The Mandate

Today, Dr. Ed Adams joins me to talk about his newest book, Reinventing Masculinity, that he co-authored with Ed Frauenheim (another awesome show!). We also explore what he's learned during his career as a therapist, how he heard his calling and picked up art, why is started Men Mentoring Men, and most importantly, some practical wisdom we can all use today.Dr. Ed Adams is a psychologist (and artist) specializing in individual and marriage therapy and has a particular expertise working with men impacted by life transitions such as divorce, loss, illness, and career changes. He considers himself as a "thought partner" for men and women pursuing greater self-awarness and emotional growth. Over the past decades, the art of psychotherapy with individual men, Ed’s presidency of Division 51 (Men and Masculinities) of the American Psychological Association (APA), and the founding of Men Mentoring Men have focused his creative interests toward assisting other men to build more satisfying and meaningful lives. Ed found a way to do this both by blending psychology with art.Here are just a few of the topics we'll cover in today's show:Ed's journey from seminary school to becoming a psychologistHow his father's PTSD influenced him as a kid growing upHow he realized he wanted to pursue art AND psychologyWhy he started his first men's groupHow the group grew and turned into Men Mentoring MenWhat helped Ed make space for both of his careersHow he "listened" for his calling, something most men aren't trained to doHow community and surrounding himself with the right people made a big differenceAbout Divsion 51 of the American Psychological AssociationHis work on the guidelines for men and boysWhy it's manly to be compassionate and why we need to see the sufferingThe most important rule in Men Mentoring MenWhy men need to create more space for fun and playWhat we can learn from going back to ourselves as kidshttps://www.menmentoringmen.orghttps://www.reinventingmasculinity.com/Watch the video: https://www.mandateshow.com/episodes/ed-adams############# Show Notes #####################Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/Twitter: https://twitter.com/mandatetheshowInstagram: https://instagram.com/mandatetheshowEmail Adam: [email protected]

This is a really fun episode and it is filled with practical things you can try TODAY. I was introduced to Shawn Johal through our mutual friend and we hit it off. In this show we cover lots of topics from his own mental health routine, learning how to express his emotions, shutting down a business, finding happiness in the present moment and so much more. I know you'll love it.Shawn is the author of The Happy Leader, a leadership fable about transformation in business and in life. He provides a “Happiness Roadmap” for his readers and clients, teaching them how to achieve both happiness and success. Shawn is the founder of Elevation, a business growth coaching & consulting firm, working with entrepreneurs & their teams to help accelerate their growth – while helping them find personal balance and happiness. Here's a summary of what we'll cover...Being a minority and growing up in MontrealThis impact his father's upbringing had on himHow he learned positivity from his momLearning the power of visualization while playing elite sportsWhy visualization is such a powerful toolFinding your super power for the dayHow to do a 32 second meditationWhat he learned during the bankruptcy of a family businessHow he got into meditationThe Time Anger GapHow his wife helped him learn to show emotionsWhat Shawn learned when he was diagnosed with a "positivity bias"How can we be better at seeing our blind spotsAcceptance and gratitudeHow Shawn works to bring traditionally "feminine" qualities into his life and trainingOur obsession with what other people think about usWhy he was inspired to write his book, The Happy LeaderWhat he defines as happinessHow to use the "hell yeah" questionHow to start a loathe or love listWhy entrepreneurs and business owners are perpetually unhappyFinal wisdom: Celebrate the winsLinksElevation LeadersThe Happy LeaderEbook USAudiobook USEbook CDNEbook CDNUnplug MeditationJoe DispenzaHeidi Hanna############# Show Notes #####################Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/@mandatetheshow

In this episode I'm joined by Kevin Fitzpatrick. We were connected thanks to an intro from one of my first guests, Jonathan Domanus. Kevin is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and has spent the last 40 years in the mental health field. He has been in full time private psychotherapy practice since 1989. Kevin started doing his own inner work, focused on masculinity, in the 1987 and has been active ever since. Our conversation today explores what he's learned both as a professional working with men's mental health and as a person experiencing mens work.He have a life mission: to empower through healing, something that has evolved from both having a father who was a physician and having to work on his own healing. He's had a daily meditation practice for over 25 years and is a yoga practitioner and instructor. Kevin's and his wife have been married 40 years and have raised 2 sons to adulthood. When he's not working in the mental health field you can find him riding motorcycles, singing, and playing guitar.Here are a few of the topics we'll cover:- Why Kevin's been feeling depressed lately and how he manages- COVID fatigue and trying to not trip before we get to the finish line- Kevin's morning routine and why it's so important- Why Kevin was tied up to a tree as a kid by his babysitter- How he learned he had ADHD and how that led to depression- Why Kevin got into social work and become a therapist- How did Kevin get involved with Men's work?- What did he experience during his first men's weekend?- Why it's so hard for men to open up?- What is a Victories weekend like?- How they facilitate personal growth groups and why some last for 10+ years- Why shame has really slowed the mens liberation movement- What Kevin sees today in his practice with young adult men- How he supports the young men he works with- "Love them through it"- "You gotta get your guts in to it!"- Should loneliness be in the DSM?- What does the future look like for men's mental health?- Why you should be willing to move into the areas that scare youLinks & MentionsThe Places that Scare You Pema ChodrunVictories for Men############# Show Notes #####################Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/Twitter: https://twitter.com/mandatetheshowInstagram: https://instagram.com/mandatetheshowEmail Adam: [email protected]

