with the smoke and ashes of her family in the air above her, which is, you know, would never take that away from an Auschwitz survivor. But I've spoken with daughters of other survivors, including a friend whose mother survived Auschwitz, who I've interviewed several times.
[00:36:10:13 - 00:36:35:27]
And she said, I don't know that my mother, you know, her mother was in Canada, the part of Auschwitz where you sorted clothes. And she said, I don't know if my mother would have been able to survive four and a half years of what your mother survived. And yet prisoners like my mother's stories completely fell through the cracks and were treated like it's not important. You had it easy.
[00:36:36:27 - 00:37:06:08]
And yes, I suppose in some ways, she survived. And like I said, she didn't see her family is murdered in front of her, although she did see a lot of Nazi brutality. And she did see people murdered right in front of her, including family members. But the sexual brutality was something that I would argue probably a lot of Auschwitz survivors didn't endure and certainly didn't endure for years and years.
[00:37:08:00 - 00:37:30:21]
There's a straight line, and I realize this when I saw the movie, between the sexual violence that was part of that story and the sexual violence that has been uncovered that happened on October 7, that both of these were deliberate attacks on the Jewish body, and in particular, on the female Jewish body.
[00:37:32:11 - 00:38:07:03]
It's true. When October 7 happened, and I wrote an editorial about this for the Daily Beast, it was deliberate. It is deliberate. I mean, rape is a weapon of war, but it was never prosecuted when it came to the Holocaust. It was dismissed from the Nuremberg trials. And I get into that in the film, and I don't want to ruin it for people. But I did manage to get a hold of Ben Ferencz, who I'd interviewed for articles I'd written. And I'd asked him on the sly one day, and I said, "You have to do this on film for me."
[00:38:08:09 - 00:38:15:14]
Because he was the only one who could tell me why rape as a weapon of war was never brought up as a war crime at Nuremberg.
[00:38:17:04 - 00:39:36:02]
So I've come to understand that gender is weaponized during war and genocide. And just as Hamas explicitly targeted women, and I will tell you also men, sexual brutality, they raped men. They castrated men. They castrated men, which is also a very Jim Crow thing. Lynching also involved castrating. And castrating Jewish and African American men. That's a big part of the Jim Crow era that Hitler in fact learned from our American South, from the KKK and the Confederates. So gender is very much a part of genocide. It is very much a part of the Holocaust. It was very much a part of the Holocaust. And it's very much a part of every systemic war and genocidal campaign. Look at how the Russians went about targeting women in Ukraine when they invaded. There was a lot of sexual torture. The town of Bucha or Bucha is synonymous with the sexual atrocities that were uncovered there.
[00:39:37:06 - 00:39:41:26]
Myanmar, you know, South Sudan, Tigray.
[00:39:43:28 - 00:40:01:21]
I will tell you one of the most chilling moments of my life was a number of years ago, I organized a rabbinic mission to Krakow and we brought supplies to the camps at the border of Ukraine. Doctors Without Borders, etc.
[00:40:03:17 - 00:40:08:29]
And one of the most chilling moments of my life, and I will confess to you that I repressed it
[00:40:10:12 - 00:40:18:11]
until October 7, was I heard doctors saying, "we're running out of rape kits".
[00:40:20:19 - 00:40:21:20]
And that was the story.
[00:40:23:11 - 00:40:36:29]
By the way, it makes me wonder, at the risk of playing armchair analyst, it makes me wonder how much of your mother's reluctance to deal with you as an emerging young woman finds its roots in these experiences.
[00:40:39:12 - 00:40:56:17]
I believe that. I think you're right on the money there. So play armchair analyst. I think it's directly related. I think she saw me as a developed, you know, she saw me developing and she knew what the male gaze was.
[00:40:57:19 - 00:41:15:10]
You know, all these women told me they had never even kissed a boy or maybe they had held hands or, you know, they never dated. They never dated. And then all of a sudden they were thrown in a world where their bodies were commodities, were bargaining chips of survival.
[00:41:16:12 - 00:41:23:08]
Some of them used them. Some of them realized I need to feed my sister, my campmate.
[00:41:24:09 - 00:41:33:00]
They call themselves lagerschwesters, meaning camp sisters. Some of them really were blood relatives, sisters, and some of them were not.
[00:41:34:04 - 00:42:16:10]
My mother's lagerschwester and her, they covered for each other. My mother was sick. Her fella would cover for her and vice versa. So they, if one of them got injured and they needed medical supplies, they, some of them had the agency to say, I'm going to do what I need to do to make sure that my sister survives. And there were British POWs at the camp and they used their bodies to get supplies because the Red Cross was only delivering food and supplies to the POWs, not to the Jewish prisoners.
[00:42:17:11 - 00:42:29:09]
And if you talk about October 7, was that the case with October 7 too? They were delivering, you know, the Red Crescent. Didn't care about the Jewish hostages in the tunnels of Gaza.
[00:42:30:10 - 00:43:08:19]
So history may not repeat itself, but it sure does rhyme.
Sure does. So yes, I do think that the sexual brutality, the commodification of the body, it made a lasting... which she couldn't talk about. It was like she wanted me to feel or she was traumatized about and it came out in these odd ways. So I think that her inability to deal with me as a young woman directly relates to her inability to have dealt with her past.
[00:43:09:20 - 00:43:31:06]
Of course, as miles of difference morally and aesthetically between a teenage boy in the Upper West Side is checking you out as an attractive young woman, that version of the male gaze and the male gaze that finds its finality in sexual violence and your mother couldn't process that. No, she couldn't process that.
[00:43:33:12 - 00:44:17:01]
No, she couldn't. She, you know, another funny contradiction in her is she loved to boast about how she was this...she was with the guys all the time, and she had lots of boyfriends. And when I was very young... including Moshe Dayan, you alluded to. Well, that she only admitted towards the end, although when I was very little, I remember she told me that she'd had a boyfriend in the Israeli army who was married and he was a very big deal and he kept on telling her he was going to leave his wife for her and he broke her heart. Moshe Dayan was the Mick Jagger of early Israel. Oh, yeah. So I believe that she was really talking about Moshe Dayan and she.
[00:44:18:03 - 00:44:41:06]
So as much as she loved to tell me about what a, you know, what a hot ticket she was in those days and how she had all these boyfriends. When I started dating, she acted like we need to protect my chastity. And I said, I said, but mom, what about yourself? "It was different. We didn't know if we were going to live or die."
[00:44:42:09 - 00:45:57:27]
And so there are an... okay, I get it now. But, but we didn't have a healthy mother- daughter relationship. And, and in fact, when I finally did, you know, lose my virginity, she she freaked out and she gave me the silent treatment and she told me that I had cheapened myself. And, you know, this terrible language of shame in that I had lost all self-respect, and that no man would ever respect me or love me, you know, like it was like, whoa, you know, but meanwhile, my brothers could have girls over, spend the night ,like no problem. And it was just this crazy double standard. And, you know, another thing she talked about were, oh, that she'd had all these abortions. And I remember abortion was a thing. When I was a little girl, Roe v. Wade passed and I was, you know, what does that mean, mom, you know, and she told me about the right of a woman to have choice and how important it was. And, and I'm a firm believer in the right of, right to, you know, of choice.
[00:45:59:22 - 00:46:46:14]
And then it's a woman's and she would always say a woman's body is only her business. And she was very firm about that, you know. So it was just this contradiction on the one-hand, wanting me to be this chaste virgin til my wedding day. And on the other hand, you know, this, this trailblazing warrior woman who believed in equal rights and believed in, you know, abortion rights. I remember she was very ill at the time of the Anita Hill scandal, you know, the Anita Hill hearing. And she would always say, I believe her. I believe her. Like in her mind, there was no question. And that stays with me. I think about that a lot.
[00:46:48:21 - 00:47:41:24]
No doubt there was a cathartic element for you as you're doing this research, as you're making this journey and certainly as you're making the movie. So I'm going to ask you to dig down a little bit and to think about for us out loud. What did making this film do for you personally? Did it offer you a sense of closure? Did it open up more questions? And I'm wondering if your own children and your future grandchildren, future generations were in mind as you were making the film.
Absolutely. So I first want to say there can be no closure for the Holocaust. There just can't be. First of all, I think that's what's wrong with a lot of how Holocaust education goes or how Yom Hashoah, you know, every year we trot out.
[00:47:42:24 - 00:47:55:15]
You know, the kids and they sing the sad songs and we go to synagogue or commemorations. And, you know, these are important. These are important times and we have to mark them.
[00:47:56:15 - 00:48:34:08]
But then we put it right back, everything in the box, and we go about as if it's all over. And we've done what we can. And now we move on. And in a sense, of course, you have to move on. You have to move on after atrocities. Yeah, it's all about life and nobody loved life more than my mother. And I think all Holocaust survivors just had a real joy of life. You know, they appreciated the life, the second chance, second lives, third lives, fourth lives they were given. But there can be no closure for this scope of the atrocities. There can't be. And I will never know the full extent of what my mother endured. I will never know it.