I'm joined by Dr. Paul J. Kachoris, MD. Paul has been a psychiatrist for over 50 years working with children, adolescents and adults and still runs a private psychiatric practice. Since 1990 he has been involved with men's work co-leading men's weekend retreats with Victories of the Heart. His professional interests are men's studies and retreats, neuroscience, humanities and writing poetry. Paul is a father of two sons and one daughter and a grandfather of 5 grandsons and 4 granddaughters.In this episode we're going to tackle how we develop as men and specifically, what tasks do we need to experience and navigate as we get older. This know as the male developmental schema. We'll focus a bit more on the "mid life passage" that occurs between 35-50, when we tend to go through different mid-life crises. This show will provide an overview of what emotional needs men have and need to fulfill. Here are a few of the topics we covered:What is Victories of the Heart and why did it change his lifeHow fear got in the way of Paul having deeper connectionWhat happened after his first men's retreatHow men's work helped him become a better psychiatrist and therapistWhat has happened with men's movements over the last 30-40 yearsHow culture and media program archetypes of men into usHow traditional views of masculinity have created isolation and lonelinessWhy shame slowed the men's movementThe tyranny of the playgroundWhat is the male developmental schema?How Paul developed his own schema based on the work of several authors and researchersWhat is the midlife passage that happens between 35-50?What are some of the triggers that cause men to seek help?How Paul navigated his midlife passageDo we have to wait for a crisis to wakeup and change?The warrior, the lover, the magician, and the king archetypesHow the archetypes show up in everyday life and how they've changed for Paul over timeWhy we have to take care of what's between our earsMentioned on the showVictories of the HeartIron John by Robert BlyManKind ProjectRobert Moore - King, Warrior, Magician, LoverCarl JungErik Erikson - Childhood and SocietyGeorge E. Vaillant - Triumphs of Experience - The Men of the Harvard Grant StudyThe Seasons of a Man's Life by Daniel J. LevinsonThe Midlife Passage by James Hollis############# Show Notes #############Spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and YouTube Email Adam: [email protected]

In this episode I'm joined by Matt Zerker, the Founder & CEO of tethr, a peer enabled mental health and well-being platform for men. Matt has an incredible story and passion for what he's building which is what we'll dig into today.Prior to tethr, Matt worked as a Portfolio Manager at a quantitative hedge fund and even achieved the coveted CFA designation. Despite the early career success, Matt was deeply unhappy. After the sudden death of one of his closest friends in 2018 sent him spiraling into a suicidal depression Matt began the journey towards a more fulfilling life. After trying everything from therapy to medication, and even some experimental treatments, Matt discovered a men's peer support group in his hometown of Toronto and that's when his inner world began to shift. After attending a fateful men's retreat in April 2019, Matt returned home on a Monday and quit his job suddenly on Wednesday - he has been building tethr ever since.In this episode you'll hear more about:How tethr got started and how they're doingMatt's personal journey since starting tethrThe pressure of being a mental health founder trying to solve your own problems and experienceRedefining out relationship with our work and being of serviceThe impact our upbringing has on us as adults and menThe danger of the hustle culture and hustle porn in startupsHow he turned things around half way through collegeWhy we need to take more time to be present and appreciate what's in our livesHow to know when to push and when to restTechniques Matt uses to reconnect with himselfConnecting with our inner child in times of stressWhy your well being influences the well being of the companyWhat Matt has tried on his journey with mental healthWhy we're not a problem to be fixedHow joining a men's group change Matt's lifePower of being seen for who we areHow do we support men when they have the courage to say, "I'm not ok."The power of witnessing and holding space for othersWhy needing help doesn't mean you're brokenWhy we need to look at the hero's journey in a new way (they always have help)The power of getting to know yourselfWhat has he learned so far building tethrAbout Matt and Tethrhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/mattzerker/https://www.tethr.menDownload the tethr iOS appDownload the tethr AndroidHelp Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/Twitter: https://twitter.com/mandatetheshowInstagram: https://instagram.com/mandatetheshowEmail Adam: [email protected]