[00:48:35:10 - 00:49:06:09]
I can retrace her footsteps, but I can never walk in her shoes. And I think that it's up to us to wrestle with these things just as we wrestle with our prayers or we wrestle with our concepts of God and Judaism. We must wrestle with the legacy of the Holocaust. But at least I know my past now. I know where I come from now. And I have that gift to give to my kids. And it is a, it's not a burden.
[00:49:07:12 - 00:49:22:11]
It's a blessing to know. So many people don't know. So many people, I think, are the walking wounded. They inherit scars that they don't understand.
[00:49:23:21 - 00:51:32:11]
They act a way that they don't really understand. So it helps to know. I also always wanted to know more about my grandparents and my family lineage. And, you know, it's been amazing to travel the world, to meet people who knew my mother who could tell me what she was like as a kid. I could never get her to tell me what she was like as a kid. I had no sense of what she was like in school. I had no sense of what she was like, you know, as a teenager, before the war. I had no idea that my, you know, I came from so many rabbis that I'm a descendant of the Baal Shem Tov. Who knew? So, you know, on one side I'm holy and the other side I'm the scarlet letter, let's say. So these are holes that we all have to balance, that we all have to juggle with. And for my kids, I feel like, you know, they never got to meet my mother. She died. It'll be, it'll be, geez, it'll be 33 years, this Yom Kippur. She died right after Yom Kippur. So it'll be 33 years, this Yom Kippur. And so they never got to meet her. But they know all about her now. They know more about her than I knew about in her lifetime. And they know where they come from. And they can do with it what they wish. But it's an important legacy and I don't think they'll take it for granted. You know, they'll all, they're each so different. I have three kids and they're all grown and flown now. And they're very different. But it means something to them, to know that they are a grandchild of a Holocaust survivor. To know where they come from. To know the miles and miles and miles and struggles and tears and near-death experiences and miracles it took for them to be here. For me to be here. For my mother to get here.
[00:51:33:11 - 00:52:08:12]
So I don't think that, and I think that's something that every American should be able to relate to. I mean, I did test readings of this to students who are not Jewish. And they were so touched by it. Because many of them were children of immigrants too. And they grew up in homes full of silence and secrets and hidden trauma and no-go zones in terms of what you could talk about. And without much knowledge necessarily of
[00:52:09:26 - 00:52:40:08]
where they came from. And then encourage them to now dig into their own roots. And it also was important for them to see that not everything is available on Google. That sometimes you have to get up, get out there, get out of your comfort zone, go to places that you never thought you traveled to, and uncover a past that is yours.
[00:52:42:17 - 00:53:35:13]
I've been to parts of the world that I never thought I'd go to. Not that I had no desire to go to them. But I've been to Poland eight times. I've been to the Czech Republic several times. I've made friends across borders. I think that's also really important. I have friends in all these countries. I have really good friendships with the children of the women in my movie. And they're all so excited. And I'm going to Toronto in September. And there's a big Gabersdorf community there. And they're so excited. As well as all these other Jewish women's camps. Because not every woman in the movie was in Gabersdorf. Some of them were in other Jewish women's camps. But they grew up with my mother and they knew my mother. Or they were in the neighboring camp and their experiences were completely similar.
[00:53:36:14 - 00:53:51:14]
So I think it's... Are those stories going to come out of what women experienced, especially in the wake of October 7? These are powerful narratives. Are they going to continue to come out?
Well, I hope that my movie travels the world.
[00:53:52:23 - 00:53:59:02]
I'm... You know, it's been tough because of this boycott against Israel.
[00:54:02:05 - 00:54:10:09]
So I'm primarily being shown in Jewish film festivals. But I am also getting shown at a journalism film festival in DC.
[00:54:11:27 - 00:54:35:00]
I also just won an award in Romania at a film festival in a town in the Carpathian Mountains called Brasnov. And it's a film and history festival. And I won the audience prize. So I think it's important to take this around the world. I'll be in Australia in the end of October through early November.
[00:54:36:11 - 00:54:41:22]
It's a Jewish festival, but it's going to tour all these different towns. 16 screenings.