In this episode we start to explore the topic of intimacy with my friend Jim Young. We'll also talk about evolving forms of masculinity, the armor men wear and why we wear it, love, and why improv is always the answer.Jim Young, aka The Centered Coach, is a Dad of 3 ridiculous teens, a coach who helps men dare their way past outdated archetypes, and a creative organizational facilitator who loves the color Teal. If you find yourself in Western Massachusetts outside of The Pandemic Times, you can catch Jim performing regularly in improv comedy shows with his team, Not In Charge.How Jim stays centered amidst the chaos of life right nowThe power of build a habit of gratitudeThe Gratitude ABCsJim's 10 year+ journey with his mental and emotional wellbeingWhy his divorce was a wakeup callHow therapy helped give him the structure he neededWhat makes it hard to seek helpWhat is intimacy? Is just about romance and sex?The different types of intimacyWhy it's hard for men to be vulnerableHow to get over your fears of being intimate and vulnerableWhy you have to be able to tap into your feelings to truly be intimateSome ideas around having hard, intimate conversationsWhat is a designed alliance and how to do create oneThe difference between "balance" and "balancing"Why men need to talk more about loveHow our early life experiences shape our mental well being as adultsThe impact of bullying on Jim's lifeThe armor we wear as men and how to start taking it offWhy love is so important and how we can love ourselves moreLove debtHow to say no with love and compassionHow to ask for loveThe platinum ruleWhen to listen versus when to offer helpWhy you should try saying, "Is there anything you need?"Sympathy versus empathyMentionsAtomic Habits by James ClearUNF*CK Your Brain PodcastAl-Anon Family GroupsLove languages quizBrene Brown on sympathy versus empathyConnect with Jimwww.linkedin.com/thecenteredcoachwww.thecenteredcoach.comSupport the ShowHelp Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/Twitter: https://twitter.com/mandatetheshowInstagram: https://instagram.com/mandatetheshowEmail Adam: [email protected]

Paul Thallner is Founder and CEO of High Peaks Group and the Reframer in Chief at Take Back Work. He's an expert in team effectiveness and organizational change and is a passionate advocate for workplace greatness at scale. He's advised and consulted for organizations around the world and coached senior level executives (mostly men) to be more compassionate and human-centered leaders.In this episode we're going to talk about:The impact of strong female role models in his lifeWhat he learned from the positive organizational change modelPaul's personal care routine and how he found meditation that worked for himHow he discovered his loneliness in the pandemic and what he did about itHow to noticed the "flashing lights" in our livesHow the advice we give to others is usually good for ourselves tooWhat is resilience?What does it mean to "return back to normal"?How being truthful with yourself about the situation can help increase your capacity for resiliencePaul's resiliency model (watch the video if you can)What Paul learned by creating a resiliency course for the ski industry during COVIDWhat is chronic workplace stress and what is Paul seeing in his clientsThe "masculinity aftermarket"Why masculinity is at the heart of challenges inside organizational culture and behaviorWhat makes it hard for leaders to want to pursue change of this magnitudeWhy businesses don't prioritize inclusionWhy do people and organizations work with Paul?How to focus on creating wins as a team and not retreats to create changeWhat do leaders struggle with the mostWhy it's important to express your emotions as a leader, get it out, name them, and get helpWhat is a massive wakeup call event?What Paul learned from a hike in the grand canyonHow to help people ask for helpShow Links:Paul's Grand Canyon StoryThe Resilience Model ExplainedResilience In The Wild - online Resilience CourseTeam EffectivenessMore on Richard Boyatzis and emotional intelligence in leaders at workMore on Annie McKee and massive wakeup call eventsFollow Paul and High Peaks Group on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedInPaul's Website: http://www.highpeaksgroup.com############# Show Notes #############Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/Twitter: https://twitter.com/mandatetheshowInstagram: https://instagram.com/mandatetheshowEmail Adam: [email protected] Adam: 512-980-3935