[00:54:43:05 - 00:55:24:05]
So I hope to get it out there. I'm also working on a book. And I'm turning this into an educational initiative and I want to use it for community impact. I want to use it to bring communities together, I think. Like we were talking about before about Jim Crow, I think it's important. It could be a good, useful tool to repair some bridges between African Americans and Jews in this country. Because I think when you look at these atrocities through the lens of gender, you realize how much more we have in common than not. And how we can use our collective pain for a good purpose.
[00:55:26:23 - 00:55:33:16]
Your mother died, as you said, some 33 years ago. She was 58.
[00:55:36:19 - 00:55:43:16]
So you spent more than a decade traveling through her life uncovering her story. I'm going to coin a phrase.
[00:55:45:08 - 00:55:54:10]
Engaging in inner archeology, as you uncover the layers that are within you.
[00:55:56:29 - 00:55:58:13]
What do you wish you could say to her now?
[00:56:00:29 - 00:56:08:28]
Sort of what I say in the film... that I understand. That I understand that I wouldn't have loved you any less.
[00:56:10:11 - 00:56:48:23]
That I wouldn't have respected you any less. In fact, I respect you more. That you claim to be a hero and you really were a hero. That when you said you weren't a victim of the Holocaust, in fact, you were right. Because the very act of writing in a journal, of having some agency in a camp, to me, shows that you transcended the victimization. You were victimized, but you were never a victim. You were targeted, you were beaten down, you were brutalized, your body was weaponized against you.
[00:56:50:13 - 00:56:56:26]
But you reclaimed it and you never let it define who you were.
[00:56:57:28 - 00:57:19:09]
And I'm not going to quote Victor Frankl because everybody does, but you know, we all have choices. We all have choices. And one of these choices is how we choose to tell our stories. And in her story, she was a hero. And that was important for her.
[00:57:20:14 - 00:57:34:05]
You were mentioning October 7, and I did a lot of reporting on October 7, and I interviewed survivors of the Nova Festival. And I interviewed therapists who were treating them. And they all talk about the importance of telling your story.
[00:57:35:10 - 00:57:55:24]
And how telling your story to a sympathetic witness and telling your story in a way that highlights your survival, your ability to prevail against all odds, is actually empowering and healing and therapeutic.
[00:57:56:25 - 00:58:25:23]
And I noticed that when I brought these women, there were only two that came with me to the unveiling ceremony, to the camp. So I succeeded in getting the mayor of the town of Trutnov, Czech Republic, where these ten Jewish women's camps were and where Gabersdorf was, to unveil a monument at the side of the camp when they tore down the remaining buildings, the factory, where they were slave laborers.
[00:58:26:27 - 00:58:33:06]
And Sarah, one of the main characters in my film, who I meet in Berlin at the start of the movie,
[00:58:34:18 - 00:59:02:15]
she looked disheveled when I met her several times. She came with me, and it was hard. But each time she told her story, she became more and more powerful. And towards the end, when we go together for the unveiling ceremony, and she speaks at the unveiling, she is so pulled together. She's wearing a pantsuit. Her hair is pulled back. She's coiffed. She's in control. And it's like the transformation is incredible.
[00:59:03:26 - 00:59:15:00]
And so, who am I to judge? I would never judge my mother. I would never judge my mother. It's not about forgiving my mother. It's really about forgiving myself.
[00:59:16:01 - 01:00:02:04]
I think I walked around for many years after she died with the sense that I had failed her, or that I had been in disappointment somehow, and I wasn't the daughter she had wanted. And I realized I am exactly the daughter that she, I don't want to say deserved, but the daughter, I'm exactly who I should be. I'm exactly her daughter. And if she could have opened up, if the world had been more accepting of the struggles of Holocaust survivors, of their, you know, if they had been more sympathetic, if it had been less shaming of women, perhaps she could have opened up.
[01:00:03:06 - 01:00:15:28]
I bet she would have. But the world wasn't like that. So it's up to me to tell her story. And I think that she's smiling down upon me.
[01:00:17:01 - 01:01:15:25]
It's funny, when I was uncovering things, and things were beginning to happen at a rapid pace, I would meet one woman who would lead me to another and another because they were very tight. And they were so curious to find out what happened to my mother after the war, because she'd cut them all off when she changed her name and came to America and shaved all those years off her past. So they were as hungry to meet me as I was to them. So I was discovering things really quickly, and everyone would joke. My cousins in Israel said, "I think she's guiding you. I think she's guiding you." And, you know, I don't quite know what I believe anymore. But I do think that her spirit is with me. I do think she is proud of the work I've done. At least I hope she is. I can only imagine that she is.
So let me ask you a final question. Really, not a final question.
[01:01:18:08 - 01:01:23:07]
What keeps you awake at night, and what's given you hope?
[01:01:25:19 - 01:01:52:02]
What keeps me awake at night is the climate of antisemitism right now. I find it very alarming. In fact, I can't believe how wedged in Jews are right now. How it's tolerable. In fact, it's considered valorous.
[01:01:53:21 - 01:02:33:12]
It's cool. It's progressive. In the documentary world, I can't even tell you. It's a given that Israel is an apartheid state, and what happened in Gaza was a genocide. It's like a given. And there's no nuance. There are films that come out that were expressly made to suit a narrative. And they are passed off as verite filmmaking, meaning, "Oh no, we went in search of the story, and this is what we found." No, no, no. These are prefabricated stories that are made with purpose to demonize Jews in Israel.
[01:02:35:23 - 01:03:03:07]
There is an attempt to make Jews renounce Zion. What are Jews without Zion? We're not. We're not Jews. We pray to the East. Period. The end. It is fundamental to our identity. We may not all be religious. This is happening in a way that would never be permissible for any other group.
[01:03:05:20 - 01:03:27:01]
100%. I mean, this human rights thing. Do we tell Muslims not to pray to Mecca, Medina, because of human rights abuses in those countries? Never. Let me tell you, human rights abuses in Saudi Arabia, in the Emirates, throughout the Gulf States.
[01:03:29:00 - 01:04:06:01]
I mean, really? Israel is the worst offender? Give me a break. So the hypocrisy, the insane hypocrisy, the demonization from the right and from the left, you know, the book bans from the right, the soft pedaling of Nazi propaganda, of racism, you know, the... First off, have you noticed that every independent bookstore you enter, anti-Israel books are on the front shelves?
[01:04:07:29 - 01:04:20:14]
100%. Jews can't get books published now. And the only Jews that are making it into non-Jewish film festivals, I'm not going to say the only, either don't talk about Israel, or if they do, they demonize Israel.
[01:04:22:10 - 01:04:55:16]
And so for every non-Jewish film festival that I get into, I want to kiss their feet. And then I've won some awards at some of them. It's really like a feather in my cap right now. But that's what keeps me up. That's what keeps me up is, you know, democratic socialists sounds to me like national socialists, these contradictory terms, because we're either globalists, globalist capitalists that are, you know, controlling all the media and the banks, or we are communists.
[01:04:56:24 - 01:05:11:22]
So we're wedged. We're wedged between left and right. We are pawns. And everybody's, you know, we're scapegoated again. We're blamed for all the hardships that are going on.
[01:05:13:02 - 01:05:36:12]
That's what keeps me up at night. And also, I worry about the world that my children will inherit. I worry, you know, my husband is a convert. His last name is Bevilacqua, so our kids have this beautiful Italian name. And the other day my husband said, I'm glad our kids aren't identifiable as Jews. And that is so sad to me.
[01:05:37:19 - 01:05:41:04]
But I understand what he's saying.
[01:05:42:25 - 01:06:14:05]
So I try to instill in them a sense of pride, and I hope they are proud Jews. And by proud Jews, I don't necessarily mean go to shul every week and do all that. But never forget who you are, and stand up for who you are. And don't feel that you have to placate to the mob that demands you to be the kind of Jew that they will accept. Because once you cave to that, then you're giving them license to eventually say, "No Jews allowed."
[01:06:16:07 - 01:06:20:28]
Exactly right. Okay, so the flip side is, what's giving you hope?
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What gives me hope is meeting people like my good friend, Professor Menaz Afridi, who's a Holocaust scholar. She's on the IHRA committee. She runs the Interfaith and Genocide Center at Manhattan College. So she's a Muslim woman from Pakistan who teaches the Holocaust, who points out the BS in this colonizer rhetoric, who stands up to Holocaust denial in the Muslim community.