In this episode*, Jos Dirkx joins the show to discuss masculine and feminine energy, how we can create safe spaces to tackle gender barriers, mental health, and societal pressure on boys and men. Jos is a force of nature. She's the cofounder of an AI startup, an author, speaker, and world changer. Plus she cares deeply about gender issues. Here are a few of the topics we got into:How Jos inspired me to start this showWhat do people mean when they talk about masculine and feminine energy?How does masculine energy show up for women?Why did she write, Tackled, a book about men and boys?What she learned from interviewing 800 boys and young menHow curiosity allowed her to go deeper into the interviews on uncomfortable topics like rapeThe role early childhood development plays in our understanding of gender norms and intimacy as adultsThe role guilt and shame play in whether or not men open up about vulnerable topicsHow societal pressures impact men's ability to tap into more of our whole beingThe impact regional culture has on gender normsHow men can tap into their feminine energiesHow exploring different energies with your partner can create more love and connectionWhy we need to honor people's needs to play their role in our lifeHow can we create space for vulnerability*In this episode we briefly talk about rape in the context of the interviews she did with boys and young men. None of the content in this show is a replacement for professional advice.Read Tackled: https://www.amazon.com/Tackled-conceptual-practical-discourse-deconstruction-ebook/dp/B074NGKKJ4Connect with Jos: https://josdirkx.com############# Show Notes #####################Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video.You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/Twitter: https://twitter.com/mandatetheshowInstagram: https://instagram.com/mandatetheshowEmail Adam: [email protected]

Brian M. Wang is an executive coach that is passionate about helping startup CEOs transform into amazing leaders. In this episode we'll get into, how the meaning of manhood changing in the current era, how we can incorporate our felt emotions to create better lives for ourselves, and Brian's personal journey with mental health. Topics include...When did Brian first decide to get some extra support?Mental health challenges as a startup CEOHow his coach helped him develop the skills of self awarenessBrian's journey from coach, to therapy, to self careWhy strong relationships with others start within ourselvesHow Brian and his wife leaned in to save their marriageHow reconnecting with himself allowed him to reconnect with people he cared aboutWhat Brian does to check in and stay connected with himself nowWhat is affect labeling?The power of naming our feelingsHow we can start to notice our feelings and stop judging themHow can we not get hooked or triggered by our emotionsWhat you can do to "interrupt" your emotions before they run too farThe COMBO BREAKER meme and how feelings open open new possibilitiesHow to use an emotion wheel to find the right words to describe your feelingsThe impact gender norms have on our ability as men to feelWhat "being a man" means to BrianWhy do people lash out at new expressions of masculinity?What he's learned from his coaching clients and what he loves the mostWhy it's important to give yourself the gift of time with yourselfConscious Uncoupling: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00T39BOEU/Feeling Wheel: https://blog.calm.com/blog/the-feelings-wheelCombo Breaker meme: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/combo-breakerConnect with Brian: https://twitter.com/brianmwangBrian's coaching: www.dashingleadership.com############# Show Notes #####################Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video. You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/Twitter: https://twitter.com/mandatetheshowInstagram: https://instagram.com/mandatetheshowEmail Adam: [email protected]

Sam Ushio is a former Corporate Warrior turned Social Entrepreneur. He was Inspired by a family story of sacrifice, legacy, and purpose, so he left the corporate world on a quest to redefine the definition of “growth.” Today he is focused on unlocking breakthroughs for organizations, teams, and individuals to increase engagement, maximize strengths, and improve well-being.In this episode we explore a ton of interesting topics, including:How the Japanese idiom, Ichi-go Ichi-e, keeps Sam groundedHow to discover your core valuesHow living in alignment with our core values helps us stay connected and presentSam's personal experience with mental healthWhat it means to strip away your egoHow listening helped Sam find what he wanted to buildHow Sam was inspired by the sacrifices of his grandparentsWhat is Ikigai?Why you shouldn't associate your reason for being with your jobThe power of thinking about today's purpose versus your purpose in lifeHow to find calm in the middle of a chaotic lifeHow to join the Ikigai Lab CommunityWhat is a moai? No, not the statue.What do you when you hit your mid-life adolescenceCantril's ladder and why we hit a dip in life satisfaction mid way throughExplore Sam's Ikigai Lab Community:  https://community.ikigailab.coCantril's Ladder: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hadley_CantrilConnect with Sam: https://www.linkedin.com/in/samushio/############# Show Notes #####################Help Adam spread the word about men's mental health by sharing with a friend, subscribing, and liking the video.You can also get more plugged in across our other channels.Weekly Tips, Resources, and New Shows: http://mandate.substack.com/Website: https://www.mandateshow.com/Twitter: https://twitter.com/mandatetheshowInstagram: https://instagram.com/mandatetheshowEmail Adam: [email protected]