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People like, you know, Muslims who speak out against the hypocrisy. There's somebody, I'm gonna get his name all wrong, but he runs his organization called Realign for Palestine. And he speaks out against Hamas. Ahmed Alkhatib. Thank you. Thank you. He gives me hope. There's a Syrian woman who also speaks out against the brainwashing that she endured growing up in an Arab Muslim world that all Jews are pernicious and evil. That's what gives me hope and forging alliances with people like that. I have big goals of taking my film around the country and going to communities that don't have Holocaust education, that don't have a lot of Jews, but I think will be receptive. And by that I mean communities in the deep south, for example, where Jim Crow was alive and well, and where I think we can come together and share stories of slavery. You know, through my story of Nazi women slavery and their stories of women who were in chattel slavery and Jim Crow and lynching and how we came together for civil rights and how we can come back together again and fight these extremist narratives that polarize us. These are the things that give me hope, that make me want to wake up every morning and keep up fighting and getting this story out there, seeing young people who are proud to be Jewish, who were unafraid.
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These are things I really look forward to.
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You know, I also, one last thing in terms of what keeps me up at night also, is the fear of what's going on in our news media.
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The consolidation of a lot of news sources, the meddling of our current president in broadcasts,
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that he gave license to this term fake news, which is an old Nazi term, you know, "lugenpresse" the lying press. So that we live in this world where there's an attempt to block, you know, where he fired the head of the National Archives. You know, I was a recipient of an NIH grant and it was terminated under him. The "Doge Bros" came in and targeted my grant, terminated it because I used... I dared to use the word gender. You know, and then Jewish culture. Ooh. And so these are the things that also keep me up.
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This demonization of history, this wanting to rewrite history, wanting to distort the news and not allow free press.
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These are things we need to fight. And so as a journalist, that also, does it give me hope? It gives me hope to see people out there and it makes me want to really get back there as a journalist when I'm, you know, in my free time of working this movie and working on the book.
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So it gives me purpose.
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Marisa, you have really done such a remarkable job of telling the story of how you uncovered your mother's hidden story.
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You've brought your mother and so many women who shared her experience out of the shadows. You have brought them into the light. And because you've done this, you have really given us a gift, a much deeper understanding of what
[01:11:17:06 - 01:13:02:11]
is often sense between generations, from one generation to the next, even when the stories themselves remain unspoken. There's no one who will be sharing this episode, who will not have been deeply moved. And it's really a very powerful story. My Underground Mother deserves to be seen, not just talked about. So could you tell us, please, where and how our audience can see that documentary, My Underground Mother?
So I am making my way. Well, first of all, thank you so much for those sweet words. And really, that means so much to me. You can see it at festivals. We are going to be, like I said, embarking on 16 dates in Australia. We're also going to be at Twin Cities Jewish Film Festival in Minneapolis, St. Paul area in late October. We're going to be at the Santa Barbara Jewish Film Festival in early November. And then, like I said, I'm excited to share that I'm going to be in the DX Fest or Double Exposure. It's the country's leading investigative journalism film festival. And partly, I think I'm going to teach a class on how I used investigative journalism to uncover the story at the Johns Hopkins Media Center. That's going to be in D.C. Also in early November. November 5 through 8, is that festival. And I'm going to take part in the forum as well.
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Then I'm going to be in Alexandria Film Festival, also in the D.C. area. And the plan is to start a theatrical release in January.
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All I can say is subscribe to our newsletter, go to our website, myundergroundmother.com, and sign up for our newsletter so you can be the first to know about our next screenings. And you can also follow us on Instagram and on Facebook, myundergroundmother. And if you love the movie, I would love a great comment. A good rating on Rotten Tomatoes or IMDB or Letterboxed. That will also help us get out there. That will help with the theatrical release. That will help us get to broadcasters and streamers who are reticent to buy this kind of product.
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This kind of content, like I said. So a good review can go a long way. It doesn't cost anybody anything. So once again, myundergroundmother.com, Letterboxed for reviews, Rotten Tomatoes, IMDB, and subscribe to our newsletter. Follow us on your socials. Thank you so much. Amazing.
This episode is a production of the 2G-3G Project, produced and edited by Eli Hershko and co-directed by our podcast founder, Sheryl Hoffman. And once again, I'm your host, Rabbi Jeff Salkin.
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You can find the To Be Continued podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, wherever you get your podcasts. I know that you're going to agree that these 2G and 3G voices are not only important, they're crucial.
[01:15:02:07 - 01:16:16:01]
And so you can support us in several different ways:
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And let me also say that by the time you see this, the Days of Awe will have come and perhaps will have gone or will be in the middle of them. And I remind everyone that these are Yamim Zikaron. These are the days of memory. And we are about resurrecting and retrieving memory. So whatever memories you bring to the sacred season, whether they're sweet or ambivalent, may you lift them up and may those memories be holy.
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Thanks everyone. We'll see you again soon.